Where the Heart Is by Patricia Keelyn

CHAPTER TWO

Maddie hated doctors’ offices. They made her feel like a child again. First, a nurse told you to undress and gave you a paper covering to put on. Then you sat and waited in a room a tad too chilly, on a table high enough so that your legs dangled in space.

Of course, it didn’t help that she’d waited in this same examining room when she was a kid. A room that looked exactly as it had twenty years ago. Dr. Ted Eagen—who must be as old as Methuselah by now—had kept everything the same. Not even the wallpaper had changed. It still displayed grinning clowns holding bunches of balloons. She smiled wryly. Today, no doctor would dare put this wallpaper on his examining room walls.

Tired of sitting on the table, Maddie scooted off and moved to a chair under the window, careful to keep the paper smock tucked around her. She might have to sit in this room that reeked of her childhood, but there was no reason she couldn’t do so more comfortably. Picking up a copy of Parenting that someone had left behind, she thumbed through it.

Absorbed in an article on newborns, Maddie didn’t hear the door open.

“Hello, Maddie.”

The deep voice, a familiar echo from the past, pulled her from her reading. She looked up and met a pair of brilliant blue eyes that spoke to her of the best and worst parts of her adolescence.

For a moment, she couldn’t speak. The shock of finding this man standing in the doorway was too unsettling. The last time she’d seen him, he’d been on the verge of adulthood. Now, here he stood, a man who’d fulfilled all the promise of that long-ago boy. “Nick?”

“Yeah.” He smiled, but she saw the hesitation in his eyes. “How are you?”

She rose slowly from the chair as waves of memories threatened to overwhelm her. For several moments, she was unable to make sense of her runaway thoughts or the emotions clamoring in her heart. Then one memory surfaced above the rest. Nick’s betrayal. And the long days and weeks she’d cried over losing him.

“Good. I’m good.” The voice was hers, but it sounded odd, distant, a little too automatic. “I didn’t know you were in Felton.”

Nick moved farther into the examining room, closing the door behind him. “I’ve been here for almost three years.”

Her gaze dropped to his white lab coat and the stethoscope hanging around his neck. Suddenly, she became all too aware of her present state of undress and quickly crossed her arms. “And you’re a doctor, I see.”

Nick glanced away for a moment before bringing his gaze back to rest on her. “It’s been a long time, Maddie.”

She thought she heard more in his words, more than the awkwardness that edged his voice. There was regret, too. And maybe some guilt. “Yes, well, I guess there wasn’t much point in getting together after all these years.” She tucked her trembling hands tighter under her elbows.

Once more, Nick’s gaze slid away. “No, I guess not.”

An awkward silence filled the room.

Maddie uncrossed her arms, only to cross them again, wishing for some real clothing. Nick didn’t seem to notice. He just stood there, absorbed in his own thoughts, obviously as uncomfortable as she was. Why had he come in here? It was a question she couldn’t begin to answer. So she searched for something to say, anything to end this uneasy reunion and send Nick on his way. Nothing came to mind. After all these years, she couldn’t think of a single thing to say to him. Nothing safe, at least.

Finally she could no longer bear the silence. “I’m happy for you, Nick.” Her voice brought his gaze back to her. “That you got through medical school, I mean. I know it’s what you wanted.” She tried to smile, but wasn’t sure she’d succeeded. “And I always knew you’d make it.”

“You were the only one who did.” A tenuous smile warmed his eyes, those luminous sapphire eyes that had captured her heart when she’d been no more than a child. “You and Ted Eagen.”

“Yes, well …” Heat rushed to Maddie’s cheeks, and she fought the urge to turn away. “What did the lowlifes in this town know?”

Nick shrugged and slipped his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. “Not much, I guess.”

Maddie realized he was as lethal a man as he had been a boy. Maybe more so. His hair was still black as sin, his skin the rich whiskey brown of temptation, while his blue eyes promised the innocence of sundrenched summer days. It was an entrancing contrast. One she refused to fall victim to again.

Hoping her voice sounded normal, she forced herself to ask the next question. “How is Diana?”

He shifted to lean against the examining table, and a shadow flickered across his features. “She died. About a year and a half ago.”

