Where the Heart Is by Patricia Keelyn

CHAPTER TWELVE

Maddie had just started filling the bathtub when the doorbell rang. Shutting off the water, she went to peek out her bedroom window to see who was outside.

Nick’s truck sat behind her car in the driveway.

Maddie groaned and pulled away from the window. She hadn’t seen him in three weeks. Not since Jon had conned her into driving him out to the building site. The doorbell rang again. She wondered how long Nick would stand down there if she didn’t answer. She could stay upstairs and pretend she wasn’t home. Of course, her car was outside, but who was to say she hadn’t gone off with someone in their car? Her mother perhaps. Or Tammy. The doorbell rang a third time.

No. She knew Nick. He’d decided she was home and he’d wait out there all night ringing her doorbell until she answered. Sighing, she headed down the stairs and peered out the window next to the door. She knew she was doomed when she saw the two large pizza boxes in his hands.

Bracing herself, she opened the door.

“Hello, Maddie.”

Crossing her arms, she asked, “What are you doing here, Nick?”

“I brought dinner.” He lifted the pizza boxes slightly and grinned.

“I’ve already eaten.”

“Sausage, pepperoni, and extra cheese.”

“I’m not hungry.” Her stomach picked that exact moment to growl, making a liar of her.

Nick’s grin broadened. “I can tell.”

Maddie kept her arms crossed and glowered at him, fighting the temptation to give in to that grin and those dancing blue eyes.

“Are you going to make me stand out here all night?”

Maddie’s resistance weakened. “It’d serve you right.”

Nick glanced around. “Your neighbors might start talking.”

“My neighbors already talk.” What would it hurt to share a pizza with an old friend?

“Food’s getting cold,” Nick said, nodding toward the boxes in his hands.

It was no use. He wasn’t going to go away, and if she was honest with herself, she didn’t really want him to. Maddie stepped back from the door, and Nick came into the foyer, glancing around at the scraped wallpaper and freshly sanded floor.

“Looks like you’ve been doing a little renovating.”

Maddie closed the door behind him. “I’ve been keeping busy.”

“I want the grand tour. But first,” Nick’s gaze slid over her, “you might want to change.”

Maddie glanced down at her dust-covered clothes and moaned. She’d completely forgotten how grubby she was. “I’ve been going through stuff in the attic all day. I was just getting ready to jump in the bath when you rang.”

“Don’t let me stop you.” He gave her a wicked smile.

“I thought the pizza was getting cold.”

“We’ll heat it up.”

Maddie shook her head, refusing to acknowledge his outrageous innuendo, and turned toward the stairs. “Make yourself at home, Nick. This may take a while.” Nick’s chuckle followed her up the stairs.

Alone in her bedroom, Maddie stopped in front of her full-length mirror to take a quick inventory. She looked exactly like what she was; a pregnant woman who’d just spent the better part of the day rummaging around in an attic. She was far from a femme fatale, but she wasn’t going back downstairs until she at least looked presentable.

Thirty minutes later, she found Nick stretched out in the middle of her parlor floor.

“Sorry I can’t offer you a chair,” she said as she entered the room. “My furniture is somewhere between here and Miami.” At least the new carpeting had been laid.

“I like the floor.” Nick propped himself on his elbows and smiled at her. “You look terrific.”

Maddie fought the wave of heat at his compliment and lowered herself onto the seat by the bay window. “Where’s the pizza?”

“I put it in the oven to keep warm.” Nick raised his eyebrows. “That’s quite a kitchen you got there.”

Maddie had forgotten about the kitchen when she’d scurried upstairs. It was the room furthest from completion. The old cabinets had been pulled out to make room for the new ones on order, and their contents were piled on every available surface. “At least the appliances still work,” she said.

Nick laughed and nodded toward the window where she sat. “I like the wind chimes in here.”

Maddie glanced up at the dancing prisms above her head. “Wait ’till the sun sets.”

She’d hung the chimes in this window so she could enjoy them in the early evening—her favorite time of day. The plan had backfired, however. Now, every time she stepped into this room, she thought of Nick. “The room comes alive with color.”

“I can’t wait.” Sitting up, Nick offered her his hand. “Come on down here with me.”

