An Earl’s Broken Heart by Ella Edon
Chapter Twenty-Six
Isabel finally made the decision to climb out of bed and find Alexander. She wanted him around her, to see his face, to share his thoughts. Most of all, she needed to know that he would not distance himself from her again. She needed that reassurance.
She drew a silk dressing robe about her shoulders and tightened it at the waist. Then she stepped into some soft slippers fit for walking about the Manor. As soon as she stepped out from the room and entered the hallway, she was met with the maid, Hannah.
“My lady, are you looking for Lord Carter?” Hannah asked her with her head in a bow.
Isabel narrowed her eyes and raised her chin. “Yes, have you seen him?”
“Yes,” Hannah nodded. “I saw him in the kitchen a mere few moments ago, my Lady.”
Isabel gave her an ingratiating smile. “Thank you, Hannah.”
With Hannah’s information, she turned around and made her way towards the kitchen. What on earth is Alexander doing in the kitchen?
As she approached the kitchen, she caught sight of a figure in the doorway. Her heart lurched. It was Alexander, his towering figure seemed to make the house smaller and his smile the room brighter. A slow uprush of steam rose from the cup of tea he held in his hands.
“Good morning, Alex,” she said with her hands interlocking and her face inviting.
His countenance was dark, and Isabel immediately began to fear the worst.
He wet his lips before he spoke. “Good morning, my Lady.”
Close as she was, the scent of him filled her nostrils. It was the scent of soft bergamot and honeyed tea and Isabel wanted nothing more than to rest in his arms for what was left of the day. But he stood apart, almost as though to touch her would do him great harm. Standing there looking up at him, she was completely, unashamedly sure that he loved her. She could feel it in her bones, in the urgent tap of his beating heart. After all these years, she was finally home.
“I was thinking we could go to the park this afternoon, the weather is absolutely wonderful, and it has been a while since—”
“I shall not be joining you, Lady Carter,” he said, cutting her off.
He raised the cup. “I will not be joining you for any other outing, for that matter.”
Her eyes narrowed to slits. “What do you mean?”
He sucked in breath and gestured for her to enter the corridor. “May we speak privately?”
They stepped out from the kitchen and into the study, away from the ears and eyes of servants. He offered her a seat across from him and she obliged, fearing the worst.
His eyes were painfully solemn when he spoke. “Isabel, I think we need to be apart.”
She leaned back from him, her mouth opening with a tremor. “What?”
He drew in breath. “It is for the best.”
“How can it be for the best?” she spat. Her voice broke as she spoke, and she found herself on the verge of tears. “What are you talking about? Who decided it was for the best?”
Alexander narrowed his eyes. “Listen to me, Isabel, I know that I have hurt you many times. I do not want to hurt you anymore with my words, with my actions, with anything that would be a reminder of your pain. That is why it’s best that we stay apart from one another. So that we do not hurt each other.”
“Have I done something wrong?”
Alexander shook his head. “No.”
“So, tell me, is it so hard not to hurt me?”
Alexander closed his eyes. “Sometimes it is. Yes. I am still carrying a lot of pain from that day in Richmond, and it comes out sometimes. I do not want you to see that side of me and you don’t deserve it. This is the best way to preserve our friendly relationship. I will retire to the country estate. You can remain here. I will make sure that you want for nothing and all the attendants you could require will be at your service. But I cannot be around you anymore, I… I can’t be who you need me to be. Not anymore.”
The words hit her like a blow to the stomach. She closed her eyes and tried to force back the tears, but it was no use. She sank to her knees and all the pain she had tried not to anticipate hit her in a sudden flush.
“Why?” she whispered.
But Alexander wasn’t there. He had already left her.
Isabel gathered herself up and thought to go back to her bedchamber, but she could only manage to make it to the drawing room. She slumped on the waiting chaise lounge and let her head hang back as she glanced out from the drawing room window. How could I have let this happen? Why does he despise me so much?
Those were the questions that filled her mind as she lay there letting the hours passed. Hannah appeared twice trying to call her for lunch, but she waved her away each time. She wanted nothing but to be left alone to feel this pain in the hopes that it would quickly pass. She cried for so long that she was no longer sure whether the tears had stopped falling or had started anew. Nothing felt real. How could life be so hopeless for her? Who had she offended to such a degree?
A cold, stoic voice drew her from her misery.
