Custom Love by Chantal Fernando

Chapter Sixteen

“This job is not what I was expecting,” Diesel lets me know at the end of his first day. “Will there be a little more action in the upcoming days?”

“I’ve got a prison visit, a house stakeout and trying to stay alive on the agenda,” I reply, lip twitching.

He nods twice. “That sounds a little better.”

He waits until I’m in my car and pulling out of the parking lot before he even gets on his bike. When I get home, Trade is there, standing out the front, leaning on his truck, waiting for me.

I’m surrounded by good-looking men all day; I suppose I really shouldn’t complain. There are worse things.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, smiling.

He grins. “I’m going to check out your home security and install more cameras if needed, and secure your windows and locks. You should be protected no matter where you are.”

“You are so wonderful to me, but I’m pretty sure my security system is all good,” I reply, giving him a greeting hug. “I do have a few cameras at the front and back of the house. I could probably add more on the sides.”

“I’ll have a look. Izzy came over to see the kids, so she said she will watch them if I needed to do anything,” he explains as I unlock my front door and we step inside.

“And you chose to come here?” I ask, smiling.

He nods. “Yeah, I did.”

I make some coffee while he starts to scout the house, checking my cameras and every window, door and lock. I haven’t really had anyone look after me—it’s always been me looking after myself for as long as I can remember—so this really is a new feeling for me.

And it’s nice. I don’t think I could ever fully rely on a man—I’m too used to being independent—but I could learn to become a partner with one.

My father used to always say, “Give a man the power to feed you, give him the power to starve you,” and that always stuck with me. He would tell me stories about how my mother was a corporate businesswoman and was always financially independent, and I wanted to be like that, too.

And I am like that. I don’t need any man.

I just happen to want Trade, and that is powerful.

“You’re right—I’m going to put more cameras in on the side of the house, but everything else looks good. You have a good fence too; it would be hard to jump,” he says when he returns to the kitchen.

I hand him his mug of coffee. “Yeah, I’ve had no problems here. Although I haven’t had anyone trying to target me specifically either. I think that’s pretty good considering what I do. I’ve had a good run.”

He laughs. “You have had a good run, and you will continue to do so. We will make sure of that. Thank you for the coffee.”

“You’re welcome. Thank you for looking out for me.”

“Looks like you’ve already got it under control, Nadia. I don’t think anyone will be getting into this place.”

I grin. “I’m an independent woman.”

“Yes, you are.” I lift myself up so I’m sitting on the counter and he comes to stand between my legs. “And you don’t need to thank me.” He puts his coffee down and rests his hands on either side of my thighs. “Have you thought about what we spoke about?”

“I have.” In fact I’ve thought about little else.

“And do you think we can make it work?” he asks, tucking my hair back behind my ear. “Are you all in?”

“I don’t know, but I want to try. I’ve always said yes to seeing where this goes,” I say, licking my suddenly dry lips. “It’s complicated on your end, Trade, not mine.”

Although considering my reinvestigation of Ariel’s murder, maybe not. I guess we both have things we’d need to work through.

“I know. And Alia has been giving me a hard time. I know she’s not adjusting as well as the other three are. It’s hard, but I know what I want. That hasn’t changed for me.”

“Do you think she will come around?” I ask.

He nods. “She will. She’s a great girl... I think she just needs some time.”

“I hope so.”

It always comes back to our differences. He has a history and children. I come with my own flaws, of course: I’m a workaholic, I’m not always easy, and I can be particular about things. I’m far from perfect, but I don’t have anything standing in the way of us getting together. I like his kids. I might not know much about them, but I’d be a great friend and role model to them, and I’d always make sure they were put first.

I just need him to want me, and be in one hundred percent.

I deserve no less than that.

And I will accept no less.

I know that earlier he said that he was ready, but I want him to think about it, and be able to bet his life on it.

“Okay.” He nods. “I will think about it, deep and hard, but I know what I want. I fucked up last time, and I’m not going to do that again. I’m not a complete idiot.”

I laugh. “We’ll see.”

I lean down and kiss him, cupping his stubbled cheeks and pressing my lips against his. There’s just something about Trade that isn’t as easy to walk away from as I thought it would be.

He’s got his shit together and is the true definition of a man, but he also has that bad boy edge that I know is hidden underneath there. I feel safe with him—and he turns me on like no one ever has. Just being around him all I want to do is rip off his clothes and let him have his way with me.

And I hope he feels the same way about me.

Trade comes to my work the next morning, opens the door with a bang and runs over to me. He picks me up in his arms, making me squeal, and sets me back on my work desk.

“So I’ve thought about it. In fact, I spent all night thinking about you, and I’m sure, Nadia. I’m all in,” he rushes out before kissing me, leaning me backward, holding me up in his arms. I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him back with everything I have.

I hear Diesel walk in, mutter something about not the action he was referring to and then leaving again.

Trade pulls back and smiles so wide it makes me smile in return. “Come over tonight?”

I nod. “Yeah, okay.”

“Good.”

So much for taking it slow.

Another kiss and then he’s gone.

And I’m left there touching my lips with my fingers, feeling happier than I’ve felt in a long time.