Maddie laughed lightly and shook her head. “No way. I’ll never get back up. How about that tour you wanted?” She glanced at her watch. “We have about an hour before the sun goes down.”

“As long as we’re back in time to see the show.” Nick got to his feet.

“You do that so gracefully,” Maddie said as she pushed herself off the window seat.

“Patience, Mads.” Nick draped an arm around her shoulders. “You’ll be able to move like a normal person again soon.”

“Gee thanks, Doc.” Maddie shifted out from under his arm and moved toward the door. “You know how to make a girl feel better.”

“I try. So what were you hunting for in the attic?” he asked as he followed her out of the room.

“Just some old papers of my father’s.”

“Anything in particular?”

“I’m not sure.” Maddie started up the stairs. “Adelia and I had a disagreement the other day. She said some things … about my father.” She couldn’t be more specific—not even with Nick. “I’ve been hoping to find something that indicates whether what she told me was true. Or not.”

Nick seemed to hesitate before saying, “You know, Maddie, I got to know Adelia a little while Ted was laid up.” He hesitated again. “She’s not the person you think.”

Maddie stopped at the top of the stairs and toned to look at him. “How so?”

“I’m not sure. I know we’ve always called her the Ice Queen, but …” He paused and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t think she’s the woman we thought she was.”

Maddie thought of the things her mother had said the other night. If they were true, well, maybe Nick was right. Maybe her mother was a completely different person. Maybe—

“Where shall we start?” she said, abruptly changing the subject. She’d spent the day thinking about Adelia and her father. Enough was enough.

Nick grinned. “I’d like to see the baby’s room.”

Maddie returned his smile. “This way.” She led him down the hall.

“I knew you’d pick yellow,” he said as they walked into the nursery, the sole occupant of which was the huge teddy bear sitting in one corner. When Maddie had put the final touches on the nursery, finding the perfect spot for the yellow-and-white stuffed animal had been a priority.

“Yellow and white,” she explained, moving her hand to her belly. “Sunshine and purity. A new start.”

Nick turned to look at her, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I think you missed your calling. You should have been a poet.”

Maddie turned away, uncomfortable with Nick’s evaluation.

“Have you picked out a boy’s name yet?” he asked. “I remember you said a girl would be Lily.”

Maddie lowered herself into the rocking chair. “Adam has a nice ring to it.”

He met her gaze, and Maddie felt herself falling all over again. Maybe she should stop fighting it. Maybe she should listen to Tammy and let herself love Nick.

“Maddie.” Nick moved up beside her and squatted by her chair. “Tell me about the baby’s father?”

Maddie shook her head and shrugged. “There’s not much to tell.” Funny how she no longer felt any pain when she thought of Roger.

“Do you love him?”

For a few moments, she didn’t answer. A couple of months ago the word “yes” would have sprung to her lips—although she was no longer sure whether it had been true then, either. But now she knew—she didn’t love Roger. Not anymore. There was just this emptiness in her heart where there should have been something more. But she couldn’t tell Nick that. She couldn’t tell him about Roger. Because Nick would want to take care of her, and she wasn’t sure how long she could resist him.

Finally she gave him an answer that wasn’t an answer. “He’s the father of my child.”

There was a flicker of emotion in Nick’s eyes. Other than that, he seemed unaffected by her simple statement. “But you never married.”

“No.”

Nick took her hand. “Maddie?”

He drew her to him, with nothing more than a touch and his gentle voice. “Nick, I don’t want to talk about this.”

He remained silent for a long time, and she saw the turmoil in his eyes. But in the end, he nodded, accepting her wishes.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s finish up this tour business and get on to the good stuff. I’m starving.” Nick helped Maddie up, and she showed him the rest of the upstairs, explaining in each room what she’d already changed and what she still had left to do. Nick seemed genuinely interested, though he was a little quieter than he’d been earlier. Before they headed downstairs, Maddie grabbed an old sheet and showed Nick where she stored the extra pillows. If they were going to eat on the floor, they might as well be comfortable.

After they finished the tour, Nick spread the sheet on the parlor floor while Maddie retrieved the pizza from the oven. They sat facing the western window, propped against the wall with pillows.

