Awakened By The Lord’s Kiss by Meghan Sloan

Chapter 18

 

 

Henry froze when he heard Caroline. She was following him? His heart racing, he turned and saw her coming towards him. What was she doing? She should be going into her room and staying there for the night.

 

 

 

It was the safest option, in a room as far away from him as possible. If she were too close, the temptation would have been too great. Even now, Henry was still shaking from touching Caroline and unable to do anything about it.

 

 

 

He needed to get to his bedchamber and be alone for a while.

 

 

 

If only Caroline would walk away. She should, and he should be telling her to leave.

 

 

 

But he couldn’t.

 

 

 

“Caroline?” he croaked, clearing his throat as Caroline drew closer. “Is something wrong? Is your bedchamber not to your liking?”

 

 

 

“It’s nothing like that.”

 

 

 

She stopped in front of him. They were at the top of the stairs, where the servants passing below could see them. Henry was sure they would get several ideas if they saw him and Caroline together, even when they weren’t touching. Caroline didn’t need that.

 

 

 

But he needed her. Badly.

 

 

 

“I …” Caroline bit her lip, brushing her hair out of her eyes. “I wanted to say thank you. For being a good host. For your kindness. For ... for being a good man.”

 

 

 

Henry frowned.

 

 

 

“You’ve already thanked me with your presence tonight. You don’t need to thank me further.”

 

 

 

“I know, but I ... I feel like I should.”

 

 

 

Had she moved closer? Henry hadn’t realised until Caroline reached up and brushed her fingers across his cheek. Her bare fingers. Henry gripped her wrist.

 

 

 

“You’re not wearing your gloves.”

 

 

 

Caroline smiled.

 

 

 

“I’m not.”

 

 

 

Henry glanced into the foyer below. He could see a footman crossing the room towards the drawing room. Servants were going about their business until nearly midnight in this house. Especially downstairs.

 

 

 

But the sleeping quarters, where he was, they were absent tonight. Seeing as it was only him sleeping there …

 

 

 

Grabbing Caroline’s hand, he tugged her out of sight of the entrance hall, moving her down the darkened hallway. She followed him, not saying a word as she matched his pace.

 

 

 

It didn’t take long to reach his bedchamber, and Henry got Caroline inside, looking around to make sure none of the servants had traipsed into this part of the house. His valet would have gone to bed long ago, choosing not to help with undressing him at night.

 

 

 

Hopefully, they wouldn’t be disturbed.

 

 

 

What are you doing? You can’t deflower her! She’s too special for that.

 

 

 

I’m not going that far. But I can give her something.

 

 

 

“Henry?” Caroline stood in the middle of his room as Henry locked the door. “What are we doing?”

 

 

 

“There is one way you can thank me.” Henry stayed by the door, feeling his heart racing so fast he felt dizzy. “Don’t be concerned about your innocence. I’m not going to take that. I’m not a monster.”

 

 

 

“I didn’t think you would.” The look Caroline gave him was far too trusting. “I know you would never do that to me.”

 

 

 

That felt humbling. Even so, Henry came towards her.

 

 

 

“Are you sure about that?” he whispered. “How do you know I’m not cornering you for something nefarious?”

 

 

 

“Because you would have done it already. Besides,” Caroline stepped towards him and reached for him, “I was hoping you’d take me somewhere private so I could do this.”

 

 

 

Her kiss was so sweet that Henry almost lost control of his restraint. Growling, he hauled her against him, his hands touching whatever he could reach. Caroline didn’t push him away. She clung onto him, her hands tightening around his head as she pressed her hips against his.

 

 

 

Against his erection.

 

 

 

Henry moaned. She had to know how aroused he was for her, that being alone with her was conjuring up all sorts of thoughts in his head. It was all he could do not to throw her on the bed and sink into her body. But this was Caroline, the woman he had loved for a long time. She deserved better.

 

 

 

Maybe she deserves better than me.

 

 

 

That had Henry pausing. Where had that come from? Caroline broke the kiss and drew back.

 

 

 

“Henry? What is it?”

