When I’m With You by Sandi Lynn

Chapter 20

Ben

Her story. So heartbreaking. It’s hard when a loved one dies, but I think it’s worse when they are ripped away from you in an instant, unexpectedly, with no time to prepare. At least with Amy, we knew the day was coming, and it gave everyone time to prepare. Not that I was ever truly prepared, but more so than if she had died suddenly. I couldn’t believe that Paisley agreed to come with me to the cemetery. My little meltdown on our run was unforeseen. I thought that maybe if I was with someone, I wouldn’t have lost it.

“Thank you for coming with me,” I said as I looked over at her.

“You’re welcome.” She smiled.

When we reached the cemetery, Paisley followed me to Amy’s grave. I had stopped at the florist on the way and picked up some flowers to lay down.

“That’s a beautiful headstone,” Paisley remarked.

“Thank you.”

I laid the flowers down and sat on the grass. Paisley bent down and started to pull some weeds.

As I stared at the headstone that displayed Amy’s name, I started to talk about her.

“I’ll never forget the day we found out she had cancer. We were sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for him to come in with the reports.”

Paisley stopped pulling the weeds and looked at me.

“He walked in and I could tell by the look on his face that he had bad news. When he told us, Amy fell apart, but I couldn’t. I had to stay strong for her. She needed me and I wasn’t about to let her down. She had to have an MRI and when the results came back, we found out that the cancer had spread to her pancreas and liver. The doctor started her on an aggressive chemo treatment immediately and, just when we thought it was helping, the cancer started to spread throughout her body. She died eleven months later. Watching her die was the worst thing I ever had to go through. I felt so helpless. I was supposed to take care of her and protect her.”

Paisley took hold of my hand and gently squeezed it. When I looked over at her, tears were streaming down her face.

“I’ve never said that to anyone. I always pretended to my friends and family that I was strong and that I was going to be okay. I still do. But I’m not that strong and I’m not that okay.”

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” she said as she laid her head on my shoulder. “You did take care of her the best you could. It was out of your hands, Ben. Just like it was out of my hands when my husband died on the cement.”

“Thank you, Paisley,” I said as I kissed the side of her head.

As I wiped my eyes and she wiped hers, she stood up. “Wanna go surfing?”

“What?”

“Keaton told me once that life is like the ocean. You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to ride them. Just like you can’t stop life, but you can learn to live it.”

“He’s a pretty deep guy,” I said.

“Yeah. He has a real gift.” She smiled.

“I think surfing would be good.”

“It’s a little chilly, so you’re going to need a wet suit. Are you up for buying one? There’s that surf shop right by the beach.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

We climbed in my truck and I drove back to Paisley’s house so she could get the boards and her things. As she unlocked the door and we walked inside, Romeo walked up to me and meowed. I smiled as I bent down and petted his head.

“Hey, Romeo. How are you today?”

Paisley changed and grabbed her bag while I went into her garage and loaded the surfboards in my truck. I walked back into her house and smiled when she came out from the bedroom with her hair pulled up in a high ponytail. Seeing her seemed to make me smile more and more.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“Yep. Let’s go hit those waves.”

We made a stop at the surf shop and I purchased my first wet suit. As soon as I parked at the beach, both of us put on our suits and grabbed the boards. This was exactly what I needed today. We hit the water and I couldn’t help but to stare at Paisley. I noticed there was something about her that lit up the minute she was on her surfboard.

“I remember you saying that you stopped surfing after your husband passed away. When I see you on the surfboard, I can see how much you love it. Why did you stop? I mean, I get it, but you just seem to love it so much.”

She looked down as she moved her hand back and forth across the water. “I gave up almost everything I loved after he died. I just couldn’t stand to do anything anymore. I just wanted to hide away from the world and everything I enjoyed. Nothing mattered to me anymore.”

“I understand. I’m happy that you’re enjoying surfing again.”

“I guess I’m just trying to learn to live life again. Are you ready? Here comes a wave!” She smiled.

Learning to live life again.I believe that’s what the both of us were doing and I think I was liking it.

* * *

Paisley

“You’re getting better!” I yelled across the water.

“That’s because I have an amazing teacher.”

We finished surfing and walked back to Ben’s truck. After changing out of our wet suits and drying off, we climbed in and Ben looked at me after he checked his phone.

“Would you like to go to dinner tonight with me and my family? Apparently, my parents are taking us out to celebrate Finn and Olivia’s engagement. They always seem to do things last minute, and I’m thinking they’re also doing it because of what today is. I told my mom last night I didn’t want to go out and Finn had asked me to go to dinner and I told him no. I bet my mom concocted the whole engagement celebration just to get me out of the house. She’s using it as an excuse because she knew I wouldn’t turn that down.”

I couldn’t help but laugh because it was the same thing my family would do. Was I ready to meet his family? I wasn’t sure, but he did come to my parents’ house for dinner, so I really needed to return the favor.

“Yes. I would like to go to dinner with you and your family. That is, if your family doesn’t mind.”

“Are you kidding? They’ll be thrilled I’m actually being social with someone.” He smiled. “Dinner is at seven o’clock at the Palm Restaurant.”

“I love that restaurant.”

“Me too. It’s one of my favorites.” He smiled.

I looked at the time on my phone. It was three o’clock. “Where do you live?”

“About fifteen minutes east of you.”

“I’ll meet you at your house and we can drive from there to the Palm.”

“I can pick you up, Paisley.”

“It’s out of the way. Plus, you saw my house and I want to see yours,” I replied with a small smile.

“Okay, then.”

He told me his address and I put it in my phone as we pulled up in my driveway.

“Should I be over around six fifteen?”

“Six fifteen sounds good. I’ll see you then. Thank you again for today. It really meant a lot to me. I want you to know that when it’s your day, I’ll be there for you.”

“Thank you.”

He got out of the truck and helped me carry the boards to the garage.

“I’ll see you later, Paisley.” He smiled.

“Bye, Ben,” I said as I gave a small wave and went inside.

I stood in the shower, under the hot water, a little longer than usual. All I kept thinking about was Ben. To watch the way he hurt today was all too familiar. My day was coming, and I honestly didn’t know if I was going to be able to get through it, even if Ben was with me. I finished up in the shower and, when I stepped out, I heard my phone ringing.

“Hello,” I said with irritation.

“I called to apologize for what I said yesterday and I’m standing outside your door with donuts.”

I smiled as I put on my robe and opened the door.

“The donuts can stay.”

“Aw, sis. Come on. I’m sorry,” Keaton begged.

“Get in here, you dork.”

“Why are you taking a shower in the middle of the afternoon?”

“Because,” I replied as I turned away and walked to the kitchen with the bag of donuts.

“STOP!” Keaton said.

I froze in place. He walked up behind me and sniffed my hair. “You went surfing today.”

“So.”

“Did you go with Ben?”

“Maybe,” I said as I took a chocolate frosted donut from the bag.

“Paisley, enough with the games.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Make me a cup of coffee and come into the bathroom. I have to get ready. I’m going out tonight.”

“With Ben?”

“Yep,” I said as I walked away.