Hapi by Cari Waites

The rain-soaked trees flashed by,with each curve of the road revealing a new stand of them illuminated briefly in the headlights of the white sedan. There and gone again, like the flickering frames of an old movie. Jayden leaned his head against the window and let his stinging tears slide down his face.

If he’d drowned in the river like Hapi said, then fighting all this was pointless. If he was a dead man, a wandering soul, a ba, then he had no power here and everything that happened was inevitable.

It was almost easy to believe because he was tired and hurting and had no strength left in him to fight. But the ache in Jayden’s heart didn’t believe it. He was alive, he knew he was alive, and he wanted to live. He wanted a life. He felt a rush of guilty regret for never having truly lived his life before now. He could have done so much more with the time he’d been given. He should have, but what had his plans amounted to except maybe getting to Cairns and looking for his dad? Jayden had never gone to university or even looked into getting a trade apprenticeship. He’d never gone overseas. He’d never even left the state. He’d been stuck, like an insect trapped in amber, in his shitty small world of dull dreams and low ambition.

He watched Horus’s hands on the steering wheel and the gold ring that glinted in the faint light of the dashboard.

Who was this man that he’d poisoned his sons with his delusions? Who was he that they followed the rules he set down even when he wasn’t there? He might not have been a god, but he was to his sons, and he shaped the lives they led. They worshipped him. They killed for him.

Jayden thought of his dad, of the name and address written in his notebook.

A father didn’t have to be a god to shape his son’s life, he supposed. He didn’t have to be anything more than a rumour. If Jayden hadn’t been chasing ghosts, he never would have been anywhere near Innisfail in the first place. At least Horus’ sons knew the father who ruled their lives.

Something almost like jealousy settled sourly in Jayden’s gut as he stole another look at Horus and wondered why he hadn’t immediately seen the resemblance to Hapi in that stern profile and dark eyes. Maybe it was because Hapi was so stone-faced. Wringing even a hint of a smile out of him felt like a miracle. There were crow’s feet at the corners of Horus’ eyes and lines around his mouth; he looked like a man who laughed a lot. Jayden didn’t ever bother try to reconcile that with the fact that he was a killer with a literal god complex. What was the point? Nothing had made any fucking sense since Hapi had pulled him from the river.

Horus caught his gaze and winked.

Jayden turned his head away and rested it on the window again.

He was going to die. There was no way he’d get a second chance at escape. All the threads of his life had somehow led him here, to an isolated property on the northern side of the Johnston River, and to people who were going to take his life because they thought he was already dead.

Nothing made sense.

The car slowed, and Jayden glimpsed a turnoff up ahead. A moment later, the tyres crunched on gravel and stones pinged against the chassis of the car. The headlights bounced off the trees as the road dipped up and down a few times, and then they rounded a curve and Jayden saw the side of the house.

Horus turned off the road and onto the muddy grass, parking between the house and the shed. He turned the ignition off, and they sat in silence for a moment. Jayden curled his fingers around the sash of his seat belt.

“Well then,” Horus said at last, tapping his fingers on the top of the steering wheel. “Shall we go and see the boys?”

Except the house was empty when Horus led Jayden up the front steps and inside. The lights were on and the front and back doors were both wide open. Jayden heard the sound of the television coming from the living room.

“Looks like they left in a hurry,” Horus said, his eyes twinkling. “They must still be out looking for you.” He held Jayden’s upper arm and inspected him carefully. “Which one of them caught you and claimed you, hmm?”

Jayden stared at the floor.

“Hmm.” Horus’ gaze fell on his throat. “That’s Hapi’s handiwork, isn’t it?”

Jayden jerked his head in a shaky nod.

Horus released him and nudged him down the hallway. “Go on.”

“What?” Jayden rasped.

“Go and wait for him in his room,” Horus said. “And think about the ways you can beg his forgiveness. He’s an angry one, but I suppose you already know that.”

Jayden shuffled down the hallway into Hapi’s room.

Horus closed the door behind him and a bolt scraped closed.

Jayden was wet and muddy. He sat on the floor next to Hapi’s bed and leaned his head against the mattress. He tried not to cry—he was too thirsty to waste the tears—but they came unbidden, hot and bitter, until his weariness finally overcame him. He dozed.

* * *

The stompof boots on the floor and the sound of angry voices jolted Jayden awake. A moment later, the door slammed open and knocked against the wall behind it. Hapi stood in the doorway. He had a face like an oncoming storm, and Jayden’s breath shuddered out of him and his guts turned to water.