 

 

 

“What? Oh.” Henry eased her back slowly. “I guess pulling you into my bedchamber was a test of my restraints. And I’m losing.”

 

 

 

“I’m the one who came after you. I kissed you.”

 

 

 

“I know you did. But I still have to remember where we are and what we are to each other.” Henry brushed a strand of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. He tried not to stare at the scar that James had given her. “I desire you so much, Caroline. Being in your presence and knowing you hated me was tough enough, but being with you and knowing you desire me … it’s a little humbling.”

 

 

 

“Humbling?” Caroline frowned. “Why is it humbling?”

 

 

 

“I ... I don’t know.” Henry swallowed and stepped back. “I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. Things are a mess in my head.”

 

 

 

“I’ve done this?”

 

 

 

Caroline looked uncertain now. Henry gazed at the floor.

 

 

 

“Only a short while ago, you said you would have nothing to do with me. That you would always see me as the one who hurt you. Having you here, in my arms and showing how much …” Henry ran his hands through his hair. “I guess I’m a little shaken by what we’re doing. I never thought it would happen and ... well …”

 

 

 

“You think I might suddenly turn around and say I hate you again.”

 

 

 

Henry wished that she didn’t understand him so well. He flinched and didn’t look up, refusing to when he heard a rustling of skirts, and then those skirts and Caroline’s feet appeared before him. Caroline cupped his jaw in her hand.

 

 

 

“Henry, look at me. Please.”

 

 

 

How could he deny that? Henry looked up, and Caroline smiled at him, stroking his jaw.

 

 

 

“What happened in the past is staying there. I hope you can forgive me for thinking that way. But that is not me now.”

 

 

 

“I forgave you a long time ago, Caroline.” Henry captured her hand and kissed her palm. “I forgave you for believing the general consensus before we met again.”

 

 

 

“Why would you do that?”

 

 

 

Should he tell her? Henry knew he was stepping into dangerous territory. Maybe he should send her back to her room. He moved away and went towards the door.

 

 

 

“I think you’d better go back to your room before someone notices that you’ve gone.”

 

 

 

“Not until you tell me why you forgave me?”

 

 

 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Henry didn’t turn around. “I’m sure I’ve said it before.”

 

 

 

“I want to hear it now. Why?”

 

 

 

He should be telling her to go. His head was not in the right state for this. Henry felt far too vulnerable. But instead of unlocking the door and sending her out, Henry turned to her. Caroline was watching him with her hands on her hips; her chin lifted as she stood tall. She wasn’t going anywhere.

 

 

 

Sighing, he leaned on the door.

 

 

 

“You know it only took a couple of meetings to hate me, right? For me, it was the opposite. We only met those times, but all I could think about was you and that bright smile of yours, the sparkle in your eyes. That fire when you screamed at me, believing I had shot at you. I was only sixteen, but I knew that you were special.” Grimacing, he rubbed the back of his neck. Now he felt about two inches tall. “True, there were other women while I was at sea. I wasn’t a monk, but I could never bring myself to feel anything beyond lust. Every time I tried, I found myself thinking about you. I compared every woman I met to you. Even if you hated me for the rest of my life, I knew I would love you. It ... it felt like a punishment. I’m seen as the bad son, the scapegoat, and I’m practically disinherited for something I haven’t done. I might as well fall in love with someone who would never love me back.”

 

 

 

Caroline was silent, and Henry glanced up. She was staring at him with her mouth open. Henry groaned and turned away, unlocking the door. He couldn’t look at her now. Not after what he just confessed.

 

 

 

“I think you’d better go, Caroline. We’re both going to get into trouble, and I don’t want you to be forced into anything if there has to be a marriage out of this interlude.”

 

 

 

“I don’t care.”

 

 

 

Henry froze.

 

 

 

“What did you say?”

 

 

 

“I don’t care if we get caught. Marriage to you won’t be so bad.” She touched his back, her fingers warm through his jacket. “I’m sure I’ll be able to make the most of being a sailor’s wife.”

 

 

 

Henry groaned.

