Hateful Saint by Ivy Blake

Chapter Seven

Ross

A few hours had passed since school finished, and I was bored at home with nothing to do. Austin was hanging out with Megan and Nate had some shit with his parents, leaving me to entertain myself after football practice.

Mom was fast asleep in her room. Thank God she’d still been in one piece after her hotel stay. Since her drinking had gotten worse, I’d considered calling my dad to enlist his help, but every time I clicked on his contact and saw his picture, I couldn’t bring myself to ask the bastard for help.

Anytime I saw a picture around the house of his smug face, I had to tuck it away in a drawer, knowing that I’d scratch his eyes out otherwise. You’d think that since it’d been nearly ten years since he’d left that I would have forgiven him, but I couldn’t. Especially since he’d left us for the housekeeper, of all people. I’d blocked out as much as I could about that time, but the raised voices still managed to lodge themselves firmly in my brain.

I checked the time and decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood. The air was cool, but the sun was still out, making it the ideal kind of weather to wander about aimlessly in. It’s not like I didn’t have things to do or like I didn’t have people who I could call, especially girls, who’d be at my door quickly. I just didn’t want to.

I soon found myself outside Ava’s house. I looked at all the windows and could see that only one light was on in Ava’s room.

This house had been empty for ages. I’d looked out for lights or any sign of movement every time I walked past. And while there had been a few people living there on and off, no one had stayed there long, and it was more empty than full.

I’d had a lot of fun taunting her during geography. It was so easy to wind Ava up and I had no intention of stopping. It was the least I could do for what she’d done to me and my family.

Without thinking about it, I lifted my fist to the door and rapped on it three times, then another four. It was me and Ava’s knock. Or at least it used to be. I instantly regretted it and considered going back home when I heard the latches coming undone on the other side of the door.

“What are you doing here?” Ava hissed as she opened the door just wide enough for me to see the annoyed look in her eyes.

“Good evening to you too,” I said, pushing the door open effortlessly with my left hand.

“I don’t want you here,” said Ava. She tried to block my path, but since she was practically half my size, I pushed past her with ease.

“Well, I want to be here, so, sucks to be you I guess.” Ava let out an annoyed sigh and shut the door behind us. As I took in the inside of the house that felt simultaneously familiar and strange, I couldn’t help but notice how it smelt just like it used to.

“Cinnamon sticks?” I asked.

“They’re a staple,” said Ava, nodding to the bowl of pot-pourri that was sitting on the living room table. I had a flashback to a time when we were younger and she’d dared me to eat one. Let’s just say Mom and Dad weren’t exactly thrilled about that one.

“So, why are you here again?” Ava asked after a moment of silence. Her arms were folded over her chest and she had a stern expression on her face, but that didn’t stop her from looking cute as hell. It was probably the fact that she was wearing a massive shirt that had to be like four sizes too big for her. The material made her look even smaller than she was.

“Is it a crime to visit my geography partner?” I said smugly. I flashed her a wink before I started walking up the stairs.

“One, yes it is- especially when you’re the one acting like a weirdo. And two, no shoes upstairs!”

“La la la, I can’t hear you,” I sang as I ran up the stairs to the landing.

“Ross!” exclaimed Ava. I chuckled as she ran up the stairs to catch me. Of course, my legs were longer, and I was an athlete, so I beat her to her room before she could catch me.

“I swear to fucking God-” Ava gave up halfway through her sentence when I barged into her room and threw myself on her bed.

“I’m glad to see you’ve changed things up,” I said, referring to the new, bigger bed and the absence of glow in the dark stars on her ceiling.

“Get off my bed,” she said, her hands crossed over her chest.

“Only if you ask me nicely,” I purred, sitting up against her pillows. Ava scowled at me and looked like she was going to start hell.

“Or you could just respect my boundaries,” Ava shot back coldly. “You seem to be having a lot of difficulty doing that.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. Clearly, she was too stuck up to take a joke now. I stood up so I was towering over her.

