Custom Love by Chantal Fernando

Chapter Twenty

The kids are all pretty good on the ride. Without any technology, they are present and chatty, observing their surroundings on the way. We spot different animals and birds, eat snacks and play games like I Spy with My Little Eye. Alia is quiet and grumpy at the start, but then starts to change her attitude and join in with the rest of us.

I actually really enjoy myself, even if I’m not given a quiet moment to think. I’ve come to realize that’s basically what parenting entails. Kids are full on and love to talk, and you have to be patient and learn to embrace the chaos.

“Do you want me to drive?” I ask Trade when we get halfway and stop for some lunch.

“No, it’s okay, you can relax and enjoy the ride,” he replies, wrapping his arm around me.

“You think I’m a bad driver, don’t you?”

He laughs. “You’re not a bad driver—you are a very capable driver. I’m just better.”

I roll my eyes and playfully push him off me. I turn back to the kids and notice them all watching us interacting. Clearing my throat, I pick up my burger and take a bite. We’re all sitting outside on a bench, and it’s such a beautiful day. “I can’t wait to go swimming.”

“Me too,” AJ pipes up, licking sauce from his fingers. “I’m so excited.”

“When’s the last time you all went camping?” I ask.

“When Mom was here,” India replies casually. “We went for a whole week that time, and it was so much fun.”

“A whole week? That would have been an awesome vacation,” I say.

“It was,” India says, smiling at the memories. “Dad got stung by a jellyfish and Mom had to pee on him.”

I choke on my sip of water I just took, and start laughing. “Oh my God. Trade, is it true? Does it actually help or not?”

Trade groans. “Thanks for bringing that up, India.”

“You’re welcome.” India beams, laughing. “And that’s why whenever we go to the beach now, Dad always brings some vinegar with him, just in case someone else gets stung.”

“Vinegar is definitely a better option,” I admit, unable to hide my smile. “What else did you do on that camping trip?”

The kids tell me all about it, and all about Ariel, and I listen and let them know that we can talk about her, that this is a safe space. They can say whatever they want. She raised them, and it’s important for Mila, especially, to be able to listen and speak about her mother whenever she wants to.

Trade watches me as we chat, and I can tell that he’s happy. His brown eyes flicker with emotion and with...hope.

He gives me a quick kiss before we get back into the car, and it feels like a thank-you.

I’m not saying it’s an easy thing, talking about a life I was never a part of and happier times for the kids, but it’s about them, not me. And at the end of the day, I’m not their mother. I’m a friend and, if this works out, someone who will be an extra support for them.

I’m hopeful this is going to work out, especially since Alia has been great this whole way. Maybe we’ve turned a corner.

When we arrive at the campgrounds, we park the car next to our site and set up the two tents next to each other. Trade and I are in one, and the kids have a two-bedroom tent in theirs. Trade warned me that Mila would probably come into our tent at night, and I said it’s fine with me. I’m happy to go along with whatever they would normally do if I wasn’t here—I don’t want their routine to change because of me. I know it’s going to be an adjustment for everyone, but I want to make it as easy on the kids as I can.

After we are all set up, we get changed and walk down to the beach, which is practically across the road from our setup.

“I can’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed,” I say, hand on my wide-brimmed hat to stop it from blowing away. “The sun is out, and I can smell the salt from the water and listen to the waves all day.”

And I don’t have to think about work. It’s been so long since I’ve given myself a proper break, one where I haven’t brought work along with me.

“I know—it’s beautiful, isn’t it? We try to get away at least twice a year. Just to have a break from the daily grind and routine, and to step away from technology. It’s nice, and we all spend quality time together,” Trade says, pulling his T-shirt off.

I admire his shirtless body while I lay my towel on the warm sand and sit down. The kids all run to the water and dip their feet in, splashing each other and running around while Trade and I watch.

“Thanks for inviting me to come with you,” I say, pushing my sunglasses up on the bridge of my nose. “I think this was just what I needed. I’ve been so burned-out recently. My eye even started twitching the other day. I Googled it—apparently it’s from stress and lack of sleep. I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

“No eye twitch here,” he replies, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing my fingers.

“Nope. This is a twitch-free zone.”

We get organized, then all go for a swim. I hold Mila in the water, laughing as she kicks away, while the others swim into the little waves. I can tell they are all strong swimmers for their ages, and I suppose considering they spend a fair bit of time at the beach, it makes sense.

“Did we bring any snacks?” Mila asks midkick.

I laugh. “Yeah, you hungry?” She nods. I carry her out and place her down on the sand. “Come on. Let’s see what we have.”

