All the Cuts and Scars We Hide by Garry Michael

Thirty-One: Kai

Heart Wants What It Wants

Everything was the same but felt so different, even when I was surrounded by waves. Waves had always been my sanctuary where I felt the most alive, but my heart now belonged somewhere else. With someone else, and he had no idea. It had been about a week since I left the San Juan Islands and had seen him. I loved him and I knew he loved me too, but the flame our love ignited wasn’t enough to thaw the wall frozen around Wyatt’s heart. I wasn’t enough to fuel his desire to fight for us. I tried, but in the end, we just burned out. I wasn’t strong enough to fight for both of us. A small part of me echoed that this was how it was always supposed to end, but I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted our story to have a different ending. Maybe it was for the best.

“Have you tried calling him?” Mikaela asked. She was floating next to me, sitting on her board with her legs dangling over both sides like me. We’d let prime waves go by and I felt bad for dragging her out just to sit in silence.

I caught her up on everything about San Juan, including the horrible evening I had with Wyatt. Knowing how protective she was, I thought she’d be the last person who would encourage me to call him. I shook my head no.

“Do you think he meant what he said to you?” she continued.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over. I’ve been there before.”

“I have a feeling this is different, Kai. You should call him.”

“I called him for days!” I said with annoyance. “I called him, I sat outside his door for hours begging him to talk to me. I even went by his work. It's over.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, appraising me as she splashed ocean water on her arms to cool off.

“I’m gonna take a break from this chat,” I said to Mikaela needing to move on. “You should join them.” I hooked a thumb where some of our friends were riding the surf.

“Okay, join us in a bit, ya?”

All I managed to do was nod and watch as Mikaela lay face down on her board, and started paddling with her hands in the direction of the group.

Instead of joining the group, I paddled to the beach and dropped my board on the sand. It landed face down which wasn’t great since I’d just waxed it earlier that morning, but I didn’t have the energy to care. I flopped next to it and watched my friends enjoy the waves, and wondered what Wyatt was doing. I looked down and dug my feet into the sand and closed my eyes, pretending that I was sitting on a beach twenty-five hundred miles northeast instead. Where the water was frigid and the air was cool.

“Surfers are like nine out of ten when it comes to the scale of hotness.”

My head jolted up, and every nerve cell fired, reviving every fiber of my being. I stayed still, hoping that I wasn’t hallucinating his voice. The sand behind me began to shift as footsteps came closer. I inhaled deeply when I caught a whiff of a familiar clean scent carried by leeward winds. The scent that was forever tattooed into my memory, and will forever be associated with joy and love.

“Wyatt,” I whispered.

He sat next to me and continued, “You’re right. This beach is beautiful, better than I imagined.”

A stray tear fell from my eye and onto the sand because I was overwhelmed by his presence. I turned to face him. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed him until I looked into his grey eyes. He looked so out of place in a pair of jeans and a blue long-sleeve shirt that was rolled up to his elbows and soaked with sweat.

“Aloha Joe was out of everything, but chips. Imagine my disappointment after flying over five hours and finding out that lunch would be Doritos,” he continued as he stared into my eyes.

“Nine out of ten, huh?” I asked when I finally recovered from the shock. I wanted to jump all over him, but I was hesitant after everything that had happened.

He cupped my face and I felt like a magnet pulled us together. His lips were frantic against mine in a kiss so passionate, it was like he needed oxygen and I was his air. “A surfer in my arms is the hottest,” he answered with his forehead leaning against mine.

“Any surfers?” I teased.

“No, just you, Kai Lobo. Only you. I’m so sorry for what I did, for the horrible things I said. You have to know that I didn’t mean any of it. I’d never want to intentionally hurt you and I’m—”

I didn’t let him continue. “I know you'd never hurt me, Wyatt.” I knew he was sorry for choking me and he only said those things so I would walk away. “But that's not what I want to hear from you.”

“I love you, and I will do everything I can to be the man you deserve.”

“There’s only one way this could work, Wyatt. And this is not negotiable if you want to be with me. Don’t shut me out ever again. I can deal with the attacks and the gloom, but I need to know that you’ll never turn your back on me ever. I want to be strong for us, and that comes with the security that I can also lean on you. I will be there as much or as little as you want. But I will always be there for you.”

He nodded and lunged toward me, causing me to lay back on the sand. He caged my head between his two hands, looking at me as if we were the only ones on the beach. “I love you so much, I’ve never felt like this with anyone. I’m home when I’m with you. You make me want to be better. I’m sorry I let you doubt my feelings for you.” He slowly lowered his head to kiss me.

“You must be Wyatt?” Mikaela asked before dropping her board next to mine.

“Yes,” Wyatt answered, looking back and forth between us. He pushed to a stand and reached out a hand to pull me up. “Are you Mikaela?” he guessed.

“Da one and only,” she answered before hugging Wyatt, catching him off guard. “Perfect timing, Ma just texted me,” she showed her Apple Watch to me showing me Ma’s message, ‘lunch is ready’.

“Want to meet my ohana?” I asked Wyatt hesitantly.

He surprised me by saying, “I’d love to.” He reached out to hold my hand.

Mikaela must have given them the news of Wyatt’s arrival since everyone was waiting for us by the door.

“I’m going to apologize in advance,” I said looking at Wyatt apologetically. “You think I’m too much? Be prepared for a whole dose of Lobo’s.”

“Kai, it’s okay. I’d love to meet your family,” he brought my hand to his lips in front of everyone to see and he took the lead dragging me with him. “My name is Wyatt—” he wasn’t able to finish his introduction because my ma threw herself at him for a hug.

“Aloha to Hawai’i, Wyatt,” my pa shook his hand awkwardly since Ma hadn’t released him from her embrace.

Lei approached to give me a side hug. I was thankful once again that she was no longer using her crutches since her recovery had been better than expected.

“You must be, Lei,” Wyatt said when Ma finally released him.

“I am,” she responded.

“It’s nice to meet you, Lei,” Wyatt said after Lei hugged him.

“Let’s all go inside, lunch is ready,” Ma called.

“What’s the occasion?” Wyatt asked once we were seated at the table in front of an assortment of local food. I could see why he would think that we were about to have a celebration. Ma didn’t know how to cook small batches of food and our culture valued cooking and eating so much that it was always a luau. Dishes were piled up with heaps of Kalua Pork, Chicken Adobo, Poi, Kimchi Fried Rice, and Haupia.

“Nothing, we just love to eat,” I chuckled.

“Wyatt, try this,” Ma said and handed him the plate of Kalua Pork.

“This one is good too,” Pa said, putting a heaping spoonful of Kimchi Fried Rice on his plate.

“Thank you,” he said with his eyes darting between my parents who were loading up his plate with a bit of everything.

“Where are ya staying?” Mikaela asked.

Wyatt looked at me before answering, “I came in such a hurry, I haven’t booked anything yet.”

“Don’t book anything, stay here,” Ma insisted.

“You've been gracious enough, I can stay downtown,” Wyatt said.

“We insist,” she said and reached over the table to hold Pa’s hand.

Wyatt looked at me for approval so I answered for him. “He’d love to stay here.”