unREASONable by Arya Matthews
Track 26
Marshall
“What did you two fight over this time?” CJ asks after we drop Alexandra off at the guest house.
“Why do we have to talk about Alexandra?” Every time we do, I want to punch him, and CJ doesn’t deserve it. All he did was be nice to a girl when I did my best to be a mean idiot. The worst part of it is that I don’t know how to stop being one, and whether I can fix anything even if I do. CJ’s in love with Alexandra, and she doesn’t mind his attention.
I go upstairs.
CJ follows me. “I know you hate to talk about things, but I also know how much you need to talk about things. What’s happening? You’re not yourself lately, and I can tell it has something to do with Alexandra.”
“You’re wrong.” Of course I lie again. When I get to my room, I block the doorway so he doesn’t get in. “It’s not about her.”
It is, but it has more to do with him and his reaction to her than with what Alexandra has done.
“Come on, Marsh. Do you like her or something?”
“Like her?” My tone comes off too angry, but I can’t take it back.
CJ has no idea. I don’t like her. I need her in order to think, to breathe, to feel like my heart is still there. I refused to see it, but now I know why I resisted the change Alexandra brought with her. It’s not about the band. It’s about me. She changed me. She proved to me that I want that kind of a relationship. I want to hold a hot-blooded, living girl, snuggle her on the couch, kiss her in the dark, be jealous when she looks at someone else. I never thought being in love would alter me so much, but it did and still does. I feel like I’m alive for the first time, and it burns like madness because the girl I crave seems to be in love with my best friend.
She totally is. Why else would Alexandra be so worried about CJ liking her?
He raises his hands in surrender. “Sorry. You sure act sometimes like you’ll throttle me if I ever sit with her again. All the glaring. If you like her—”
“She’s all yours.” I mean it.
CJ frowns. “But—”
“Don’t you love her?” I don’t want to hear his response, but I know that I need to. Once more and for sure. One final nail in my coffin.
“Marsh—”
“Let’s start practicing Alexandra’s song tomorrow. Everyone expects us to present something new at the festival, so let’s let her sing.”
I close the door and hear CJ groan loudly outside. That’s exactly what I want to do, but I let it go. Everything will be fine soon enough.