Feels Like Love by Jenna Hartley

Chapter Twenty-Five

River was helping Wren and me clear the table after dinner when my phone rang. It was the number for the twenty-four-hour animal hospital. I gestured to Wren then went out to the back patio to take the call.

“This is Nash.” I cleared my throat.

“It’s Jim from the animal hospital. Your patient, Whisper, has died.”

I dropped my head. “Thank you for letting me know.”

I was sad—for Whisper and for Ms. Marcus. But deep down, I was relieved. While I wished I could’ve changed the outcome for Ms. Marcus and her cat, I knew I’d done everything I could.

Whisper had lived a good, long life. And I could make peace with the fact that it was her time.

But Tessa… Tessa was too young. For now, I had to be thankful that Tessa was still doing okay. And that the woman I loved was waiting inside for me.

After River went to bed, Wren tried to talk to me about it, but I blamed my mood on everything happening with Tessa and Tristan. I didn’t want to bring Wren down when we were already so sad. We talked about Tristan and Tessa for a while, about how the town was rallying around their family as the date for Tessa’s surgery approached.

And then Wren snuggled into my side, and we watched TheGreat British Bake Off. By the end of the episode, I was exhausted and ready for bed. But apparently Wren had other ideas, climbing on my lap.

She massaged my temples, my head, my neck, and I melted into her touch. Letting myself get lost in her.

Later, after we’d made love, I fell asleep to the sound of her heartbeat. Her presence a balm to my soul.

Several days passed in a blur, anxiety digging in its claws the more time that passed. Wren and River were the light in the darkness, but even they couldn’t completely get me out of my current mood.

Wren and I had been spending more nights together, waiting until the last minute to sneak back to our respective rooms. I knew we were playing with fire, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. We were all too consumed with worry for Tessa, while trying to protect the kids from the dire reality of the circumstances.

Finally, after the news came that Tessa’s surgery had gone well, I was able to relax a little. Wren and I celebrated by baking a cake together, and then we made love before falling asleep. I fell into a deep slumber, the knot in my stomach finally easing.

Another day passed, and I actually began to feel hopeful. Tessa was recovering in the Neurosciences Critical Care Unit. And Wren, River, and I were hanging out with Savannah and Maddox while Tristan spent time at the hospital. We got ice cream at Lick. And that night, we went to bed with smiles on our faces. It felt as if we might actually survive this nightmare.

But the following morning, I woke to the sound of Wren’s panicked voice. “Bennett,” Wren whispered, shaking me. “Bennett.” Her tone was more insistent.

“Wren?” I lifted my head and glanced around. Dawn was barely breaking, the room tinged with blue light from the early sun. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Tessa.” She held her hand to her mouth, tears already streaming down her face. “She’s…” She swallowed, and I wished I could freeze time. “She’s gone.”

“What?” I bolted upright.

Wren nodded. She gulped in air. She was so upset, it was hard to make out what she was saying.

“Calm down, baby.” I pulled her to me. “Calm down. Shh.” I smoothed my hand over her hair. “Deep breaths. You’re okay.”

When her sobs finally turned to hiccups, she handed me her phone where The Vine was displayed. “Here.”

I stared at it, knowing that once I read the words, I couldn’t go back. It was silly, really. It wouldn’t change anything, but I wished it would.

It is with great sorrow that we share the following news.

Teresa “Tessa” Lockwood, local sweetheart, librarian, and lifelong resident of Alondra, died on April 22, at the age of 32, from complications following brain surgery.

Tessa is survived by her parents and sister; her husband, Tristan Lockwood; and her two children, Savannah and Maddox.

I couldn’t readany more, and I set down the phone with a heavy heart. How could this be? Tessa was too young to die. Tristan needed her. Her family needed her.

It made me think of Wren, and my chest tightened. If I were in Tristan’s shoes and it was Wren who… I couldn’t even go there. I didn’t want to imagine how devastated I’d be.