It was a shock. The last thing she’d expected to hear. “I’m sorry,” she said. And she meant it. As often as she’d cursed Diana Eagen sixteen years ago for taking Nick away from her, Maddie had never wished the other woman harm.

Nick nodded, accepting her expression of condolence. “How about you?” he asked. Again his eyes held a tentative curiosity, as if he feared she’d refuse to speak to him. “I’m surprised to see you back in Felton.”

“Yes, well, life’s full of surprises.”

Nick smiled tightly, thinking that surprise didn’t begin to describe his reaction to seeing Maddie again. When he’d noticed her name on Ted’s appointment schedule, the past had swept over him, bringing a mixture of sweet memories and regret. He’d had to see her. Then he’d walked into the room, and she’d looked up at him with those seductive gray eyes of hers, and he felt sixteen all over again. And for a moment, he’d only remembered the sweetness.

“So,” he said, when she volunteered no further information, “how long have you been back?”

Maddie sat back down in the chair, placing the magazine on her lap. “About a week.” She seemed calm and collected, as if they’d never been more than casual acquaintances. For reasons Nick couldn’t begin to understand, that bothered him.

“Are you planning on staying?”

Maddie shrugged. “For a few months, anyway.”

Nick didn’t know what else to say. There were so many things he wanted to tell her. But not now. Not here. “Maybe we could get together sometime,” he said. “Talk about old times.”

Maddie shook her head, her eyes wide and wary. “I don’t think so, Nick.”

He started to object, but suddenly the door opened and Ted Eagen stepped into the room. “Sorry, Nick,” he said. “I didn’t know you were in here.”

“That’s okay.” Nick stepped aside to give Ted a clear view of Maddie. “I was just saying hello to an old friend. You remember Maddie, don’t you?”

“Of course.” Ted crossed the room and took Maddie’s hand in his. “She used to be one of my favorite patients.”

“How are you, Dr. Eagen?” Maddie gave the older man a smile, and envy tightened in Nick’s stomach. She hadn’t smiled for him, and it smarted.

Though he knew he had no right to expect anything from Maddie. Not even a smile.

“It’s good to see you back in Felton, Madeleine.” Ted leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “And expecting a baby, too. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Color rose to Maddie’s cheeks, and she glanced at Nick. “I was just about to tell Nick about the baby.”

Nick forced a smile as the thought of Maddie bringing someone—a man, the father of her baby—back to Felton with her wreaked havoc with his insides. He just barely controlled the urge to ask about the guy. “Congratulations,” he said, instead. “Are you planning on having the baby here?”

Maddie nodded and turned her attention back to Ted. “If Dr. Eagen thinks it’s a good idea.”

“I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Ted beamed and patted her hand.

“Great,” Nick said aloud, though his mind still reeled at the thought of seeing Maddie with another man, and the knowledge he had absolutely no right to feel anything but happy for her. He needed to get out of here. He needed room to think. To breathe. “Well,” he said, “I better get back to work before my boss finds me loafing.”

“It was good to see you again, Nick.” Maddie met his gaze, and he saw the relief that belied her words. She, too, had felt the strain of their unexpected meeting.

“Yes. You, too.” He moved to the door, but stopped before closing it behind him. “I’ll see you around, Maddie.”

“Yes,” she said. “Sure.” She reached up to brush a strand of ebony hair behind her ear, and Nick saw the slight tremor in her hand. Maybe she wasn’t as indifferent to him as she seemed.

Nick left the examining room and went to his office. Closing the door behind him, he lowered himself into the chair behind his desk.

Maddie.

A million memories—sweet, sweet memories—whirled through his mind. Leaning his head against the back of his chair, he closed his eyes, letting the past wash over him.

For four years, Maddie had been the only light in his life, the dream that had kept him from succumbing to the reality of his world. He’d always loved her. They were best friends—and more—for most of their teenage years. But she was a girl from the right side of town, and he … well, Maddie never belonged with a guy like him.

And he’d proved that, hadn’t he? He’d taken everything she had to give—body and soul—and then thrown it away.

Regret, like a black pool, swirled about him, pushing the sweetness of the past aside. He’d made so many mistakes. Hurt too many people. Maddie and Diana.

