An Earl’s Broken Heart by Ella Edon
Chapter Twenty-Five
When Isabel opened her eyes, the first thing she thought of was Alexander. Her mind was full of him. The night before had been the very fabric of dreams. A fantasy delivered. Nothing she had ever imagined could have been as blissful as making love to him. She stretched out as though letting out every long buried emotion brimming with the hope that everything might finally change for the better.
She sat up and saw the slim spray of morning sunlight peep through the curtains. That was when the anxiety hit her. What if last night was only a taste of paradise? What if Alexander returned to the cold, distant place he had made his home these past few days? What if she would never have this feeling again? The darkness started to filter through her mind, and she shuddered as she imagined what it would be like to go back to the place of loneliness again. It would all be too much; she simply could not bear it. Not now. Not when she had seen what she and Alexander could be. She could not go back now.
If he decided to leave her and was done with her and their relationship, if he made a choice to leave things as they were and never attempt to repair it, she would be devastated and heartbroken all over again. She would cry and cry till she could no more. The sudden fear of this probability hit her with such virulent force that she shivered. She drew the bed covers to her as she tried to fight the feeling away. She wasn't going to let herself think of such a thing. Hopefully, it was never going to be. Surely after last night, she and Alexander had changed their ways.
He would not leave her now, not after what they had shared. It had felt like a gate between them had been unbarred and broken. She could feel his love filtering through despite how hard he fought to hide it. She knew the truth of him. He was not a man who could hide his emotion, and Isabel could see past his walls. She had always been able to decipher his emotions and his thoughts just by looking at him. Alexander was a sweetheart, he had always cared about her completely and truly, she had always felt her safest in his arms until things changed between them. Even though her father had disagreed on that decision and frowned at it, it had never stopped her from loving him or them from loving each other. Their bond was unbreakable, just as Elizabeth had said. If they had eloped successfully, that night would have been there happiest ever. She didn't mean to leave behind her family and everyone she loved but her father had left her with no choice, it was so clear that he wasn't going to let them be together no matter how hard she tried to convince him otherwise. Elizabeth had helped her along with him but all had yielded no good result, it was like her father had promised somewhere that he was never going to agree to her happiness and it saddened her every day. That was when she had finally made the choice to leave behind everything, that was when she had decided to be selfish and think only about her happiness and their future together. At a point in her decision, she had felt bad because she was thinking only about herself. She knew she was going to hurt her father greatly, but she had pushed it to the back of her mind.
Isabel had different thoughts running through her mind but what remained constant was that Alex loved her.
“Come off it and rise!” she told herself immediately, dropping all thoughts off her mind
She looked around her room and wiped her forehead momentarily, as she wondered if she should get up and search for Alexander. She was getting tired of random thoughts so she decided to get up. Her feet touched the floor and she allowed it to stay there as she gathered strength, getting ready to get up.
* * *
Alexander had gotten up after their night of passion feeling torn between two warring emotions. On the one hand, he had been completely and deeply enthralled by Isabel, by everything about her. From her lips to her navel to her thighs. Everything about her set him alight. He knew now, without a whisper of doubt, that he loved her still. That made her more dangerous to him than he could ever afford. More than anything he wanted nothing but peace in his life. He had seen too much pain, too much turmoil, too much betrayal. While a part of him wanted to let himself go, to fully immerse himself in the possibility of what he and Isabel could be, he knew that was the foolish part. He had to let her go. Let the dreams of embracing their love die.
She was a dangerous distraction. The way she looked at him, the way she pressed her lips on his, the way she felt. It was all far too much. Making love the night before, a part of Alexander had thought such stupid thoughts. Even the way she slept, deep and carefree, everything seemed to endear her to him. She had already let him down once and after that he had become a hard, uncompromising man but now he was beginning to believe there was space to be soft. It had to end now. He would not risk it again. He would not surrender himself to her spell a second time. He could not endure the pain again. Worse still, it would be an eternal pain for now they were joined in wedlock. The only option was to maintain a safe and secure distance from her.
He readied himself to tell her as much. There was no cause to say it in a hurtful way, he wanted it to be cordial and civil, so he decided to give her his decision over a cup of tea.
The tea was to be handled personally, not by the maid. A personal touch would demonstrate to her that this was an act of intimacy and good reason. Not one of contempt and nonchalance. He bid the maid not to worry as he stepped into the kitchen, retrieving all the things he needed to make a hot cup of tea. As he stirred the contents of the teacup, he recalled the night that had passed. His loins stirred in arousal.
“Isabel has been the love of my life,” he said to himself.
He pulled the cup close and continued to stir. It struck him then how badly he had treated her. How close he must have come to breaking her heart beyond repair. Isabel was the love of his life and he did not want to hurt her. He simply could not be with her. He could not take that risk again. His heart was shattered once already. Stirring the cup to no end, he swore there and then that he would make a solemn effort to stay away and protect himself.
The sound of footsteps behind him drew his attention and he glanced over his shoulder.
Mr. Wilson appeared at the corner of his vision. “Good morning, my Lord,” said Mr. Wilson.
“Beautiful morning to you, Mr. Wilson, I trust you had a good night?” he asked.
“I did indeed have a goodnight. I hope you did also, my Lord?”
“I did, thank you, Mr. Wilson.” Alex replied with a bright smile on his face.
“Where are the maids? they should be helping you with the tea, Sir, I must apologize.” Mr. Wilson turned towards the direction of the maids with a look of consternation on his face.
Alex raised a hand in caution. “Not to worry, Mr. Wilson. I told the maid not to bother and took it upon myself to do my wife the honor of making her tea personally this morning. Is that not what my Lady deserves, Mr. Wilson?” he replied.
“Of course, my Lord,” Mr. Wilson muttered nervously.
“Good, now. If you would excuse me, Mr. Wilson, I must be getting up to her bedchamber.”
Alexander turned and took to the stairs, quickening his step in the knowledge that the tea, would get cold, if he did not arrive in a few moments. He knew it was going to be a difficult conversation, but it had to be done. He was left with no other option but to choose himself just as she had once chosen herself all those years ago when she favored him with nothing but a terrible rejection. He had loved her once and in return, he had gained nothing but acrimony. This time it would be different. He still loved her, of that there could be no doubt, but the days of being a victim of her cruelty were over and long gone.