Bear by Lily J. Adams

 

Chapter Ten:  Forward Movement

 

Delphia

 

Staying with Bear was a whole other life. I was still in awe of him. His body merging with mine was incredible, the way he touched me and brought out the sensual side of me was something I’d never experienced with a man ever. I kept drifting off into a dreamy haze at work and when I goofily stepped behind the counter to change shifts with Brendan even his penetrating scowl didn’t faze me.

“Why are you looking like that” he asked. “You look like you just ate a bunch of cupcakes or something.”

“Nothing. I’m good today. I’m feeling good,” I responded quickly.

Brendan tapped me on the shoulder with an enquiring gaze. “That’s not the reason. You have to have a reason for feeling good. This is Holbeck, this stinky ass town with its hot weather and the same lame merry-go-round of people is not a place to make you ‘feel good,’” he said, finger quoting for emphasis. 

I rolled my eyes at him. “Then why are you still living here and not somewhere else?”

“When I save enough then I’ll get the hell out of here. Trust me. What about you? Are you going to stay?”

“I’m going to see what happens.” A little giggle sprung from my lips as a flash of me moaning in the heat of the moment with Bear came alive like a movie through my mind.

“Who is he? I know it’s a man. Is it that guy that’s built like a Mack truck?” Brendan asked curiously.

“Might be. How do you know that?” Most likely, my cheeks were on fire, I could feel the heat flooding to them. When I thought of Bear, I thought of a man who was out of my league. I was thinking this even though we’d just had sex. I wondered if it was good for him, I rubbed my shoulders as the glaring light of my insecurities showed up. I wanted to be good enough for him.

Brendan’s gaze did not let up on me. “Puh-lease. He’s in here all the time, and I’m pretty sure I saw him on the camera.” His voice was full to the brim with suspicion.

“That doesn’t mean anything, but yes he’s been around a lot more lately.” Justifying what was so obvious externally was hard to do. Bear and I waking up together wasn’t something I thought would ever happen in my wildest dreams.

Brendan gathered up his belongings and waved goodbye as he walked out, leaving me in my powder puff of dreams.

The shift started out slow. Then even the afterglow of sex still wasn’t enough to stop me from looking down at the phone with sickening dread. In a guilty way, I felt like I’d slept with Bear to escape for a while. Not the only reason, but a small part of it.

Everything was quiet inside. I could hear every noise including the second hand on the clock ticking away. The constant tick made it feel like doomsday. So pushing boxes back and forth on the shelves distracted me from feeling the agitation inside.

“Call me if it gets too much.” Bear’s comforting voice was ringing around in my head but I felt stupid ringing him every time I felt scared. The magazine I’d grabbed wasn’t so appealing now. I didn’t even want to look at it.

Peering into the dark field of the night I couldn’t see any shadows of bikes or anything disturbing. Even if Rocky wasn’t here, he’d done enough to cause me mental damage for sure. I wished for my brother more than ever. The pain of not having him in my life was unbearable sometimes.

The golden beams of headlights stopped my head from spinning as they pulled into the gas station. My finger edged towards the emergency button until I saw it was Angie.

Her warm bubbly figure bouncing in, her hair flowing like Rapunzel’s behind her. “Hey, Delphia! I thought I would pop in and check on you, and say hi. I figured this would be the best place to find you.”

Seeing Angie stirred up unresolved grief and pain, but with Bear guiding me, I felt like I was strong enough to handle it. “Hi Angie. How are you?” I didn’t quite know how to start a conversation with her, but I’d opened the door and given her the voice recording, so she could make a copy. It felt like I was releasing mummies from the dead. It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, besides burying my brother.

“I’m digging more into this case for you.” She looked outside and saw there were no cars around and then back at me with a grin. “Are you having a slow shift right now?”

“Yeah, it happens sometimes, but in another hour, there will probably be some people coming through.”

“Hmm. I had a few more questions for you is all. I wanted to know if you kept a time log of the calls from Rocky?”

“I have them written down, yes. Why? Is that going to be part of the article?” I was starting to feel as if the whole thing was getting out of hand? I didn’t want Angie writing this article and it turning out like it did for her before this, with Rocky ramping up the chasing of me.

“It all adds up, honey. If you can give me the details then I can add all that information in.”

“Okay. If you think it will help.” I reached under the counter where I kept my little notepad with its squiggly writing, the times and dates that Rocky had called, and handed it to her.

Angie smiled as she plopped her notepad on the counter and took out her phone to capture my barely legible mess. “It will for sure. I was thinking about your brother Deon too. You said he owed Rocky a cut from a side deal. Do you think he had the money all along? What happened to the cut that he was supposed to have? Is the money still missing?” Angie’s emerald eyes fired up as she looked at me as if we were going on some wild adventure.

Now, I could understand the ambitious part Bear warned me about. My stomach started to bubble. “I don’t know where the cartel money is. All I know is he was involved with them and he shouldn’t have been. He was bragging about being involved and I told him to get out of it,” I snapped.

