Feels Like Love by Jenna Hartley

Chapter Twenty-Six

“Have you talked to Bennett or Liam yet?” Harper asked.

I leaned back in my chair with a sigh. “I just… I can’t. It all feels like too much right now. I’m too raw.”

She nodded. “I can understand that. You’ve had a lot going on, and I know everyone is still mourning Tessa.”

It had been a week since the funeral. A week since I’d spoken to either of them. I was so livid, I could barely stand it. I was mad at both of them for butting into my love life. I was mad about the lies. I was pissed that they thought it was okay to fight in front of River. The list went on and on.

“It just feels like there are too many lies between us. I don’t know what’s true anymore. I mean—the two men I thought I could trust…” I shook my head and glanced at the ceiling. I really did not want to cry. Not again.

Harper came around to sit next to me, handing me a tissue. She let me have a moment, then she said, “Misguided as their decisions were, I honestly believe they were doing what they thought was best.”

“Well.” I sniffled and lifted my chin. “They should’ve asked me. I’m not a child.”

“I can’t believe Liam sabotaged your dates.”

And Bennett… I still couldn’t believe he’d set up a profile on LoveBirds as Ben. The thought never even crossed my mind. But now it seemed so obvious. Ben…Bennett. Gah.

“Yeah.” I scoffed. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. My brother got what he wanted. I’m done dating.”

Liam had no right to do what he’d done. To sabotage my dates. To ask his friend to keep an eye on me. Yet he acted like he was the one wronged. I understood why he was hurt about Bennett and me sneaking around. But I’d told Liam to butt out of my love life time and time again, and he refused to listen.

“Anyway,” I stood, grateful I had an excuse to leave. I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “I have to go. My mom wants to show me a new place she found for our photo shoots.”

“Awesome. I can’t wait to hear all about it.” Harper stood. “You are strong and capable. And if Bennett isn’t the man for you, then you will find him.”

I slumped. Bennett was the man for me. Or at least, I’d thought he was. Now, I didn’t know what to believe.

When I arrived at the location my mom had shared, I had to admit it was beautiful. I wondered how I hadn’t discovered it before, though I didn’t often go exploring in Cortina. Especially not on land that looked like it was private property. But Mom had assured me it was fine. I figured it probably was—she knew almost everyone in the Alondra Valley since they were all obsessed with Bibliolater.

I continued along the path, seeing her just up ahead. She stood next to a little stone bridge that looked ancient. A small creek flowed under it, and I felt more at peace in the trees than I had in weeks.

“Mom, hey.” I glanced around, hand already on my camera. “This is gorgeous.”

“Right? When I saw it, I knew you’d love it.”

I snapped a few pictures, my brain buzzing with ideas for future photo shoots. “Who does it belong to anyway?”

“Here comes the owner now.”

I glanced up to see Liam headed our way. When he saw me, he stopped.

I lowered my camera and frowned. “What’s he doing here?”

Liam turned to leave when Mom called, “William Edward Beaudin, you get your butt over here right now.”

“It’s fine,” I said. “I’ll go.”

“No.” She crossed her arms over her chest, and the way she glared at us, I felt like I was ten all over again. “You two are going to stay here until you work this out.”

Liam scoffed and kicked at the ground. “Fat chance of that happening.”

I knew he was hurting. I knew he felt like we’d betrayed him. And to some degree, he was right. We had lied about our relationship. We had hidden it from him. But he wasn’t completely blameless either.

“Have you learned nothing from Tessa’s death?” Mom wiped away a tear. “Nothing in life is guaranteed. Don’t live with regrets.”

I slumped my shoulders, knowing she was right. I didn’t want to hold on to this anger any longer. Despite everything that had happened, Liam was still my brother, and I’d always love him. We’d both lost a friend in Tessa, and he probably felt like he was losing Bennett too. Deep down—past the anger and the hurt—I was worried about Liam.

“Now—” she smiled “—I’m going to stand by your cars. No one leaves until this is resolved. Do you hear me?”

