Sinfully Devoted by Amber Torney
Chapter Sixteen – Phoenix
All the hovering had started to get to me. It had been a few days since I’d woken up, and although I was grateful for the support that my guys had been giving me, it was starting to feel as though I was suffocating. I just wanted a little alone time. But I felt guilty even thinking about it.
Every day they would show up, and every day I’d just roll over and stare out the window. They would ask me daily to talk. And deep down, I knew they were trying to help. I just couldn’t find the words. Every fucking time I went to tell them, my throat would close up, and the tears would fall. I think I had cried enough tears to fill a small pond.
“Phee, I know it's hard, but I really think it would help if you just opened up- even if it’s just a little.” Logan said he'd been at the hospital the most. I still didn’t understand why he was hanging around so much. Up till that point, he hadn’t really pushed me to do anything. Stryker and Jonah, on the other hand, were constantly asking.
I shifted onto my back and just stared at the ceiling. Closing my eyes, I willed the tears that had been threatening to fall all day away. As I inhaled deeply, I sat myself up. They were all there. Stryker leaned against the window, a storm brewing behind his eyes. He hadn’t said too much that day. Jonah was next to him, in the armchair, on his laptop. And Logan was where he usually sat, right next to my bed.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” My voice was shaky. I could feel the first tear fall down my cheek as I pulled my legs up to my chest.
“We know, Angel, but holding it in like you are. . .” Jonah paused, shutting his laptop down before he turned back to me, “it’s not good. You’re punishing yourself, and none of what happened was your fault.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?” I couldn’t hide the hurt in my voice. Something snapped at his statement. Is that what they thought- that I blamed myself for what had happened? “You think I blame myself?”
He was quick to move, at my side instantly. As he reached out to take my hand, my anxiety kicked back in, and I froze. “No, not at all, none of us think that. We just want to help you through this and get our bubbly, carefree girl back.”
Guilt crept back in as more tears fell. They were only trying to help me, and I was stuck, trapped by my own fears. The last time I’d told them what happened, Stryker ran. The fear that they all would leave once I told them played in my mind, over and over. I had internally berated myself every day since I’d woken up. The doctor had organised for a therapist to come and talk to me, and they had every day since, but it still couldn’t make this conversation any easier.
Picking up on my anxiety, Logan got up and sat on the edge of my bed and faced me. “I know I’ve already told you this, but you’re safe now. Anything you say will stay here.”
I looked at each of them, and saw mirrored back at me the same look. They were telling me without saying the words that they were there. That they wouldn’t leave me. I would eventually have to tell them sometime, I told myself as I debated with my own feelings.
“He- he,” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Just the thought of it made my skill crawl. I knew they were just trying to reassure me, but it didn’t help.
“Yeah, Firecracker, I know,” Stryker sounded crestfallen, trying to comfort me. “But Lo’ is right, Phee. You’re safe now.”
Safe. What the hell did that mean anyway? Kyle was supposed to be dead, and because of that, I had felt safe. But not anymore. I felt lost, confused. I was trying hard to keep it together. The only question that I wanted an answer to was: why me?