“I have made arrangements to depart for the country estate within a week.”
Isabel didn’t glance back didn’t acknowledge the voice. There was no need to. He had done his worst to her and now engaging with him would only bring her more pain.
“I may be reached by letter when I am gone. I shall ensure that all business affairs are run as usual, you can manage this household,” he added.
Again, she didn’t acknowledge him, only stared out of the window watching the noontime songbirds flitter after one another.
“Isabel.”
She didn’t answer.
He sighed. “Well, I suppose this is good for you. I know you won’t miss me anyway. Your love never seems to last.”
That last statement was what finally brought all the heat in Isabel’s heart to her voice. She glanced back at him and suddenly the anger was there. Everywhere.
She narrowed her eyes. “How dare you?”
He gave her a curious look. “How dare I what?”
“How dare you question my love? I’ve been guilty of many sins, Alex, and I will accept my penance for them all. I have been weak when I should have been strong. I have been silent when I should have spoken up. I have laid down when I should have risen up. But that is one thing I will not accept from you.”
She stepped closer to him. “You are the only one that I have ever loved. I loved you when we ran around the maze. I loved you when we first kissed beneath the carnation tree. I loved you when I saw you at Lady Greyweather’s ball. I love you even now.”
His eyes seemed to glisten with the promise of heavy emotion. “You are not being truthful.”
Isabel shook her head. “When have I ever been untruthful to you Alex? Tell me the single surviving time you can say that I have lied to you. Just one time I was untruthful, and you can take your leave forever.”
He fumbled for his words. She knew he had no answer.
“I’ve never lied to you, Alex. I’m not lying now. I love you.”
“You may not be a compulsive liar, but there is one lie that I will never forget Isabel. You told me you would marry me and you left me waiting for a wife that never arrived. You abandoned me.”
“That was never a lie. I did not abandon you, Alex.”
He raised an eyebrow. “So, what happened? Tell me.”
“I meant it when I said I would marry you. I packed my things. You can ask Elizabeth of the lengths we went through to get me to you. I was going to elope with you, Alex. I loved you that much. The only thing that stopped me was my father. He had his footman follow me. He locked every point of egress. He did everything in his power to stop me from getting to you and my greatest regret is that I allowed him to succeed. If I had known the lengths he was prepared to go, I would have kicked and screamed until I freed myself to get to you. I would have done everything in my mortal power. He found a suitor almost instantly to make sure I made no attempt to leave again and had acquired a special license at great expense to make sure the ceremony was secured quickly. Even then, I still kept hope. I wrote so many letters to you. Every one in the desperate hope that there was still something there, that you had even a whisper of the love that I still had for you. You never responded to a single one of my letters. What else could I do but to give up and try to survive? I never gave up on you Alex, you gave up on me.”
Alex looked like he had struck by an arrow in the chest. He staggered as his hand went to his chest pocket and he pulled out a weathered letter. “How can you say I gave up on you, when you ended any hope I might have had in your first letter? After that, why would I put myself through the indignity of reading another. You made it perfectly clear you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“What are you talking about?” Isabel asked.
That seemed to make it angry. “Must I refresh your memory?” he asked opening the letter. “Perhaps I should recite your own words to you: Dear Alexander, I understand that you had hoped for a future between us, however that shan't be possible. I shan't jeopardize my future for a foolish love that shall have no meaning in years to come. My father has found me a proper suitor and I shall be wed soon. I wish you well in your future endeavors. Truly, Isabel.”
The shock grew with every word Alex read. He held up the letter to her and gestured to the fine cursive that had been weathered by time. A single glance was enough to know it wasn’t her handwriting. It was certainly a fine approximation of it, but Isabel knew her own hand. She covered her mouth, not believing that her father could have gone to such lengths.
“Alex,” she said, breathing heavily. “I never wrote that letter.”
His face fell and contorted to a picture of pure shock. “What?”
“I never wrote that letter, Alex, it isn’t even my handwriting! Didn’t you compare it to the other letters?”
His eyes widened and he staggered back. He opened his mouth to speak but the only word he could manage was, “What?”
Tears began to fall again from Isabel’s eyes. This was why he had been so cold to her, this was why he had treated her so horribly.
She reached out to him. “Alexander.”
He stumbled back, almost falling in a tangle over the chaise lounge, then he ran out from the room.
“Alexander,” she called out after him, but he was gone. She feared he was gone for good.