Hapi strode into the room, slamming the door shut again. “You ran. You ran!”

“Because it’s not real,” Jayden rasped, scrabbling backward even though there was nowhere to go and hitting the side of the bed. “None of this—gods and the afterlife and judgement—it’s not real, Hapi! I’m alive! I’m not dead!”

Hapi’s lip curled as he folded his arms across his chest. “How the fuck would you know that?”

Jayden pressed his trembling hand to his chest. “Because I can feel my heartbeat.”

“An illusion,” Hapi said.

“No!” Jayden curled his fingers into a fist. “Because if I can’t trust my heartbeat, or my breath, if they’re an illusion here, then they could be an illusion everywhere. You don’t get to say it was real when I could feel them before the river, but they’re not now. You don’t get to tell me that I died when I’m still alive. You say it’s an illusion, but I don’t believe that. I’m alive.”

Hapi crouched down on his haunches. His T-shirt and jeans were wet, and his skin shone with rain. “You died in the river, Jayden. I know because I pulled you out.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“You were a corpse. You are a corpse.” Hapi reached out, and Jayden tilted his chin back. He let his eyes flutter closed as Hapi’s fingers curled around his throat. “You promised yourself to me, Jayden, and then you ran.”

Jayden swallowed, his throat bobbing against Hapi’s hand. He opened his eyes and glared at Hapi. “I promised myself to you, not to Duamutef or your other brothers.”

Hapi’s gaze narrowed.

Jayden lifted his hand and placed it over Hapi’s. “I said I was yours. I said you could have my breath. And you let Duamutef hurt me!”

Hapi pulled his hand away from Jayden’s throat and twisted it into his damp T-shirt instead. He stood, wrenching Jayden up with him, and then pushed him down onto the bed. Jayden landed in a flurry of limbs, and Hapi followed him down. He bracketed Jayden with his arms, pressing his mouth against his in a rough, angry kiss.

Jayden shifted, spreading his legs to make room for Hapi in the cradle of his thighs. He opened his mouth to the kiss, welcoming Hapi’s tongue inside, and shivered. His injured palm stung as he curled it around the back of Hapi’s neck. He got his other hand between them, desperately reaching for Hapi’s dick and feeling it through the layer of wet denim.

“Did you look for me?” he asked, panting for breath. “Did you spend hours out there searching? Your father said you’d be angry, but it’s more than that isn’t it?” He rocked his hips against Hapi’s. “You weren’t just angry that I might have gotten away. You were scared, too.”

Hapi growled, wrenching backward to put some space between them. He batted Jayden’s hand away from his fly, opening it himself and tugging the zipper down. Jayden brought his legs up so that he could shove his board shorts down and off. He left muddy streaks on Hapi’s bedspread as he wriggled. He pulled his T-shirt off and then lay back on the bed and watched as Hapi revealed himself to his heavy gaze.

Hapi’s shirt came first, unveiling his muscled abdominals and his broad chest. Then he stood and peeled his wet jeans off. His gaze was as heavy as a touch against Jayden’s prickling skin, and his dick was dark and engorged. Hapi wrapped his fingers around his shaft and jerked himself while he crossed to the cupboard. He opened the cupboard with a creak and pulled out a bottle of lube.

Jayden watched, his dick throbbing, as Hapi slathered the glistening lube over his shaft.

“Get up,” Hapi said, and Jayden scrambled to obey. Hapi crossed back to the bed and lay down. “Ride me.”

Jayden’s heart hammered in his chest as he climbed back onto the bed, swinging a leg over Hapi and straddling his thighs. He traced his fingers over the dips of Hapi’s abs and through his coarse treasure trail and then lower. He circled Hapi’s dick, feeling the thick weight of it and the prominent veins. It jerked as Jayden stroked it.

“Ride me,” Hapi said again, his voice a growl.

Jayden nodded, shuffling up on his knees. He’d never done anything like this before and the angle was awkward. Hapi gripped his hips, guided him into position, and then he reached behind Jayden and held his dick in place. Jayden felt the hot head of it rub against the cleft of his arse. His body clenched in anticipation. He held Hapi’s gaze.

“This is how I know I’m alive,” he said, sinking down heavily onto Hapi’s length. He let out a strained cry as Hapi filled him. It hurt but in the same electric way that it did when Hapi squeezed his hand tight around his throat. It hurt, but Hapi could make him take it, and then it felt so good. “This.”

