When I’m With You by Sandi Lynn

Chapter 17

Ben

What the hell was I thinking when I kissed her hand? I should have just kissed her cheek. Now I felt like an idiot. She probably thought I was an idiot. An idiot who kissed hands. I thought about today and how much fun I had going surfing with her. It made me think about how nice it would be if she would go running with me. I needed to call Finn because when I checked my phone, I had two missed calls and three text messages.

“Bro, what the hell was that at the beach?”

“I’m dying over here, Ben. You better call me as soon as you get home.”

“Olivia told me to stop bothering you, but I can’t. I need to know what’s going on. Call me.”

When I walked through the door, I turned on the lights, threw my keys on the table, and dialed Finn.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked.

“I was having dinner with a friend.”

“That friend wouldn’t happen to be a girl named Paisley, would it?”

“Maybe.”

“Ben, come on. Who is she? When did you meet her? And I can’t believe you went surfing.”

“I met her at a support group for widows. Someone had told me about it and I was curious, so I went one time and that’s when I met Paisley. Her husband passed away from a massive heart attack.”

“Damn. Was she married to some old guy?”

“No. He was twenty-seven.”

“Oh, gee. That’s terrible. She’s hot,” he whispered.

I smiled. “I know, and she’s smart and fun.”

“That’s great, bro.”

“Listen, I’ll call you during the week. I have to be at the station early in the morning.”

“Talk to you later.”

“Bye, Finn. Oh hey, do me a favor and don’t mention Paisley to Mom and Dad yet. I was thinking about bringing her over to dinner next weekend.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

After brushing my teeth and changing out of my clothes, I climbed into bed and placed my hand on the side that Amy had slept on. Thoughts of her smile, kindness, and laughter consumed me as my eyes filled with tears. I liked Paisley a lot, but guilt invaded my mind every chance it got. Was it normal?

As soon as I fell asleep, I had a dream. Amy and I were riding bikes in Maine to check out the Portland Head Lighthouse. She was ahead, looking back and smiling at me. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and there was a subtle wind that swept across the coast, giving a cool touch to the warmer temperatures. As soon as we got off our bikes, I grabbed her hand and we stood and stared at the lighthouse we had always talked about visiting.

“Isn’t is beautiful, baby?” Amy smiled.

“It sure is. Get closer and stand in front of it so I can take your picture.”

She did, and as I stood there and stared at her through the lens of the camera, I saw Paisley. I lowered the camera and looked at Amy.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I replied in confusion as I brought the camera back up to my face. Again, when I looked through the lens, all I saw was Paisley.

I stood there frozen as I dropped the camera on the ground. Amy walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and we ran down towards the water. Her white dress swayed back and forth as did her long brown hair. Suddenly, she disappeared.

“Amy!” I yelled. “Where are you?”

“Boo.” She laughed.

I turned around and was startled by what I had seen. Amy stood in front of me, her hair gone from her chemo treatments. Her skin was as pale as a ghost’s, her lips cracked and bleeding, and her eyes sunken in with dark circles underneath them.

“Amy,” I whispered as a tear fell from my eye.

She gently smiled as she walked closer and placed her hand on my cheek. “My sweet and beautiful husband, it’s okay. Don’t feel guilty. I’m at peace now and I’m where I’m supposed to be. You can’t live the rest of your life alone because I died. I want you to move on, my darling, and make a new life with someone who will love you just as much as I do. Don’t close yourself off, open your heart, and promise me you’ll be happy. Can you be happy again, my love?”

I shook my head as more tears streamed down my face. “I don’t know.”

“I do know.” She smiled as she wiped away my tears. She began to walk away and, as she turned around and looked at me, she smiled.

“Go be happy, Ben. Live your life to the fullest. Paisley can help you do that, but you may need to help her first. Be patient and follow your heart.” She blew me a kiss and then vanished.

My eyes flew open and I could feel my face was soaked from tears. My heart was beating rapidly, and I was drenched in sweat. I climbed out of bed and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. I could feel myself still shaking. It didn’t feel like a dream. I finished my water and took in a deep breath as I went back to bed.

* * *

Paisley

“You’re smiling,” Kenny said as he walked over to my desk.

I looked up from my computer in confusion. “I smile.”

“No, you don’t, kid. I haven’t seen a real smile spread across that pretty face of yours in a long time.”

I smiled. “See, I smile.”

“Keep doing it. It looks good on you,” he said as he walked away.

That was odd, I thought to myself. I turned my attention back to the question I started to read before Kenny interrupted me.

Dear Paisley,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past five years and we’ve lived together for three. We love each other, but our sex life sucks. I’m lucky if we have sex once a month. There’s no passion and no romance. I’ve met someone at work and, instantly, I felt an attraction to him. There’s something between us I can’t quite put my finger on and I’m scared that I’m going to have sex with him. In fact, I know I will. Can you help me? I still love my boyfriend.

Completely Confused

* * *

Dear Completely Confused,

First of all, don’t sleep with the co-worker. You’d ultimately be inviting more trouble into your life, not to mention the awkwardness of the workplace if something happened. I would suggest talking to your boyfriend and telling him how you feel. Use what you’re feeling towards your coworker on your boyfriend and show him some passion. If he doesn’t reciprocate, then maybe he’s not the man you’re supposed to be with. But you owe it to both of you to try.

Just as I closed out the question, my phone beeped with a text message from Ben. Instantly, my day became better.

“Hi there.”

“Hi there.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were having a good day so far.”

“I am, thank you. I hope you are too.”

“I am. The fire alarm just rang so I have to go. TTYL.”

“Bye and be careful.”

“There’s that smile again,” Kenny smirked as he walked by.

I looked at the time and I was done for the day, so I grabbed my purse and headed out of the building.