We both nodded. “Yes, Mom,” we said in unison.

She walked away, and I went to lean against the bridge, needing some support.

“Do you really own this land?” I asked when Liam joined me.

“I do.”

“It’s gorgeous.”

He grunted his acknowledgment.

Awesome. Apparently, it was going to be up to me to kick off the conversation. At least, if I wanted to leave anytime soon. Mom meant business, and she wouldn’t let us go without some sort of resolution.

“Have you talked to Bennett?” he asked, surprising me.

“No. Have you?”

“Nope.” He frowned. “But I’ve been wondering…why him? Did you do it to get back at me?”

“What?” I jerked my head back. “Liam, what are you talking about?”

“I know you were pissed that I kept butting into your love life. Is this some sort of revenge?”

“Wow.” It felt as if I’d been slapped. “I can’t believe you’d think that of me.”

“I don’t know what to think anymore.” He jerked his hand through his hair. “Tessa was here one day and gone the next. My best friend and my sister were sneaking around behind my back, lying to me.”

“You’re one to talk,” I huffed. “I can’t believe you had your best friend spy on me. Do you even realize how wrong that was? Just when I finally thought you’d backed off…”

“I did back off. Bennett signed up for LoveBirds all on his own.”

I glared at him. “You didn’t ask him to do that or encourage him in any way?”

“No.”

I swallowed hard and glanced away, out over the stream. I wasn’t sure whether that was better or worse. I almost wished my brother had asked Bennett to do it so I could blame someone other than the man I loved.

“But I didn’t discourage him either,” he finally said. “And I should’ve.”

“You think?”

He hung his head. “Why did you say at the funeral that if anyone took advantage of the situation, it was you?”

“Because—” I swallowed, wondering if I should admit this. I didn’t know how it would help the situation, and it was humiliating. “I guilted Bennett into being my dating coach.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to find a partner, love, and I kept striking out. After what happened with Kade and then being so inexperienced, I was anxious. Not to mention my bad luck with men. I’d had so many guys cancel on me that I wasn’t sure I could handle much more rejection.”

“Fuck.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, Wren. I was only trying to protect you, and I… Well, I fucked up.”

“Yeah. You did. But thank you for admitting it,” I said. “I guess I feel a little better now knowing that I wasn’t stood up because of anything that had to do with me.”

He dropped his head. “I should’ve listened to Bennett. I should’ve let you decide for yourself.”

I nodded, though I didn’t fully understand his comment about listening to Bennett. “Yes. You should’ve.”

A muscle in his neck twitched. “And I will from now on.”

I scoffed and looked back out over the stream. “Like it matters now. I’ve had enough heartbreak to last a lifetime.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

I nodded, fighting back tears. “I really do. But I don’t know if I can get past what he did. I want to, but…”

Liam pulled me into his side, and we stayed there awhile, just enjoying the view. We hadn’t fixed everything, but it certainly felt better to get that off my chest. Mom and Harper were right—life was too short to live with regrets.

* * *

Another week passed,and I still hadn’t talked to Bennett. For all my talk about not wanting to live with regrets, it was easier to forgive my brother than Bennett. River and work were the only things keeping me going.

“Here.” Harper dropped a brown bag on my desk. “Pore Over gave me the wrong cupcake—double chocolate with honeycomb.”

My favorite.

“Thanks.” I pushed it away. I knew what she was trying to do, but I wasn’t hungry. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was barely functioning. “I’ll eat it later.”

I sighed, my attention on my computer. I was editing the photos from our most recent engagement shoot, and the way the couple looked at each other made me long for what I’d had with Bennett. But he’d lied to me. He’d made me trust him, and then he’d made me feel like a fool. Just like Kade had.

“Can you do me a huge favor?” Harper asked.

“Oh, is that what the cupcake was for? To butter me up?” I teased.

“No. I’m worried about you. I know you haven’t been eating.”

“I’m fine. What do you need?”

She frowned. “I’m scheduled for headshots later, but I totally forgot that I’m supposed to pick up Enzo’s friend Val from the airport. Can you do them for me?”