“Just like a picnic,” Nick said as he claimed a piece of pizza from the box.

“Without the rain or ants. This is much better.”

“Knowing how you feel about stormy weather, I’d have to agree.”

They sat for a long time in companionable silence, eating pizza and watching as the sun sank and the prisms cast rays of colored light around the room. As it always had been between the two of them, there didn’t seem to be any need for words. They were comfortable just being together.

Nick reached over and claimed her hand.

Maddie knew she shouldn’t allow it. Just being with him tempted her. But the decision to pull away never went further than her thoughts. “Nick, tell me about your marriage?”

Nick shifted to look at her. “What do you want to know?”

“Were you happy?”

Nick looked into her eyes and apparently decided she deserved to hear the truth. “We had our problems. All married people do. But we weren’t unhappy. At least, not until we came back to Felton.”

Maddie considered his words. Funny, she would have expected to feel jealous that he’d known some measure of happiness with Diana, but instead, she felt the exact opposite. She was pleased that Nick had made good of a situation that had been forced.

“Tell me how it happened.” Maddie shifted to lie on her side. “I need to know.”

For several long moments, he didn’t say anything while he searched her face. When he spoke, his voice was low and hesitant. “You remember that I’d started working for Ted Eagen shortly after you left for college.”

Maddie nodded. For months, they’d exchanged three or four letters a week, letters filled with their hopes, dreams, love, and plans for the future. Maddie still had those letters. They were upstairs, stored away somewhere in the bottom of her trunk.

“Ted needed someone to clean his offices and run occasional errands. It didn’t pay much, but it was a start. I was taking classes over at the junior college, and Ted let me work whatever hours fit into my schedule.

“Well, I soon realized that the money I made wasn’t enough.” Nick turned and lay on his side to face her, propping his head up with one hand. “I was just barely meeting my expenses. There was no way I was going to be able to join you at the university in two years. So I warned Ted that I was looking for another job, and he started finding things for me to do at his house. Yard work, minor repairs—that sort of thing. I was pretty good with tools even back then.”

Nick reached over to reclaim Maddie’s hand. “Are you sure you want me to go on with this?”

Maddie wasn’t sure at all. But she knew if she didn’t find out the whole truth, she’d always wonder. “Yes. Please.”

“Well, I was feeling pretty down, worried I’d never be able to get out of Felton. Your letters were filled with news about the university, the classes, the people you’d met. I felt you slipping away.”

“I had no idea.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” He pulled her hands to his lips and kissed her fingers gently. “You were just being honest.”

Maddie closed her eyes, bracing herself against the feeling of his lips on her fingers and the ragged memories of their past. “Go on.”

Nick lowered their joined hands to the floor. “That’s when I got to know Diana. She was very determined. And as Ted’s only child, she was used to getting her own way.” Nick rolled over on his back without releasing Maddie’s hand and gazed at the ceiling. “I spent the first few months trying to ignore her. After a while, I became almost rude, but it only made her more persistent.”

Nick sighed. “I must admit I was intrigued. The worse I treated her, the more she came on to me. I just didn’t get it. But as I said, she’d captured my attention.”

He turned his head to look at Maddie again. “Then you called to tell me about the summer job you’d gotten in Athens. The money was good. And it would save you from having to come home to Adelia’s house.”

Maddie pressed her lips together, realizing the part she’d played in that long-ago drama.

“I got drunk. Or more exactly, Diana and I got drunk. And the next thing I knew, we were in the back seat of her car.” He paused and took a breath. “The next morning, I knew I’d screwed up. I didn’t know how badly yet, but I knew things would never be the same between you and I.”

“I didn’t take that job.”

Nick stared at her.

“I left Athens at the end of spring term. I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t bear to continue with any of the things we’d planned together.”

“At first, when Diana told me she was pregnant, I didn’t believe her. Then I didn’t believe the baby was mine. I fought against it every way I knew how. But in the end, there was only one option open to me.” Nick rolled back onto his side. “I couldn’t leave her and the child I’d fathered, sending them support checks from a construction worker’s salary.” He sighed and raised a hand to rub his temples. “Ted offered me a chance to make something of myself. And I took it.”

