The Degradation of Shelby Ann by Emma Cole

Chapter Ten

Shelby

My tongue felt like I'd bitten a hole in it after refraining from flipping out on Dirk's dad. All the horrible things he'd had to say, both to and about me, had found their mark. The insults were enough to even keep my mind quiet. And I wanted to question what Winston Sr. had meant with his last order, but I was afraid to ask before we reached the privacy of our rooms. Plus, I wasn't quite happy with Dirk either. He had just sat there through most of it as if it were commonplace, and maybe it was, but he could have stuck up for me sooner. His brother had been kind enough to do so, and that was on top of keeping his promise to forget that I knew Carter. Not that I'd told him more than a very abbreviated version of events, saying that Carter had returned my purse but that was the end of it.

And hadn't that been a blow all on its own? My one and only one night stand had come home to roost; I could practically hear Mama's voice reciting her favorite 'I told you so' phrase. There wasn’t any way out of him being all up in my life, not anytime soon anyway, so I’d just have to suck it up.

Isn’t that what got you into this predicament in the first place?

I sincerely hoped that Dirk took my flushed face as indignation and embarrassment from dinner and wouldn’t question the cause. There just wasn’t a scenario I could imagine that would make Dirk accepting of the situation, and the last thing I needed was to draw more attention to my lack of, well, everything. The fact that I didn’t measure up to Winston Sr.’s standards was depressing enough, even if I’d somewhat expected it, but I didn’t want to dwell on all of my shortcomings. I was glad to be out from under the heinous man’s reach despite knowing it wouldn’t last forever. The welcoming sight of our suite door nearly had me sighing in relief.

What wasn’t welcome was Dirk wanting to leave me on our first night there. "You're not staying?" My voice was scratchy and barely there, the stress of the last two days having taken its toll. I was exhausted, but this took the damned cake. "Is this because of what your father said?"

"Darling, I've been gone, and neglected a new project while I was occupied with you. I need to get caught up before he hands it off to someone else." The derision in his tone let me know exactly who the 'he' was. From the two interactions I'd witnessed, there wasn't any love lost between father and son, not that I had any room to talk about parent/child relationships, but I could see taking away this 'project' as punishment. "As for you sleeping with me, or anything else more intimate, I'm afraid that's off the table, for now. Father has certain standards, and it’s one area that we happen to somewhat agree on." The mention of standards ate at me as much as my empty stomach, and while I wanted to interrupt to argue how antiquated the matter was, I held my tongue, again, and let him explain. "After the agreements are signed, and you very obviously aren’t pregnant, I’m sure he’ll lift the ban.” His lip curled at the end, annoyance evident, but I was plain appalled at the reasoning. And pissed.

For one, I’m on birth control, thank you very much. And two, where the hell do you people get off acting like I’d foist someone else’s baby off on you? You didn’t have a problem having sex with me last night!” The audacity to even suggest it was ludicrous. All I could think was how dare they?

Question… Why wouldn’t they dare? Really, girly, that would be exactly what a woman in your position would do. I do believe I suggested something along those lines already, although that seems to be off the table now. Pity that, you could have maybe avoided some of these hoops, but no matter, you’ve got gumption and indignation on your side, right?

I couldn’t argue the point, not really. She wasn’t wrong, and I didn’t have time to anyhow. I had to pay attention to Dirk so I could decide how hard I was about to kick him in his junk.

“Please do lower your voice, Shelby. We don’t need the servants gossiping or Father’s lap dog bursting in to save the day.” I nearly choked on my spit at the dressing down. I thought I was a patient person, but this was too much. I had to draw a line somewhere. Before I could gather my thoughts into some semblance of order so I didn't sound completely deranged, Dirk steamrolled right along. “To be frank, I assumed you were a virgin. It’s not a popular practice these days, but a man can hope. It would have alleviated any potential issues, but now they have to be addressed. And thinking about how many men you’ve been with…” An actual freaking shudder went through him then, and my fury morphed into betrayal so deep I was nearly tongue tied with it.

