Custom Love by Chantal Fernando
Chapter Seventeen
“Hey, are you free?” I ask Bronte when I call her up from work.
“Yeah, are you okay?” she asks, instantly sounding concerned.
“I’m fine, I just wanted to chat with you about something. So you know I went to Trade’s last night...”
“That’s right. Tell me everything. No detail is too small.”
I laugh and take a sip of my coffee. “We had sex about four times, I came at least six times. And it was the best sex I have ever had. And he’s amazing. That pretty much sums it up.”
“Yes! I’m so happy for you, and I’m glad you finally had some sex. And some grade A sex, it sounds like. It must have been so rough, going without for so long. I’m guessing you look just like Trade does right now, big-ass cheesy grin and more relaxed than I’ve seen him in a long time.”
“That’s nice to hear.” I beam, leaning back in my chair and sighing in contentment. “It was such a good night, Bronte. He is a god in bed. I didn’t even know men like him existed. He has so much stamina, and always makes sure I come first. He can’t hear you right now, can he?”
“No, he’s out back. And good. That’s what men are supposed to do. Now, are you two officially together or what? What’s the tea?” she asks.
“I have no idea. We haven’t had that chat yet,” I admit, shrugging. “He asked if I wanted to come over again tonight to have dinner with him and the kids.”
“And?”
“And I said yes. I like spending time with him, and his kids are great, the biggest part of his life, so I’m going to have to get to know them some more.” I decide not to tell her about the Alia issue. I don’t want to make it a bigger problem than necessary, and for now it’s not that big of a deal.
“Yeah, that’s true. You’re great with kids, though, and Trade already mentioned that they all like you. Do you think you could handle living with four kids, though?” she asks.
“Okay, you’re skipping a few steps there. I haven’t really thought about it,” I say with a sigh. “I feel like this is a future me problem. Right now I don’t even know if we are together or not. Maybe he just wants some friends with benefits action.”
“Yeah, right. I know these men. If they want a woman, they will make it known, and Trade is making it known. He called Temper and asked him to send Diesel here for you; that action alone is letting the whole MC know you are his, or at least that he wants you to be,” she says, amusement in her voice. “You’d be Temper and Abbie’s sister-in-law, how cool.”
“Hypothetically, yes,” I add, shaking my head. “I just have a few concerns about everything.”
“Talk to me.”
“Just...with Ariel, it’s harder than I thought it was going to be. Just knowing that she was the love of his life. Where does that leave me? Am I always going to feel like I’m second-best?” I ask, admitting my insecurities. “And do you think everyone would accept me? I mean, they were all close with Ariel. How about Izzy?” I don’t want Izzy to think I’m trying to replace her sister, especially with the kids. I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble with anyone, but I know that this is a sensitive subject and some people might not approve.
“Everyone loves you, Nadia. No one can expect Trade to be alone for the rest of his life, and the kids need positive female role models. It’s a win for everyone if it all works out,” she says. “I understand where you are coming from, though. I told you that it wasn’t going to be easy. You can’t pretend Ariel didn’t exist and that he wasn’t about to propose to her. She might not be here, but she’s not going anywhere, so yeah, you need to accept that. She’s Mila’s mother and no one is going to let her forget Ariel. I think maybe that’s why I didn’t want this for you, Nadia. It’s just a lot to take on. You kept saying that Trade needs to decide what he wants, but I think you do, too, because it’s you who’s going to have to sacrifice some things to be with him. The kids will come first, not you, and yeah.”
I digest her words, letting my brain process them. “I know, and you’re right. And I would never ask him to choose between me and his children. They need to come first, and I understand that. I just can’t help how I feel about him. I mean, if I could choose to turn it off, maybe I would—it would be easier—but I can’t. I just need to figure out if I can handle it,” I say, sighing and running my fingers through my hair in frustration.
The heart wants what it wants. But you know what? My brain needs to have a say, too.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m going to make myself crazy if I keep overthinking it. Ariel is like the third person in our relationship already and we haven’t even started a relationship yet.”
And how fucked up is that?
“I don’t know what to say,” Bronte admits. “It’s not too late to walk away. You need to do what’s best for you, Nadia.”