 

 

 

“Don’t say things like that, Caroline.”

 

 

 

“Why not?”

 

 

 

Henry reached behind him and grabbed her wrist, tugging her past him and pressing her against the door. Caroline squeaked, her eyes widening as Henry crowded her, her eyes so dark they were almost black. Henry buried his hands in her hair, not caring if the pins stuck into his fingers.

 

 

 

“Because you make me want to take when it’s not permissible for me.”

 

 

 

“Then take.” Caroline ran her hands over his chest. “I’ll give whatever you want to take.”

 

 

 

“You’d better not say that, or I’ll be taking more than you want to give.”

 

 

 

“How do you know?”

 

 

 

The urge to take her to bed was growing again, and it was stronger than before. Henry’s chest tightened. He wanted her badly. Her desire for him was making him want to break the rules.

 

 

 

But that was not how he wanted to be. He was not James, who would seduce and take to bed any woman who looked at him in a way he liked. He had put several women in the position of being ruined, and Henry would not do that to Caroline. She was special.

 

 

 

To him, she was incredibly precious.

 

 

 

Even as he told himself to let her go, he kissed her. Slowly, deeply, taking his time. Caroline whimpered and tried to kiss him harder, but Henry pressed her against the door and kept it at his pace. He wanted to savour her for now, taking his fill. A kiss wasn’t enough to sate his appetite for her, but it would do.

 

 

 

He would take all the kisses he could get.

 

 

 

“Henry …” Caroline’s head tilted back, and Henry kissed down her throat, hearing her moan as he reached the point where her neck met her shoulders. “Please, Henry …”

 

 

 

“What do you want?”

 

 

 

“I ... I don’t know.” There was a hesitation in her voice. “I know I want something, but ... I don’t know how to explain it.”

 

 

 

“See if you can.” Henry rested his hand on her hip. “Does that feel nice?”

 

 

 

“Yes.” Caroline sighed as his hand trailed up her side. “So does that.”

 

 

 

Henry kept kissing her neck as he closed his hand over her breast. Caroline’s breath hitched, and she pressed into his hand.

 

 

 

“And that?”

 

 

 

“That feels good.” Caroline grabbed his head up. “You’re making me want things I shouldn’t be asking.”

 

 

 

This time, Henry let Caroline take charge, her kiss fierce as she pressed her hand over his, urging him to squeeze her breast. He pressed his erection against her, using his other hand to cup her hip and urge her closer to him. Caroline gasped, her kiss becoming fiercer. She kissed him like she needed air.

 

 

 

He needed to make her leave before he really did ruin her. Henry wouldn’t do that to her, not as an unmarried woman.

 

 

 

Just a little longer. One more kiss.

 

 

 

It took all of Henry’s self-restraint to break the kiss, his hands easing their grip around her. He pressed his hands to the door and kept the distance between them, breathing heavily as he tried to get his heart to stop racing.

 

 

 

“You really need to go, Caroline. We can only play with fire for so long before it gets out of control, and I have too much respect for you to do that.”

 

 

 

Caroline was also panting, her chest heaving and her cheeks a dark pink. With her bright eyes and swollen lips, there would be no doubt as to what she had been doing. She reached for him, but Henry shook his head.

 

 

 

“Caroline. You need to leave.”

 

 

 

“I ... all right.” Caroline swallowed. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

 

 

 

“I live here, don’t I? Of course.” Henry managed a smile as he glanced up at her. “We’ll see each other tomorrow.”

 

 

 

“I hope so.” Caroline straightened, smoothing down her dress. “Goodnight, Lord Bannock.”

 

 

 

“Goodnight, My Lady.”

 

 

 

Henry moved so Caroline could open the door. She was in the doorway when she stopped and turned back. Then she stepped towards him and rose on tiptoe to kiss him. Henry returned the kiss, but he didn’t reach for her. His self-control was hanging on by a thread, as it was. Caroline broke the kiss and gave him a small smile.

 

 

 

“Sweet dreams, Henry,” she whispered.

 

 

 

Then she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her. And Henry felt like all the air had gone out of his body.

