Beautiful Outlaw by Emily Minton
Home Alone
Shay
“Are sure you don’t want to go with us, Shay?” Rachel asks for the third time, tapping her foot against the floor. “It’ll be fun.”
I can tell she is on the verge of begging, so I need to nip this in the bud right now. Slowly shaking my head, I pull a tub of butter and a package of chocolate chips from the fridge. “Nope, I just want to relax today. I spend enough time at the mall as it is.”
“Oh, come on. You can never have enough of the mall.” She sticks out her bottom lip, showing me her favorite facial expression.
After months of living with her and Nina, I’ve learned to ignore Rachel’s pouty face. It’s not easy, but it’s something I have to do. If not, I would have a sixteen year old girl running roughshod over me. I adore her, but she can be a bit over the top at times. It’s part of her charm.
“Sorry, hun. I’m going to make some chocolate chip cookies and chill out in front of the TV.”
“You just want to watch Supernatural and slobber over Jensen Ackles,” he says with a laugh.
I shrug, smiling at her. “What can I say? He’s slobber-worthy.”
A few months ago, I never would have had such a carefree discussion. Every word I spoke before had been carefully chosen. Even my conversations with our housekeeper were strictly monitored. With every action, every move, and every mannerism, I had to replicate Gwendolyn to a tee. It was draining, absolutely and completely exhausting.
It has taken me a while, but I’m slowly getting my sense of self back. Being part of a family again, even if they aren’t mine, has helped me heal. Rachel’s so full of energy and always has a smile on her face. Her exuberance for life is rubbing off on me. Nina’s affectionate nature is also helping. She allows me to be myself without pushing. The two combined are helping me become the carefree person I once was. I’m not quite there, but I’m a whole lot closer than I was.
“Leave her alone, hija. She doesn’t want to go,” Nina calls from the other room, bringing me back to the conversation.
“But, Mamá,” Rachel moans out as her mother walks into the room.
As she walks into the kitchen, she lays a loving hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “No, Shay never gets any time alone. Let her have the day to herself.”
Rachel nods but doesn’t lose her pout. “Fine, but it’s your loss.”
With that, she moves forward and kisses my cheek before grabbing the keys and heading to the front door. “I’m driving, Mamá.”
Nina giggles, sounding twenty years younger. “Go on and get the car started. I’ll be out in a minute.”
After the door slams shut, she walks over to me and places her hands on my cheeks. “Are you going to be okay here alone all day?”
I smile at the concern in her voice, wanting to ease the worry she’s feeling. About a month ago, I finally broke down and told her the truth—the entire truth with all the gory details. She knows more about my past than any other person in this world. Since then, she has treated me with kid gloves, always waiting for me to break. At first, I felt like a burden to her, but after a while of watching her with family and friends, I came to realize it’s just Nina’s nature to be protective.
Even the bikers, the ones she said that used to loathe her because of the color of her skin, stop by to see her on a regular basis. They’re always around for cook-outs, morning coffee, or just a quick chat. What they actually come for is Nina’s charm. Everyone wants to be on the receiving end of her smile. I guess even badasses need to be coddled from time to time.
“I’ll be fine, I promise. It will be a nice change from all the teenage madness.” I smile at her, letting her see the affection I feel for her daughter. “I’m going to enjoy the alone time. I love Rachel, but she runs me ragged with all her shopping,”
She lets out a laugh, pulling me in for a hug. “She loves you, Cariño, and wants to spend time with you. All that drama is how she shows that love.”
“I know she does, and I love her too.” I give her a squeeze before stepping back. “I love you too, Nina.”
Lifting a hand to pat my cheek, she smiles lovingly. “I know you do, my hija.”
By the end of my first month here, I went from just a houseguest to a friend. A month later, I graduated to daughter status. It was uncomfortable at first, still missing my mom so much. I now adore being called her honorary hija. If I can’t have my mom around, I feel privileged to have her.
I miss Mom desperately, though- Dad too, but it’s different with him. I don’t have the constant worry that I will never be able to see him again like I do with Mom. With each day that passes, not calling them gets harder. I desperately want to hear their voices. I want to tell them I’m happier than I have been in years, and make sure that Mom is okay.
A toot of the horn has Nina grabbing her purse from the table. “We’ll be back in few hours.”
“Okay, have fun.”
She throws up a hand in goodbye before heading out the door. As soon as I hear it shut behind her, I grab a bowl from the cabinet and pull out the flour. Finally, I turn on the iPod and hit my 80’s playlist. When the first notes hit the air, I mentally thank Rachel for forcing me to buy it. Seconds later, I’m belting out the lyrics, begging for someone to hit me with their best shot right along with Pat Benatar. I lose myself in the freedom of being able to sing and dance around the kitchen while mixing my favorite cookies.