Sleet Sugar by S.J. Tilly

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

ZACH

Sitting here, with Sugar across the table from me, is a balm to my soul. Just being near her soothes me. Calms me. The feeling is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. And it’s easy. Being with her is just so easy.

I know that she thinks we can’t be together. She hasn’t said as much, but I can feel it. Her reaction to me when she first saw me. The fear in her eyes that her dad would find out. At first, I thought it was fear that he’d be mad, but after spending one lunch with them, I understood the truth. She was afraid of disappointing him. And it tore at me. The jealousy that I felt over her relationship with her father was nearly physical. And after just one week of working under Coach, I can only imagine the type of love they have for each other.

On our date, when Izzy added family to our list of topics to avoid, I couldn’t have been happier. My family is… garbage. I haven’t seen my parents in nearly ten years. I get an occasional email from my dad, though those are becoming less and less. My mom calls about twice a year, November-ish when she realizes she forgot my birthday, and sometime in the spring to wish me a happy New Year. I don’t have any real brothers or sisters, and my grandparents all passed away long ago. So, in all practicality, I don’t really have anyone.

My family might’ve been crap, but I always had hockey. It was my escape. My safe space where I focused all my energy and anger into learning the game. When I got older and we were able to be more aggressive, I excelled. I became the best.

After college, the NHL was sniffing around but I wanted nothing more than to get away. I found someone who knew someone, and I was able to get myself shipped off to Europe.

I came back to the states a few times - for friends' weddings, things like that. I have a few friends that I still talk to, from high school and college. All hockey players. I know I don’t stay in contact as much as I should, but - now that I’m back - I’ll try to do better.

I’m not sure what made me decide to move back now. But I did. And now home means Minnesota. Before home always just referred to the United States. I enjoyed my time overseas, but I was always an outsider. Being back, being here… It’s nice to have an actual place in this world. And it will be extra nice to have a house to call home. I owned a place in Finland while I lived there, but it was always temporary for me. I knew I’d be coming back some day.

I tell myself that’s the reason why I never had any long term relationships. I was saving a girl (and myself) the heartache, since I knew I‘d eventually leave. But the truth of the matter is, I’m just not sure I’m capable. I’m not sure I’m lovable in that way. Yeah, I’m a big sexy beast, or so some say. But am I the type of guy a nice girl would want to spend her life with? Do I know how to love a girl the way she deserves? Fuck knows I didn’t learn how to do any of that at home.

Then I met Sugar. Sweet, innocent, little vixen. Her looks alone were enough to knock me on my ass. All curves. All sweet. All soft. All woman. All sugar.

Before she even spoke, I knew that I had to have her. Then she opened her mouth and every syllable was another strike against my invisible armor. And when she did that thing with the rock candy… Fuuuck. I was painfully hard watching her slide that sweetness through her lips. She looked so calm, so confident, before she burst out into the cutest goddamn giggles. She hadn’t been confident at all, but she was trying. The more I got to watch her, and listen to her, the more I realized how perfect she was.

I was ready to ask her out on a real date, but when she asked if I had a hotel room, I was a goner. As much as I wanted to try at a proper relationship with her, there was no way I’d turn down her offer.

I felt bad letting her assume I was only in town visiting. But we agreed that we wouldn’t discuss work and there was no way to tell her why I was here without bringing up my job. Plus, there’s no way to say you’re a professional athlete without sounding like a douchebag. People think that being in the NLH is all puck bunnies and easy sex, and sure, that’s partially true. But when you’re not at an official team event most players don’t get recognized. I like watching baseball, but I could probably meet most professional players on the street and have no idea who they are.

So, I didn’t tell her that I was moving here. I figured I’d tell her in the morning. But then she was gone. She was gone from my bed, and her profile was deleted from the app we’d used. And I was more disappointed than I cared to admit.

Our night together meant something to me. Aside from the mind-blowing sex, sleeping next to her gave me the most peace I’ve had in a long time. I don’t think I have nightmares... if I do, I don’t remember them. but I don’t sleep well. Never have. But those hours with her, I slept like a baby. And I swore to myself that I would find her again. And when I found her, I'd do whatever it took to make her mine. And now here she is, sitting across the table from me.

It’s like I can see into her mind. She’s doing everything she can to convince herself that we’re a bad idea. She’s trying to build a barrier between us. She’s trying to deter me. But Sugar doesn’t seem to understand that I, Zachary Hunt, never back down from a challenge.