Dare Me by Ella Frank
Kieran
“YOU’RE AWFULLY QUIET over there, KB. What’d you do, pop another pain pill with your OJ this morning? Am I gonna have to carry you into the station?”
I glanced at Olsen out of the corner of my eye to see him looking over at me. We’d just come to a stop at a red light and were about three blocks out from the station. I’d been hoping we’d have a straight shot from the loft to the firehouse so I wouldn’t be subjected to any small talk, but no such luck. It seemed the gods were against me, because every set of lights we’d come to had been bright fucking red, and I felt the weight of Olsen’s stare getting heavier with each stop.
“Nah, just feelin’ the shoulder a little more today, that’s all.”
“Well, no shit. I swear I heard that thing pop even with the building falling down around us. I just figured the pain pills would’ve made you a little more agreeable. You’ve been stomping around the loft like a bear with a thorn in its side.”
I grimaced at the reminder of the searing pain that had accompanied my fall. I knew I’d been less than pleasant to be around since I woke up this morning. But that had nothing to do with the wicked bruise beginning to color my shoulder and back, and everything to do with a certain man ghosting me. Not even the pills managed to dull the sting of embarrassment and hurt that Bash’s little disappearing act had left behind. I wasn’t sure that anything could.
“Hey, on the plus side,” Olsen said, “at least you get to sit out the next few weeks in the air conditioning. Hottest couple days of the year coming up. If I didn’t know you as well as I do, I might start to think you did this on purpose.”
“Fuck that.” I shook my head. “There’s nothing worse than sitting around with your thumb up your ass when the rest of your crew’s out on the scene, and you know it.”
“Exactly. That’s why I know you’ve gotta be hurtin’. So if you need anything, make sure you ask, okay?”
Unless Olsen could get a certain someone to call me or, I don’t know, text me back and tell me why the hell he’d decided to up and fucking leave without a trace, there was little he could do.
When we pulled up at the firehouse, I told Olsen I needed to go see the chief and get my paperwork to fill out for leave. But really, I just didn’t want to deal with all the questions the guys would throw my way this morning.
I wasn’t in the mood for company. So it was probably for the best that I was on desk duty for the next however many days. That way I could lock myself in my office and stew in private.
I still couldn’t believe how things had gone down with Bash, and not just in the literal sense. I’d been happy with life, happy with my life, until Sebastian Vogel strutted his way into it. Now here I was left questioning every-fucking-thing.
Why did he leave?
Did I do something wrong?
Do I like guys now?
I was so up in my head that it was amazing I could actually put one foot in front of the other, and the more I thought about it, the more it festered. There was nothing worse than unanswered questions, and since the only person who could give me any kind of closure had up and left the damn city, it looked like I was shit out of luck.
“KB, it’s good to see you. How’s the arm doing?” Stevie, the paramedic who’d taken me to University, stopped me in the hall.
“It’s all good. I got a bit of a bruise coming up—”
“A bit?”
I chuckled. “Okay, a really nasty one coming up. But other than that, I think I got off pretty lucky.”
“I don’t know that I’d call it lucky. But I’m glad it wasn’t anything worse.”
“You and me both.”
She rubbed my good arm and gave a pitying smile. “So you’re stuck on desk duty for a while, huh?”
No one liked sitting on their ass around here. “Yeah, but I’ve got a lot of paperwork to catch up on—”
“So if we catch you sleeping on the job, it’s more than likely due to boredom than pills?”
I chuckled. “Maybe a combo of both. Is the chief in his office?”
“Sure is. I’ll let you go.”
I nodded, then gestured to my arm. “Thanks again, Stevie.”
“Anytime. I got to go stock the rig. See you around, lieutenant.”
Her words immediately brought to mind an image of Bash standing outside of Gravitasafter he kissed me on the cheek. He’d said the exact same thing to me. In fact, I’d started to really enjoy the way he called me lieutenant like it was some kind of—
No. Stop it.I was doing it again. Fucking fixating on him. Jesus.
I rapped on the chief’s door a little harder than necessary, and when he gestured for me to come in, I shoved all thoughts of tall men with glossy lips and kohl-lined eyes out of my damn head. Wow, never thought that would be an issue.