A faint memory eclipsed my mind as I thought back to getting into a fight with my brother about it. I remembered yelling in the kitchen at him. “You have to stop! The cartel are killers, don't you understand that? Why are you involved?”

“Why are you so upset? It’s okay. Rocky is a dirty bastard, he doesn’t deserve his share. Take a chill pill.”

“You have a Mexican cartel handled? You don’t! They could kill you.” His light-hearted laugh that day made me livid. I wanted my brother to live, but he refused to see my point of view.

Angie studied me carefully. “Hello? Did I trigger a memory? I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me, you’re at work. I’ll back off. I want to win this. I want you to feel safe, and put Rocky behind bars.”

I knew she was trying her very best to help me. “I believe you, but I’m not going to lie. It’s hard to deal with.”

Angie nodded as her lips pressed tightly together. She held up the notepad and flapped it. “Got what I need. I will add it to the list. Stay strong, Delphia. I will keep you posted, okay?”

Angie didn’t strike me as the type who was too deep with her emotions, but she was a good person, and I felt like she could help me. “Thanks, Angie.” I sighed.

She held up the pad again, as her golden hair swung from side to side out the front door.

Blowing out a shaky breath, I waited for time to pass. Bear was picking me up and his face was the only one I wanted to see. Time dragged until I heard his motorcycle arrive a couple of hours later.

I was standing on the outside of the gas station as he rode in.

“You’re outside? You should have stayed inside until I came in and got you.”

His rough command shocked me, and I recoiled a little from him.

The hardness in his eyes deteriorated once he saw that he was scaring me. He stepped over and embraced me in a strong hug.

At first, I resisted him for the strong tone with which he spoke to me and then realized he was only trying to protect me and my fingers unfurled to wrap around his waist.

“Sorry, that didn’t come out right. I just want you to stay protected. Sorry,” he apologized.

“It’s okay,” I said in a small muffled voice into the tightness of his barrel chest. It felt cosy, a place to rest where I could feel safe. Both of us stood there in the illuminated light of Holbeck gas station holding one another for a minute. As we drew back, I looked up at him through my lashes as he grazed his lips over mine, the delicate brush of his beard running over my chin.

“Come on, let’s go home.” Bear took my hand.

I got on the back of his bike and the safety I was craving all day came rushing back to me, through him.

 

 

I woke up with Bear’s arm covering my body. As I adjusted my eyes to the light and opened one eye, a good morning smile drifted over my lips. How I ended up in this man’s bed was a mystery to me, but it was a mystery I was grateful for. I peeled his arm back, and carefully got up. Padding lightly to the kitchen, I made some coffee.

It was pretty early, but I wanted to visit my brother’s grave and pay my respects. I felt like he was with me more now than ever, there had been so much talk about Deon.

As I thought about making a move to the shower, thick arms wrapped around my body and I instantly rested my head back on Bear’s chest.

“Hey, you’re up early, something on your mind?” he murmured into my hair.

“Hmm. Yeah. I’m going to go to my brother’s gravesite. I want to visit and say hello to him. I usually go there every month. I want to get on the road before anybody else.” I was focused on being connected to my brother. That’s all I could think about.

“Okay.”

That’s what I liked about Bear. He didn’t put pressure on me to talk about my brother and every gloomy part of my life. He let me be and that made me feel like I wanted to reveal things to him. His lips hit the flesh of my shoulder sending a spiral wave of heat through my body. I turned around and raised my lips up to his as we kissed.

Finally, he pulled back. “Do you want me to drop you off there?”

“No, I’m good. I just need a little bit of time alone with him.” I planned to go past the Santa Fe florist and get some fresh flowers. Not that my brother was a flower type of guy. That was the last thing he’d been. He loved sneakers, so every now and then I would go to the store and get him a sneaker on a keychain and bury it into the earth to honor him.

“Understandable. I’m here if you need me.” Bear’s knuckles stroked the side of my face.

I headed to the shower. After I finished and dressed, I gave Bear’s cheek a sweet kiss goodbye and headed over to the gravesite, deciding to bypass the trip to the floral shop. The cemetery was a few miles on the outskirts of town and I enjoyed the drive. I felt the peacefulness as I trod through the cemetery to my brother’s grave.

I touched the headstone, then as soon as my hand ran over the cemented block, I started to cry. I could feel my brother. “I’m here. I miss you so much. I don’t know what to do sometimes.” I wept as I stood over his grave. One of my tears spilled onto his engraved letters as I bent down. “Tell me what to do. Tell me that we’re going to beat Rocky,” I pleaded.

The tears were cathartic, and I felt a little better the longer I stood there. It wasn’t that I got any answers, but I felt a little closer to Deon.

I wrapped up my talk to him with a new sense of clarity and I could swear a light wind came whipping through right where I stood, reminding me of him.

Rest in peace, Deon.

As I reached my vehicle, I was more determined than ever to put Rocky behind bars.

I was hoping it was only a matter of time.