Beautiful Outlaw by Emily Minton
Scared Shitless
Shay
I snuggle into Bowie’s back as we drive down the interstate. The feel of his leather against my cheek, and the subtle scent of tobacco and cologne, lulls my worries away. Something about the roar of the bike and vibration of the motor makes the world and all its problems fade away.
As midnight grows near, the bike veers off of I-85, leading us straight into the heart of Charlotte, North Carolina. All the worry the long ride washed away is back with a vengeance. As we drive past a restaurant that Marcus and I had often visited, a shudder makes its way through my body. Instantly, Bowie’s hand reaches down and squeezes my knee. A second later, he pulls off into an abandoned parking lot across from the hospital.
As soon as the roar of the engine quiets, he pats my thigh. “Jump off, babe.”
I do as he says, wondering why we stopped. “Are we meeting Jeremy?”
He doesn’t answer my question. Instead he climbs off and scowls at me. “What’s wrong?”
“What’re you talking about?” I ask the question, even though I know what he means. Somehow, Bowie has honed in on my senses. He can feel every change in my mood, good or bad, and he wants every nuance explained.
He’s about to respond, when Tin-Man pulls his bike next to Bowie’s and cuts the engine. He motions across the road and says, “I thought we were supposed to go straight to the hospital?”
He ignores his brother and continues to stare down at me. “You have no reason to be afraid. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I’m okay,” I lie, hoping he will let it go. “I know everything will be alright.”
The words sound hollow. I’m anything but okay. I’m scared out of my mind. My mother is dying, my crazy husband is playing a game that no one has seen fit to tell me about, and the man standing in front of me has decided to claim me as his own. Nope, nothing is alright.
“Don’t lie to me,” he orders, his voice firm. “You being scared when you’re by my side is a fuckin’ insult.”
“Uhm, I…” I stumble on my words, afraid that what I will say may only make him angrier.
“I can tell you are scared, and that pisses me off. You should trust me to take care of you. There’s no damn reason for you to be shaking like a leaf on the back of my bike.”
Of course, I’m afraid; my mom is dying, and Marcus could find out I’m here. There is so much to be scared about, but I don’t tell him that, though. Instead, I lie again. “I’m okay, really.”
“No, you’re fuckin’ not, and lying to me is a bad idea, baby. Now, tell me what in the hell is going on in that pretty little head of yours.”
“She’s scared shitless, man,” Tin-Man says as he steps off the bike and stretches his legs. “You would be too if it was Mamá laid up in the hospital.”
During his frequent visits to Nina’s, I’ve learned that Tin-Man is blunt. We’ve become friends, but sometimes he still shocks me. Everything he says is to the point, and he holds nothing back. He doesn’t mean to be cruel, but still, his words cut into me.
I look at him, letting him see the pain in my eyes. “She’s dying. My mom is dying, and I have to hide out and visit her in the middle of the night. Yes, I’m scared shitless.”
I jerk my eyes back to Bowie. “If that’s not enough, something is going on with my husband and you won’t tell me what is happening.”
I didn’t hear all of what was going on, but I heard enough to know that Marcus is playing some sort of game. For some reason, Bowie won’t answer any of my questions. I know something bad is going on, and the not knowing exactly how bad is killing me.
He lowers his face to mine and growls out, “That bastard is not your husband.”
He’s said that every time I asked about the phone call from Jeremy. “How do you figure that?”
His arms tighten even more, pulling my body flush against his. “Laura was married to that dick head. You’re Shay, and you’re mine.”
His words steal the breath from my body. He’s right. I’m not the woman I was when I was Marcus’ wife. It’s not just the hair or the fancy clothes; I’ve changed on the inside. I am no longer Marcus’ wife. “You’re right. I’m not his wife.”
“Damn straight,” he murmurs before bringing his lips to mine. Again, his kiss is possessive.
Somehow, we have gone from virtual strangers to a couple in the blink of an eye. I don’t understand why it’s happened, and something about the swift change has my urge to run kicking in. I’m not afraid of Bowie; I know he would never hurt me physically, but I also know he could do more damage than Marcus ever thought of. “I’m not yours either.”
His body goes taut, and his voice grows rough. “You are mine. You just don’t know it yet. No one is going to hurt what is mine. No one."
