Beautiful Outlaw by Emily Minton
Saying Goodbye to Me
Laura
I watch as my car plummets into the Catawba River while I force my legs to stay upright. The splash is so fierce it causes droplets of water to reach me on the bank, far away from the impact. I stare at the bubbles popping up in the river as it sinks deeper into its watery grave. When it finally disappears, fear snakes its way through my chest, making it nearly impossible to breathe. I can’t believe I’m doing this, faking my own death.
“Come on, Laura. We have to get you to Bowie,” Jeremy pants out, running down the bank of the river.
I can hear the urgency in his voice, but I just can’t seem to take my eyes off the ripples in the water. It seems too simple, too easy. Could everything be fixed with a car crash, something that happens every day?
“Sis, you need to hurry up,” he calls out.
This grabs my attention; it is the first time he has called me Sis in years. I jerk my eyes toward him and see the panic on his face. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head when he finally steps beside me. “No worries, we just got to hit the road now.”
Without responding, I look back to the water and pull my wedding set from my finger. I stare at the sparkling diamond for the briefest of moments before tossing it into the churning river. I watch as the last part of my old life disappears with an anti-climactic plop. Unlike my car, the rings don’t cause a splash. Instead, they sink into the abyss without notice.
I turn back to him and say, “I’m ready.”
“I know this has to be hard on you, but there’s no other way,” he says as he stares into my eyes.
It is hard, terrifying, but I would never admit it to him. Jeremy is putting his life on the line for me, Mom’s too. If Marcus ever finds out the truth, everyone will pay. “I’m okay. Let’s just go.”
He grabs my hand and leads me to his truck, which is hidden in the brush surrounding the river bank. Just as we climb inside, a car tops the bridge. I hear the screeching sounds of brakes as it comes to a stop. We watch from our hiding spot as a woman gets out and looks at the mangled railing. She quickly pulls out her phone and starts to talk.
“They’ll tell her to move off the bridge, to keep from causing another accident. As soon as she gets back in the car, we’ll head out.”
I look over to Jeremy and nod. “Okay.”
This was all his idea: faking my death and running away to Kentucky. It was the only thing he could think of to get me free and save Mom at the same time. If Marcus thought I was dead, he would never fire Dad. Firing his wife’s deadbeat father wouldn’t be considered business savvy, but how could he explain terminating his dead wife’s parent? It would be uncouth, something Marcus strives to never be.
We sit in silence for a moment before the woman does exactly what Jeremy said she would. As soon as she starts to drive to the other side of the bridge, he starts up the truck and heads in the opposite direction. I watch the scenery as we head toward my new life.
My nerves are getting the best of me; my mind is filled with what ifs… What happens if Marcus finds out the truth? Will Jeremy lose his job? Will my Dad get fired? Most importantly, how will my make-believe death affect Mom’s health?
After more than thirty minutes of silence, I’ve had enough. I turn my head to look at my brother and start to voice my worries. “I’m worried about Mom. How is she going to take this? I know she may not get to see me often, but thinking I’m dead is something completely different. It could kill her.”
His body shifts nervously in his seat. He looks at me for a second before moving his eyes back to the road. I watch him, hoping that he will say something to ease my mind, but he never responds. Something in the way he is holding his body taut tells me that he is not telling me everything. Needing to know what is going on, I ask my question again. “Do you think she will be okay?”
Finally, he answers. “Mom knows what’s going on. She’ll be fine.”
Shock reverberates through my body. “She knows?”
He nods, not looking toward me. “I had to tell her and Dad. They deserved to know what you’ve done for the family.”
Oh my God! I can’t believe this. “I didn’t want them to know, ever.”
“They needed to be told what was going on. It was breaking their hearts thinking you didn’t want anything to do with them,” he says, his fists tightening on the steering wheel.
“I went to see them as much as I could,” I say, defending myself.
Over the years, my visits have become few and far between. Sometimes, I would only be allowed to go see them every few months. Last year, Marcus kept me from them for nearly six months. He wanted me to have a chin reduction, claiming mine was not as round as Gwendolyn’s, but I refused. My punishment was being kept away from my parents. I held out until my mother was put in ICU after an adverse reaction to dialysis.
“I know you did, and now they do too.”
“But...” I start, stopping when I realize I don’t know how to explain my feelings.
He finishes for me, knowing what’s going through my head. “You didn’t want Mom and Dad to know what you’ve been through for them, but I’m telling you the truth- it’s a hell of a lot better than thinking their daughter didn’t give a shit about them.”
