Becoming His by Mariah Dietz
The next morning I make my way downstairs, shocked that it’s past nine. I never sleep in.
“There she is.” Kendall sits at the kitchen table with a grin spread across her face. My mom and Jenny are with her, each wearing matching guilty expressions confirming they’ve been discussing me.
“Max wear you out last night?” she asks, arching an eyebrow.
I shoot her a death glare as my face flushes.
“Kendall!” Mom chastises her, but she still has the shadow of a smile playing on her perfectly made-up face.
“I can’t believe you guys are talking about me,” I say incredulously.
“Oh, come on. You and Max have practically been dating all summer!” Jenny cries with a grin.
“It was just a matter of time,” Mom adds, bringing her coffee cup to her lips to hide her smile.
I reach for the granola as I take a seat.
“I like Max. The Miller boys are hot!” Jenny says with an approving smile, “Gosh, do you remember how obsessed Savannah was with Hank when they first moved in? She’s going to want details! Hell, I want details! How was it?”
My sisters have little shame when it comes to discussing sex, even in the presence of our mom, something that even when the day comes I don’t think I will ever be ready for.
“We didn’t sleep together!” I cry out. “When did you even get home? Where’s Lilly?” I ask, turning to glance around the room.
“You didn’t?” Kendall looks at me with genuine shock before her eyes narrow, speculating whether or not I’m telling the truth. “But you guys are together now, right? Like officially, exclusively together?”
“Officially, exclusively together,” I fight the climb of my lips as I repeat her words and pour milk into my cereal. “What about you and Jameson, did you guys finally figure things out?”
“You’ll be happy to know we did,” Kendall says, grinning proudly.
“Are you texting, Mom?” Jenny asks, leaning across the table toward her.
“I just started. Your daddy was showing me how so I can get in touch with you girls, since apparently you don’t talk on the phone or write notes anymore. You simply send these weird coded messages to each other.”
“Text Ace, Mom. She spells things out. She’s the only person I’ve ever seen send a message with a semi colon.” Kendall smirks. “Didn’t you get her text last night?” she asks, looking to Jenny who’s looking over our mom’s shoulder.
“You’re such a liar!” Jenny accuses, laughing out loud.
I’m barely able to ask what’s going on when my phone, as well as Kendall’s and Jenny’s all buzz and chime simultaneously. I look down to see I have a new text message from Mom and open it.
Mom:Good ness ace and maxx are finally dating. Took them long eggnog! I’m planning on a roast tonight. Love you.
“Mom, are you serious?” I cry, reading the text a couple of times. “Who all did you send that to?”
“What do you mean?” she asks innocently as her phone begins to chime with incoming messages. Jenny and Kendall are doubled over laughing as I pull her phone out of her hand to assess the damage.
“At least her spelling has improved,” Kendall offers.
“Oh my gosh, Mom,” I groan. “You sent that message to everyone you sent that message to last night.” I scroll through the list of recipients as my mom avoids eye contact with me. “Did you send that to everyone in your contacts list?” I ask, still scrolling through this list of names as more messages continue to stream in.
“Well, they were all going to find out eventually,” she says, trying to smile at me.
“Did you send it to Sharon?” I ask, already knowing the answer as my phone vibrates on the table.
Max:glad UR mom is so happy about us ;)
I want to die.
“I’m never going to live this down.” I groan, dropping my head to the kitchen table as our phones continue receiving incoming texts.
Abby:U may need 2 teach UR mom 2 text … but Im glad 2 hear about Max … cnt wait 2 hear all about it l8r! luv u!
Mindi: Max is hot!!! But U may want 2 take Mom’s phone away ;) Kyle is freaking out a little. Bawhahahahaha
Then there is the multitude of messages from people that send their reply to the entire group over and over again.
Aunt Susan:Who’s Max? He better treat her well! Excited for the roast, what time ;)
Shelly:Is that the neighbor boy U told me about? I hope so!! Eggnog? You mean enough??
Jameson:Woo Hoo!!!!!
Eventually I turn my phone off.