Now Maddie was back in Felton and expecting another man’s child. It shook him to the core. And in that moment, he realized he’d never really gotten over her.

Maddie stepped outside the clinic and lifted her face to the sun, seeking its warmth. Dr. Eagen had given her positive news. Her high blood pressure, which had sent her running from the stress of Miami, had come down significantly since she’d returned to Felton. With the proper diet, rest, and exercise, he’d told her it should be back to normal within a couple of weeks. She and her baby were going to be fine.

It looked like coming home had been a good decision, after all.

She started toward the parking lot and then changed her mind. She’d come back for her car later. She was expected for lunch at the house of her closest childhood friend, Tammy Banks. It was only a few blocks away, and since Dr. Eagen had told her to get lots of exercise, today seemed a good time to start.

As she set off for Tammy’s, Maddie’s thoughts returned to Nick. He looked wonderful. The teenager who’d been Felton High’s leading heartthrob was nothing compared to the devastatingly handsome man he’d become. Still tall and lean, he’d broadened across the chest and shoulders, making her instantly aware he was no longer a boy. His size, and those damnable blue eyes of his, were enough to thaw any woman’s heart.

However, she could deal with his looks.

There were other things about him that worried her more, things that weren’t so easy to dismiss. The memories of their shared past, for one. His grief, for another. She’d seen his distress when she’d mentioned Diana. And despite the heartbreak he’d once caused her, she’d wanted to reach out to him. They’d been so close once. It was hard to forget

Maddie took another deep breath and pushed aside the disturbing memories. It was ancient history. He was ancient history. He’d made his choice ages ago, when they were both little more than children. There was nothing she could do for him now.

She found Tammy’s house easily.

As kids, she and Tammy had passed this way every day on their way to and from school, and their conversation had often centered on “the house.” It had been abandoned for years, and Maddie considered it a monstrosity. She claimed it was designed by a drunken architect—or not designed at all, just randomly pieced together by a builder who added rooms whenever the whim struck him. Tammy, on the other hand, loved it and declared that someday she’d buy it and turn it into a showplace.

Now, as Maddie stood on the sidewalk in front of Tammy’s house, she acknowledged her friend’s foresight. The house still wasn’t one Maddie would have chosen, but there was something magical about the ivy-covered turrets, the sparkling stained-glass windows and the mishmash of architectural styles. Something that reminded her of Tammy.

A few moments later, she rang the doorbell. A scurry of paws against hardwood floors, along with a rash of barking, greeted her arrival, and Maddie laughed aloud.

“Quiet, Butch,” commanded Tammy from the other side of the door, which did nothing to alleviate the animal’s excitement. “Just a minute,” she called, and then to the dog added, “Come on, Butch. It’s out in the backyard for you.” Her voice drifted away, along with the whine of the animal.

Maddie tried to imagine Tammy handling a dog that sounded like he outweighed her by a good fifty pounds. Of course, Maddie had never quite figured out how Tammy handled her husband, Greg Banks, either. He’d been Felton High’s star linebacker, and at six four, he towered over Tammy’s five-foot-two frame.

Just then the door swung open, and her old friend stood in the entrance.

“Don’t I get to meet Butch?” Maddie asked with a grin. “He sounds like a charmer.”

“Only if you like big hairy beasts,” Tammy answered, her eyes full of mischief.

Maddie crossed her arms and gave an exaggerated sigh. “You were always the one with a thing for oversize males.”

Tammy laughed and opened her arms. “Come here, you. Give me a hug.”

Maddie stepped forward and hugged her friend fiercely.

“Just look at you,” Tammy said as she pulled back, checking Maddie out from head to toe. “You look absolutely fabulous. Lord, I bet you’re still a size six.”

Maddie laughed and gave her another quick hug. “Not anymore.”

“You can’t possibly be three months pregnant.” Tammy stepped back and cast an appraising eye on Maddie’s middle.

“Ah, the wonders of bulky clothing.” Maddie lifted her sweater and turned sideways, showing off her budding tummy.

“What’s that?” Tammy leaned over to rest a hand on Maddie’s stomach. “Is that supposed to be a baby in there? Or did you just drink too much beer last night?”