* * *

Tristan’s front door opened,and Wren walked in, River just behind her. She looked beautiful in a dark-purple dress, her golden hair shining like a halo. Sadness clung to her like all of us, her blue eyes rimmed with red.

I wanted to hug her. Hold her. Lose myself in her.

But I couldn’t. Because as far as everyone knew, we were just friends. God, this sucked.

River was the first to spot me. “Bennett!” He ran across the room and launched himself into my arms.

I caught him with an “oomph,” then laughed, holding him tight. Breathing him in. God, I loved this kid.

I’d barely seen him all week, and boy had I missed him. I’d been busy with work and trying to help Tristan with Savannah and Maddox or preparations for the service. As much as Liam, Asher, and I tried to be there for him, we couldn’t replace his wife. And we weren’t going through what he was.

A few people looked at us, but most were caught up in their own conversations or grief. I still couldn’t believe Tessa was gone. It was bullshit. Nothing about this was fair.

“What about me?” Liam teased, opening his arms for a hug.

“Oh, right.” River’s smile was sheepish. “Hi, Uncle Liam.”

They hugged then River glanced around before leaning in, lowering his voice. “Savannah’s been really sad lately.”

My lips turned down, but I tried to be strong for River. “Yeah. I’m sure she misses her mom. We all do.”

He stared at the floor and took a deep, shaky breath. “Bennett.” His tone was so serious. “I need to ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“So…I’ve been thinking about what would happen to me if something happened to my mom. I don’t have a dad like Savannah and Maddox. I’d be all alone.”

“No, buddy.” I gripped his biceps, waiting for him to meet my eyes. To see the sincerity there. “You’d never be alone. You have lots of people who love you.”

“That’s right.” Liam crouched down next to me. “You have me and Grandma and Grandpa.”

“And me,” I added. “But your mom isn’t going anywhere.”

“You don’t know that,” River cried, meeting my eyes with tears gathering in his own.

“You’re right.” I nodded, completely blindsided by this conversation. Though I didn’t think I would’ve ever been prepared for it. “I don’t. And while I wish I could promise you that she’ll always be okay, I can’t.”

“I know.” His expression was solemn. “Which is why I want you to be my dad.” River peered up at me, so full of innocence and love and hope.

I swallowed hard, nearly losing my balance. I could see Liam watching me out of the corner of my eye, waiting for me to respond. But I was at a loss for words.

River wanted me to be his dad?

Fuck me. My heart was thumping wildly, and I wanted to say yes so badly I ached. I wanted to be his dad. I wanted to have the chance to teach him how to cook or stand up for himself. I wanted to watch his baseball games or dance recitals or whatever and have everyone know that he belonged to me, and I belonged to him.

“Riv, you know I love you, right?”

He nodded, but he worried his lip. Just like his mom. I glanced up to find her watching us with tears in her eyes, fingers pressed to those gorgeous lips.

“I love you too, and I was just—” He was getting flustered, the tips of his ears turning pink. “I want you to be my dad. I want us to be a family.”

“I may not be related to you by blood, but I am your family,” I said. “And I will always be there for you. I promise.”

He nodded and walked into my arms, letting me comfort him.

River stayed at my side for a while, and I tried to talk about dogs to distract him. At some point, he ran off to join Savannah and the other kids. I grabbed another drink and headed outside to the backyard. The trees swayed overhead, sun dappling the grass, but the day was so tinged with sadness it might as well have been raining.

One of the guys suggested taking some pictures, and I handed Wren my phone. Our fingers brushed, and we shared a secret smile, but that was it. And it killed me—not being able to touch her. To comfort her. To seek solace in her.

She took several pictures when my phone chimed with a notification. I watched her face fall, and I rushed over.

“What’s wrong?”

Her brow furrowed. “Why do you have the LoveBirds app on your phone?”