When the doorbell rings that evening I’m standing in the kitchen with my dad as he makes margaritas for himself and my mom. He briefly looks up from the pulsing blender and smiles what I’m fairly certain is meant to be an encouraging smile, making me wonder when I got so lame that he feels I need the boost of confidence.
I push off the counter, feeling like I need to prove something to them, to myself, even though I still have the urge to hide under a large rock after the text my mother sent this morning that I’m still receiving messages about. I run a hand through my hair which is down around my shoulders and take a deep breath.
I swing the door open and find Max beaming down at me with the full force of his beautiful smile. He doesn’t hesitate. Reaching forward, he pulls me against himself and kisses me while wrapping a hand around my back, snaking the other into my hair. His lips softly move with mine while my hands reach out to grip his shirt. I press myself further into him and our kiss continues another moment before he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.
“I figured since most of the town now knows we’re dating, I’m allowed to do that,” Max says quietly. My cheeks instantly heat with embarrassment that has his grin stretching.
“I’m sorry, I swear, I had no idea—”
“No, it saves me from having to rent a billboard to inform everyone you’re taken.” He winks at me.
“Ithought we were finally resuming Jason Bourne tonight?” I ask, latching my seat belt as I climb into Max’s Jeep.
He shakes his head slightly, “I need to be in well lit, heavily populated areas with you for now,” he replies, bringing the Jeep to life.
“So, I was thinking about slow …” I run my finger along the stitching of the seat. I feel horrified at the idea of discussing the specifics of this, and have been rehearsing this since Sunday, and already feel like I’m failing as my voice sounds unsteady and my palms sweat.
“God, you’re distracting!” Max murmurs, taking my hand in his. “What exactly have you been thinking?” He looks over and makes eye contact with me before returning his attention to the road.
“I’m willing to wait six weeks, not a day more. I also don’t want us to have it scheduled down to the detail so that it’s circled on the calendar. I want it to be spontaneous and in the moment.”
“Six weeks?” he repeats, “Why six weeks?”
“Because my birthday’s in seven, and from what I’ve heard, Fifty Shades lied about wanting to have sex twelve hundred times within the same week of losing your virginity.”
He squeezes my hand and glances back to me. “It sounds like you’ve been thinking about this a lot.”
“More than I care to admit.”
“Do you want to know anything about my …” Max swallows audibly as he glances at me, a look of unease across his face.
I shake my head slightly. “I prefer ignorance.”
“I’ve slept with other women though, Ace. Not as many as you apparently think I have, but I don’t want you to feel angry or caught off guard if you learn something you don’t like.”
I turn to look out the passenger window, slowly processing Max’s words. Do I want to know a number? Do I want names or details? Is his past going to haunt me? Would Max be imagining other women? Was he already? What about STDs?
“Ace, talk to me.” He runs his thumb over the back of my hand.
“Have you been tested?” I blurt out, instantly feeling embarrassed by my lack of tact.
“Yes.” Max nods and glances over at me again. “Yes, I got tested a month ago and I’m completely clean. I have strict rules about protection. Your parents went all out educating you on drinking, my mom did the same with me about sex.”
My thoughts briefly wander to my own discussions about sex with my mom, and I consider having had them with my dad and nearly shudder.
“You know I didn’t sleep with all those girls in high school, right?”
I pretend not to appear as shocked as I feel and watch as his eyebrows rise as he nods. “You thought I did.”
“I saw a lot of girls coming and going from your house while your mom was at work.”
“I didn’t even make out with half of them.”
We’re both quiet for a few moments. My mind races from questions and concerns to imagining Max with other girls while this new information leaks into my thoughts with a whole new barrage of thoughts and questions.
“Why did they come over, then?” I don’t want to doubt Max, and yet there’s no viable conclusions that I can draw. Granted, high school is a breeding ground for rumors, but I was his neighbor and saw it happen.
“I think some of them wanted to do more than just hang out. I think more just wanted to have something to say. Piss off a guy they were flirting with or a friend that they were fighting with.” He shrugs, and glances over at me, his lips pressing firmly together and his blue eyes looking ashamed. I feel a rush of relief by his discomfort to know they hadn’t all been there for what we’d thought.