“Oh, um.” I glanced at the calendar on my phone. “Sure. I doubt my mom will mind watching River. He’d probably rather be with her anyway.”

“He’s still mad about the thing with Bennett, huh?”

I scoffed. “Oh yeah. I almost caved and bought him a puppy the other day because I felt so bad.”

She cringed, knowing how long I’d resisted his persistent pleas for a dog. “Yikes.”

“Yeah. It’s bad.”

River was barely speaking to me. He clearly blamed me for what had happened with Bennett, but it was too complicated for him to understand. So, he lashed out at me because I was there.

Harper and I worked in silence a while longer until it was time to head out. Harper to the airport and me to the shoot.

“Good luck,” she said.

“Thanks.” I climbed into my car and drove out to Alpaca Acres. I had no idea who the client was, but I honestly didn’t care. I just wanted to get this over with and go home.

I walked up the path and stopped in my tracks. Little glass jars filled with candles lined a path into the woods, and I was tempted to see where it led.

Footsteps crunched on the gravel, and I turned to find Susan coming up the path with a gardening basket.

“Another wedding?” I asked.

“Go see.” She gave me a warm smile and a gentle nudge. I frowned. “Go. Go.”

I trudged down the path, the sounds of nature putting me at ease. The trees grew close together in this area, making it difficult to see very far ahead. If I’d been down this path before, I didn’t remember it.

I emerged into a field where there were rows upon rows of grapes. And standing in the center, in front of a picnic blanket, was Bennett.

I held a hand to my mouth to cover my gasp. He looked so handsome, my heart was breaking from the sight alone.

He stepped closer. “Will you join me?”

I swallowed hard and shook my head. “What is all this?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, taking my hands in his. Meeting my gaze. “I’m so damn sorry, Wren.”

Everything that had happened the past few weeks caught up to me. I’d been worried about him. I’d missed him. I’d wanted closure, but seeing Bennett again, I knew my heart still belonged to him.

I nodded. “I’m sorry too. For jeopardizing your friendship with my brother. I’m sorry for pushing you to be my dating coach.” As much as I wanted to blame my brother and Bennett for everything, I knew I’d played a role too.

“God, that was torture. Wanting to be with you so badly while helping you date other men.” He shook his head, and I could see the pain I’d caused him. My heart cracked open a little more. “I know you think I was trying to thwart your dating life, but I wasn’t. I swear. And that night at Larkspur. Our first date…”

I frowned. “That wasn’t a date.”

“I wanted it to be.”

I softened, heart melting.

“Running into you wasn’t a coincidence,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he sighed. “I knew Lucas was going to cancel your date. And I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I jerked my head back. “What? How could you possibly know that? How did you even know I was going out with him?”

“Okay. I didn’t know for sure he’d bail, but it was a pretty good guess.”

I dropped my head, closing my eyes briefly. He didn’t have to tell me the answer for me to know. “It was Liam.” Of course. “What about the profile on LoveBirds?”

“I really did start it as a way to check out the guys you matched with. To make sure they weren’t assholes or married or whatever. I never planned to message you …”

I nodded. It made sense now that I thought about the timing. Ben hadn’t messaged me until I’d expressed my frustration to Bennett.

And Bennett had never discouraged me from going on a date. In fact, I remembered thinking how many times he’d encouraged me to try another date with a different man. He wouldn’t have pushed me to go out with other men. He wouldn’t have almost let me go away with Arlo if my happiness weren’t his top concern.

In the end, it wasn’t the LoveBirds profile that had broken us apart; it was my fear. At the first hint of trouble, I’d freaked out and run.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain.” I took a few steps closer, pulled to him like a magnet.

He’d had feelings for me this whole time, but instead, he’d put them aside over and over to help me. If that wasn’t love—putting someone else’s needs above your own—I didn’t know what was.

He really had loved me all along. Yet I’d doubted my judgment, tricking myself into believing otherwise. Even when Bennett showed me time and time again just how much River and I meant to him.