“Did you love her?”

He met her gaze head on. “She was my wife.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“Yes, Maddie. I loved her. Not at first. But I learned to love her.”

Maddie closed her eyes and nodded.

He brushed her cheek with his fingers, and a shiver of pure delight ran through her. It felt so wonderful to be touched by him again, to feel the gentle strength in his hands. “Maddie, I’m sorry. It should never—”

Maddie opened her eyes and pressed her fingers against his lips. “Don’t say it, Nick.” She lowered her hand to rest it against his chest. “You have a wonderful son.”

Nick’s eyes filled with warmth. “Yes. I do.”

Lost. She was totally and completely lost. Gazing into the depths of his eyes, she wanted to let herself drown in him. If he’d asked her at that moment what she wanted, she’d have spoken his name. Instead, he kissed her, softly, gently, almost reverently. And she couldn’t have stopped him if she’d tried.

Nick lingered over the kiss, tempting, teasing himself as much as Maddie. He’d come here for this, despite Maddie’s request that he stay away. He wanted this woman in his life, and he couldn’t just walk away. Not without knowing if she still cared, if she still loved him.

When he lifted his lips from hers, he sought his answers in her wide gray eyes. Once they’d held more love than a man deserved. He wanted to see that again. But her eyes were bright and filled with emotions he couldn’t read. And she was lovely, so lovely, with that special radiance only pregnant women seem able to obtain. He loved her so much. He’d always loved her.

“For years,” he whispered, “a day never went by that I didn’t think of you.” She closed her eyes, and he brought his hand up to caress her cheek. “Look at me, Maddie.” Her eyes fluttered open. “Tell me you don’t feel the same.”

“Shh.” She lifted her head to touch his lips with hers, and words deserted him. He pressed her back against the pillow, and she slipped her hands around his neck, tunneling her fingers into his hair. This time he went slowly, rediscovering the taste of her and the sweet feel of her lips against his.

But it wasn’t enough.

Pulling away, he framed her face with his hands, tracing the lines of her cheeks with his thumbs. “Maddie.”

She opened her eyes and smiled. “It’s even better than I remembered.”

Nick grinned and nipped at her mouth, grateful for each moment she stayed in his arms. “I should hope so. We were pretty new at this in the old days.” Maddie laughed lightly and turned her head as he found the silky skin of her neck. She smelled of roses. He’d forgotten that about her. The way the lightest of scents clung to her skin, just enough to be detected up close.

He framed her face with his hands and feasted on the silver of her eyes. “So is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“That women never forget their first love?”

“I don’t know about other women.” Maddie tightened her hold on his neck and pulled him down until their lips almost touched. “But I never forgot you.” Nick let her kiss him this time, shyly at first as she brushed her lips across his before tasting him with the tip of her tongue. He moaned deep in his throat, and she got braver, exploring the shape of his mouth before plunging inside to torment him.

He buried his hands in her hair, feeling the sharp pain of longing in his groin. Maddie clung to him, her body arching into his.

It was the feel of the baby kicking that brought him to his senses. With a groan, he released her mouth. Shifting onto his back, he pulled Maddie over to rest her head on his shoulder. “Maddie, we better stop while we still can.”

Maddie giggled against his chest. “It would be a little awkward right now, wouldn’t it.”

Nick turned to her and lowered his hand on her stomach. “It would be beautiful anytime.” Without taking his eyes off her, he pushed her onto her back and slowly moved his head down to rest lightly on her stomach. Turning his head, he kissed the silky swell of her belly while caressing her with his hands.

“We could make it beautiful, Maddie. You and I.” He slipped his hands under her maternity top and pulled it up to bare her stomach.

“Nick, please, no.”

“I’m just going to kiss you, Maddie.” He turned his face back to her stomach, gently kissing the swell.

“Please, Nick.” He heard the soft tremble in her voice. “I can’t.”

Nick kissed her one last time and slid back up to lie next to her, leaving his hands on her stomach.

“I’m sorry—” she began, but Nick didn’t let her continue.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He rolled onto his back again and brought her head to his shoulder. “I love you, Maddie. And I’ll wait. I only wish …”

“What?”

