Trained By Daddy by Ava Sinclair
Chapter Eleven
Lila
I wenton a little shopping spree today. It’s not something I normally do, but I wanted to make my first day as Gabe’s girlfriend special, so I bought a pink sundress, a lacy baby doll nightie, and a new workout outfit. My mood is as bright as the afternoon sun as I make my way through the late day traffic.
The gym parking lot isn’t as full as it usually is on Friday afternoons, but that’s good. It means Gabe and I may have the gym all to ourselves. I smile at the thought, thinking how well that worked out the first time.
I guide my car next to Melanie’s Kia with the personalized plate reading FITGURL and cut the engine. I’m excited to change into my workout clothes. I head to the dressing room, nodding and smiling at the women who pass me. For the first time, I feel less of an urge to compare myself to them. I don’t have to be a size four to be fit. I’ll likely lose weight working out with Gabe, but the focus now isn’t on changing myself so much as making myself healthier.
The gym has nice facilities for the female members. The dressing room has lockers and showers. I slip into one of the dressing rooms where I pull the workout clothes from my bag. I cut the tags, trying not to look at the prices. I’ve never paid this much for active wear, but this is a special occasion. I’m celebrating the new, happier me.
I’ve always favored nondescript workout clothing that allowed me to sink into the background. My new leggings, covered in bold geometric shapes, mold to my curves. The shirt I pull over my athletic bra is a bold purple. For the first time I notice the definition in my legs and bottom, the toning in my arms. I imagine Gabe’s approving gaze as I walk in.
I’m sitting down to put on my shoes when I hear the door to the dressing room open. There’s laughter. I recognize Melanie’s voice. She wasn’t at the desk when I came in, and works out late in the day with Kelly, whose voice I recognize when she begins speaking.
“Do you think he’s just trolling us?” Kelly asks.
“I almost asked him that, but he seemed like he was serious.”
“I can’t believe Gabe is dating somebody like her. Maybe he’s just trying to make her feel better about herself. Girls like Lila don’t attract guys like Gabe. I’m thinking pity fuck.”
Melanie laughs. “His capacity for sympathy would have to be as big as she is. But maybe he likes fat girls. Some guys do.”
I look down at myself. I’m heavier than Melanie and Kelly, but I’m not fat. Tears spring to my eyes. I should walk out and shame them with my presence. I don’t need to be listening to this. Instead, I pull my feet up onto the bench in the dressing room so they won’t look under the door and see that someone else is here. I sit, and I listen.
“I think he should consider the gym’s image,” Kelly says. “I mean, is he going to like…take her out in public? People know he runs a gym. It would be like the chef of a five-star restaurant walking around with a burger from a fast food joint.”
“A greasy burger,” Melanie adds.
I feel tears tracking down my face. I hastily wipe them away.
“A big fatty burger,” Kelly continues. “With a side of jumbo thighs.”
They’re both laughing now. I bury my face in my hands. I imagine meeting someone Gabe knows, having them look at me. Most people are more polite than Kelly and Melanie. There would be arched brows, tight smiles. Behind the surprised eyes there would always be the question, “What’s a guy like him doing with a girl like her?”
I hear lockers open and close.
“You ready?” Kelly asks and their voices fade as they walk back out of the room.
It takes a few minutes before I can force myself to stand. When I do, I look back in the mirror where moments ago I’d admired my reflection. Now I see only my flaws – the bulge of my stomach, the sag in upper arms just starting to form muscle. And then there’s my ankles. I stare at them. Even they look fat.
What was I thinking, buying this stupid outfit? I turn from the mirror, pulling off the shirt as if it’s on fire. I kick off the shoes and pull off the pants, the spandex more difficult to get off than soft baggy sweats. Why did I do this? Why did I ever think….?
I turn and strike the bench with the pants, helpless rage mixing with self-loathing. I was so fucking stupid to think I deserved this, that I was good enough. I should run after Melanie and Kelly and thank them for reminding me of what I already know. I’m not good enough for Gabe, just like I wasn’t good enough for any other boyfriend or even my parents.
I pull my sundress back on and head for the back door with my gym bag, praying that I won’t see Gabe in the hallway. I don’t. When I reach my car, I swallow the beginnings of a sob as I look in the back seat at the overnight bag I carefully packed.
It’s almost time for my session. I know within ten minutes Gabe will be calling to ask where I am. History is repeating itself. Something I overheard has affected me, only this time, I’m not going back. I take my phone and put it on airplane mode and then decide that’s not enough. So long as Gabe can contact me, I’ll be tempted to pretend he’s in my life.
This was supposed to be the start of a new life, but if that new life brings embarrassment to the first man who’s ever cared about me, then is it worth it? It’s not. I can’t do this to him. It just isn’t fair.