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

“Caroline?”

 

 

 

Caroline turned. Sarah was coming into the library, wearing a nightgown with her hair down and carrying a candlestick. The nightgown was a little big on her.

 

 

 

“Sarah. I thought you would be asleep as well.”

 

 

 

“I was getting into bed when I realised I hadn’t heard you come back.” Sarah crossed the room, the light from her candle flickering across her face. “What are you doing down here?”

 

 

 

Caroline sighed.

 

 

 

“I had a feeling I wasn’t going to sleep very well, so I thought I’d come and see if Henry’s family had any interesting books to read.” She ran her fingers along the spines of the books. “Everything is a first edition. It must have cost a fortune to get all these.”

 

 

 

“They do have a dukedom,” Sarah pointed out. “They can afford anything.”

 

 

 

“I suppose.” Caroline selected a book and opened it. “This will do. I need something to distract myself.”

 

 

 

“Did something happen?” Sarah rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why I asked that. Of course something happened. Even I can’t expect you and Henry to sit in a room alone and discuss the weather.”

 

 

 

Caroline could feel her face getting warm. She absently turned the pages of the book.

 

 

 

“Things are changing, Sarah. And it ... it’s getting stronger.”

 

 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

 

 

“Henry and I ... things are ... well …” Caroline huffed and shut the book with a snap. “I don’t know what to say about it.”

 

 

 

Sarah sighed and put the candlestick onto a nearby table.

 

 

 

“I know what you’re trying to say. You two are madly in love, and keeping your hands off him is getting very difficult.”

 

 

 

“Madly in love?” Caroline frowned. “I wouldn’t call it that.”

 

 

 

“What would you call it? I saw the way you two looked at each other during dinner, and I felt like an interloper.” Sarah brushed her hair out of her face. “I know Henry’s been in love with you for years, and you seem to be falling fast yourself. Maybe you had something for him before, and you refused to believe it.”

 

 

 

Caroline didn’t know. She knew she had intense feelings for Henry since the beginning, but those had been of hatred, surely? How could she be in love with someone she believed had hurt her? That didn’t make any sense.

 

 

 

It was all very strange, and Caroline wasn’t sure how to untangle it.

 

 

 

“You said to me before that Henry spoke of having his heart for someone while he was at sea. That he wouldn’t say who it was, but that he would always have her in his thoughts.” She peered at her friend. “He was talking about me, wasn’t he?”

 

 

 

“He was. I didn’t really figure it out until I saw how he was looking at you at that ball where you met again. And I also saw the pain.” Sarah shook her head. “He wanted you, but he knew he couldn’t have you. Being around you had to be painful, and hearing you speak about him as you did was painful for me.”

 

 

 

Caroline winced.

 

 

 

“I went really into it, didn’t I?”

 

 

 

“You did. But what’s changed your feelings towards him? I’ve seen them shift over the previous weeks, but I wasn’t sure what started the change.”

 

 

 

Caroline wasn’t sure about that herself. She went to the settee by the roaring fire and sat down, staring at her hands in her lap.

 

 

 

“I suppose it started when I fell during that ride we went on with James. Henry was there taking charge. He was ... he was a gentleman, and he had a really soft touch. He never did anything that would have been what I expected of him. The way he treated my leg and kept my modestywhen I thought he would be like James ... I think that’s when I began to wonder if he was really what I had been told. That maybe I had been misled.”

 

 

 

Sarah didn’t say anything for a moment. Then there was a rustling of fabric, and she knelt before her friend, laying her hand over Caroline’s.

 

 

 

“You were led by the masses. They had an opinion of him that the public knew about, drawn up by his parents. They had made him a pariah before he ever got the chance because, in their heads, they already had a favourite child. Even if Henry didn’t try to protect James in the beginning, he would still have been treated as a scapegoat.”

 

 

 

“How do you know?”

 

 

 

“It’s a gut feeling. Henry was going to struggle either way. James can do no wrong. He can do whatever he wants, and it’s passed off as boys being boys. Henry has tighter restrictions because they already had an opinion of him. They didn’t give him a chance.”