After work I head home for a quick shower, get changed into some jeans and an oversized black T-shirt, and then go to Trade’s house. I don’t know what to expect tonight. Are we hanging out with the kids? Or will it be just us two? Am I staying over or going home after dinner?

Are we going to finally have sex?

No fucking clue what is going on, but I’m here for it.

He opens the door before I’m about to knock, a smile playing on his lips. “Hey.”

He kisses me before I can reply, lifting me up and closing the door behind us. I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on for dear life.

“Wait, where is everyone?” I ask against his lips.

“Not here” is his response, and it’s good enough for me. We slowly make our way to the bedroom, me still in his arms, and he throws me on the bed and removes his T-shirt.

I have no patience either. I pull off my top and undo my jeans, sliding them down my legs and kicking them onto the floor. Trade laughs under his breath, maybe at my enthusiasm, but I don’t care. This has been a long time coming, and I want him.

Now.

He lies on top of me, kissing me once more, my skin pressed against his. This is my new happy place.

His lips trail down my jawline, my neck, my collarbone and then over the lace of my bra. When he passes my nipples, a shiver goes down my spine, pleasure shooting from every inch of me.

“Remove this,” he whispers, and I sit up and take off my bra, leaving me in nothing but black satin panties.

And then his lips are on my breasts, and I’m getting flashbacks to our previous encounter, but I hope this time ends differently. I thread my fingers through his hair as he keeps going lower until he’s at the seam of my panties. Then he slowly pulls them down, kissing all the while.

He lifts his head and looks up at me just before he tastes me, and I’ll never forget the heat in his gaze, the lust and the passion.

“Fuck,” I moan as he starts to lick my pussy, taking his own damn time, teasing me by playing with my clit a little before backing off and then starting all over again.

Eventually he puts me out of my misery, doing something with his tongue that instantly pushes me over the edge, making me come, his name on my lips.

I’m ashamed to admit how much I’ve thought about this moment, but it was even better than I had imagined.

Trade pulls back and takes off his jeans, revealing his cock to me for the first time. I’ve felt it through his clothes, but I haven’t seen it, and...wow. It’s bigger than I had thought, yet somehow it’s the prettiest cock I’ve ever seen in my life.

I lick my lips. “Come here.”

He grins and climbs back on the bed on his knees. “I should use a condom.”

I sit up and reach out to touch him. “I’m on the pill.”

“I haven’t been with anyone since—”

“It’s been a while for me, too,” I admit, lying back. He follows me so he’s on top of me, his cock sliding against the entrance to my sex. I’m so wet, and with any slight movement he will be inside of me.

I’ve never wanted anything more.

“So...condom?”

I shake my head. “We’re both safe. I think it’s fine.”

“Fuck. I was hoping you would say that.” He slowly slips inside of me, and I pull his head back down to kiss me more while he does.

I moan when he’s all in, and lift my hips up as he slides back in and out.

“You feel so good,” he murmurs, kissing my neck and nibbling on my earlobe.

So does he, but I can’t get the words out, so I just keep lifting my hips and fucking him back until we both come.

Yeah, this is definitely my new happy place.

We can’t keep our hands off each other. I stay the night, and we both reach for each other multiple times. It’s been so long since I’ve been like this with someone, and I even just enjoy his cuddles and the way he plays with my hair and rubs my back.

I had forgotten what I’ve been missing out on. But at the same time, he was worth the wait.

“I’m glad you gave us a chance,” I say, smiling.

“Me too.”

“And I’m extra glad that you are good in bed and have a really nice penis.”

He bursts out laughing. “Fuck, Nadia. You know how to make a man feel good, that’s for sure.”

“That compliment is well deserved,” I say, resting my cheek on his warm, smooth chest.

“And you are just perfect, you know that? I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.”

Probably when Ariel was alive.

We go silent, and I realize that it’s always going to be that way. Every time he says something like that, I’m going to think about Ariel. Will he ever tell me I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, the best he’s ever had? Or will she always have that spot? Am I okay with second-best when the first isn’t around to stake her claim?

Or am I being ridiculous and unfair right now? I don’t want to have these thoughts, but it’s not that easy. I want to be committed to someone who thinks he has won the jackpot, someone who thinks I’m the best woman for him.

Will I ever be that for him?

I don’t want to have these thoughts, but at the end of the day I’m only human and I can’t help feeling this way. It’s not going to be easy to always be second-guessing everything, and wondering if I’m ever going to be good enough.

And it’s not just him. I’m going to have to be around his children, who all loved and adored their mom. Alia is clearly having a problem with me coming into the picture, and I don’t want to upset her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way.

It’s such a hard situation and place to be in, and to make it work I’m going to have to rise above it all.

Am I strong enough to do that? To watch them all love Ariel and know that if they could have her back over me, they would?

I push all of these thoughts out of my head and close my eyes. I don’t want my own overthinking to ruin this otherwise perfect moment.

We both fall back asleep, only waking up when my morning alarm goes off. We have a shower together, just enjoying each other’s company, and Trade makes me coffee and some breakfast before I head home to get ready for work.

When I arrive at my office, I have a smile on my face and I can’t wait to start the day.

Decker was right.

I really did need to get laid.