Tin-Man interrupts, tapping on the face of his watch. “We have seven minutes to get to her Mamá’s room. If you’re gonna make it, you better get your asses in gear.”
Bowie finally moves his eyes from me to his brother. “I’m gonna leave the bike here, walk over.”
“Why the fuck are you doing that?”
I listen closely, wondering the same thing myself.
Bowie shrugs. “I figure the fucker might have eyes on the place. If so, our bikes will draw attention.”
I look from his muscular frame and handsome bearded face to his brother’s beautiful brown skin. They are both over six-feet and incredibly handsome. The two of them are sporting vests with MC emblems on the back and more ink than any other man I have ever seen. There is nothing they could do to not draw attention.
Slowly, I shake my head. “You can leave your bikes here, but that’s not gonna help.”
Tin-Man shrugs a shoulder. “Why not?”
“Every woman in that place is going to remember you. There’s no way around that.”
A smile spreads across Tin-Man’s face as Bowie lets out a low chuckle. I look up at Bowie and shake my head. “It’s the truth. When someone looks like the two of you do, you get noticed.”
He brings his face down, his lips hovering near mine. “You don’t have to worry, baby. My pretty face is just for you.”
Before I can argue, remind him that we are not together, his lips meet mine. The gentle caress softens my resolve, and I instantly melt into him. As his tongue pushes inside, his unique flavor fills my mouth. I kiss him back, letting him explore every part of my mouth, and realize that he’s right. I don’t know how it happened, but I am his.
A loud cough breaks us apart. Tin-Man smiles at us and says, “Come on. She needs to see her Mamá.”
*****
The gentle hum of machines is the only sound to be heard as I push the door open. Walking into the hospital room, I feel a chill run down my spine. Fear unlike anything I ever felt before fills my soul. When I see my mother’s frail body lying in the bed, I stop in my tracks.
Bowie’s body collides with mine as he wraps his arms around my waist and leans down to whisper in my ear. “I’m here for you, baby.”
The rumble of his voice pushes away some of my fear, allowing me to take another step forward. Just as I approach her bed, I hear movement near the back of the room. Bowie must have heard it too, because his body instantly moves, shielding me from whomever is lurking in the shadows.
“Laura?” a voice that I have loved my entire life calls out.
Before I can respond, Bowie growls out, “Who the fuck are you?”
“My dad,” I whisper out, stepping around him and running right into my father’s arms.
I can feel a sob work through his body as he squeezes me tight. “Daddy.”
It feels so wonderful to be in his arms again. Even though Marcus allowed periodic visits with my family, he did not like it when either of my parents touched me. Other than a quick kiss of the cheek, I had not touched or been touched by my father in years.
“Laura, Laura, Laura...” He continues to chant my name as he rocks me back and forth in his arms. “I’m so glad you made it.”
Slowly, he pulls back, not letting me go, and looks up to Bowie. “Are you the man taking care of my baby girl?”
I look back and see the bad ass biker I know is gone. In his place is a soldier. His body is rigid, shoulders high and feet spread apart. Both hands are fisted at this side, ready to strike out at a moment’s notice. “I would be, if she didn’t walk away from me.” His eyes move from my father to me. “Never leave my side until I know who’s in the room.”
His words are too close to the ones Marcus had said to me time and time again. “I will go to my Dad anytime I want.”
Bowie takes a step closer, glaring down at me. “I can’t protect you if you don’t let me.”
“I don’t need protection from my own father.”
“That bastard could’ve been in here,” he spits out, his eyes flashing with anger. “He could’ve hurt you before I even knew what the fuck was going on.”
It’s at that moment, I realize that it’s not anger that is making Bowie act like an ass. It’s fear. He is truly afraid for me. I pull out of my dad’s arms and walk straight to the man that would do anything to keep me safe. Placing my hands on his chest, I make him a promise. “I won’t do it again.”
He stares at me a second before blowing out a breath. His body finally relaxes as he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into his chest. “I need to take care of you, Shay. Please let me do that.”
I lift my hand to his face, rubbing my palm over the rough bristles that line his chin. “Whatever you need.”
“Shay?” my dad asks, his voice full of confusion.
I don’t blame him; sometimes, I’m confused myself. “I’m Shay now. Laura is gone.”
I can see by his eyes that my words have caused him pain. That wasn’t my goal, but he needs to know that I’m not Laura anymore. I’m someone new, someone that I don’t even know. “You need to call me Shay, Daddy. If not, one of the nurses could over-hear you calling me Laura.”