 

 

 

“Just like I didn’t give him a chance,” Caroline murmured.

 

 

 

Sarah squeezed her hand.

 

 

 

“You’re giving him a chance now, aren’t you? You’re seeing a side of him that you didn’t think was there. And from the way you are around him, you like what you see.”

 

 

 

“I … I guess.”

 

 

 

“So, is that a bad thing? Do you not want to have feelings for him?”

 

 

 

Caroline didn’t know how to answer that question. She knew that what she was feeling for Henry was intense, and she didn’t want it to end. But after hating him for so long, it felt like she was a fickle woman who could be easily turned.

 

 

 

But Henry hadn’t done anything to turn me. He was always just himself. I was looking at him the same way everyone else did.

 

 

 

And he suffered for it.

 

 

 

“You do love him, don’t you?” Sarah asked quietly.

 

 

 

Caroline bit her lip.

 

 

 

“I don’t know. I do feel something, and it’s strong. And I do know that I want to hold onto Henry.”

 

 

 

“You don’t want to let him go, do you?”

 

 

 

“Does that sound awful of me? I shouldn’t be so strong in something.”

 

 

 

Sarah’s expression softened.

 

 

 

“Oh, Caroline, there is nothing wrong with going from hating someone to loving them. People’s feelings change, and it’s a natural thing. No one is going to be surprised if you and Henry get married. These things happen all the time.”

 

 

 

“Married?” Caroline blinked. “We haven’t even had our courtship yet. How can you be thinking about marriage now?”

 

 

 

“From the way you two are around each other, I don’t see you courting for very long, if at all. Providing you two didn’t get up to anything in his bedchamber …”

 

 

 

“We didn’t ... well …” Caroline blushed. “We didn’t do what you’re suggesting.”

 

 

 

“But you wanted to, didn’t you?”

 

 

 

“Sarah! Don’t talk like that!”

 

 

 

Sarah’s eyes twinkled as she stood up.

 

 

 

“Things are going to be fine. You can be confident about that. But do not be surprised if Henry offers you marriage without courtship. Considering he’ll be going to sea in a few short weeks, I can’t see him wanting to hang around and let you wait for years until he gets back.”

 

 

 

Until he gets back. Caroline had almost forgotten that he was a sailor. He might be a member of the nobility, but he was still a seaman at heart. That was where his love really lay. Could Caroline compete with that and stay at home, wondering if he would fall at sea and be lost forever?

 

 

 

Could she cope with knowing that he might not come home?

 

 

 

She was jerked out of her thoughts when there was a loud bang outside. She squeaked and jumped to her feet.

 

 

 

“Dear God, what was that?”

 

 

 

“It’s probably just the thunder.” Sarah shrugged and started to warm her hands in the heat of the fire. “Nothing to worry about.”

 

 

 

“But that didn’t sound like thunder.”

 

 

 

It sounded like someone was throwing something against the wall. Something very heavy. Caroline went to the window and peered out. The rain was still coming down, pounding against the window to the point she couldn’t see out. Everything was just black with the occasional flash of distant lightning.

 

 

 

“I can’t see anything.”

 

 

 

“It was probably something outside getting knocked over. That can happen in storms.” Sarah twisted her hair and tugged it over one shoulder. “I wouldn’t be surprised if we went outside now and found a tree had fallen over or the roof had come off the stables. Something like that.”

 

 

 

Caroline didn’t think so. Something was not right. That didn’t sound like a tree falling down and, even over the sound of the rain, she couldn’t hear the horses panicking. She leaned in towards the window, trying to see out. Maybe someone was outside and trying to get in. A servant, perhaps? A tenant?

 

 

 

But what would any of them be doing out at this time of night in this weather?

 

 

 

Suddenly, a face appeared in front of her, almost pressing its nose against the glass. It looked like a blurry mess, the rain distorting the features.

 

 

 

Caroline screamed and jerked back, tripping over her feet. She sprawled on the floor, trying to back away from the face as it stared in, its eyes following her every move. With the distortion, it looked like it was giving her an ugly sneer.