I pull out some cut-up fruit and mini sandwiches, and the others all come back to shore to eat. I couldn’t have imagined a better day.

We all sit around the campfire later that night, roasting marshmallows for s’mores and chatting away. After spending hours at the beach, we went back to the camp to hang out and have dinner. Then we went for a walk with our flashlights, finding animals along the way. This is apparently something they do all the time, and the kids seem to know a fair bit about the local wildlife.

I don’t think about work, about my to-do list. I just enjoy the moment. It’s been so long since I’ve had that.

“You okay?” Trade asks, wrapping his arm around me.

“Yes, I’m good,” I say, smiling.

“I love it here. No other distractions, fresh air...it’s nice.”

“It is,” I agree. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt so relaxed.”

“It’s always good to step away from all the social media and phones. I love being in nature. It kind of gives you that reminder of what’s important in life. Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of it all.”

He’s right. “I think I really needed this break.”

Trade has been nothing but amazing. He’s always so attentive, making sure I have what I need and that I feel comfortable without being too overbearing. And I love watching him with his kids. He’s such a hands-on parent, and always has time for each and every one of them. I don’t have much experience with the whole kids thing, but any child would be lucky to have Trade as their dad. And when thinking of the future, that’s important.

“Oh no, I burned mine,” Alia says, sighing. “I hate when they are even a little burned.”

“Me too,” I admit.

“I love mine burned,” AJ says with a big toothy grin. “Maybe tomorrow after we go fishing we can eat what we catch for dinner. Can we, Dad?”

“We have to catch some first,” Trade replies, messing up AJ’s hair. “But fresh fish does sound good.”

“We will definitely catch some,” AJ replies with confidence. “Last time I caught three, remember? So this time I need to catch even more.”

“What else are we doing tomorrow?” Alia asks, sitting forward on her pink camping chair. “Can we collect some shells? I wish we had more time here.”

“We can collect shells.” Trade nods. “If you all have something you’d like to do, we can fit it all in.”

“What do you want to do, Nadia?” India asks.

I think about it. “I wouldn’t mind going over to the rock pool and seeing what we can find there. I’d like to see a starfish or something. But only if we have some time.”

“We have time,” AJ says. “That sounds fun—I want to do that, too.”

When it starts to get late we retire to our tents for the night. It’s been such a long day, but a wonderful one. I took so many photos and can’t wait to go through them and show Trade what a beautiful family he has.

We slide into our two-person sleeping bag, and Trade’s arms come around me. “I had so much fun today,” I say softly.

“Good. I did, too. Thank you for being so amazing with the kids. You have so much time for them, and that’s something they notice,” he says, kissing my temple.

“You don’t need to thank me. It’s what anyone would do around children.”

“You’d be surprised,” he replies. “Not everyone has the patience for them.”

“Tell me who doesn’t, and I’ll beat them up.”

He laughs under his breath. “Just people in general, I mean.”

“Oh, is Mila going to be okay walking to our tent? I know it’s only a few steps, but still.”

“I’ll hear her if she opens the tent zipper, don’t worry. Plus, she’s not exactly quiet or shy. She might just scream my name and wait for me to come to her.”

“Okay.” I yawn, snuggling into his warmth. “Wake me up if you need me to help with anything.”

“Sweet dreams, babe,” he whispers.

I instantly fall into a deep sleep.

I’m alone in the tent when I wake up, and I can smell bacon cooking. I check my phone and see that it’s eight o’clock; I must have slept in later than everyone else. Considering my usual insomnia, this is new for me, and I actually feel so rested for once.

Stretching, I unzip the tent and step outside. Trade is cooking bacon and eggs on the portable stove and the kids are running around.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he says, smiling. “Sleep well?”

“You have no idea. I can’t remember the last time I slept in like this.”

I take a shower in the campsite public bathroom and brush my teeth and get ready for the day, putting on my red bikini, denim shorts and my hat and sunglasses. I help all the kids get sorted, especially the girls, because Trade can’t come into the female changing room.

Once we’ve all eaten, we head to the beach, AJ, Trade and India fish, while I collect shells with Mila and Alia. After AJ catches his quota of four fish, two of which had to be thrown back because they were too small, we head to the rock pools and spend some time searching the shallow waters.

I see starfish. Another perfect day.

That night, however, the kids are overtired. Mila has a meltdown, crying and refusing to sleep, and the other kids sit with me around the fire while Trade tries to calm her.

“Are you guys ready for bed? We have a big drive home tomorrow.”

“Nope,” Alia replies, shaking her head. “I want to stay up late tonight.”