“Happy now?” I asked sarcastically.

“I’d be happier if you left,” she said. I scanned Ava’s face to see if there was any hint of hesitation, but she was being completely honest. She didn’t want me around. Ava had clearly stopped trying to get on my good side. She was actually following my instructions and trying to leave me alone. That didn’t sit right with me. If I wasn’t the one doing the rejecting, then no one would be.

“I changed my mind. I don’t care about your happiness,” I said spitefully. Ava scoffed and looked wholly unimpressed.

“Just get it out. Why are you so mad at me, Ross? And don’t avoid the question.”

I suddenly felt a lump in my throat and the world started swaying slightly. I’d thought about this moment for so long, but now that it was here, everything felt wrong. I don’t know why I’d come to Ava’s house. I’d just felt some weird compulsion to, but now I regretted it.

“Cat got your tongue?” I hated when Ava mocked me.

An involuntary growl escaped my throat, and I quickly found my hand around Ava’s neck and the next thing I knew, I’d pinned her against her bedroom door.

“We’ve been here before,” she breathed, her eyes betraying her hatred for me. I squeezed tighter, but the light in her eyes refused to die.

“You’re just a coward,” she spat at me. “You’re all talk until it matters.” I now felt rage radiating through my body and could feel myself shaking with anger. I released Ava and stepped back to calm myself down.

“I’m not a coward!” I said. “If anything, you are!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ross! I’ve literally just moved back and you’re acting fucking crazy-”

“What’s crazy is that you don’t remember how you ruined my family!” I cut Ava off, surprised by the words that jumped out of my mouth. Ava stared at me, her mouth wide open.

“I ruined your family?” she whispered. “I- I don’t-“

“Of course you don’t remember, because it wasn’t a big deal to you, was it?” Ava walked around me and slowly lowered herself to her bed.

“No, I just genuinely don’t remember,” she said quietly. I stared at her face, and through the confusion and sadness that had taken over it, I could tell that she was genuinely struggling to recall our past. I felt a pang of guilt in my chest, but I wasn’t going to let her off so easily.

“Just before you moved away. You came over to my house, you went to the toilet, but before you got there, you saw something you shouldn’t have,” I said, watching Ava’s face for any flicker of recognition. Her eyes darted from side to side until she looked up at me, realisation flooding her face.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“You saw my dad having sex with the housekeeper,”

“I-”

“But,” I cut Ava off quickly before I she had a chance to speak or make excuses. “It didn’t just stop there. You had to tell your mom and make it into a big deal!”

“Ross, I don’t get how that’s my fault. Your dad was the one who was cheating! He’s the one who fucked up, not me. You can’t seriously be mad at me for that!”

“I can be mad at whatever the fuck I want to be mad at!” I roared.

The fear in Ava’s eyes forced me to lower my tone. “If you hadn’t said anything, they’d probably still be together now.”

“So you’re saying that you’d rather have your parents still together even if your dad was cheating on your mom?” I nodded my head even though I knew how ludicrous it sounded coming out of Ava’s mouth. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand how that’s better.”

“Of course you wouldn’t!” I exclaimed. “You haven’t had to deal with her drinking getting worse and worse every day. You don’t have to deal with your mom embarrassing you in front of your friends when she’s black out drunk and forgetting the next morning, so you can’t even be mad at her about it. But I sure as hell have to!”

I knew my words were like bullets and I hoped that I was hitting Ava with every single one of them.

“I’m sorry that you’re going through all of that Ross,”

“What the fuck is sorry going to do? It’s done now.”

“I can’t change what happened. I was just worried-”

“Well, look at where your worrying got you,” I snapped.

I looked up at the ceiling to prevent the angry tears that were welling in my eyes from falling. There was no way I was going to let Ava see me like that, she’d already seen me being too emotional already.

“Are you angry at me because I left?” she asked in a quiet voice. I looked down at her and felt a weird sensation in my chest. Ava’s big brown eyes stared up at me expectantly, and I was at risk of getting lost in them. For an instant I was sent back to 8 years ago when everything fell apart.