 

 

 

“Caroline!” Sarah was at her side. “What on earth?”

 

 

 

“There’s someone out there.” Caroline’s heart was racing. “There’s someone outside. I think they’re trying to get in!”

 

 

 

“You what?”

 

 

 

“Can’t you see it?” Caroline pointed. “There!”

 

 

 

Sarah looked, and her expression turned confused.

 

 

 

“I don’t see anything.”

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

 

Caroline looked closer. There was another flash of light, and then she saw there was nothing there. The face had gone. Her stomach lurched as she slumped, burying her head in her hands.

 

 

 

“But it was there. I saw it. Someone was outside.”

 

 

 

“Did you recognise them?”

 

 

 

“No, I didn’t. There was too much rain.” Caroline tried to take deep breaths, but it was hurting her chest. “God, that was frightening.”

 

 

 

Sarah rubbed her back.

 

 

 

“I think the storm’s getting to you. Your emotions are all over the place.”

 

 

 

“I didn’t imagine it, Sarah! There was someone outside in the garden.”

 

 

 

Maybe she was starting to get paranoid. Everything was in a mess in her head, and it had to be making her see things. That had to be it. Caroline scrambled to her feet.

 

 

 

“I ... I think we’d better retire for the night.”

 

 

 

“What about your book?”

 

 

 

“Hmm? Oh.” Caroline saw the book she had left on the settee. She hurried over and picked it up, holding it against her chest. “I’m sure it will distract me. I don’t want to have nightmares today.”

 

 

 

Sarah gave her a smile.

 

 

 

“That is the best option. I know you’re not too keen on storms …”

 

 

 

“I don’t mind thunder, but the rain that comes with it and having it overhead …” Caroline shuddered. “Not really my thing.”

 

 

 

“Understandable. It’s getting a bit wild out there.” Sarah took her arm. “Come on, let’s go.”

 

 

 

“Your candle?”

 

 

 

“Oh, that.”

 

 

 

Sarah hurried to where she had left her candlestick and picked it up. At that moment, the library doors to the terrace burst open with another clap of thunder, and a dark shape filled the doorway. Sarah screamed while Caroline’s heart stopped. She hadn’t imagined it. There had been someone outside.

 

 

 

Sarah bolted, dropping the candlestick and grabbing Caroline’s hand.

 

 

 

“Let’s get out of here! Come on!”

 

 

 

Caroline stumbled behind her friend as they ran into the hall and headed towards the stairs. She heard a growl behind her, which just made her run faster.

 

 

 

They skidded around the sharp bend, Sarah grabbing the stair banister and running up the stairs. Caroline tried to do the same, but her hand missed, and she hit the floor hard. Pain shot up through her elbow, and Caroline curled into a ball, squeezing her eyes shut at the pain.

 

 

 

“Caroline!”

 

 

 

There was the sound of running feet, and then someone was kneeling beside her. Caroline was rolled onto her back, and then she saw Henry leaning over her.

 

 

 

“Henry?”

 

 

 

“Good God, Caroline, what on earth are you doing?” Henry’s eyes searched her face, and he brushed her hair from her eyes. “Was that you I heard screaming just now?”

 

 

 

“It ... it was both of us.” Caroline swallowed. “Where’s Sarah?”

 

 

 

“I’m here.”

 

 

 

Caroline managed to sit up and saw Sarah clutching onto the banister with white knuckles. Henry helped Caroline to her feet.

 

 

 

“Now are you going to tell me what happened just now and why you’re running away like the Devil himself is after you?”

 

 

 

“There ... there was someone outside.” Caroline leaned into him, feeling the steady beat of his heart against her cheek. “I was getting a book, and there was someone outside. Then the doors opened, and he came in.”

 

 

 

“Who did?”

 

 

 

“We don’t know.” Sarah pointed a shaking finger. “They’re in the library. We didn’t know what to do.”

 

 

 

Then she started to cry again, which set Caroline off. She couldn’t help it; everything just vanished, and there was nothing left.