Nick brought his hand down again to rest on her abdomen. “I wish this child was mine.”

For the next hour, Nick lay with Maddie in his arms. A light rain began to fall outside, stirring the curtains and setting the prisms to tinkling.

They talked of inconsequential things, such as friends they’d once known and music they’d once listened to. She told him about her job and the places she’d lived. He told her about medical school and falling asleep in the doctor’s lounge after twenty-four-hour shifts.

Nick caressed her arms and stroked the silky strands of her hair while Maddie rested peacefully on his chest. But he didn’t kiss her again. He didn’t dare start something she wasn’t ready to finish. But they’d made progress tonight. She cared—despite everything she’d said, despite the ghost of her baby’s father that still haunted her eyes. Nick knew Maddie still loved him.

It was close to midnight when Maddie let Nick out the front door. Closing it behind him, she stayed a moment, her head against the hard oak surface. It had been a night of revelations, a night she’d never forget. Nick had pushed his way in here with nothing more than his sexy eyes and an armload of pizza. But he’d left with her heart.

Or maybe he’d had it all along.

Maddie slowly climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Funny, but she felt unusually calm. As if now that she’d given up the fight, now that she admitted her feelings for Nick, everything would be all right.

Maddie had stopped going over to her mother’s for Sunday dinners. Every week she called with an excuse, and every week, Adelia graciously pretended that nothing was wrong. Meanwhile, Maddie continued her search through her father’s things, finding nothing that either proved or disproved her mother’s claims. She knew this couldn’t go on much longer. Sooner or later she’d have to face Adelia and settle things between them.

She was in to see Ted Eagen for her seven-month checkup when she got the idea to ask him about her father. As usual, she waited until he’d finished her exam to talk to him.

“Dr. Eagen,” she began as he made notes on her chart, “did you know my father very well?”

“Everyone knew Davis. Why?”

“What kind of man was he?”

“A good one.” Ted turned toward her and crossed his arms, looking puzzled. “You know that.”

“I only knew him as a child. What was he like with adults?”

Ted frowned. “What are you asking me, Madeleine?”

Maddie took a deep breath. She didn’t want to come right out and ask if her father had been a philanderer, but she wanted the truth. If anyone in town knew, it would be Ted Eagen. “I’ve been trying to figure out what happened between my parents.”

He hesitated a moment and then said, “I suggest you ask your mother.”

“I did.” Maddie glanced away. “She didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, then—”

“But I kept after her, and finally … Well, the things she told me weren’t very pleasant.”

Ted sighed, and Maddie looked up to meet his gaze. “I need to know,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because he was my father.” Because she was tired of lies and half-truths. And because if what her mother had told her was true, it changed so much.

“I’m sorry, Maddie.” Ted shook his head. “I can’t help you.”

“Please …”

“No,” he said more firmly. “This is something you need to take up with Adelia.”

Maddie nodded and looked away.

Ted seemed as if he was about to say something else, and then thought better of it. Instead, he gave Maddie’s shoulder a quick squeeze and left the room.

Maddie dressed quickly. Ted Eagen was right. At least about one thing. It was time she faced Adelia, and the sooner she did so, the better. A half hour later, she stood on her mother’s front porch, wondering whether she was doing the right thing. Then, before she could change her mind, she took a deep breath and knocked.

To her surprise, Adelia herself opened the door. “Madeleine?”

“Hello, Mother.”

“Is everything all right?”

“Yes, I mean, no. Can we talk?”

“Of course.” Adelia moved back, and Maddie stepped into the foyer. As she closed the door, Adelia asked, “Is this about your father?”

“Yes. I need to ask you another question.”

“Madeleine, please, forget what I said the other night.” Adelia’s voice held a note of pleading that forced Maddie to meet her mother’s gaze. She looked older, almost frail, and dark circles rimmed her eyes.

Maddie fought the sudden urge to take her mother’s advice. But then things would never be any different. “One question, Mother. Please?”

Adelia hesitated and then nodded.

Maddie took a deep breath and averted her gaze. She couldn’t bear to look into those tired eyes. “If what you said about Father was true, why did you let me live with him?”