Within the space of a month, I’d found out that my parents were going to split up and that one of my closest friends would be leaving town. It had felt like the people who were supposed to care about me were abandoning me, going off and living their own lives while I had to pick up all the pieces.

“I fucking hated you for it,” I muttered truthfully. Even though I knew it wasn’t Ava’s decision to move, my emotional brain still continued to resent her for setting off the chain of events that would lead to the disintegration of my family before leaving in a puff of smoke. On top of that, she never messaged me to find out how I was doing. Sometimes I’d wondered if Ava was a ghost with the way that she’d disappeared on me like that.

“I know that’s how you feel, but I think that’s unfair, considering I was a kid. My mom was the one that wanted to move. I had no say in anything,” Ava said indignantly.

“I know it’s not fair, but it’s how I feel,” I spat.

It was getting too warm in here and I just wanted to go back to my house, light up a joint and watch movies until I fell asleep. I didn’t want to have to deal with all of this. Not now.

“I didn’t know that your mom was taking everything so hard,” Ava added quietly. “That must be really tough.”

“It is,” I said quickly, avoiding eye contact as best as I could. “Luckily, it’s not your problem.” I realised that came out more spiteful than I intended, but it was too late to take it back. Ava sighed heavily. I could still feel her eyes on me. I forced myself to make eye contact with her despite the fact that I wanted to disappear into thin air.

“Is there any way I can make it up to you?” she asked. I searched her face to see if she was taking the piss.

What the hell could she possibly mean by that?

The past was the past. You just had to get on with it.

“Of course there fucking isn’t,” I scoffed. Ava frowned at me. “Unless you have a time machine hidden under all this junk.” I gestured to her room.

“So why did you come here, then? If you hate me so much, why would you bother being my geography partner? Why would you just show up at my house randomly?” Ava stood up and was getting closer to my face with each word she spat out.

I was suddenly hyperaware of her sweet fragrance and had to force myself to focus on what she was saying.

“I was curious to see if the house still looked the same inside.” The words tumbled out of my mouth even though they were only half true. I didn’t know the true reason.

All I knew was that from the moment I’d found out that Ava had come back, I hadn’t been able to relax properly. I’d been both sickened by and drawn to her, my emotions switching like someone was continuously turning over a sand timer.

It felt like hell, and I wanted it to stop before I drove myself insane.

“That’s absolute bullshit,” Ava said quietly. She was even closer to me than she had been before. Close enough for me to reach out and touch her. My eyes fell to the pink marks around her neck from when I’d choked her and pinned her against the wall. I wondered how soon the marks I’d given her would disappear.

Had her eyelashes always been that long? Surely I would have noticed them before?

“No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to stay away from me. Cut the bullshit and just be honest with yourself,” she breathed. Ava’s eyes were momentarily on my lips before she dragged her gaze back to meet mine. I growled and could feel my pants tightening the longer I looked at her face. What the hell was going on?

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the sound of a phone ringing sliced through the tension like a knife through butter.

“Shit, that’s mine,” said Ava. Pulled out of the moment, I watched as she quickly reached for the phone on the bedside table and clicked end call.

“I need to return that call,” said Ava apologetically, a cloudy expression on her face.

“Who is it?” I asked, more forcefully than I intended.

What call could possibly be more important than whatever the hell was going on here?

“It’s a long story,” Ava stuttered, her eyes not meeting mine. “It’s family stuff…”

“I’ll go,” I said, filling in the blanks before she had a chance to.

“It’s not… I’m glad we… I’ll see you later I guess,” Ava stumbled over her words.

“Yeah, see ya,” I said. I walked out the door and hurried down the stairs before she could stop me.

As I walked back to my house, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Ava had a secret that had something to do with whoever had been calling her. If it had been her mom or one of her friends, surely she would have just picked it up? After the way I’d been treating her, I knew I had no right to that information, but that didn’t stop me from wanting it.