“One, Dirk, one," I corrected. "Not that it should matter at all, you hypocrite! You can’t even try to tell me you haven't had sex. I’m sure you didn’t wait until you were nineteen either!” I might have reached the end of my patience, but so had my loving fiancé, and the fear of his reaction to my outburst crept in.

He drew himself up, stiff and towering over me with his jaw clenched as twin patches of red bloomed high on his cheeks. “Never bring up another man you’ve shared yourself with, unless you want me to make the effort to hunt him down and ruin him for life. My wife won’t be a loose woman. You’ll forget you ever had an intimate act before we met, and I’ll forget you did as well.” He punctuated every demand with his finger poking at the air. If his feet hadn’t stayed frozen in place, I thought the digit would have been beating a rhythm on my chest. But he did, stay back that is, and while I was terrified, it wasn’t for me. No, it was for my new shadow… I had to make sure Dirk never found out Carter was the only one I’d been with. I had a glaring suspicion that that would actually make it worse, considering the way he’d watched our introduction like a predator watches its prey. One wrong move, and we’d both be at the mercy of his forgiveness for hiding it, and I couldn't tell him now. I knew my future would slip right between my fingers if I did, and I couldn't bear to lose him. Of course, my frantic thoughts brought my inner demon out in force.

Better inform cherry-popper about that then, sweetcheeks. Or better yet, get some real convenient amnesia and deny, deny, deny, if it comes out. But from the way those two eyed each other like a couple of feral wolves about to throw down over a fresh deer carcass, there’s a very slim chance they’ll be having a heart to heart where your illicit little tryst would come to light. You’re the carcass if you were wondering, by the way…

Thank you oh so much for butting in with your two cents again. Most children grow out of their imaginary friends, you know that, right? Just in case you were wondering, you’re a shitty friend…

It wasn't really a friend, imaginary or otherwise, but as much as I talked to myself, I also knew there was something not quite right with my head. That crazy needed to stay buried deep down, where no one could ever find it.

“Shelby Ann, will you pay attention? I swear, you wander off in that head of yours entirely too often.” The blood draining from my face felt like it hit my shoes in an instant. I reminded myself he couldn't read my thoughts, even if it seemed that way sometimes. It had to have been a turn of phrase, causing me to freak out over nothing. The silence stretched uncomfortably until I was forced to respond.

Focusing on Dirk’s chilly stare, I made sure my voice was steady and calm. One of us has to be. “It’s a lot to process, Dirk. You’re running so hot and cold on me, your father all but called me a gold digger, and now you’re going on about purity—” With a sigh, I begged him to drop it all. “Can we please just forget this entire conversation? I don’t want to fight or be made out to be a sex fiend or whatever you and your father think I am. I’m not, and I can handle whatever stipulations are required. I just need to know you’re on my side because I’m truly and irrevocably on yours.”

His anger deflated with my explanation, causing me to sag in relief as I returned the embrace he stepped in to give me, even though I was still slightly miffed at him. I imagined I’d be in that state quite a bit for the near future, so I just had to learn to deal with it. There was a goal in sight if I stayed my course, and every relationship demanded compromise to work. I kept reminding myself to make it work. A loving husband would be worth it; Dirk would be worth it.

“Get settled then, darling," he said in a soft tone, apparently taking my wish to drop it all to heart. "I’ll have Nina wait until after breakfast to get started with you, and I’ll wake you before then so we can enjoy the meal together.” He stepped back enough to give me a kiss on my forehead before he released me completely. “I have to go now. Don’t stay up too late.” Then he was gone, leaving me to sort myself out and go to bed hungry. Somehow, the familiar ache in my stomach was comforting. After all, it wasn't too different from being at home with Mama...