“What did you guys do?”
Max’s lips quirk up slightly. “Most of the time I’d watch baseball, and they’d do whatever they wanted, like talking on the phone. Sometimes someone would really think I was going to do something with them, but most of the girls that came over knew before they got there that nothing would happen.”
A small part of me wants to focus on this unveiling and ask a dozen more questions about why they would do this, and why he’d allow it, but a larger piece of my mind has begun contemplating my own situation.
“What are you thinking?” Max asks.
“I don’t know.” I carefully try to articulate my feelings and concerns. “I knew you were experienced, Max. I knew that before anything started. It’s just these insecurities I suddenly have are intimidating the hell out of me.” He doesn’t understand what I’m trying to hint at as his brows knit together.
“What if I’m bad? What if you start thinking of one of your ex’s? I don’t like the idea of being compared to—”
Max pulls the car onto the shoulder of the road, unbuckles his seat belt, and leans forward grasping my face in both of his hands. He holds me with gentleness, but firmly so I can’t move as he stares directly into my eyes.
“Ace, stop. This is why you have nothing to worry about.” He presses his lips to mine. The instant pull fills me with heat and yearning that is so strong I know it’s coming from both Max and me. It hasn’t managed to dim at all in the past few days, rather it’s even more potent.
He pulls back and stares into my eyes as his breathing comes out in gasps. His eyes silently search mine in confirmation and I understand exactly what he means. I haven’t slept with other guys, but I’ve dated more than I’d like to admit, so I know that what I feel with Max is different; the tingles, the racing hearts, the haggard breathing, we’re like active live wires that when we connect—ignite.
“You have nothing to be insecure about. Nothing.” He stares into my eyes for a long moment before kissing my forehead, the tip of my nose and then my lips. “Nothing,” he repeats.
I take his hands from my face and press a kiss to the inside of each of his palms and nod as I focus on his eyes, confirming that I understand.
His lips spread wide in a smile as he sits back and puts his Jeep back into gear. He reaches over and takes my left hand in his right and holds it securely as we pull back out into traffic.
Saturday we spend our first day apart when Max goes to see his friend Wes, a guy that he has known from baseball for years. Max is thrilled to see him and invited me to tag along, but I declined knowing that he’ll have a better time without worrying about me being entertained. I invite Abby over instead.
She and Jesse both come over and the three of us hang out for a while until Jameson and Kendall arrive home from having gone to San Diego to take a load of stuff to Kendall’s apartment.
“Hey, guys, this is Jesse. Jesse this is my sister Kendall and her boyfriend, Jameson.”
“Nice to meet you,” Jameson says, offering his hand to Jesse who shakes it with an easy smile as Abby begins discussing classes with Kendall.
“Where’s Max?” Jameson asks.
“He’s hanging out with his friend Wes. I think he’ll be back soon though.”
“Alright, well you guys want to play some basketball, then? We can warm up until he gets here. I’m dying in this heat.” Jameson pulls his shirt from his body.
We bob in the water and talk, getting acquainted. I still don’t know much about Jesse; he seems nice but rather quiet, and I’m working to break down a layer of his outer shell as Jameson and Kendall flirt and grope at one another, occasionally joining in on our conversation.
“I’m seriously going to miss these moments,” Abby says from where she’s sprawled across a float with her eyes closed.
A giant splash rains down on us as Jameson plunges into the water, emerging with a satisfied grin as Abby shrieks at him.
“You were a little too dry to be in a pool. Plus you’re starting to get freckles,” he says with a laugh.
“Just because I don’t want to be ass-white like you!” she yells, running a hand carefully under each of her eyes.
“Ass-white? I’m pretty sure my ass is whiter than the rest of me,” he says, turning around and gripping the edge of his shorts, “Here, you guys tell me.”
“No one wants to see your white ass.” I turn, hearing Max’s voice and see him shaking his head at Jameson, obviously curious as to how our conversation has landed here, though not looking overly surprised.
“Some people seem to really enjoy seeing my white ass.” Jameson leers at Kendall, earning a round of laughs.