“Very funny.” Maddie let her sweater drop back into place. “You haven’t changed a bit. In fact, I think you’ve gotten more irreverent with age.”

“Nah.” Tammy dismissed Maddie’s comment with a wave of her hand. “I’m just more vocal about it now. And because of my age, I get away with it.”

Maddie shook her head and smiled. “It’s good to see you.”

“You, too.” Tammy linked an arm through Maddie’s and led her toward the back of the house. “Come on. I sent the kids out for the afternoon and I’ve fixed us a special lunch. Chicken salad with all the trimmings. I assumed that you, like the rest of us, needed to watch your fat intake. Little did I know you could probably stand to gain a few pounds.”

“On the contrary. Dr. Eagen told me to watch what I eat. Besides, I like chicken salad.” Maddie gave Tammy’s arm a squeeze. “How many kids?”

“Three. One in high school. And I have to tell you, I have no idea how I’m going to survive the next four years.”

Maddie laughed, doubting there was anything Tammy couldn’t handle.

They stepped into a large modern kitchen where sunlight streamed from a series of skylights. Tammy had set the table for two, with brightly colored place mats and fresh flowers.

“You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble,” Maddie said as she took in the appealing setting.

“What trouble? A couple of place mats and flowers I picked up at Collier’s yesterday. Go on,” Tammy said, motioning toward a chair. “Sit down. Everything’s ready. I just need to pull it out of the fridge.”

Watching Tammy move around her kitchen, Maddie realized just how many years had passed since she’d last seen her friend. Time had worked its magic, and Tammy looked every bit the head of this old house. She hadn’t grown an inch, at least not in height, but she possessed the confidence that came only with maturity.

“So, did you happen to notice that Dr. Eagen has a partner now?” Tammy asked.

“Nick? Yes. It was a bit of a surprise.”

Tammy lifted her eyebrows. “Yummy, huh?”

“He always was.”

“Yup. And it looks like you were right about him all along.” Tammy headed for the refrigerator, pulled out two covered bowls and set them on the table. “I have to tell you, we all thought you were crazy back in high school. We were jealous as hell, but we thought you were crazy nonetheless.”

“You just didn’t know him.” Maddie removed the coverings from the bowls while Tammy returned to the refrigerator. In some ways, her friends had been more right than they knew. More right than Maddie would ever admit.

“Ha.” Juggling a pitcher of iced tea and a plate of sliced melon, Tammy returned to the table and sat down across from Maddie. “We knew enough.”

“You didn’t know anything. Nick was special. Did you know he took care of his father from the time he was twelve? Twelve, Tammy.”

Tammy interrupted Maddie with a wave of her hand. “I heard that stuff sixteen years ago. He was a great guy.” Resting her elbows on the table, Tammy leaned forward. “So come on. Tell me what was really going on between you two.”

Maddie reached for the iced tea and filled both their glasses. Keeping her voice steady, she said, “There’s nothing to tell. We were friends.”

“Come on, Maddie, we’re adults now. Do tell.”

Maddie did a quick cross-your-heart with two fingers and raised her hand as if taking an oath. At Tammy’s look of total disbelief, Maddie burst out laughing. What could it hurt to tell Tammy the truth now? “All right,” she said. “So there was more between us than friendship.”

Tammy sat forward in her chair. “How much more?”

“I was in love with him.”

“I know that.” Tammy wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I want the details.”

Maddie rolled her eyes skyward. “Okay. So, he was my first.”

“I knew it!”

“You didn’t.” Maddie shook her head, not believing Tammy for a minute. She and Nick had been very discreet. They hadn’t even held hands in public. “You were just guessing.”

“Are you kidding? All those hours you spent with him.” Tammy sat back in her chair. “Those nights you snuck out of the house to meet him. The ones I covered for you. How could I not know?”

“You only thought you knew.”

“So what happened?”

Maddie propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand. “Diana happened.”

“Why the little—”

“My feelings exactly,” Maddie interrupted. “But really, Tammy. It was a long time ago. And the woman’s dead.”

