Feels Like Love by Jenna Hartley

Chapter Twenty-Four

Bennett was making dinner when River and I got home from school. Bennett’s house was finished, but he was staying here for the time being. It was a big reason why I’d been pushing to tell Liam. Sooner or later, he was going to find out.

“Butter Butter!” River yelled, running into Bennett’s arms for a hug.

“Butter Bean!” Bennett squeezed him tight, breathing him in.

“Thanks.” River grunted. “But you’re kind of squishing me.”

“Sorry.” Bennett released him with a laugh.

When he stood, I walked over to him for a side hug. “Hey.”

“Hey.” We shared a secret smile, and when River wasn’t looking, he gave me a quick kiss.

We’d agreed to keep our relationship a secret from River until we’d had a chance to tell Liam. It was getting harder and harder every day that dragged on. I didn’t like lying to either of them. I knew Bennett didn’t either, but every time I tried to talk to him about it, he’d distract me or change the subject.

Sometimes I wished we’d just told Liam the truth the morning he’d caught us “fixing the bed.” And while waiting had been the right decision, I was sick of sneaking around. Regardless of when or how we told my brother, he wasn’t going to be happy. We just needed to get it over with and rip off the Band-Aid.

It wasn’t until later, when Bennett and I were alone, that I finally said, “I know you don’t want to talk about Liam, but we need to tell him. It’s better than him finding out from someone else.”

“I know,” Bennett sighed and removed the floss from his teeth but kept his eyes on the mirror. “I do, but…”

“But what?” I leaned my hip against the counter.

I knew this was difficult for him, scary. But I was scared too. And despite my concerns, it was something that needed to be done. We’d kept this secret long enough. And now that we were together—a couple—I didn’t want to hide anymore.

“It will change everything.”

“Too late for that.” I patted his chest. “Everything has already changed.”

“You’re right.” He pulled me closer, his hands on my hips. “I know you’re right. Just…let me do this on my own terms.”

“Of course.”

“We’re supposed to meet at the gym tomorrow. I’ll tell him after that. Give him a chance to work out some of his aggression first.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

He shook his head. “No. I appreciate the offer, but this is something I need to do alone.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, tossing the pillows from the bed and turning back the covers. I was just as responsible for the situation we found ourselves in.

“Positive.” He kissed me and we climbed into bed, but I felt far from reassured.

I laid my head on his chest while he rubbed my back. “What are you going to tell him?”

“That I love you.” He slid his hand down my shorts to cup my butt and pull me on top of him. “Which I do.”

His hard-on nudged my center, and I rocked against him. The friction felt so good, his hands sliding up my sides and over my rib cage. His kiss was needy and seeking, just like his cock. And when we made love, it was with a wild abandon that told me we were both running from our demons.

When I finally fell asleep in his arms, it was a restless night—a strange mash-up of dreams. Bennett sitting on my deck with Liam, but both of them completely ignoring me. Me trying to get Bennett to talk to me, but him refusing to listen, moving away, across the country to Florida. Never speaking to me again.

The following afternoon, I headed straight home from work, wondering how Bennett’s talk with Liam had gone. I hadn’t heard from either of them, which surprised me. No, actually, it terrified me. It was too quiet. Had my brother killed the love of my life?

I pressed down on the gas, anxious to get home. My mom was picking up River from school, and she’d drop him off later. I walked into the house and dropped my bag on the counter next to…a bottle of whiskey? I frowned then turned my attention to the living room. Bennett was sitting on the couch, head bowed over his phone. Shoulders slumped.

“Are you…” I rounded the couch to face him, but the moment I saw him, I knew everything was not okay. I found it difficult to breathe, let alone think. “What’s happened? Is this about Liam?”

He shook his head and held his phone up to me. The screen glowed, The Vine’s header on display. His arm was limp, his eyes dazed. I frowned. How much had he had to drink?

“What’s this?” I took the phone from him and gasped when I read the first line. Then I scanned the rest of the article quickly, my heart sinking with every word. “How can this be?”

He shook his head, downing the rest of his glass. “I don’t know. Fuck, Wren.” His voice cracked, the pain spilling out of him. “Fuck.”

I sank down next to him on the couch, pulling him into my arms. I wanted to tell him it would be okay. That everything would be fine, but I couldn’t. Because Tessa—our sweet friend, the love of Tristan’s life, the mother of two young children—had a brain tumor.

A freaking brain tumor.

“I’ve known her my whole life,” he said. “And Tristan…”

“How is he? Have you talked to him?”

When he met my gaze, his eyes were shining with emotion. “He told us just before the story was posted. Liam and I never made it to the gym. I never got to talk with him about us.”

“Shh.” I rubbed his back. Suddenly everything seemed so…trivial in comparison to what Tessa and her family were going through. “That doesn’t matter right now. Let’s focus on Tessa. What’s going on? Why was this even posted on The Vine? Isn’t Tristan furious that it’s out there?”

“I think he’s in shock. He acts calm because he has to. For Tessa, for the kids. She’s going to have surgery, but the prognosis isn’t good.”

I hugged him closer, my heart breaking at this news. At watching this wonderful man fall apart for his friend. I was almost afraid to ask, but I had to know. “How bad is it?”

“Bad. Surgery is the only option, and it’s dangerous. There’s a good chance it might not work.”

“Well…” I smoothed my hand over his back. “We have to be optimistic—for their sake.”

He shook his head. “You don’t understand. None of the outcomes are good. The tumor is large, and they may not be able to remove it all without damaging vital brain tissue.”