AJ yawns. “Me too.”

India looks up at the sky. “I should have brought my telescope. Look how awesome the night sky is.”

“You’re such a nerd,” her sister says to her.

“Mom bought me that telescope,” India points out, scowling. “Don’t you say anything bad about it.”

“Mom’s gone,” Alia reminds her, tone void of emotion. “And now Dad is trying to replace her with Nadia.”

My jaw drops at that comment. “No one could ever replace your mom.” I don’t know how many times I have to tell them that, but I’m prepared to as much as I need to.

“Yet here you are, trying,” Alia fires back, crossing her arms over her chest. “Maybe if you didn’t come along we could have stayed here longer, like we usually did with Mom. Mom didn’t have to work, so she could spend more time with us and vacation as long as she liked.”

“Alia,” Trade says, overhearing her comment. I’m glad for that, because I’d rather him handle this than me.

“What?”

“That is really rude of you. Apologize to Nadia. She has done nothing but be nice to you, and she doesn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. I invited her to come here with us because I wanted her here. And it’s not her fault we are leaving tomorrow—I have to work, too.”

She ducks her head. “Sorry, Nadia.”

“That’s okay,” I reply, not knowing what else to say.

Trade sits next to me with a now sleeping Mila in his arms. “I know you all miss your mom, but that doesn’t mean you need to take that out on Nadia, okay? She’s here because she wants to spend time with us all, and she’s not trying to take your mom’s place.”

“I’m just here as a friend, if you guys are okay with that,” I say, forcing a smile.

“I’m happy you’re here,” AJ says, coming over and giving me a hug.

“Thank you, AJ,” I reply, smiling.

India looks over at me. “It’s not Nadia’s fault that Mom’s not here, Alia. I miss her, too. But I think Nadia is fun, and Mom was her friend. She’s nice to us and always has time for us.”

My chest starts to feel tight from all of this emotion and tension. I’ve somehow being thrown into the center of it just by my presence.

“And she smells good,” AJ adds, easing the tension a little.

“I said I was sorry,” Alia replies, and she does look it, her sad face making me want to assure her it was okay.

“I appreciate your apology,” I say, offering her a smile. “And I just want you to know that you can be open to me about how you’re feeling, or if there’s anything I can do to make you happier, okay?”

She nods. “I just really miss Mom today. She would have loved it here. I know she’s not my real mom, but she looked after me like she was, so she’s the second mom I’ve lost. My real mom wasn’t that great of a mom, so we went to live with Dad.”

My eyes widen as Alia opens up about her life. I’ve heard the story, of course, but not from them, and it’s heartbreaking that these kids have been through so much at their young age.

I glance over at Trade, the pain in his eyes unmistakable. “No matter what, we have each other, Alia,” he says. “And that’s more than some people have, so we should be thankful. And I love you, and will always be here for you. You know that.”

She nods and gets up to give her dad a hug. “I know, Dad.”

After she hugs Trade, she comes over and gives me a hug before heading to bed with the other kids. I go to our own tent while Trade tucks them all in, and I’m sitting on the blow-up mattress waiting for him as he enters.

“That was full on,” he comments, snuggling up next to me. “Thank you for being so patient with her, even when she was being rude. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“It’s okay. They’ve been through a lot, and they are kids. It was never going to always be smooth sailing.”

He kisses my temple. “You are wonderful, you know that?”

We go to bed, but Trade falls asleep before me and I’m left thinking about everything that was said tonight. I always told myself it wasn’t going to be easy, but experiencing it firsthand is a whole different ball game. It’s hard, and emotions were high tonight. I knew there were going to be ups and downs, but what if it just gets worse from here?

I fall asleep wondering if I’m cut out for dating a man with kids.

The kids are quiet when we drive home the next morning.

“Do we have to go home?” AJ asks for the third time. “I don’t want to go back to school. We can just skip a few days, can’t we?”

“I told you guys, I have to get back to work, and so does Nadia. Nadia runs her own business, so there’s no one to step in and do the work for her, and I am the manager at Fast & Fury, so I need to be at the garage, too,” Trade explains. “Maybe during the school holidays we can come back and for a longer stay. What do you think?”

“I think I’d rather stay now, but okay,” Alia sighs, looking out the window.

“Trust me, I wish we could stay longer,” I say to her. “But your dad is right—we have to get back to work. It’s a trip I won’t forget, though, so thank you for letting me come with you guys.”

“You’re welcome,” Mila replies sweetly.

I help Trade unpack everything and then drive home. In typical me fashion, I have a shower, get dressed and then head to my office.

No rest for the wicked.