Perfect for Me by Claudia Burgoa

Chapter Thirty-Six

Scott

“In this part of the story I am the one who dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you, because I love you, Love, in fire and in blood.” ― Pablo Neruda

“Scott,”she whispers when I touch her clit with my mouth. The pain in her voice remains, but the desire increases.

Hazel gasps as I push two fingers inside her and kiss her swollen lips with my mouth before darting out my tongue, lashing it through her clit. I block our pain, concentrating on her pleasure. I drink greedily from the wine of her lust, intoxicated by her taste and aroma. I nibble her pearl, again and again; I’m doing it fast enough to please her, but slow enough to make it last because this might be the last time I consume her. Her fingernails dig into my shoulders, and I know she wants me to devour her and make it fast. I push a third finger inside her. Thrusting harder, urging her to the edge. Her body trembles and I slow my ministration. She pushes herself against my hand, fucking my face as she seeks her release.

“Scott,” she cries my name over and over with a hoarse voice. “I want you.”

Usually, we get crafty on how and where we’d do it for our first round of the night. But since it’s morning, there might not be another chance to make sweet, slow, passionate love to her. I push myself off the bed, placing myself between her parted thighs. I lower myself gently. Our gazes lock.

“Do you want me to use a condom?”

“Never between us. I’m still on the pill.”

Those words fill my heart with hope. I drive every inch of myself inside every inch of her.

When I’m inside her, I feel complete.

The first time we were together, our broken hearts fused while we made love. As I lean closer to her and take her mouth, I try to seal our hearts. I need to protect them from what’s to come as I hope we remain in one piece or that at least she never breaks again.

We kiss slowly as I fill her, and we move gently, igniting the fire between us. The flames consume us until the slow rhythm switches to an urgent demand of passion that throws us into ecstasy. She pleads that I never stop.

I freeze when I hear her murmuring, “Please don’t leave me.”

I kiss her, not letting her speak because I’d do anything for her. If she asks me again to stay, I’ll do it even though I’ll hate her after she comes to her senses and chooses him. Fuck, I stop for a second, holding back the anger and tears that threaten to spill as the chapter between us closes.

“Don’t stop,” she begs.

I move faster, branding myself on her, trying to leave a print that reminds her that once upon a time, I was a part of her.

Hazel’s moans intensify, and the walls of her pussy pulsate around my cock. We’re both close, too close. I pump myself a few more times before the final blow sends us to the peaks of bliss.

“Scott.” She gasps as I growl her name.

I collapse on top of her.

We’re burning.

Basking in the magical fire that’s us.

She glows and smiles. Her glassy eyes are lost in the pool of desire, and I hold her tight and remain inside her, cherishing this moment.

Loving her.

Hazel finally fallsasleep after the second time we make love. She was restless, broken. With every kiss I gave her, I sucked the pain out of her heart and soul. It’s too much for one person to bear. This goodbye is inevitable. I’d known it would happen. She’s never been mine, to begin with, but I couldn’t resist loving her.

I’ll never stop loving her the way I do.

Several times, I said I wouldn’t let her go, and I would hold her tight. This is a hundred times worse than when I said goodbye to my parents. Or when I had to quit school, my dreams, and moved back home to care for my younger brothers when Mom and Dad died. Not when I broke up with my girlfriend because I chose my baby brother. I wish that today I didn’t have to give up the one person I love the most in the entire world.

With a last hug, I release her and sit on the edge of the bed. Fuck, I scrub my hands over my face. I wish she’d choose me. But I want her to be happy. Pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes, I take deep breaths. What am I supposed to do with myself? I promised her I’d be fine, but how can I continue without her?

Finally, I rise from the bed and search for my clothes. Every movement I make and every step I take is sluggish and without purpose. I take my time finishing the task, regaining my strength. Once I’m ready, I search through her office supplies drawer, looking for her stationery. Then I grab a pen and go to the dining table to write her a note.

Hazel,

Though I have to leave now, I wish I could be with you. Believe me when I say this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I thought it was saying goodbye to my parents, or the day we went to the memorial together, but that day turned out to be one of the happiest. Every day I’ve been with you has been the best and the happiest day of my life. I don’t care if I must relive this day for the rest of my life, as long as every memory of our time together remains with me in my heart and my soul.

I’m leaving now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t remember you, or that our friendship ended. We’re still partners and will work together for years to come. Unless you decide to stop. You’ve done plenty to repay the favors I pulled to transfer you to Columbia. In fact, the only reason I said you owed me was so to be close to you. I never owned you. No one owns you.

It was a way to be with you because I love you. Everything about you, even the parts you hide from the world, are my favorites. I’ll always love you. I’ll carry with me the memories of our time together forever. Like the first day I saw you, along with the first kiss we shared.

Please, take care of yourself. I know you can do it, but sometimes, you look after everyone before yourself. Let people love you for who you are and not for what you can do for them. If you ever feel overwhelmed with grief or pain, remember that I’m by your side and call me. Never hesitate to call me. If you ever miss me, feel the breeze calling your name. The magic we created together will remain with us forever.

Thank you for sharing yourself with me. Thank you for letting me find you, for allowing me to experience the kind of love that makes your heart beat fast. The one that awakens your soul and keeps you alive.

If you find out that Elliot isn’t your happiness, I hope you come back to New York. That you let me take you out on a date, maybe multiple ones. Until one day, you fall in love with me, and I become your air, your heartbeat, your soul, and your infinite. Just like you’re mine.

With endless love,

Scott

P.S. Don’t forget that I like you forever. I’ll also love you forever.

“Why are you packing?”Fitz points at my desk. “Fuck, did you lose the girl?”

The world spins out of control, but I anchor myself to the floor and avoid falling into the hole I created when I left Hazel. My heart will ache for a long time, but no one has to know I’m breaking—maybe dying. I ignore my brother and continue stuffing my things into the cardboard boxes I bought. Earlier, I took care of everything that Hazel needed and arranged my trip back to New York.

“Well, did you?”

“Fitzhenry, I recommend you stop asking questions and help me clean this place,” I suggest, keeping the anger at bay, next to the grief.

“Yep, you lost the girl.” He exhales in annoyance.

I freeze as I swallow his words. You lost the girl.

If I had wanted, I could’ve stayed longer fighting for her, with her, and against her. The longer I stayed, the longer I prolonged our pain. Fitz knows her well, but I don’t think he understands the magnitude of the sacrifices she can make just to ensure that the ones she loves don’t hurt. I released her from whatever link she thought we had. I freed her because I want to be with somebody who loves me, lives for me, and won’t wonder if she should be with someone else.

“There was nothing to lose. Hazel belonged to him all along,” I say, hiding the sorrow.

Elliot defeated me without having to do much work. Fuck, he better treat her right because if he hurts her again, he’ll pay for it. I close my eyes, taking several breaths. Swallowing the pain, I push myself to continue packing.

He presses his lips together, bobbing his head. “Okay then, let’s pack and go home.”

It doesn’t take us long to gather everything we have. Zoey takes care of the shipping and Fitz and I go back to the hotel to pick up our luggage.

“Hunter is home,” Fitz says as we board the plane. “Your favorite nephew, Charlie, can meet you at the airport with his parents.”

“I don’t need anyone,” I warn him before he drags Harrison back home. “In fact, I’d appreciate it if you don’t mention this until I’m ready.”

“Whatever you decide, Scott.” He salutes me. “I’m with you.”