Tammy looked properly contrite. “Sorry.” A few moments later she asked, “Do you still love him?”

“It’s been sixteen years.”

“What difference does that make?”

Maddie shook her head, wanting to change the subject. Her relationship with Nick was old news. “Can we eat now? I’m starved.”

“Sorry, I forgot. You’re pregnant.” Tammy laughed and handed Maddie the plate of melon before jumping up to grab a bag of potato chips from the counter. “And pregnant women need their nourishment.”

“I thought you said this was a low-fat meal?”

“I said, with all the trimmings.” Tammy popped open the bag of chips. “These are the trimmings.”

Maddie laughed, and they dug into their lunch. A few moments later, she asked, “How did Diana die?”

Tammy sobered immediately. “It seems she was out driving. It was a miserable night, one of the worst storms of the year. The rumor is she was drinking. Anyway, she missed a curve north of town.” Tammy shook her head and turned back to her lunch. “It was really horrible.”

“Poor Nick.”

“He has a teenage son. Jon. My daughter, Anna, knows him pretty well. She says he’s still taking it hard. I imagine they both are.” She paused for a moment, before looking up and adding, “Maddie, you haven’t said anything about the father of your baby. So I assumed—”

“Tammy …” Maddie started, but stopped when her friend shook her head and held up a hand.

“I know. It’s none of my business. I was just going to say that you and Nick were close once. Nick could really use a friend right now. And—” she hesitated a moment “—my guess is, so could you.”

Maddie’s gaze shifted away. “That was a long time ago.”

“Was it?” Tammy’s strange question brought Maddie’s eyes back to her. “Was it really that long ago?”

Maddie nodded. “A lifetime.”

After that, Tammy turned the conversation to happier topics, and the rest of the afternoon passed quickly. They talked about past escapades and old acquaintances—who was doing what, who’d married whom, who’d stayed in Felton and who had left. It was hard to believe they hadn’t seen each other in sixteen years. It felt like yesterday.

Then the front door burst open, shattering the illusion. They were immediately surrounded by boisterous children and a hyperactive canine. Tammy introduced her brood, including Butch, handling the chaos with an aplomb Maddie envied and doubted she could ever achieve.

It was time for her to leave.

With a series of hugs and promises to return, Maddie let herself out the front door. Then she stood on the porch to catch her breath. While she’d idled away the hours with Tammy, the day had dimmed, returning to its normal state of winter gray. Behind her, she could still hear the sounds of the family inside, and for a moment, she envied Tammy.

Would her own life ever bear any semblance of normalcy? Would she ever have her own home and family? She thought of Roger and the dreams she’d put on hold because he needed time. She’d thought she’d finally found her place with him. She loved him. And for the past three years she’d lived with him, believing he returned that love.

She fought back the tears that always seemed so close to the surface lately. She’d been a fool. Roger had only wanted her as long as it was convenient, as long as she fit his lifestyle and his vision of the future. He’d never wanted a wife. And he’d certainly never wanted a baby.

A low distant rumbling pulled Maddie’s gaze to the western horizon. Massive dark clouds had gathered, promising a night of wind and rain. Shivering, she pulled her coat close around her. She hated storms. Then she thought of Nick and smiled at the memory of all the nights he’d sat with her, keeping her company during the worst of the spring rains. Once they’d been like two wounded animals drawing their strength from one another. Then she’d gone off to college, and he’d found Diana.

Now, once again, Nick was alone and so was she. Did he feel the same sharp sting of loneliness? Did he look out the window at the approaching storm and remember those nights when they were young? Did he turn to his son as she turned to her unborn child for comfort? Was Tammy right? Did they need one another again?

No.

Maddie shook her head and left Tammy’s porch. She was sorry about Nick’s loss, but she had her own problems to deal with. She’d trusted Nick once, and it had been one of the biggest mistakes of her life. Right up there with believing in Roger.

She laughed bitterly at the irony of it. History really did repeat itself. She’d loved and trusted both Nick and Roger. And both men had left her alone and hurting.

Another roll of thunder brought her thoughts back to the approaching storm, and she threw a wary glance at the darkening sky. Enough mental wanderings. She needed to hurry if she was going to beat the rain home.