I nod, not wanting to talk about it anymore. Looking back out the window, my mind starts racing again. Marcus will be home from work soon, and he will know something is wrong. Not once, in ten years, have I not been there when he walked through the door. I can’t even imagine what he’ll do. I can only hope he won’t cause any trouble for my parents.
“I’ll drop you off at the bus station then head back to the city. Hopefully, I’ll be home before they realize it’s your car,” Jeremy says, breaking the short silence.
I nod again, wondering how to tell him how grateful I am. How can I thank him for putting himself on the line for me? I’m not sure what would happen to him if the truth comes out, but I doubt he’d have his job much longer. Cops don’t stage deaths and keep their badges; that much I know.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
He hesitates before answering. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
Knowing he is shutting me out, I turn to look out the window again. I’m lost in thoughts of my future, one without my family in it. Will Jeremy’s friend, Bowie, really help me? Why would he, when he doesn’t even know me? I’ve heard a million stories about him through the years, at least when I was still allowed to speak with my brother. I know he was a good soldier, a good friend to Jeremy, but not much else.
“You don’t need to be scared,” Jeremy says, seemingly reading my thoughts. “Bowie will make sure you’re safe.”
“I know,” I reply, lying to help ease his mind. “I’ll be fine.”
Taking one hand from the steering wheel, he grabs a large manila envelope from above his visor. Handing it to me, he says, “Read that. I want you to memorize every word of it before you get off the bus.”
I open it with shaking hands and pull out the contents. The first thing I notice is a driver’s license. It’s something I have never had before and never thought I would get. Learning to drive was not something high on my list of priorities when my mother was sick. After I married Marcus, he thought learning to drive was a waste of time when he hired a full-time driver to take me anywhere I wanted.
I stare at it, shocked at what I see. The picture looks like me- at least, it’s like the me I used to be, only older. My hair is blonde, and my eyes are blue on the license, the way they were meant be. The only difference is my name: Shay Johnson.
“How did you do this?”
“I know a guy,” he explains without giving me any real explanation.
“The picture…, how did you make it look like me?” Even in my mind, the woman I’ve become isn’t me. I’m still that girl I was the day I opened the door to Marcus Bell.
He peeks over at me then looks back at the road. “You have to change the way you look, so I figured you might want to go back to the old you.”
I use the back of my hand to wipe a stray tear from my eye as I sort through the rest of envelope. There is a birth certificate, social security card, and a stack of cash; I’m not sure how much, but I know it is probably everything Jeremy could get his hands on. I slowly close my eyes and will my tears to stay in check. I can cry when I’m alone, but not here for my brother to see.
“Thank you.”
He ignores the sentiment and carries on. “Make sure to study it all. I want you to know it like the back of your hand. It’s your life, what you will tell everyone about you. I don’t want anyone, not even Bowie, calling you Laura. From this moment on, you are Shay.”
I let his words settle in my mind, knowing there is no turning back. After a moment’s hesitation, regretting the loss of the life I had once shared with my family, I open my eyes and start to read. There is paper after paper of information, detailing every moment of Shay’s life. I shake my head at the thought. No, it’s my life; at least, it’s the life I have now.
I grew up in a small town in Alabama. I was an only child, and my parents died in a car accident when I was twenty. I graduated from high school and have the diploma to prove it. From there, I worked a few menial jobs while traveling across the country. Every stop was a place my real family had visited; I assume this was so I would have a basic knowledge of the place. My last home had been in Nashville, Tennessee, and I had worked at a daycare there.
“A daycare…” I mumble out, imagining myself surrounded by children.
“I couldn’t fake college transcripts, not with so little time. I know you wanted to teach, so I figured I would give you a background with children, just in case you still wanted to go to school.”
I look over to him as hope blooms in my chest. “I could do that, couldn’t I?”
A small smile plays on his lips before he replies. “You sure can. I want you to give it a little while, six months, maybe a year, then you can enroll in school. You’re going to a little town called Rich Hill. It’s not far from Owensboro. There are some good colleges near there, so you could get your degree.”
“Thank you,” I say again, hoping he can hear exactly how much I mean the words.
He lifts his hand from the steering wheel again, this time bringing it to his chest to tap his heart two times. The gesture brings a true smile to my lips for the first time in years. It’s something he always did to tell me that he loved me, something I have missed desperately.
I lean across the seat and place a quick kiss on his cheek. “I love you, too.”