All the Cuts and Scars We Hide by Garry Michael
Twenty-Seven: Kai
Please Don’t Go
Was I afraid for my life? Yes, but I also knew that the man who had his hands wrapped around my neck wasn’t my Wyatt. The man I knew wouldn’t lay a finger on me. He was someone who made me smile, made me happy. So, as much as a part of me wanted to flee in the same way I did when my manipulative and abusive ex hit me, a part of me needed to stay with Wyatt and fight this battle with him.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Kai, I’m so sorry,” Wyatt had found his voice while he grabbed his underwear from the floor sliding into them in a hurry, followed by his pants. The horror that had been there when he realized what he’d done was still reflecting in his haunted eyes. He was shutting down once again.
“Wyatt, talk to me please?”
“I need to go. This is a mistake. This whole thing with you and I was a mistake,” his voice was breaking, trying to stop from crying.
My chest tightened. “Don’t say that.”
“I never should’ve let it get this far,” he rambled after pulling his shirt on. His eyes captured mine and the dark grey storm threatened to break me. “I’m sorry Kai,” he continued. “I can’t do this anymore.”
My attempt to touch him was met with a hand in the air, telling me to back off. Wyatt was gone, he’d shut down again and the man standing in front of me was someone I didn’t recognize. The cold gesture made me step back with an uncontrollable whimper. I was still skittish after my experience with Noah. But I wasn't willing to give up on Wyatt yet.
I moved to stand in front of the bedroom door to prevent him from leaving me. It was a pathetic attempt to make him stay because he could plow through me in his sleep, but I trusted that he had no intentions of hurting me. “I love you, Wyatt. Remember when you asked me why I came here?” I asked him, trying to reopen the connection between us. “I came to San Juan looking for a fresh start and I found it with you,” I continued, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. “Please stay and talk to me?”
Wyatt shook his head. “I’m not the fresh start you’re looking for. I’m no one’s fresh start. I’m everyone’s bitter ending.” His shoulders dropped and he looked away. “You don’t get it, Kai. What happened just now is something that’s never happened before.” He turned his back to me and ran a hand over his face, while the other rested on his waist. “I’m not getting any better, I’m getting worse. My whole life sucks. It always will.”
“Life sucks for everyone, Wyatt, not just yours. And it’ll always try to knock us down any chance it gets. But we can’t wait for it to be perfect to allow ourselves to love again, to be happy. Why do you shut people out?” I asked his back.
“That’s fucking rich coming from you, the same person who ran away from home and ignores his family’s calls every day.” A dry laugh followed the venom that came out of his mouth. He was right, I was no better. “Hit a nerve, Kai? That’s what I thought.”
I knew that I’d lost the battle. He was right. I was a hypocrite and I needed to hear it.
Wyatt turned around when I didn’t answer his question. I could feel his eyes on me when I walked past him to the bed. I couldn’t meet his scathing gaze. I climbed into bed and stared at the window so I didn’t have to watch him leave.
I felt like I was floating on a tidal wave out to sea in the middle of a tropical storm. The door slammed so hard it made the windows rattle in protest.
Wyatt was gone.
I was a fool for trying to save him. He might be broken, but he made me realize how damaged I was too. I stared unseeing at the wall for hours. My phone screen lit up and I saw that my parents were calling me like they did every single morning. For the first time since I left Oahu, I accepted the call.
“Kai?” I could hear the surprise in Ma’s voice.
Choking on the words, my voice sounded alien to me. “Ma? I'm coming home.”
Sam opened the door after a couple of knocks and I felt guilty for interrupting her evening with my impromptu visit, but I had two hours to make my flight back to Hawai’i. “I’m sorry to drop in unannounced, but will you please drop this off at The San Juan Winds office and give it to Wyatt?”
“Of course, do you have time to come in?” she asked. I’d given her the news yesterday that I wasn’t going to extend my lease and offered to leave the bed and sofa. She’d expressed her disappointment in seeing me go and tried to convince me to stay, but I needed to face my demons so I could start healing and become a better person.
“I can’t. The airport shuttle is waiting for me. I just wanted to ask this one last favor,” I explained after she accepted the container.
She pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry to see you go, Kai,” she said.
A flood of emotion hit me and I tried to push it away as I hugged her back. “Me, too. Thank you for everything, Sam. Text me if you’re ever in Hawai’i,” I whispered. I stepped back because my chest was hurting. “Later, Sam,” I said because I hoped to see her again.
With a heavy heart, I forced my legs to carry me to the ride that was waiting at the curb. I was once again saying goodbye to an island that had become my home.
“Are you ready?” the driver asked once I climbed into the backseat.
I stared at my phone, my thumb hovering above Wyatt’s name. I tapped his name and listened to it ring twice before it went to voicemail. Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I tried to ignore the crack in my voice, “Yes.”