Trained By Daddy by Ava Sinclair
Chapter Thirteen
Lila
A normal personcould escape her personal problems through work or going out. It’s not that easy for me. I’m an introvert by nature, and my work is putting my personal fantasies on the page. The book I wrote starring versions of me and Gabe now sits in the Recycle Bin file on my desktop. Somehow, that was harder than blocking his number, but it had to be done.
I need to work, but I can’t. Instead I check my bank account. I’m thrifty and have accumulated a decent savings. I’ve decided to spend some of it getting out of town. If I can’t change my situation, the least I can do is change my surroundings.
I search for vacation spots in New England, some quiet little writer town. There are several, picturesque beauty spots with old bookstores and cobblestone streets. They look like fun but would be more meaningful if I had someone to share them with. I envy writers who enjoy being alone. Despite being shy, I’ve often struggled with my loneliness. A lump forms in my throat as I get a fleeting image of me and Gabe walking together on a vacation of our own. I start to cry.
I’ve clung to relationships in the past, stayed until I was depleted and discarded. It always hurt, but not like this. I’m the one that made the decision to end things with Gabe before they begun, all because I can’t believe it will last. It’s an act of self-preservation.
I feel shaky, but don’t know if it’s from hunger or emotion or both. I fix a peanut butter sandwich but only manage to take two bites. I look at my phone, wondering how long Gabe tried to call before he realized I wasn’t going to show and gave up.
I haven’t unpacked my overnight bag. It’s still by the door. It’s nearly bedtime when I decide I can’t bear the sight of it. I pick it up and open the foyer closet. I’m just about to put the bag in when I hear footsteps coming up the walk, followed by the chiming of the doorbell. Despite living in a safe neighborhood, I am a single woman living alone. I’m not used to night visitors. I peek through the keyhole and gasp. Gabe’s face is distorted by the little lens I’m looking through. How the hell did he find me?
The bell rings again. He turns his back to the door and paces on the stoop. When he turns back, he calls my name. “Lila! Lila! I know you’re home. Open the door. Please.”
I stand there frozen. My hand is on the knob. I want to open the door, but there are reasons I ran from him twice in a row. I’m scared. I have no self-confidence and it’s not fair to saddle him with my emotional need for validation. But it’s more than that. I think of Melanie and Kelly’s conversation. I’m used to the disdain. I’m used to feeling defensive. I don’t want to put that on Gabe.
“Lila. Open up. I want to talk to you.” He’s looking right at the keyhole. He knows I’m here. He knows I’m on the other side. He sighs. “I only had the name of your neighborhood, Lila,” he says. His voice sounds tired. I’ve been going from house to house asking if anyone knows you. One lady accused me of being a stalker and threatened to call the police. I’ve been at this for hours. I couldn’t believe my luck when one of your neighbors finally told me where you lived.
I unlock the chain and crack open the door so that each is visible to the other through the gap.
“Lila.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. It’s all he says at first. Just my name. Lila. The word is heavy with sadness. “Can I come in? I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you.”
“It’s not a good idea,” I say, trying to keep my emotions in check.
“Four hours, Lila. That’s how long I’ve been looking. Can’t you just give me five minutes?”
Gabe isn’t a bully. He’s not like the other men who disregarded my wishes. If I shut the door he’ll leave. If I shut the door, I’ll never see him again. He’ll respect my desire to be free of him. My palm is sweaty against the wood.
Shut the door. You’re just prolonging the inevitable if you let him in. My negative voice is insistent, telling me that this is stupid, that I did the right thing and that no one asked him to come looking for me. But he did. He did.
I stand back and open the door. Gabe walks in. He seems bigger in my house than he does at the gym, which is so open. He looks around, taking in my homey décor with the houseplants and throw pillows and cute antiques I’ve collected over the years.
“Your place is just like I imagined.” He turns to me. “It feels like home. But then, so do you.”
I shut the door and turn back to him. “You say that now, but home is where you’re alone, away from everyone. It’s supposed to be like that. But when you go outside, that’s when the looks start. The comments. And you realize what’s good for you in private might not be good for you in the larger world.”
Gabe shakes his head. “I don’t give a fuck what the world thinks, Lila.” He sighs. “You didn’t come up with this on your own. Somebody said something, didn’t they? Who was it? One of the women at the gym? Melanie?”