“I didn’t let you live with him. I fought it. But in the end, I had no choice.” Adelia sighed and motioned toward the parlor. “Can we go sit down in the other room?”

Maddie nodded and followed her mother into her sitting room, thinking she’d never seen her mother move so slowly. When Adelia sank into her favorite chair, she seemed to regain some measure of control.

Maddie sat across from her on the couch.

“Since we weren’t legally divorced,” Adelia explained, “I had no legal means to keep you. Of course, your father had no legal means to take you away, either. So we had to work it out between us. It was a difficult time.” She sighed and shifted her suddenly watery eyes to stare off into the distance.

“You threw such a tantrum,” Adelia continued after a few moments. “Refusing to eat or go to school. For a while, I was really worried about you. I thought you’d make yourself seriously ill.” She paused again, and Maddie wondered what past scenes Adelia relived in her head.

“Your father and I made a deal. You could live with him, but I held the mortgage on his house. I told him if he ever took any of his women to that house, I’d evict him and divorce him despite the scandal. And I would make sure he’d never see you again.” After another moment of silence, she added, “As far as I know, he kept his part of the bargain.”

Maddie sighed and released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Her mother was telling the truth. She knew that now. Still, she couldn’t reconcile all she’d learned about her father with the man she’d known.

“And the day I got lost in the storm?”

Adelia hesitated and then said, “I told you I was the one who found you.”

Maddie looked at her mother and knew there was more to what had happened that day. More secrets. Things her mother wasn’t saying. And then she understood that it didn’t matter. It had all happened so long ago.

“Don’t hate him, Maddie.” Adelia’s voice broke into her thoughts.

Maddie shook her head. “No, I don’t. I couldn’t.”

“He was a good man in many ways. He was just weak.” A deep sadness was evident in her voice. “And you were right. I did love him. Despite everything.”

Maddie forced a smile for her mother. “I’m glad you told me.” Adelia opened her mouth to speak, but Maddie stopped her. “I think Daddy would have wanted me to know.”

Adelia nodded and pursed her lips.

Hesitantly, Maddie reached over and took her mother’s hand. It was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. “I think he would have wanted us to start over.”

“Oh, Madeleine.” Adelia’s voice broke, and tears filled her eyes. “I would like that. I would like that very much.”

Maddie drove home that afternoon feeling strangely relieved. It was as if a million questions from her childhood had been answered by her mother’s revelations—her parents’ arguments, her father’s long absences, her mother’s seeming indifference. For years, Adelia had kept her secrets while Maddie put her father on a pedestal. No wonder Adelia had kept Maddie at arm’s length, unable to tell her the truth, yet resenting her idolization of her father.

Maddie had been so young and so oblivious to all but the aftermath of everything happening around her. It had colored her entire life and destroyed her chance of a loving relationship with her mother. Maybe now, she and Adelia could make sense of each other.

As the weeks wore on, Maddie and her mother slowly came to terms with one another. It wasn’t easy for either of them to put aside the past and forget all the pain. But they both tried. They talked and argued, laughed and cried, and Maddie grew a little closer to understanding this woman she’d always called Mother but had never really known.

At the same time, Maddie gave in to the temptation to spend time with Nick. He never pushed her, never even kissed her again, except in a light carefree manner. But he was there, and she didn’t ask him to stay away. It wouldn’t have done any good. They both would have known she didn’t mean it.

He’d started joining her and Jon on Sundays.

Sometimes they went out to the cemetery, but more and more, they found other things the three of them could do together. Maddie wanted to go hiking as she’d done with her father, but Nick convinced her to wait until after the baby arrived. So they packed picnic lunches or watched movies or grilled steaks on Nick’s deck.

And then there was her relationship with Jon.

Summer vacation had begun, and he spent a lot of time over at her place. At first, he came to help. He mowed the lawn and washed her car. When her furniture arrived from Miami, he moved it around for her, showing a surprising amount of patience for his fifteen years. But soon he seemed to think of her house as a second home, and Maddie got used to having him around.

She often wondered what she had done before the two of them had walked into her life. And she didn’t want to think about what it would be like without them.