Max quickly peels off his T-shirt and slides into the water, raising his arms up to guard me as I shoot the basketball that has floated over to my side.
“What’s that?” Max asks as the ball leaves my hand. He holds my arm up, peering at my side.
“You got inked?”
“What?” Abby cries, swimming over.
“We all did.” I explain.
Max shakes his head. “Who’s we? When?”
“My sisters. We got them when you guys went fishing.” Max looks over to Jameson as if to confirm this.
“You never said anything.” Max’s wounded expression fills me with guilt.
“You? She never said anything to me either!” Abby wades over to me, her light brown eyes narrowed on me.
“We kind of forced her,” Kendall offers. “We decided we wanted to get a tattoo together and thought she might say no so we kind of just brought her.” Max carefully lifts the band of my bathing suit to reveal the entire piece and nothing more. “We all got the same thing.”
“Did that hurt?” Abby asks, touching it lightly with her finger. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, Harper Jo!”
“It’s not that I was keeping it from anyone. It just wasn’t that big of a deal,” I say, feeling slightly indignant. “Now that it’s healed I kind of forget about it because I don’t really see it.”
“Where’s yours, Kendall?” Abby asks.
Kendall turns around and pulls her bathing suit down to reveal her hip.
“They look so sexy!” Abby cries. “I want one now!”
“Ace hated it, said it was cliché.”
“It is cliché,” I correct her, going to retrieve the basketball.
“Max, this is Jesse. Jesse, this is my boyfriend Max,” I say, swimming back to them. Jesse looks from me to Max and a look of curiosity crosses his face that I ignore as Jameson starts the game by separating teams.
Max and I lie on his bed watching a movie. My parents are off at a fundraiser, and we both still have a hint of chlorine dancing on our skin. I snuggle in closer to him, trying to get some sort of reaction. All evening he’s seemed a bit distant.
After watching far too much of the movie without incurring any distractions or interruptions, I reach over and press pause on the remote. “Talk to me. Please.” I grip one of his hands within mine. Max looks up at me and then lets out a deep sigh. “What’s wrong? Is this because I didn’t tell you about the tattoo?” I ask. “Really, I wasn’t trying to keep it from you.”
“I don’t know. It’s not that I didn’t know, it’s that I found out at the same time some other dude did. He looked at me like I’m either the biggest asshat or doesn’t think we’re serious.”
“Max, I’m sorry. Really, I am. But who cares about Jesse? He doesn’t even know you. Hell, he barely knows me.” I tighten my grip on his fingers. “When you got home I was just distracted with trying to distinguish if you had feelings for me, and what those feelings were, that it kind of got moved to the back burner. Hell, if I’d have thought about it, I probably would have shown you in an attempt to flirt with you.”
“I know, I was too, and I understand it all. It’s just the look he gave me.” He pauses, running a hand over his head a couple of times. “It just pisses me off.”
I nod in understanding and sit up to straddle Max’s waist. His hands come up to rest on my thighs. “It’s probably a good thing I was distracted by being pissed off though. That bikini you wore today should be framed. That’s why Paul’s such a creeper. If I didn’t want to bash in his face, I might actually feel a little bad for him.” A slow grin turns the corners of his lips up before I playfully shove him against the pillows.
He rolls me onto my back in one quick move, hovering over me. I let out a laugh, holding onto his biceps, and watch as his eyes scan my body.
“Can I see it again?” His voice drops to a near whisper and I nod, reaching down to lift the side of my tank top. Max shakes his head once and pulls the cotton from my fingers. He slowly lifts it, exposing the same amount of me that I was going to, possibly less. The fact his hand is the one revealing my skin makes my lungs constrict and my heart flutter. He gently slides a hand under the strap of my bikini to push it up and softly traces the small image with his finger before dipping down to do the same with his lips.
“It is sexy as hell,” he whispers, running his hand over it again, and then down my ribs, “But that had to have hurt like a bitch.”
I can’t formulate words. Barely succeeding in making my breathing not sound as labored And I know that the pain was well worth it, just for this moment.