“KB, come in.” Chief Parker gestured to a seat. “Sit down. Tell me what they said at the hospital.”
The chief had been busy dealing with the aftermath of the warehouse fire down at main headquarters when I returned from the hospital. So I quickly brought him up to speed and relayed what I’d been told about the dislocation and what they advised in way of recovery.
“Right, that’s about what I figured.” He gestured for his right-hand woman, Bridget, to come in and join us. “We’ll get your paperwork together for your couple days off, then it’s desk duty for you. We’ll have Olsen run the truck while you’re out, and once you get cleared, we’ll get you back out there.”
I nodded as Bridget opened the door and stepped inside. “Chief?”
“Bridget, would you mind getting Kieran the forms he needs to fill out for his admin leave?”
“Of course. I’ll email them over right away.”
I smiled up at her. “Thanks.”
“No problem. How’s the shoulder?”
Throbbing like a son of a bitch.“It’s fine.”
She eyed me closely, and for some reason I felt as though she could see right through me.
She turned back to the chief. “Anything else?”
“Nope. That’ll be all.”
She smiled at the both of us and then left, closing the door behind her. When I turned back, the chief was watching me closely.
“You all good other than the arm?”
I frowned. What the hell? Had Olsen said something to him about me? No way—we hadn’t been to the station since our shift, so when would he have had time to come and tell the chief anything? Plus, Olsen would’ve told me to pull my head in before he’d report anything—at least, I thought he would.
“Yeah, I’m good. Why do you ask?”
“We lost a lot of people at this last one. Being sidelined can sometimes mess with our heads. Make us wish we’d been able to stay in the fight, save more lives. It would be understandable if that had you a little shaken.”
Yeah, that night had been shitty all around. I’d hated being pulled out of the field, and I’d definitely had my share of what-ifs immediately after. I’d been doing this job long enough now, however, to know that if I went down that road, I’d end up in a really negative headspace. One that could swallow me whole.
So while I acknowledged the potential of what could’ve been, what I might’ve been able to do had that staircase not collapsed beneath me, I couldn’t allow myself to take on any guilt about it.
I’d done my job. I’d saved several lives that night, and while I wished it had been more, ultimately the blame for the lives lost in that fire fell on the city and management that had left it unchecked for so long.
“It was rough, that’s for sure. I hate losing anyone, but to know there were multiple fatalities was difficult. I’m okay, though. Promise.”
“Well, if you need to talk, just know the option is available.”
“Got it.”
“Very good. Dismissed.”
I gave a clipped nod and headed out of his office with every intention of making a beeline to my own, but Brumm bellowed out of the kitchen, “Yo, KB! Better get your ass in here quick. Olsen’s handing out orders like someone put him in charge or something.”
I sighed and decided the quicker I made an appearance with the guys, the quicker I could take my shitty mood with me home. So I plastered on a smile and made my way into the kitchen area, where everyone was filling up on caffeine and food for the day ahead.
I walked over to Olsen and smirked. “Do I need to remind you who’s in charge?”
Olsen barked out a laugh. “With that bum arm? I’d like to see you try.”
“Pretty sure I could take you with two bum arms. But want to test the theory?”
“Nah, I’m good. Plus, if you break my arm, who’s gonna help you out around the loft?”
Then Brumm said around a mouthful of toast, “Pretty sure he has a long list of badge bunnies dying to come play nurse for him. That Summer chick, for one.”
My stomach twisted at the mention of her name. This was the exact thing I’d wanted to avoid talking about this morning, which made it the perfect time to make my exit, before the dark cloud I’d managed to shove aside for five minutes came rumbling back in.
“Oh, that’s right.” Olsen nodded. “She did stop by that morning to offer up her services, didn’t she?”
Sanderson grunted. “Her and KB’s other biggest fan.”
My what? I turned in Sanderson’s direction to see an ugly curl turn up his top lip.
He looked me dead in the eye. “I mean, if Summer’s not up for the job, you could always invite our local firehouse faggot over to help. He seems more than willing to do your bidding.”
Like a switch had been flicked, a blinding-hot rage fueled by Sanderson’s sick diatribe bubbled up inside me until my vision was nothing but a red haze of fury, and before I knew what I was doing, I snapped.