* * *

Carter

Iwas going to hell. There weren't any two ways about it. From the moment I realized who Winston was assigning me to, the thought had been playing on repeat in my head. Trying to keep my composure was almost impossible, and deciding if I should bring up our past encounter to Shelby was a war of pros and cons. Hell, she might not even remember me, and then I’d be making a fool of myself and a target out of us both.

Dirk wasn’t a pleasant man, and I didn’t understand how they’d ended up engaged. I also hadn't thought he had it in him to playact for the long game, not when it came to women anyway. Which brought up the other dilemma… How I was going to keep her safe? Unless she was into that scene, then I would be overstepping and again fucking myself over.

The whole thing made me want to bang my head on the table, but instead, I was listening with half an ear while Winston went on about his agenda regarding Shelby. She'd been the focus of my fantasies for years, and I'd have taken her away in a heartbeat if I were able to have a normal life. But that was what made it a fantasy, dreaming about what you couldn't have. And now I had to watch, and likely join, the men of this family in tearing her down.

After Winston had had a go at her, I’d watched her walk out with the evil fuck hiding behind a well-polished skin-suit, one I’d like to peel from his body after some of the shit I’d witnessed and had to help clean up. It ate me up inside, but there wasn't anything I could do to save her. A shudder ran through me at some of the memories, sickening enough to make me push my plate away. I hadn’t really been eating it, but it was something to focus on while I waited for Winston to finish with his directives to Nina and Rafe. Now I just wanted it out of my sight, or better yet, for me to escape from the vipers in the room.

Studying the trio, I had to admit Rafe wasn’t so bad. Mostly, he was a kid that had had to put up with too much bullshit, but he could display a mean streak a mile wide when it was called for. I worried he’d eventually end up like Winston or his brother… or dead like his mother. I hadn’t been there to witness it, and Rafe had been too young, but Dirk filled me in after Winston gave me my first solo run—which was how I came across Shelby.

My first real job for the family business had been to check in on Shelby’s mother to make sure she wasn’t running her mouth. I didn't know why it mattered; as far as I could tell, the woman was certifiable and only left the house to go to church. Not that I could blame her for snapping and clinging to her religion if the stories were true. I was mostly curious about why the woman was still alive, but I wasn't about to ask for fear that I'd end up having to take them both out to assuage my curiosity. As it stood with current events, I'd already caused enough damage.

It was my own fault that Dirk even had a fixation on Shelby. His jealousy over me being his father’s right hand had ended in him sending Milo to follow me that day. Dirk knew damn well that being in Winston’s crosshairs wasn’t pleasant, to say the least, but he didn’t care for being left out of the loop either. Milo had tailed me on a job that was a town past Shelby’s. I had known he was there, but also knew that it would do little good to cause a stink over it, so I let it be. I’d still had to report my monthly update for Winston, and that included a drive-by to make sure the woman hadn’t moved. While I didn't understand Winston's reasoning, it gave me the opportunity to occasionally see Shelby if I timed it right.

But something I did that day must have tipped Milo off. He wasn’t one to blindly take orders, but more of a companion for Dirk besides filling his duties as a bodyguard. The only reason I could figure that he stuck by Dirk's side, instead of trying to climb the ranks, was that he enjoyed being right where he was. Regardless of the reasoning, he’d filled Dirk in on my monthly trips, the only times that Winston let me very far from his side, and then Dirk had shown up for my next check-in.

When we drove by, Shelby had been out by the road, cutting back the vegetation that forever tried to eat up any and all paths in the humid and hot area, and an obsession had been born in the man. He hadn't tried to talk to her then, not that I'd have let him, no matter what he threatened after he’d insisted on coming with me, but he'd been fixated from the start.

Much like Winston, I hadn’t known what Dirk was up to with her, or that he'd even initiated contact with her, and then it was too late to try to dissuade him. Not that it likely would have done much good before, which was why I hadn’t tried, but his father would have had better luck. I’d stupidly hoped he would lose whatever fascination he held for her, but while Winston and I had been in and out of the area dealing with business, Dirk had used those opportunities to secretly court Shelby.