“I know. For some reason I don’t want to walk away. Maybe I’m a sucker for punishment, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone else.”
“Then maybe just concentrate on you and Trade, and just have some fun. Enjoy yourself. Nothing beats the start of a relationship when the sparks are flying and you can’t get enough of each other. But know that the rest of the shit isn’t going anywhere either.”
“You and Crow are still like that,” I point out. I’ve been around the two of them enough to know that by now—they can’t and don’t keep their hands off each other. It’s extremely cute and annoying at the same time because you feel like you are a major third wheel.
“That’s how you know they are the right one.”
“Cutie.”
“I’m here if you need me, but unfortunately only you can decide what you want,” she says. “And I’ll always support you no matter what, you know that.”
“I do, and thank you.”
I don’t want to have too high expectations, because when that happens I usually end up getting let down. But I do have a good feeling about him, and I wouldn’t be giving him a chance if I didn’t.
I say bye to Bronte and get back to work.
When Decker calls late that day and asks me to stop into the station, I head straight there. He sits me down in his office, makes me coffee. “So you know I haven’t been able to let the Taylor case go. I actually mentioned it to my FBI agent contact and she told me to stand down, that I can’t be involved in this because it’s messing with shit I’m unaware of.”
“What?” I grit out between clenched teeth. “So clearly that means something else is going on here. Taylor didn’t kill herself?”
“I don’t think so, no. I also found out something else. The night Ariel was murdered, when Damon left the house?”
“Yeah?”
“He was out selling drugs,” he tells me, lips tight. “And I have two witnesses who can confirm that, which is probably why his mother lied to you about it. Because then he’d have to admit what he was really up to.”
My mind races. He was out selling drugs? Okay, not the best alibi, but at least he wasn’t out murdering someone.
Shit.
“So he didn’t kill Ariel?” I ask Decker, so confused with this new information. “How do you know the witnesses are telling the truth? And where were they during the trial?”
“They have no reason to lie,” he replies, shrugging. “And they didn’t come forward because they were out buying drugs. Who is going to come out and admit that to a court room?”
Point taken. “What else did this FBI agent say?” I press.
“Just that I should stay out of it, because it’s a lot bigger than I think.”
“So, what, everyone is just fine with pinning this murder on an innocent man because it works for them and whatever plan they have in action?”
He winces. “I’m not saying it’s fair, and I’m not saying Damon didn’t do it. My contact didn’t mention Damon at all. I’m just telling you what she told me. And there’s now less proof that he did it. We are just speculating at this point.”
“And?”
“And?”
“And what are you going to do with that information?” I ask, pursing my lips.
“I don’t know yet,” he admits, tapping his fingers on his desk. “Now my career’s at stake, and she told me it’s in my best interest to stay the fuck away. I don’t know what to do. What about you? What are you going to do? Are you going to look into the case now we know that Damon might have actually been telling the truth about not killing your friend?”
Shit.
“I don’t know,” I reply, thinking back to Trade and how fucking hurt he’s going to be if I start this up again. I had put this Damon business to bed, thinking I could move forward with Trade, but now I’m not too sure. But can I leave this alone knowing what I know?
I grab my bag and stand up. “I’m going to go now. I will think about what you’ve said, but I don’t know if going down this rabbit hole is worth it. Ariel and Trade had kids. What would it do to them if there was a new case and the details were back-to front-page news?”
“So you’re just going to walk away, knowing an innocent man could be in prison? Sounds like you’re taking the easy way out,” he says, and damn if those words don’t hurt, because he’s right.
I gave up on Damon when I found out that Marisol lied to me, and I never bothered to look into it any further and keep pushing on the case, when normally I would have. I know the pressure from everyone else wanting to let the case lie contributed to that decision.
I leave wondering what the hell I’m going to do now. And how does Taylor fit into all of this? I’m assuming Decker’s witnesses were the ones buying drugs from Damon, so I don’t think that’s going to hold up in court, but it gives me hope that there’s more to this, and that maybe Damon didn’t do it.
No innocent person deserves to be doing time. This is bullshit.
I’m fuming as I get into my car and drive home. How am I going to solve this all on my own? I can’t just let it go. I need to set things right.
And somehow, I’m going to.