I swallowed and glanced away. This was so shocking. So terrible. My brain couldn’t even comprehend the magnitude of it. I just wanted Tessa to be okay. I mean…a brain tumor? What were the odds?

“The chance of the surgery working and her surviving without significant decrease in quality of life is…” Bennett swallowed hard and glanced away.

I rubbed at my brow. “Please tell me you didn’t tell Tristan that.”

“I didn’t have to.” His eyes were filled with so much pain. “But, no, I would never say that.”

“What can we do to help? The post mentioned a website for sending meals and signing up to help with the kids.”

“I already did.”

“And so will I,” I said, knowing I’d do anything I could to help them. Everyone in town would because that’s what you did when one of your own was suffering. You rallied around them, showing how much you cared. “Do you want something to eat? Have you had anything?”

“I’m not hungry.” He stared straight ahead then stood, going to the kitchen for a refill.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I asked.

“No. But I don’t really care at the moment.”

I sighed, standing to join him. “You might as well pour me one too.”

He downed his whiskey in one gulp before slamming the glass down, then poured himself another. He braced himself on the counter, shoulders shaking as he let his emotions pour out.

“She’s too young, Wren. She’s barely thirty-two. And what about the kids? And Tristan? And…”

“Shh.” I pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back. It was easier to focus on Bennett than my own fears. “Shh. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

We held each other, our tears bleeding together as we tried to make sense of it all. But there was no making sense of it. It wasn’t fair. And I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen Bennett this upset. This broken.

As painful as it was to witness, I was grateful he allowed me to be there for him. That he trusted me with his vulnerability. He was always helping everyone else, and it meant a lot that he knew he could give this to me. That he could rely on me.

“Wren.” He cupped my face with his hands, wiping away my own tears. “I’m scared.” He tilted his forehead to mine. “I’m fucking terrified. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

I closed my eyes briefly. “You’re not going to lose me.”

Fear flitted through his eyes before they hardened. “Swear it.” His tone was stern, his breath coming in pants. “Swear you’ll never leave me, no matter what happens.”

Where was this coming from? It seemed like something more was bothering him than Tessa’s diagnosis, but what did I know? We were both emotional.

In that moment, I would’ve promised him anything to take away his pain. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.” And I meant it.

He smashed his lips to mine. I could taste the alcohol on his tongue. The whiskey and the tears. Desire and fear and every other emotion swirling within him. I could feel them all as if they were my own.

We backed down the hall to my room, our lips touching the entire time. I needed him, this, now more than ever. Our connection gave me strength. He made me feel grounded, even when it felt as if the world around us was crumbling.

“Wren,” he said, nuzzling my nose with his. “I need you. I need to feel alive.”

I nodded, tugging at his shirt, and we undressed each other. I needed to feel him. We needed to lose ourselves in each other.

He kissed me, passionately, deeply. It was more intense than any other kiss we’d shared up to this point. And when he rolled us so I was on top of him, pulling me closer, I got carried away with the riptide. Powerless to stop myself when it came to Bennett. Overcome with emotions and love for this man.

After he fell asleep, I tiptoed down the hall and called my mom. She’d already heard about Tessa and was happy to watch River overnight. As much as I wanted to gather my son to me and hold him close, Bennett needed me more. My parents would keep River busy and let him have fun. That was what he needed. And I was grateful my mom hadn’t asked any questions.

I paused in the hallway just outside my bedroom. I still couldn’t believe it—Tessa. Not that long ago, I’d been taking their family photos. And they’d been planning for their future. Now, she was lying on an operating table, hoping she’d have a future.

“Where’s River?” Bennett pulled me to him as soon as I’d crawled back into bed.

“I called my mom and asked if he could stay the night.”

He nodded. “My head fucking hurts.”

I frowned and fought back tears. “My heart hurts.”

He pulled me closer, and we lay there a while. Together. Was this what it was like for Tessa and Tristan? They’d been together for most of their lives. And knowing the way I felt about Bennett, I couldn’t even imagine what Tristan was going through right now.

“I’m scared,” I whispered. I wasn’t just thinking about Tessa, though she weighed heavily on my mind. I was referring to Bennett and me and how vulnerable I felt. I’d given him my body, heart, and soul. He owned me. And if I ever lost him… it would destroy me.

“I think we’re all scared,” he said. “A brain tumor is fucking terrifying.”

“It just… It feels like it came out of the blue.”

Bennett was silent, but I could hear him thinking. Finally, he said, “I should’ve known.”

“What?” I pulled back to look at him. “What are you talking about?”

“The headaches. Fatigue. The symptoms were all there.”

Was he serious? His expression told me he was.

“Bennett.” I placed my hand over his heart. “You couldn’t have known.”

“Maybe not, but I should’ve expressed my concerns to Tristan. I talked to Liam about it. I talked to you about it. But I never talked to the one person who could’ve made a difference.”

“Come here.” I pulled him to me. “Come on.” I rolled us so that his head was pressed against my chest. “You can’t blame yourself. This is no one’s fault.”

“And here I thought telling Liam about us would be the hardest thing I’d face today. I’m sorry, Wren.”

“Don’t worry about all that. What matters is that we’re together. And when the time is right, we’ll tell my brother.”

I didn’t say it, but I knew that with everything going on, my brother and his friends needed one another now more than ever. I couldn’t cause Liam or Bennett more heartache. Not when I knew they were already hurting.