Custom Love by Chantal Fernando

Chapter Twenty-One

When Izzy reaches out the next day and asks if I want to go out for lunch with her, I take her up on the offer. We meet up at a café near my work, and she’s already there and waiting when I get there.

“Hey,” I say, smiling as I take my jacket off. “How are you?”

“I’m good, how are you?” she asks.

I sit down. “Not too bad.”

“Good. I thought we could just catch up and have a chat. I feel like you have lots to update me on.” She grins playfully.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

She laughs. “The kids told me all about your camping trip—that sounded fun.”

“It was. It was so nice to get away, and it was our first trip together, so it was kind of a big deal,” I admit, hesitating. “Was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“Straight to the point, I like it.” She smirks. “I think I just want to spend more time with you, knowing that you are potentially going to be in Mila’s life now. You know I wanted her to come and live with me, but she kept asking for Trade, for her dad. I always thought if something happened to my sister it would be me raising Mila, but she wanted to stay where she was. It was hard to accept at first.”

I nod. “That would have been hard. They have a very close relationship, though. I don’t think anyone would ever question whether he was her dad or not.”

“Which is why I let her stay,” she replies, smiling. “And now between you and me, Renny and I are finally going to have our own child.”

My eyes widen. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you. I still like to take Mila when I can and have her stay with me for a few nights. She’s all I have left of my sister, you know, and she means everything to me.”

“She’s a wonderful little girl.”

“That she is. And she adores you, Nadia. She always has a big smile on her face when she talks about you. And she told me about what you said about Ariel.”

I rack my brain to remember if I said anything negative about Ariel. I don’t think I did, but kids remember everything.

Izzy must tell from my face that I’m horrified at the possibility of her repeating something I might have said. “Oh my God, nothing bad! She told me that you told her her mom is in her heart. She goes around patting it every once in a while. I’ve noticed her doing it. As if she’s reminding herself about her.”

“Oh! I didn’t realize Mila took what I said so seriously. I’m glad I could give her some comfort.” I smile, imagining her going around patting her chest.

“It’s the cutest thing. The first time she told me, I think I cried,” Izzy said with a fond smile. “So thank you for giving her that. I think it really brings her comfort.”

“That’s nice to hear. I think Alia is the one who is struggling the most right now. On our trip she brought up Ariel and how I’m trying to replace her. It was a hard conversation. I want to be there for them, but I don’t want them to think that I’m trying to come in and take over their lives either. Man, they should teach a class or something on how to deal with this.”

Izzy’s lip twitches. “Yeah, it must be hard for them. They all really took to Ariel because she was so different from their own mom, who from what I’ve heard was okay at the start but then turned to drugs. Ariel took them in like her own, and they gave her some shit, too. It wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies.”

“So what you’re saying is, there is hope?”

She laughs. “There is always hope. You are doing a great job, Nadia. It’s not an easy thing you’ve taken on, but they are good kids. It might take a little time for them to get used to having another woman in their lives, though. Especially with all that has happened. That’s all that they see and know: that they were left again.”

“And I’m going to have to prove to them that I’m here to stay,” I say with confidence.

“It will be worth it in the end,” she assures me. “And I’m always here if you need someone. Give me a call, anytime.”

“Thanks, Izzy,” I say, smiling.

She reaches down and touches her tummy. “I wish Ariel was here to experience being an aunt, but I know she’s watching over us.”

At the mention of Ariel, I know I have to tell her about the case. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”

I give her the rundown on Damon, Taylor and the case.

Her eyes widen with each sentence coming from my mouth. “So you really think Damon didn’t do it?”

“I don’t know yet, but there is something strange about this case, and there have been two witnesses who’ve come forward saying they saw Damon that night. I’m going to see where this leads and I just wanted to let you know. Something is off about this whole situation, and I need to figure it all out.”

“I want whoever really did this to be behind bars, and if it wasn’t Damon, then I want to know who, so thank you.”

We order some coffee and cake, and continue to chat about the kids, about Trade and everything else. It’s really nice to hear her perspective, and she knows the kids and the situation well, so it’s great having her input. It’s also great that she wants to get to know me more, and doesn’t have any negative feelings toward me for being with her sister’s ex or for investigating the murder.

She’s a beautiful soul.

But our conversation leaves me feeling more confused than ever. Can I take all of this on? Is it too much? Or it is too late now? What if Alia never takes a liking to me, and there’s always going to be bitterness from them? Will I still be able to have a relationship with Trade then?

How do you not replace someone, but also connect with their kids to give them what they need?

I don’t know where I’m meant to be, but I feel like one thing is for sure: I’m always going to be compared to Ariel. Or maybe that just comes from me, in my own head.

I don’t even know anymore.

Marisol steps into my office, and it’s the first time I’ve seen her in person since I told her I could no longer work on her case. I feel a little awkward. I don’t know whether I should hug her like I normally would, so I just stay seated at my desk, waiting for her to make the first move.

She sits opposite me and smiles sadly. “How have you been, Nadia?”

I clear my throat, missing the usual ease and comfort between us. When I called her and asked her if she could drop by, I knew this conversation was long overdue. I don’t want us to lose our relationship because of the case. “I’m good. I’m glad you came to visit—there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“And what’s that?”

“I heard from a cop that there are two witnesses saying they saw Damon that night, when he was supposed to be with you at his house. Why did you lie?” I ask straight-out.

She winces, and then sighs. “I’m his mother—of course I lied for him. It wouldn’t have looked good if they knew he left for an hour or two. Just enough time for them to say that he did kill her.”

“And how do you know that he didn’t?”

“Because I know my son. When you have a child, you will understand. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body,” she replies.

“Some parents think their kids can do no wrong. But I call those parent goggles. You only see the version of him you want to, not what others see.”

“That is not the case here,” she replies, sounding offended.

“Do you know where he did go that night then?” I ask.

“He said he went to see a friend.”

“Apparently he was out selling drugs,” I say, watching her reaction closely. “Selling them, taking them, I don’t know, but he was out being shady.”

Her lips tighten. “He wouldn’t get back into that again.” She shakes her head. “No, he wouldn’t.”

My frustration with her is building. She is still in denial about her son and all his shortcomings. “If he was just with a friend, the cops could have spoken to that friend. So why hasn’t Damon mentioned it then?” I ask. “It’s because he was out selling drugs and that’s not something you’d really want to admit to the police. Or maybe he just didn’t want you to find out.”

She wipes a tear away and makes a sound of resignation. “I can’t believe he would be so stupid.”

She looks me in the eye, and nods as if she’s finally accepting the truth about her son. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth, Nadia,” she says after a few moments of silence. “I should have. I thought you might not take on the case if I told you. Plus, I’d have to admit that I lied in court, which is a crime in itself.”

“You should have told me, yes. But I’m glad it’s all on the table now,” I say. “We are looking into the case still. I can’t make any promises, but if anything comes up, I will let you know. Okay?”

She closes her eyes and exhales as she hears the news. “That’s all I ask for. Thank you, Nadia. And I hope you know that I love you. No matter what happens, I’ll always feel that way.” I can hear the appreciation in her tone, and the hope that I’ve given her.

“I know, and I feel the same way,” I say, forcing a smile. “But don’t thank me yet. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“I know, but knowing you are trying gives me hope.”

She leaves, seeming more optimistic than when she stepped into my office.

I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.