Hateful Saint by Ivy Blake

Chapter Eleven

Ava

I couldn’t believe that the day was finally here. I was actually going to meet Harrison, my older half-brother, whose existence I only found out about a couple of months ago. Repeating it over to myself in my head didn’t make it feel any more real or any less scary, but the facts remained the same. He was coming to town. And I was going to meet him.

I’m five minutes away- H

We’d arranged to meet at a coffee shop in town. Even though Mom was working overtime, I still didn’t want to risk anything. And besides, I didn’t know what Harrison would actually be like once I met him. I hoped that the guy that I’d seen in pictures and spoken to over the phone would actually be my brother and not some weirdo trolling me for some sick reason.

That’s why a coffee shop was the perfect place to meet. At least there would be people around in case things got weird- which I hoped they wouldn’t but a girl could never be too sure.

I couldn’t help but wonder if Mom would even recognise Harrison after all these years. He’d told me that she’d never reached out to him and the only way he’d interacted with her was by social media stalking her. Had she done the same? I didn’t know which answer would be preferable. The whole thing was still mind-boggling to me. I was about to meet Mom’s secret in the flesh.

As I walked to the coffee shop, I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt that had taken over my whole body. Even though I knew that the person who should actually be feeling guilty was our Mom- it still felt so weird knowing that I now shared her- arranging to meet up with Harrison behind her back still felt like I was betraying her. But I had to see for myself and I had to know if it was worth risking our relationship over this.

I was already annoyed at the way that this secret was already creating an invisible barrier between us.

I pushed open the door, annoyed that the bells went off to alert the other customers of my presence. I nervously scanned the cafe to see if I could find Harrison. As I walked through the tables seated with inquisitive costumers, I was relieved to find him sitting by the window near the back. I cleared my throat as I approached him, my hand on my bag for balance.

Harrison turned to me and stood up to hug me. As my brother wrapped his arms around me in an awkward hug, I realised that he was a lot taller than I’d expected him to be. Must have gotten it from his dad’s because Mom’s barely five foot three.

“It’s great to see you,” he said, his green eyes lighting up with excitement as we sat down at the table. I was honestly lost for words even though I had so many questions and thought stunning through my mind.

“Do you mind if I order something?” I asked, pointing to the menu. Having a hot drink in my hands would help calm me down and put me in a better mindset where I could actually have a conversation.

“Sure,” said Harrison brightly. He took out his wallet and slide some notes across the table to me. “Choose whatever you like, it’s my treat.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” I said awkwardly. I hated borrowing money. Even when it was all in good faith, I still felt weirdly guilty for accepting favours.

“C’mon we’re family, don’t give me that shit,” Harrison chuckled and sat back in his seat. He took a slow sip from his own mug as he watched me contemplate his offer.

“Thanks.” I tried to give him a smile that showed how grateful I was. Even though we’d spoken on the phone a fair bit, I was still anxious about creating the right impression. I was, however, relieved to see that he was a lot calmer and nicer than he’d been over the phone.

The waitress came over and took my order before leaving me and Harrison alone again.

“Don’t worry, I’m nervous too,” said Harrison after a moment. “That’s why I got here like an hour early.”

“Yeah, this isn’t exactly your everyday thing,” I added with a chuckle, glad that I wasn’t the only one of us on edge.

“I hate to jump the gun, but have you thought about when we’re gonna tell her?” Harrison said. His smile had dropped and been replaced with a serious expression.

I was glad that the waitress brought my drink at that time, allowing me a moment to think of an answer. When she left, I released the breath I’d been holding and looked up at Harrison as I stirred the coffee in my mug.

“To be honest with you, Harrison, I’m not sure if there’s ever going to be a ‘right’ time. Every scenario I’ve thought of ends in exactly the same way. I think we just have to be prepared for the worst.” I punctuated my sentence by taking a sip of my coffee, allowing the warm, bitter liquid to loosen the muscles in my throat.

“I think you’re right,” Harrison said in a low voice. “I’ve waited so long already and obviously so have you, so… When should we do it?”

“We can do it Tuesday if that works for you?” My hands were shaking as I set my cup down gently on the saucer.

“Tuesday sounds good,” said Harrison, his eyes widening. “I don’t think I’m gonna get much sleep until then, but hopefully it’ll be worth it.”

“Hopefully,” I repeated.

We ordered some cake and munched away happily as we went over the plan for Tuesday before moving on to fill each other in on our personal lives. Harrison told me some crazy stories from his time at college, including a bad experience that he and his flatmates had had with some dodgy edibles as well as the time that he woke up on the sports pitches after sleep walking the previous night.

I was really curious about his adopted family, but refrained from asking because I didn’t want to bring the mood down. I was relieved when Harrison brought up his mom and dad himself. I had to admit that I was kind of relieved when he said that he didn’t have any adopted siblings for me to compete with, even if that did sound selfish- it was true.

“How did you find out you were adopted?” I asked. It was one question that I had been itching to ask since the moment he’d reached out to me online.

“My parents did a really good job of hiding it from me,” Harrison chuckled. “I only found out about a year ago. I’d gone back to visit them and searching for something in their room and before I knew it I had my nose deep in some papers that were telling me everything.”

“Oh my god, that must have been-”

“Awful? Life changing? Yeah, it was definitely those things,” Harrison said sadly, his gaze dropping to his plate. “I was angry at them for a while. Mostly because they didn’t tell me and because I just felt like I’d been living a lie.”

I nodded enthusiastically. Even though I’d never experienced something like that, I still felt lots of empathy for Harrison.

“They knew they couldn’t stop me from trying to find out about my parents, but they said they’d always considered me their son. And to be honest, they’ve been the only parents I ever really knew.” Harrison shrugged. “I won’t bore you with the sad details, but we aired our shit out eventually and they’re happy to know that we’re talking,” he said with a smile.

“That’s good,” I said.

The time flew by as we asked each other more questions and Harrison launched into more stories about his life. I found myself deeply invested and smiling along to Harrison’s stories, intrigued that he had a whole entire life that I was only just starting to get a peek into. Hopefully, if everything went well, we’d be present for the creation of future memories and stories.

To be honest, even if mom reacted badly and for some reason wanted nothing to do with Harrison, I knew in any heart of hearts that there was no way in hell that I was going to throw this away. Even if it meant that I had to continue going behind her back. It was a risk I was willing to take for the sake of family.