When I’m With You by Sandi Lynn
Chapter 18
Ben
I couldn’t shake the feeling of that dream I had. Even after three days, it still invaded my mind. It was like Amy was giving me permission to pursue things with Paisley. But the one thing that stuck out in my mind was her saying that I would need to help Paisley first. I got off work a day early because I switched with one of the other guys. I would pick up his day next month. As I finished staining the fifth chair, I had an idea. I picked up my phone and called Paisley. I missed hearing her voice.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Hi, Paisley. It’s Ben.”
“Hi, Ben.”
“Would you like to go running with me tomorrow morning?”
I knew it was a shot in the dark, but I was taking my chances. There was complete silence for a few moments.
“I can’t. I have to go into the office tomorrow morning. I’m sorry. Maybe another time.”
“That’s okay. Another time sounds great. I usually run around seven, so if you’re ever in the area.”
“Thanks, Ben.”
“Bye, Paisley.”
I was disappointed. Maybe it was better that I didn’t have company tomorrow. What was I thinking? Her husband died next to her while they were running, and I just asked her to join me. She told me that she hadn’t run outside since and, like a fool, I asked her anyway. My phone started ringing and interrupted my deep thought. When I picked it up, it was my mom calling. I had been waiting for this call all day.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, honey. Your dad and I were wondering if you’d like to go San Diego with us tomorrow and go into that vintage furniture shop. Maybe you could get some ideas and then we can go to dinner.”
I knew what they were trying to do, and they meant well, but I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Thanks, Mom, but the answer is no. I just want to stay home.”
“How about if I get Finn and Olivia to go with us?”
“No. Thank you, though, for trying. I’ll be fine. Please just let me be for the day.”
“Ben,” she said in a soft voice.
“Mom, stop. I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I hung up the phone and lay down on the couch. Before I knew it, I was sound asleep.
* * *
Paisley
After I left the office, I drove straight to my parents’ house. I don’t know why. I didn’t have anything special to say or do there, but I just didn’t feel like going straight home.
“Hey, Mom.” I smiled as I walked through the back door.
“Paisley. What a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”
“I just thought I’d stop by.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Everything’s fine. Does something need to be wrong to come over?”
“No. Of course not. It’s just that you haven’t voluntarily dropped by in ages. Would you like some coffee?” She smiled.
“Thanks. I would love some.”
As soon as I took a seat on the stool, Keaton walked into the kitchen.
“Paisley?” he said as he kissed my cheek. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
“Why do you all keep asking me that? Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to come over.”
“Why?” he asked with a disturbed look on his face.
“Keaton!” my mom yelled.
“Where’s Brielle?”
“I’m picking her up in a while. We’re going to dinner.”
“Oh. Why don’t you take her to that new club that just opened up downtown? Oh yeah, I forgot – she’s not old enough to get in.”
Keaton rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”
“Here’s your coffee, sweetheart. How’s Ben? Have you talked to him?”
“He’s fine. He actually called me today and asked me if I would go running with him tomorrow morning. I told him that I couldn’t because I have to go to the office.”
“Oh, that poor boy. He probably didn’t want to be alone tomorrow with it being the anniversary of his wife’s death.”
I looked at Keaton and then at my mom. “What? How do you know that?”
“You didn’t know?” she asked.
“No. He never mentioned it.”
“We talked about it last Sunday.”
“What did you do, ask him when his wife died?”
“Yes, actually, I did.”
“Oh God, Mom,” Keaton said.
“What?”
I couldn’t believe that my mother knew, and I didn’t. But then again, I never asked, and he never asked me.
“I think you should go and run with him tomorrow,” Keaton said.
“I think you should too,” my mom agreed.
“I can’t, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“You won’t,” Keaton said. “I do believe he went surfing with you.”
“That’s different. His wife didn’t die in the ocean.”
“Okay, Paisley. I get it. But you have to get over it and move on. What if you were in a car accident and he died? Or had the heart attack while driving? Would you never drive a car again?”
“That’s different, Keaton, and you know it.”
“How is it different, Paisley?” he asked in a raised voice as he got up from his seat. “You’re hiding. This isn’t the Paisley I know. The Paisley I grew up with would do anything to help someone else.” He stormed out of the kitchen.
I leaned my elbows on the island and placed my face in my hands.
“He was out of line, sweetheart. Don’t listen to him.”
I stood up and grabbed my purse. “I’m sorry, Mom, but I have to go,” I said as I kissed her cheek.
“Please stay for dinner.”
“I can’t. I’ll call you.”
The first thing I did when I got home was start a bath. I was pissed off at Keaton for talking to me the way he did. How dare he say those things to me. I poured a glass of wine and set it on the edge of the tub. As I climbed into the bubbly hot water, Romeo sat on the bath rug next to the tub. I leaned back and soaked up the lavender-scented bubbles and took a sip of my wine. Maybe Keaton was right; maybe I was hiding. Hiding from the fear that the memories of that day would come flooding back into my mind. I didn’t want to be reminded because if I was, I didn’t know if I would be able to handle it. The anniversary of his death was next month, and I didn’t know how I’d get through it. Would I want company? Or would I just want to be left alone and hide away from the world for the day. I had no clue; everyone handled it differently. Ben reached out to me because he obviously didn’t want to be alone. He could have done something with his mom, dad, or brother, but he asked me to go running with him.
* * *
Ben
I woke up and looked at the clock. It was exactly six a.m. As I lay there, I thought about Amy.
“It’s been a year, Amy; a whole year. The longest year of my life without you. FUCK!” I screamed as I threw the pillow across the room. I climbed out of bed, brushed my teeth, and threw on my running clothes. After making a cup of coffee, I sat down at the table and tried to block this very day, one year ago, from my mind. I didn’t want to think about anything at all, even Paisley Logan. As I walked out into the garage to look over the chairs I had stained, my phone beeped with a text message from Finn.
“Hey, bro. Olivia and I want to take you to dinner tonight. I’d like to hear more about Paisley.”
“Not tonight. I’ll talk to you later.”
He didn’t send me another text after that. He knew what today was and I was sure he talked to mom. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. I had decided that after my run, I was going to come home and shower and then go to the cemetery to visit Amy. That damn dream was still in the forefront of my mind and I couldn’t shake the feeling of how real it felt. After I cleaned up a bit, I got in my truck and drove to the pier.