“Didn’t you know?” Liam slung his arm around my shoulder. “Bennett has been chatting with some chick from LoveBirds. But he’s all mysterious about her. Have you met her?”

Wren looked as if she’d been slapped. And in that moment, I had to make a choice. Between my best friend and the woman I loved.

I turned to Wren. “I wasn’t cheating. I’d never, ever cheat on you.”

“Wait.” Liam paused, glancing between the two of us, confusion marring his features. “What?”

I took a deep breath and turned to him. This wasn’t how I wanted to do this, but there was no going back now. “I’m in love with your sister.”

He grabbed his hair and tugged, and I wondered if his brain was about to explode. Mine certainly felt like it was. “I thought you were dating Tits McGee? I thought you didn’t want anything serious.”

I cringed. Wren’s eyes went wide, and she turned to stare at me. They both did. “Who the heck is Tits McGee?” she hissed.

I squeezed my eyes briefly. I really, really did not want to get into this. It wasn’t going to help my case with Liam. But he’d left me no choice. “Remember when you texted me…”

“Oh.” Her cheeks turned red. “Why did you show him that?”

“Oh god,” Liam groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I’m going to be sick. My sister is Tits McGee. My best friend was sexting my sister.”

I kept my attention on Wren. “It was an accident. We were texting, and he walked into my office.”

Liam turned his gaze on me. “What the fuck, man? You were supposed to be running interference.”

“You what?” Wren frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Now they were both looking at me, demanding answers. Liam looked ready to break every bone in my body.

“I, um…” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I think we should focus on the reason we’re all here today—for Tristan and his family. And we should remember the importance of friendship.”

“Friendship?” Liam spat. “I’m not sure you know the meaning of the word.”

“Liam,” Wren chided. “Please, calm down.”

“Calm down?” he asked, his voice rising with every word. “Calm down? No. I will not calm down, Wren. Because he—” he pointed at me, not even looking me in the eye “—promised to look out for you, protect you. Like a brother. And instead—” he glanced toward the sky as if praying for guidance “—he betrayed my trust. He took advantage of the situation.”

She barked out a laugh. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but if anyone took advantage of the situation, it was me.”

He shook his head. “No, Wren. Bennett is older than you. He should know better.”

“Stop treating me like a child!” she yelled.

I jerked back, wincing at the intensity of her declaration while silently cheering her on. She was livid, wiping away tears furiously as she stood her ground. Everyone was silent. All eyes on us.

“Were you even really dating Arlo?” he asked, just as Asher and Tristan joined us.

“What’s going on?” Tristan asked, but Asher stayed silent, one look saying everything.

“Yes,” she said, glancing at the two of them briefly before returning her attention to Liam.

“Is that how this started?” Liam asked. “Did you connect with Bennett through LoveBirds?”

She shook her head. “No. I had no idea he was even on there.” She turned to me. “You still haven’t answered my question. Why are you on there?”

Liam scoffed. “Yeah, Bennett. Why are you on LoveBirds? Do you want to tell Wren, or should I?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I’d wake up from this terrible nightmare. I’d already lost a dear friend in Tessa. Whisper was gone. Now this? Fuck. I didn’t know how much more I could handle. All I knew was that I couldn’t lose Wren.

When I didn’t say anything, Liam said, “Bennett set up a profile on LoveBirds to keep an eye on you.”

Wren frowned. “Why would you do that?”

“He told me it was to keep an eye on all the guys you dated,” Liam said. “But now I see that wasn’t entirely the truth.”

“Wait.” Wren’s head whipped between us. “What?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. This was spiraling out of control. “Yes. At first, I did it to check out the guys you were dating.”

“And then…?”

I sighed. “Then you were getting frustrated that I wasn’t talking to you. And I was afraid you’d see it as another rejection.”

Wren blinked a few times. “Oh my god. You’re Ben?”

