When I’m With You by Sandi Lynn
Chapter 24
Paisley
The whole house was glowing with candlelight and I became very nervous.
“How about we cut into that lemon tart?” I said to distract myself from the ambiance of a romantic setting.
“I was just thinking the same thing.” He smiled.
Ben brought the tart to the table and I grabbed a couple of plates. He took one of the large candles from the fireplace and set it in the middle of the table.
“There. Now we can see while we’re eating.”
I cut the first piece and put it on his plate as he poured me another glass of wine.
“I can’t believe this weather,” I spoke.
“I can’t believe we’re talking about the weather.” He chuckled.
I laughed. “Next week is Thanksgiving already.”
“I know. My parents were talking about going to my Aunt Melinda’s house this year. She just moved into this mansion of a house and she wants to show it off. That’s according to my mom.”
“Where does she live?”
“Santa Barbara. She and her husband just moved there a month ago.”
“That’s quite a drive.”
“I know.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. You can ask me anything.”
“How did you get through last Thanksgiving without Amy?”
He looked at me with empathy in his eyes and then looked at his wine glass before he began to speak.
“It was tough. I stayed long enough at my parents’ house for dinner and then I left. I didn’t want to be around anyone and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Christmas was worse.”
“This will be my first Thanksgiving without him,” I said with tears in my eyes. “He passed away on December 1st. Christmas was horrible last year. I couldn’t bring myself to celebrate it. I spent the night at my mom and dad’s house on Christmas Eve and spent all of Christmas Day in my pajamas, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch watching It’s A Wonderful Life with my middle finger up at the TV the whole time.”
Ben busted into laughter. “I’m sorry, but that’s funny. I know what you mean. I sat on the couch at my parents’ and pretty much didn’t move all day. My aunts and cousins didn’t know what to say, so they didn’t say anything. The only good part of the day was when I skyped with Leah. She’s a great kid. She wanted me to come to Texas before New Year’s Eve, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. I just wanted to be alone and she said she understood.”
“She sounds like a great girl. I would love to meet her someday.”
He smiled as he placed his hand on mine. “You will.”
The winds had calmed, and the rain had slowed. After finishing our lemon tart, Ben turned the music on from his iPhone and then held out his hand.
“May I have this dance?” he asked.
I hadn’t danced with anyone in a year and I was feeling hesitant. Swallowing hard and taking in a deep breath, I put my hand in his and he led me over to the large, open space in the living room. As he placed his hand on my hip, and his other hand was wrapped around mine, we swayed to the soft music. This felt right. Too right. So right that it scared the shit out of me. His eyes were focused on my lips and I knew he wanted to kiss me but was unsure. I was unsure if I wanted him to. I liked Ben a lot, but the overwhelming feeling of guilt wouldn’t stop invading my mind.
“You’re so beautiful, Paisley, and I can’t stop wanting to kiss you.”
There. He finally said it.
“I want you to,” I blurted out unexpectedly.
He leaned forward with a smile and softly brushed his lips against mine. He stopped and looked at me for approval. I reached up and let my lips brush against his. As they gently locked, he cupped my face in his hands. He was an amazing kisser and it felt good to be kissed by someone again. I parted my lips so his tongue could meet mine. The moment was amazing until I saw his face behind my eyes. I pushed away and looked down.
“Are you okay?”
I wiped my lips, walked over to the table, and took a sip of my wine.
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
“Did I do something wrong?”
Poor guy. I made him feel like what he did was wrong, and I felt guilty for that.
“No. It’s me. It’s me and my fucking guilt.”
He walked over and pulled me into an embrace. “It’s okay. I completely understand. I have it too,” he whispered as he kissed the top of my head.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really. I like you, Paisley. I like you a lot and I like spending time with you. Sometimes it scares me because I sit and wonder if these feelings I have are too soon and I feel nothing but guilt.”
His words were sweet, and for the first time since I met him, I was feeling calm.
“I like you too, Ben, and I like spending time with you.”
“I’m happy you said that. Can I kiss you again?” he asked as he softly placed the back of his hand on my cheek.
I nodded my head as he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and stared into my eyes. He brought his lips to mine and we shared a soft and short kiss. Suddenly, the lights went back on and we both looked at each other and began laughing.
“Thank God,” he said.
I looked at the time on my phone and it was already midnight. “I better get going. The storms seemed to have passed and I’m kind of tired.”
“Okay. Please be careful driving home, and I know this may sound crazy, but could you please send me a quick text letting me know you made it home safely?”
“That doesn’t sound crazy and, yes, I will.” I smiled.
I grabbed my purse from the couch and walked to the door. “Thank you for dinner. It was amazing. Also, thanks for the rest of night. You really know how to lift me up.”
“You’re welcome.” He brushed his hand through my hair before kissing me goodnight.
When I got home, I climbed into bed and Romeo jumped up and walked across me before snuggling in for the night. As I reached my hand over to pet him, I could feel the roar of his purr. I couldn’t stop thinking about Ben and our kiss. His lips were soft and inviting; warm and gentle. I found it soothing when he asked me to text him when I got home. He cared about me and I found myself caring about him. Maybe a little too much.
* * *
Ben
I couldn’t sleep anymore. When I last looked at the clock, it was five a.m., and now it was six thirty. I threw on my running clothes and went for a run. My mind was only focused on Paisley and I found myself missing her already.
“Hey, Ben,” David said as he jogged up next to me.
“Hey,” I said.
“How’s everything going?”
“Things are good. I had Paisley over for dinner last night.”
“How did that go?”
“It was an eventful night, that’s for sure. The power went out, so we were in the presence of candlelight for a few hours.”
“Sounds very romantic.” He smiled.
“Actually, it was. We danced, and I kissed her for the first time.”
“That’s great, man. It sounds like things are getting pretty serious with her.”
“Serious, no. It’s way too soon for anything like that. But I love spending time with her. She was a little upset last night after we kissed because she said she felt guilty, which I could relate to. We talked about it and she felt better.”
“I heard that the support group meeting is happening tomorrow night because of the Thanksgiving holiday. Maybe you and Paisley should go and talk to some other people about the guilty feelings.”
I had to stop for a minute and take a breath. “I’ll ask Paisley if she wants to go. Thanks, man.”
“Any time.” David smiled as he patted me on the back and we continued to run.
After I got home and took a shower, I decided to call Paisley. I wanted to tell her about the meeting tomorrow and I wanted to hear her voice.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“A friend of mine told me that the meeting for the support group is tomorrow night instead of Friday because of Thanksgiving. I thought maybe we could check it out together.”
“Really? You want to go back to that meeting?”
“Sure. Why not? I thought maybe it would be interesting to hear what other people have to say.”
“Okay. I’ll go.”
“Great. I don’t go back to work until Tuesday. I thought maybe we could grab some dinner before the meeting.”
“Dinner sounds good. I do have to go into the office tomorrow for a meeting, but I’ll be home around four o’clock.”
“How about if I pick you up at five thirty?”
“Five thirty it is. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ben.”
I smiled as I set down my phone and looked at the sofa table that Paisley liked so much.