Hapi’s eyes widened as Jayden squeezed tightly around him.

Jayden lifted himself up onto his knees and then dropped back down again. He rested his splayed hands on Hapi’s chest as he rode him. He couldn’t find a rhythm—he was too inexperienced and unfamiliar with this position—but each time he filled himself with Hapi’s dick, he felt a burst of pleasure shooting through him—and a burst of power. He was alive. He was alive, and Hapi couldn’t take that knowledge from him. He might kill him, but for now Jayden was alive. This was real, and Jayden was done being afraid it wasn’t.

“I’m yours,” he said, gasping for breath as he rose and fell, rose and fell, every muscle aching and bolts of pleasure arcing through him. “Not theirs.”

Hapi rolled his hips, staring up at him.

Jayden licked his lips and leaned down over Hapi. He slid his hands up his chest and rested them at the base of his throat. He laughed breathlessly at Hapi’s stony expression and squeezed.

And Hapi let him.

Shit, it wasn’t as though Jayden had any hope of actually choking him—Hapi could flick him off like a bug—but he let it happen.

“I’m yours,” Jayden said, his voice slurring with pleasure as he rolled his hips. “And you’re mine, too.”

He squeezed tighter as he spoke the words, and Hapi roared and came.

Jayden laughed, as breathless as if he was the one being choked, and released Hapi’s throat so he could jerk himself off. Need tightened in him, spiralling higher and higher until it pushed him over the edge. He climaxed quickly, all the stress and adrenaline of the night transformed into a desperate need to come, to feel in control and powerful. He arched his back and cried out as he painted Hapi’s chest with ribbons of cum.

“I’m yours,” he said again, leaning down to kiss Hapi as tiny aftershocks trembled through his body. “And you’re mine.”

* * *

Jayden lay awakeas Hapi snored beside him. The ceiling fan clicked on every slow rotation and did nothing to alleviate the heat. The sweat didn’t dry, so much as rub off on Hapi’s bedspread in grimy smears. Jayden wiped his injured palm carefully against the bedspread, too, and wondered if there was any point asking Hapi to get some Dettol for it. How long until an uncleaned wound became an infection? How long until an infection became a death sentence? Because Jayden was already facing one of those, and he had an idea it was due to be executed long before his hand became an issue.

Something had shifted here tonight between him and Hapi. He’d expected Hapi to be furious with him and violent, but Hapi hadn’t come at him with his fists. He’d come at him with a kiss. Something had changed and it felt big, but at the same time Jayden knew it wouldn’t be enough to save him. Hapi might even love him for whatever twisted value that word held in his mind, and want to keep him forever, but that wouldn’t make a difference to his brothers and his father.

Jayden’s judgement at their hands was inevitable now, but if they thought for one second that he’d buy into their afterlife bullshit, they were dead wrong. He was alive, and this was real, and nobody’s heart was lighter than a feather.

He rolled onto his side and stared at Hapi’s profile in the darkness, and then he lifted his hand and placed it softly on Hapi’s chest. He could feel his heartbeat underneath his fingertips. He could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he pulled breath into his expanding lungs and let it out again. He wondered if Hapi thought his lungs were like wings, too, and if he ever wanted to spread them. Did Hapi think that he was alive? Maybe the rules were different for gods. Maybe they inhabited some in-between place that wasn’t quite life but wasn’t quite death, either. Or maybe Hapi thought that his lungs, his heartbeat, his appetite and his orgasms—every one of them a sign of life—were just illusions, too.

‘I’m alive’, Jayden had repeated to Hapi earlier, but maybe he should have said, And so are you, Hapi.

Maybe nobody had told Hapi that before.

Hapi shifted, his arm coming around Jayden. He gripped Jayden’s neck from behind, and Jayden huffed out a laugh.

Hapi’s eyes opened. “What?”

“You’re so predictable,” Jayden whispered. He flung a leg over Hapi’s thigh and rubbed his stiffening dick against him. “Can you even choke me from that angle?”

He thought he caught a glimpse of Hapi’s teeth in a smile.

“Want me to try?”

A pleasurable shiver ran through Jayden at the thought of how hard he came when Hapi cut off his oxygen. “Yes,” he murmured, groaning. He lifted his face for a kiss. “Yes. That’s what I want. I want you to own me. I want you to remind me that I’m yours for as long as we have left together.”

Hapi began to squeeze.