I hear a weak voice coming from behind me. “I don’t care what name you’re going by now. You’re still my baby girl.”
I turn just in time to see my mother struggling to push herself up in the bed. Before I can get to her, Bowie is by her side. His large hands are gentle as he helps her sit up. As soon as he’s done, he steps back and looks at me. There is a question in his eyes, something I don’t understand.
Looking away from him, I move to Mom. I sink down into the bed beside her and place my forehead against her shoulder, raising my hand to rest on one of her legs. “I missed you, Mom.”
She slowly raises her hand to cover mine. “I missed you too, baby.”
No other words are spoken. We sit there silently, connected to each other. Being near her brings forth a fresh wave of pain. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the last time I will ever see my mother alive. A bit of relief also hits me; I’m glad that she got to see me as I am now, not the woman Marcus forced me to become.
Finally, after a long moment of silence, Dad steps to my side and lays a hand on my shoulder. “We are so glad you made it, Shay.”
Hearing him call me by my new name brings me out of my fog. I carefully lift my head from Mom’s shoulder and force a smile. “I missed you too, Dad.”
I feel Mom move and turn to see her looking up at Bowie. “Hello, young man.”
“Ma’am,” he says in a voice so polite that it sounds foreign coming from his mouth.
Mom looks him up and down then says, “You plan on taking care of my daughter, don’t you?”
Bowie nods, and a determined look crosses his face. “I won’t let anything happen to her. Marcus will not get near her.”
His words are a promise, a vow. For some reason, they fill me with warmth. I know that Bowie will do anything to keep me safe, and that alone eases my fear.
Mom shakes her head before leaning back against the mattress. “I know you will keep her safe from that monster, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”
She pulls in a deep breath, struggling for air. I watch her, wishing I could do something to help, but knowing I can’t. Feeling defeated, I lift my hand up to her head and run it over her hair. “I’ll be fine, Mom.”
She ignores me, her eyes clouded with pain still set on Bowie. “You are going to make her happy, just like her dad did me. Give her babies and fill her life with laughter.”
Mom’s words shock me, causing me to jerk my eyes to him. I was sure I would see denial on his face. Instead, I see determination. “She will get everything she ever dreamed of.”
His eyes slowly move to mine. There is something there; again, I don’t understand it. “She’ll be happy. I’ll make sure of it.”
My mouth drops open in shock, because I can swear he means every word he says. My brain is working on hyper speed. A little voice in my head is screaming at me, this man is your future. I want to deny it, but I can’t. I don’t know how it happened, or even when it happened, but as crazy as it sounds, I know the truth. I just know that Bowie is the man I want to spend my life with.
Before anyone can say anything else, his phone dings. A second later, he has it out of his pocket and is staring at the screen. In a flash, he is by my side with his head bent to my ear. “Say your goodbyes, baby.”
“What?” I croak out, fear clogging my voice. There is only one reason Bowie would be making me leave so soon- Marcus.
He shakes his head, letting me know that he isn’t going to explain. I feel the tears prick my eyes as I look back to my mom. I know this is it. This is the last time I will ever see her. I bend my head to hers and place a kiss on her cheek. I let my lips linger as I inhale her scent for the last time. Even though she is surrounded by the nose-stinging antiseptic of the hospital, I can still smell the fresh scent of flowers that always cling to her. It’s comforting but also heartbreaking.
Slowly, I climb from the bed and say, “We have to go, Mom.”
Her eyes are fuzzy as she looks up at me. She doesn’t complain, doesn’t beg me to say. Instead, she smiles. “I love you so much, baby girl.”
“I love you, too,” I reply in a voice filled with anguish.
Not able to look at her a moment longer without letting the tears fall from my eyes, I turn away and see Dad and Bowie in a huddle. A second later, Dad is walking toward me. As soon as he gets to my side, he wraps his arms firmly around my body. “Take care, girl. Don’t forget that your Daddy loves you.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
He bends down to place a kiss on my forehead then pulls away, allowing Bowie grab my arm. “We gotta go right now, Shay.”
Without waiting for a response, he starts to lead me to the door. I look back to Mom and see her eyes are closed. She looks peaceful, all the earlier pain is gone. Choking back my tears, I whisper, “Bye, Mom.”