I nodded. “But…”

She scoffed. “Well, I guess that explains why ‘Ben’ never wanted to meet.” Her eyes flashed to mine. “Until you knew that I was going away with Arlo.” Her cheeks darkened, and I imagined steam erupting from her ears at any moment. “You… I can’t believe you.”

Liam crossed his arms. “You’re the reason she broke up with Arlo?” When I nodded, he shook his head. “Wow. And you thought what I did with Lucas was wrong. You took it to a whole ’nother level.”

Wren spun on him. “What did you do to Lucas?”

Liam’s gaze was hard. “I was only trying to protect you from being taken advantage of…again. Looks like that worked out really well.” He shook his head. “My own best friend. Fuck.”

Wren held her hand to her stomach and looked as if she might be sick. “I cannot believe you two.”

“I know I lied.” I glanced between them. “To both of you. But I love Wren. I would never take advantage of her.”

Liam roared and lunged toward me, tackling me to the ground. I tried to protect myself, but I didn’t try to fight him off. I deserved it. All of it.

“Stop!” Wren yelled. “Just stop. Please.”

“Mom!” River wailed, running through the yard. “Bennett! Uncle Liam, stop!”

Tristan was shouting, prying Liam off me with Asher’s help. I couldn’t see Wren and River, and I glanced around frantically. “Get off me.”

I pushed off the ground and stood, panting. My side ached, and Liam looked ready to punch me again. But instead, he said, “Fuck you, Bennett,” and walked off.

I stood there watching him, as everyone in the yard stood watching me. Tristan shook his head and walked away before I could apologize for making a scene at the reception following his wife’s funeral. I dragged a hand through my hair, my cheek throbbing.

Asher clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Way to go.”

I shook out of his hold. “Fuck off.”

I jogged out front, but Wren’s car was gone. I tried calling her, but it went straight to voice mail. I sped out of the neighborhood and over to her house.

“Get out,” she seethed as soon as I walked through the door.

“Wren, please.” I held up my hands. “We need to talk.”

“No. You need to go. River’s scared and upset, and now I have to be the adult and explain why you and my brother were beating the shit out of each other.”

“Please, baby.” I stepped closer, and she took a step back. “Let me explain.”

She shook her head, and I knew it was taking everything in her not to cry. “I thought you were different. I thought I could trust you. But you’re a controlling asshole, just like my brother.”

* * *

As I slowly came to,my eyes felt like they’d been polished with sandpaper—my throat too, for that matter. My chest ached. What the hell happened?

It was bright outside. Really bright. Too fucking bright. How long had I been asleep?

For a moment, everything was normal. I could con myself into believing I’d stayed out late drinking with the guys. But then reality slammed into me with the force of a freight train. Tessa. Brain tumor. Surgery.

I pulled Wren even closer, wanting to feel something, anything but the sadness that had pervaded so much of life lately. And then I realized I was clutching a pillow. And I opened my eyes and saw where I was and remembered that I’d lost more than my friend Tessa. I’d lost everything.

I’d hurt the woman I loved.

I’d betrayed my best friend.

I’d disappointed everyone, including River.

I clenched my eyes shut as memories of Tessa’s funeral reception came rushing back to me. Wren’s hurt and disgust. River’s tears. Liam’s fist colliding with my face. All my friends turning away from me in disappointment.

After Wren had thrown me out, I’d gone back to my house and drowned my sorrows.

It felt as if someone had put my brain in a blender. Was that how Tessa felt before she died? I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to force away the thoughts.

Oh god. Oh my god. What have I done?

The contents of my stomach threatened to spill out, and I ran to the bathroom and heaved over the toilet. I should’ve just told Wren. I should’ve been honest with everyone.

I flushed the toilet and washed my hands before swishing some mouthwash and spitting it out. When I met my eyes in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the man standing before me. He was a coward. A liar. A fraud.

I didn’t feel like myself. And this sure as hell didn’t feel like my home.

I didn’t belong here.

I didn’t belong anywhere.