I threw out my right hand, sending his full plate of food flying through the air and to the floor, and before the motherfucker could blink, I was on him.
“What did you just fuckin’ say?”
“KB!” someone called from behind, but I wasn’t paying attention to anyone but the piece of shit in front of me.
My heart was thundering, the blood ringing in my ears, and I knew I was way out of line putting my hands on another employee, but I was done putting up with this homophobic asshole’s mouth.
I had a good couple inches on Sanderson and a whole lot of pounds muscle wise. He tried to push back, but I moved in until I was only inches from his face, my gaze boring into his.
“Go on,” I said through teeth clenched so hard I thought I’d crack a molar. “Say that again. I fucking dare you.”
“KB, he’s not worth your job!”
Olsen. That was definitely Olsen, but I wasn’t listening. All of the emotions from the past couple of weeks—the guilt from that first night Sanderson ran his mouth, my own confusion over what I was feeling about Bash, plus thoughts of all of the people in my life that I loved and whom they loved—rushed to the surface, and I yanked Sanderson off the counter and then slammed him back into it again.
A whoosh of air left him, and a feeling of satisfaction managed to slip past the steel pipe that felt lodged in my chest. I might not be able to use my fist on his ugly fucking face, but I’d clearly made a point.
He winced and angled his chin up as though that were somehow going to make me back the hell off, but all it made me want to do is ditch the sling and punch him.
“You know, you’re pretty protective over someone who wants to suck your dick. Maybe you should just let him and get rid of this tension you’re carrying around.”
I was done.
I ripped my arm from the sling, and the burn that seared through my shoulder blade made my anger all the more potent. I balled my fist and was about to smash it in his face.
“Lieutenant! Sanderson!”
The shout that boomed around the kitchen was like the voice of God, and the only thing that was able to break through the madness that had taken hold of me. Brumm grabbed my right hand and Olsen hauled Sanderson away until we were on opposite sides of the kitchen.
My chest was heaving, and the only thing on my mind now was how to hurt the man who’d dared talk shit about everyone I cared about. Sanderson was now permanently on my motherfucking shitlist.
“Olsen,” Chief barked out. “Get Sanderson out of here.” He narrowed his eyes on the asshole. “I’ll deal with you later.”
Then the chief turned to me. “Lieutenant.” He didn’t say anything else, just turned on his heel and marched out, and his message was clear: follow.
I tugged my arm free of Brumm, who was uncharacteristically quiet, then shrugged my arm back into the sling, wincing at the bite of pain reminding me that I’d probably just set my healing progress back a couple days.
Oh well, it was fucking worth it.
I headed out of the kitchen to where Chief Parker was waiting for me.His hands were on his hips, his head down as he stared at the floor. I tried to feel sorry for what I’d just done.
“What the hell was that?” Chief’s voice was low, a tone that was just as effective as the shout he’d issued only seconds ago.
“Sanderson was running his mouth, so—”
“You thought you’d put your fist in it?”
I clamped my mouth shut, thinking it might just be best, but then I remembered what that fucker had said.
“He’s a homophobic prick, sir. Not once, but twice now, he’s used disgusting, disparaging language around me, and I’m sorry, but I can’t just sit back and let that shit go. What if someone started work here that was gay? That kind of harassment shouldn’t be tolerated.”
Chief Parker looked over my shoulder to the kitchen and then back to me. “Agreed. But if you have a problem, you come to me about it. You don’t start Fight Club in the kitchen in front of your crew and a new candidate.”
“I know.” I shook my head. “It’s just—”
“Listen, you’ve had a rough couple days.” Chief rubbed at his jaw. “You’ve got time accumulated. Why don’t you take a couple weeks?”
My mouth fell open. “Are you suspending me?”
“No. I’m advising you to take some time off.”
I gritted my teeth and glared over my shoulder. “And Sanderson?”
“Let me deal with Sanderson.” I turned back to see the chief eye me with a no-nonsense look. “This isn’t a request, lieutenant. Two weeks. Now get the hell out of here and ice that arm.”
Fine by me. I wasn’t exactly fit for company these days anyway. Two weeks at home alone sounded like the perfect solution.
