It’s Only Temporary by Iona Rose

Bianca

Iwoke up with a pounding headache on the day that I’d been most looking forward to since meeting Brian and Sarah. I tried to lift my head from the bed, failed and let it fall back. It was as if aliens had invaded my body.

In the distance, I could hear the sounds of the shower. That meant that Connor was already awake but he hadn’t been stupid enough to drown himself with alcohol like I had. The plan had been to anaesthetize myself with wine and it had worked, up to a point.

I’d stopped obsessing over Connor and Angie and I’d even managed to have a good time. I’d been the life of the party and the last one to leave. All along, Connor had sit at the bar, sipping water and watching me. At one point in the evening, he had asked if we could call it a night and I’d said no, and he could go if he wanted.

He hadn’t. He had returned to his position at the bar and only left it when the party wound down and everyone went to their rooms. On the way to our room, Connor had attempted to take my hand but I’d shoved him off.

“Why are you so upset?” he had asked me.

I’d ignored him. How could I tell him that I was upset because I was jealous? That I finally understood that he belonged to someone else and could never be mine, even if I wanted him to.

No woman, even one who is not interested in a relationship wants to believe that she’s second to another one. All Angie had needed to do was to text Connor and he had gone off running to her. I had no right to him, but it had still hurt. Deeply.

It had highlighted how little what we had meant to him.

He was borrowed and when the person who held his heart came for him, he had gone without an explanation. I was green with envy for a woman who did not deserve him.

I’d been angry that Connor couldn’t see for himself that Angie did not deserve his devotion and loyalty. The shower water turned off and I tensed up. The next two days were going to be terrible and I couldn’t wait for them to be over so that I could go back home and lick my wounds in peace.

A minute later, the bathroom door opened and Connor strode into the room. I opened one eye and looked at him. He wore his towel loosely around his hips and despite my lingering anger with him, my breath hitched. Just looking at him was enough for desire to engulf my whole body.

“Good morning,” he said, his tone careful.

“Morning,” I said, my mouth dry.

“It doesn’t look like a very good morning for you,” he teased.

I wished that I could pretend that I didn’t care that he still loved Angie. I longed to have him back in my bed. I imagined running my hands over his muscled chest and having his strong arms wrapped around me. then for those precious minutes, I could pretend that he was mine.

“Not very,” I said, inhaling deeply in an effort to ease the tightness in my chest.

I looked away when he dropped his towel.

He dressed and then opened the cooler in the room and brought me a bottle of water and an aspirin. “You’ll feel better in no time. Can I bring you a breakfast tray?”

The thought of breakfast made me want to throw up. “No thanks.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later.” Moments later, he turned to go but paused for a few seconds at the door as if he wanted to say something.

He didn’t.

I sat up and swallowed the pill and washed it down with the deliciously cold water. It cooled down my throat which had been feeling as if a fire had been lit in there.

I longed to slide back into the covers and sleep for another hour but a glance at the time and I knew that I really needed to get up. I’d promised Sarah to join her and her wedding party in her suite to get my hair and makeup done and just hang out with them.

With a groan, I coaxed myself out of bed and into the bathroom. By the time I was done with a shower, I was feeling marginally better. I wore the black lacy bra and panties I’d chosen to wear for the wedding, and the lodge bathrobe over my underwear.

I wasn’t expecting any calls or messages. Eva was aware that I’d be busy all day with the wedding. Anybody else could wait.

Sarah’s suite was on the other side of the lodge and I ran into a few people as I made my way there. From the casual, warm greetings I received from Connor’s aunts and cousins, I figured that his parents and Sarah had decided to keep news of our fake engagement to themselves.

I was relieved. I wasn’t sure I could have endured sympathetic looks from everyone. I knocked lightly on the bridal suite door and pushed it open. Scents of perfume and styling gels hit me as soon as I stepped into the room.

It was a beehive of activity with all of Sarah’s four bridesmaids in the room, all in bathrobes and the styling team busy with them.

“Bianca,” Sarah said, crossing the room to hug me. She took my hand and led me to one of the two other rooms.

I called out cheery good mornings to everyone as I trailed after Sarah. She shut the door when we got to the room and pulled me into another hug.

“I think your awesome and if my brother was clever, he would not let you go,” she said.