“I’m sorry I gave you reason to doubt me.” He was close enough now, that if I reached out, I’d be able to touch him. “I may have coached you in dating, but you taught me about love. What it means to love someone without conditions. To accept them exactly as they are.”

“I haven’t done a very good job of that lately,” I muttered.

“Baby.” He took me in his arms, dropping his forehead to mine. He felt like home. “The past few weeks have been…a lot. We’re talking now. Forgiving. Learning. Neither of us is perfect, but we are perfect for each other.”

“You’re a good man, Bennett Nash. The best. I love you.”

“I love you. You and River.” He shook his head slowly, his voice thick with emotion. “You’re my family.”

He dipped his head to meet mine, capturing my lips in a kiss that was sweet but simmered with promise. My heart lifted, stitching itself back together, mending the broken trust. Bennett loved me, and I loved him. That was all that mattered. Everything else would work itself out.

He led me over to the blanket, where a beautiful picnic was displayed. When I spied a charcuterie board with prosciutto roses, I narrowed my eyes at him. “Did Harper help you with this?”

He grinned. “Maybe.”

We talked and ate, catching up on everything that had happened while we were apart. He touched me constantly, and after we ate, we lay on our sides facing each other beneath the stars. Kissing. Talking. Laughing. Connecting.

“I love you.” Our fingers danced together as he spoke, and I was happy and full. “And I promise to always talk to you first and respect your decisions.”

I leaned forward and kissed him. “I love you. And I promise to give you the benefit of the doubt. To love you for who you are. And to remember that no one’s perfect.”

We kissed again, and this time, it turned heated. His hands searching beneath my clothes. His touch searing. I needed this man. I needed him now.

“Mm.” He hummed, sliding his hand up my skirt. “Time for dessert.”

“You brought Asher’s pastries?”

He chuckled, exploring me with his finger, circling, pressure building. “I had something else in mind.”

He kissed me beneath the stars, and I felt like I was flying. Skyrocketing through the sky as my orgasm lifted me higher and higher. Until I floated back down to the ground.

I sighed, my lips curling into a contented smile. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He kissed me, and I rolled us over so I was on top of him.

His erection prodded me, and I felt daring and reckless enough to reach into his pants and start stroking him. He was panting, his eyes focused on me as I worked him. I loved seeing him like this, being responsible for it.

He arched his hips, shoving his pants down to give me better access. I pushed his shirt up, wanting to see even more of his skin. He grinned, but his mouth fell open when I licked him from root to tip.

“Oh god,” he swallowed as I moaned around him. “Oh yes.”

His hand was on my back, pulling me to him for a kiss. A breeze rustled the leaves on the vines, and I dragged my teeth along his ear, loving the way he shuddered in response. And then he was coming in my hand, and I couldn’t decide what to watch. The way his eyes clamped shut, mouth open as if to cry out. The muscles of his stomach clenching. Or the hot, white desire spurting out onto his skin. All of it was the hottest thing I’d ever seen.

“Mm.” He cupped the back of my neck, bringing my mouth to his. “Thank you.”

I laughed. “Thank you. That was fun. Now let’s go home before we can get ourselves into more trouble,” I said before remembering he’d just finished renovating his house.

“What’s that face for?” he asked.

“Well…I’m not sure that was fair of me to assume you’d want to move back in with us, considering you just finished your house.”

He lifted a shoulder. “It’s a house. You and River are my home.”

I melted a little more, my love for this man boundless.

“I know we’ve never discussed this,” he said. “And I hope it won’t upset you. But in my heart, River is my son.”

I glanced toward the sky where the stars twinkled overhead. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t… This man.

I placed my hand over his heart. “He… I…” Tears streamed down my face, and I couldn’t form words. All along, I’d know that Bennett loved my son. But to hear him say those words…

“Yes.” My heart whispered along with my mouth.

When our lips met, the kiss was tender. It was a kiss filled with hope and love, and I couldn’t help but smile. His lips curled to match my own, and I knew this was it. He was it for me. My own happily ever after.