Custom Love by Chantal Fernando
Chapter Fourteen
Bronte comes over in the morning hoping to get some gossip.
“What happened?” she asks as soon as I open the door. “I brought coffee and breakfast.”
“Thank you,” I reply, sounding defeated to even my own ears. “Nothing happened.”
“Explain. I was expecting to stay the night so the two of you could have some loud, kinky first-time sex; instead he was home by ten and looked miserable.”
“I must have that effect on men,” I mutter to myself. “Basically we went out for dinner. It was perfect, we had such a great time, and then he came in and we started getting hot and heavy. And then he just froze and left.”
Bronte’s jaw drops. “Shit.”
“I know this is exactly what you were trying to warn me about. Trade has been through a lot and only lost Ariel a year ago. Maybe we’re rushing into things. I don’t know.” I grab the coffee and head to the sofa, wrapping myself in a cozy blanket, preparing to veg.
“It’s clear he likes you, but yeah, it’s not going to be an easy path. He probably feels guilty that he’s moving on, and unfortunately if you want to be with him you’re going to be dragged along for his emotional roller coaster,” she says, stating the obvious.
“This is why I don’t date,” I say, allowing myself to be a bit melodramatic. “It’s too hard. I don’t know how you found Crow, but you are one of the lucky ones. Some of us are destined to be with their vibrator for the rest of our lives.”
“It won’t always be hard, though. His head must be all messed up, but I wish he had realized that a little sooner.”
“My thoughts exactly, and now it’s all awkward and I’m back to never coming into your work again,” I summarize, taking a sip of the coffee and wishing there was some whiskey in it. “How was your evening?”
“Better than yours. The kids are great, and Quinn had a ball playing with them all. We played board games and watched a movie. AJ cooked us dinner. I’ll tell you something, that kid is going places,” she replies, sounding impressed. She grabs plates from my kitchen and sets out the food on my coffee table—breakfast bagels and hash browns.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too. Are you going to talk to him today?” she asks, taking a bite from her jalapeno cream cheese bagel.
I shrug. “I mean, if he reaches out. I’ll give him a little space to sort out what he’s feeling. I think I need to process the situation, too.”
“I’m sure he will contact you today,” she replies. “Or at least he better. What are your plans for today anyway? And don’t tell me that you’re going into work on a Saturday.”
“I am,” I admit, sighing. “I’ve got a lot of work to do, and I want to keep busy. Plus there’s no point me sitting here overthinking what happened last night.”
“Yeah, I’d give him some time.”
“It’s hard to not feel rejected. I just need to see it from his side and know that he’s at war with himself right now.” I need to be understanding, but I also need to make sure that I can handle all of this if it becomes an ongoing thing.
“Yeah, it’s nothing to do with you, Nadia. His head is just probably all messed up right now.”
She stays for over an hour and then heads home, while I get ready and go to work.
Time to dive back into my safe world, and if I’m smart, stay there.
Trade does call me around lunchtime, and when I see his name pop up on my phone I’m a little nervous because this isn’t going to be a fun, light conversation.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey.”
“I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry about last night. I wanted to come over in person, but I’d have to bring all of the kids if I did and...”
“It’s okay,” I say. “If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready.”
He takes a deep breath. “I think it just all hit me and I freaked out. It’s not that I don’t like you or don’t want to be with you, because I do. I think you’re beautiful and funny and smart. I just froze up. It’s been so long...”
“I know,” I reply, sighing. “I just kind of wish you knew where your head was at before it got to that moment because it didn’t have to go down like that.”
“You’re right, and I thought it was all under control,” he admits. “I truly am sorry—please let me make it up to you.”
I don’t know how the hell he’s going to do that. I do like him, more than I probably should, but it’s so complicated. And I don’t know if it should be. Dating and relationships should be easy, especially at the beginning. I don’t know what to think anymore, and giving him a second chance kind of sounds like a one-way ticket to get my heart broken.
“Maybe we should just have a little break, and you can think about what you really want,” I say as I twirl around in my work chair. “I just don’t want to get hurt, and I feel like you might realize maybe you aren’t ready.”
“I understand. I’d never want to hurt you, Nadia.”
“I know.” But him not knowing what he wants might end up with me getting hurt anyway.
“Maybe we can talk about it later, in person,” he says, and I agree.
I hang up feeling a little sad, and disappointed, but it is what it is. Timing can be a bitch, and it plays such a big part in things working out with someone.
You can have it all, the chemistry, the physical, mental and intellectual connection, everything.
But if the timing is off?
Then you have nothing.