“Why? Did she say something to you?” I head to the kitchen and he follows. I take two mugs from the cabinet and put on the coffee pot, not knowing what else to do.
“Let’s just say come Monday I’m going to be looking for a new receptionist.”
He’s answered my question without directly answering it.
“This is exactly why we can’t be together, Gabe. We’re an odd couple. I’m already causing you problems. Don’t you think your life would be easier with a girlfriend you didn’t have to make excuses for? What are you going to do? Discard every person who wonders why somebody like you is settling for someone like me?”
“What is wrong with you, Lila?” He asks the question so sharply I startle. When I turn, I see his handsome face clouded by anger. “What the hell makes you think Melanie or anybody else should dictate what I should and shouldn’t want? You may let other people’s opinions control you, but I don’t let them control me!”
“That’s not fair,” I say, suddenly defensive.
“Isn’t it?” he walks over until he’s inches from me. His eyes are filled with hurt. “I’ve never been in a situation like this, Lila. If you had some guy in your life who wanted to fight me for you, I’d fucking take him to the mat. But how the hell do I fight the one person who’s keeping us apart?”
“The one person?” I shake my head, confused. “Who?”
“You!” he replies, exasperated. “I’m talking about you. You’re so quick to let other people define you, baby.” He looks away. “I tell you how beautiful you are, how perfect and instead of believing me, you cling to the opinion of some boyfriend who treated you like shit in your past.”
“Gabe, it’s not like that…”
“It is!” His reply is adamant. “You damn well know it. Hell, little girl. I know what happened today. I can guess. You overheard Melanie and Kelly talking shit about us, didn’t you?”
I look down, ashamed.
“And instead of coming to me, you did what you did when you overheard me talking to Sandra. You jumped to the worst-case scenario.” He shakes his hand. “It’s hard not to be mad at you right now.”
“Mad?” My voice is trembling. “Why should you be mad at me when they were the ones who said awful things?”
“Because you used their behavior as an excuse to sabotage our relationship, to hurt us.” He pauses. “To hurt me.” He takes my face in his hands and puts his forehead to mine briefly. I can feel his pain. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me again. “I can’t force you to accept the fact that you deserve to be loved. You need to learn that on your own, under the care of someone willing to remind you a million damn times how wonderful you are. I already know I deserve happiness. And I’ve always told myself when I found someone I knew would make me happy, nothing would stand in my way. But you’re standing in my way. Our way. And baby, I’m going to have to ask you to move.”
I begin to cry. “I don’t know how. I’ve been mired in this kind of thinking for so long. I’m so sorry. I feel so guilty.”
“You should,” he says, and I’m so surprised I stop crying.
“What?”
“You ran away rather than coming to me. You hurt my feelings. You hurt yourself.” He pauses. “What do you think should happen to such a careless little girl?”
“You don’t have to-,” I begin, but he cuts me off.
“Don’t you dare say I don’t have to spank you. This isn’t going to be for pleasure, Lila. The moment you called me Daddy, that’s what I became in your life. Why do you think I tracked you down? Because no Daddy Dom worth his salt would stand for his little one to be lost. Why do you think I’m going to fire Melanie and ban both her and Kelly from the gym? Because a Daddy won’t tolerate anyone who hurts his little girl. Do you know why I’m going to punish you?”
I think I do, but I want to hear him say it.
“Because, Lila, a Daddy always keeps his promises. I told you I wasn’t going to put up with you bringing yourself down.” He looks to the hallway. “Which room is your bedroom?”
“There’s only one,” I say quietly. “It’s at the end of the hall.”
He looks down at me. “What did you bring to wear to my house? I know you brought something. Was it something special?”
I nod. “A nightie.”
“Go put it on. Just that. No panties. When I come in that room in ten minutes, I want you face down on the bed with your bare ass presented for punishment.”
I want to ask what kind of punishment, but I don’t get the chance, because he tells me to go in such a stern tone that I scamper away. Little starbursts of excitement are going off in my body, colliding with waves of real fear. All my adult life I’ve dreamt of a Daddy Dom who would both love me and punish me to tears. I’m about to find out if it’s something I can handle.