When Winston had gotten wind of Dirk’s inattention to the Jenkins girl and made arrangements to return home early, it had only been to find the news of his son's engagement spreading through the gossips like wildfire. For whatever reason, and my supposition was that it was for leverage against Dirk, Winston was allowing the situation to continue. I knew I was choosing my own agenda over the girl that had taken up residence in the only soft spot left in me, but I couldn’t do a damn thing about any of it without tipping my hand. Chances were high that she’d eventually hate me for my choices.

As I dwelled on my decision to ruin someone else's life, it vaguely registered that Winston was giving Nina a laundry list of tasks to handle, and Rafe wasn’t on board. Not that the idiot was ever on board with much his father had to say. His outburst though, was what fully drew me from stewing in my guilt.

“I can’t listen to any more of this, and I hope Shelby tells you all where to stick it.” Rafe was pissed, and I didn’t think his flushed state was only over his anger. He’d been hitting the alcohol pretty heavily, heavily enough to loosen his tongue more than normal, and that was a dangerous thing to do around this house. Yet even knowing the repercussions, he didn't stop, or even slow down. “You’re just going to turn her into a pretty little doll to trot out at functions while every move she makes is predetermined. I should warn her about what she’s getting into with this family the way someone should have warned my mother!” He roughly pushed his chair, wobbling a bit as he stood, but I was keeping my eye on the real issue… Winston.

“I wouldn't suggest getting in between your brother and his paramour. He’s rather possessive of this one and has gone to great lengths to get his way," the elder Hamilton warned. "I believe you will accompany me until the school year begins. I’ll need someone to step in for Carter anyway, and that will give me time to evaluate who I can get to assist me long-term. Best to keep you out of trouble rather than end up dealing with the headache it would cause to spin a story and dispose of whatever Dirk left of you and the girl if you tried it.” That part got through Rafe’s inebriated state. His disbelief would have been comical if Winston hadn’t been dead serious. Even Nina paled, her wide mouth flattening into a thin line, at the threat of Dirk’s temper. Not one of us was stupid enough to bring up where he got it from, though I knew we were all looking at the source.

A very subdued, "I'll be ready in the morning," was all he said in reply. He didn't waste time as he gathered himself before pushing his chair in and quietly taking his leave.

Winston only waited until the door swung shut again behind his son, then he excused Nina after making sure she understood her role. Dirk might have hired her, but Winston’s word was law, and we were all well aware of it. At least it was until he was out of the picture, but that was something no one could predict a timeline for. A stress headache built behind my eyes, and I prayed that Winston would hurry up and spit out whatever he was waiting to say to me so I could set up my new accommodation. The newest torture I'd have to suffer at the hands of this man.

“If it becomes necessary, you’ll remove the girl from play. I won’t have her disrupting my household.” My stomach clenched at his order, threatening to expel what little bit of dinner I’d managed to eat. I can’t. I could never hurt her.

“What about Dirk?" I tried, hoping he had any amount of regard for his son. "He obviously has feelings for her…” As much as it pained me to admit it, the man had never been this way over a woman. I just wished it wasn’t over this particular one.

Winston arched a brow as he sat his glass back down with a thump on the table. “He’ll get over it. I did.” Any hope was dashed with his callousness.

Resolving myself to how the story of Shelby would end, I gave Winston a curt nod. “Of course, sir. I’ll do what’s needed. I always have.”

With a noise I took as approval, he went back to his dinner, waving me off when I asked if he required anything else from me. I had to get the fuck out of there, fast. I could almost see the ashes of the last of my humanity sitting where I had been… right next to the man who had ruined my life, taken those of my family, and would likely take that of the last person I had truly cared about. But I couldn’t sacrifice all for her, no matter how much I’d wanted to in the past. That was why I'd left her sleeping that night long ago.