I smiled, her words warming my insides. “Thanks.”

“How are you holding up?”

“Weird. I’d gotten used to being Connors fiancée,” I said surprisingly myself with my honesty.

There was something about Sarah that made me trust her. She was warm and friendly and a genuinely good person. I’d also being impressed by her sense of right and wrong even when the subject of the matter was her beloved brother.

She had gone straight to her family and together they had confronted Connor. To me, it was a sign of a family that was not afraid to confront issues, and confront someone when they were in the wrong. I hoped Connor knew how blessed he was to come from such a strong and loving family.

“Everything will work out well, I just know it,” she said.

“It will. Enough about me. Today is your big day and I for one want to have the best day. How are you?”

Sarah grinned. “Excited. I can’t believe that after today, I’ll get to call Brian my husband.”

I couldn’t even imagine how that felt like. “I’m so happy for you guys. Let’s go get you ready and make you as beautiful outside as you are on the inside.”

Tears sprung into her eyes. “If I was a guy, I’d marry you.”

I laughed amid my own tears.

Back in the suite living room, I found myself propelled to a station and one of the stylists working on my hair. It was relaxing to rest my eyes and allow someone else to do their thing on my hair.

Fifteen minutes later, a makeup woman by the name of Andrea came to inspect my face.

“You have near perfect features,” she said, studying my face like a scientific specimen under a microscope. “Less is more.”

I gave her the go ahead to do as she pleased. I didn’t really care what she did with my face. The one person I’d have wanted to impress was clearly spoken for. I just needed to look decent.

An hour later and I headed back to our room to dress up. I was relieved when I found the room empty. The less I saw of Connor, the better. I fetched my dress from the closet and laid it on the bed. I’d specifically bought it with Connor in mind.

I remembered how excited I’d been as the fantasy that he was secretly into me grew in my mind. What a fool I’d been. I shrugged out of the bathrobe and slipped into the deep berry long gown with a leg split and a plunging neck line.

It was designed to make the wearer feel and look sexy. I needed all the help I could get.

The wedding ceremony was slated to begin at eleven and the guests were to be seated in the barn at twenty minutes to eleven. I was about to pick up my purse when the door swung open and Connor strode in.

I knew it was him when the door opened but seeing him in his black tuxedo and pristine white shirt made my breath hitch. The sight of him jolted something in me, leaving me feeling vulnerable and weak in the knees.

I tried to tell myself that he had lied to me by omission. But my stupid heart refused to listen and I breathed as if I’d come from running a marathon.

“I thought we’d go together,” he said sounding unsure.

“Okay.” I slipped on my coat, grabbed my purse and crossed the room.

“You look beautiful,” Connor said, looking at me in a way that made me want to strip off the gorgeous dress and invite him to ravish me.

“Thank you. You look nice too.”

Out in the hallway, he offered me his arm and I took it. Luckily, I didn’t have to think about Connor too much as there was lots to distract me.

“You two look great,” Aunt Catherine said as she stepped in behind us.

“So do you,” I told her and Connor echoed my sentiments.

It seems like the whole wedding party had picked that time to stroll to the barn. Outside, everything was still as if the world had paused for Sarah and Brian’s wedding. There had been a forecast of snow but so far there was no sign of a storm and I hoped it wouldn’t come until later in the day, or even better, at night.

The barn had been converted to a church of sorts and beautifully decorated with the wedding theme colors of pantone rose brown and rose gold. Connor and I took our places in the family pew even though I felt like a total fraud sitting there.

Judy flashed me a warm smile which made me feel a little better.

The groom and his groomsmen lined up at the front of the make shift church and the excitement levels went up. They looked so handsome in gray tuxedos and rose red ties.

Against my wishes, an image of Connor as the groom popped into my mind. I pushed it away as the wedding march came on. We all turned back to look at the entrance and when the bride emerged in the arms of her father, we all stood up.

Sarah was practically glowing in her ivory satin, off the shoulder wedding dress. She only had eyes for Brian as she walked down the aisle. Brian took her hand and for a few seconds, it was as if they had forgotten where they were and the world consisted of just the two of them.

I suddenly wished that I had it in me to make such a commitment to someone. To love someone so much that I was willing to risk my heart just to have a happy ever after with them.