Sacrificing his Highland Heart by Kenna Kendrick

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Walter,” Euan drawled, giving his friend the death stare as best he could. Walter was grinning with pride, and he stepped further into the dim library, looking for all the world as if he’d done some incredibly honorable thing. “What brings ye here and at this hour?” Euan asked.

Out of the corner of his eye, Euan could see Rose looking a little embarrassed. She pulled her fingers from his shoulders and sat down. He instantly felt cold and disappointed that he could not finish what he wanted to tell her. Walter got closer and tapped his chin. “Well, let me see. I believe that I was sent a letter tae my place at the McElroy’s. It led me tae believe there was an emergency at Rede Castle keeping me from resting and warming myself in front of the welcoming McElroy fireplace.”

“Emergency?” Rose asked with a frown.

“Aye, my lady. An emergency. So, I have come tae offer my services. Euan, will ye tell yer wife just what kind of an emergency there was today that I might be of assistance with?”

Walter looked like he was about to burst with laughter, and Euan wished that Siobhan was there to help him cut Walter Prestone down to size. In his head, Euan planned all the ways he could inflict bodily harm upon his friend. “Aye, well,” he coughed out, scurrying mentally to find a good excuse. He rubbed his beard, which always helped him to think quickly. “There was an emergency, aye, but everything is fine now. I was able tae work out a solution for myself.”

“Well, that is good then,” Rose said, standing up, pulling her robe just a little tighter. “I will leave you gentleman to discuss your business. Walter, I shall have the servants prepare your room again and make sure the fire is hot.”

“Thank ye, Rose, lass. Ye are good and kind, and neither of us deserves ye.” He was smiling at Rose, but Euan caught Walter flashing his eyes at him with a look of warning.

“Of course. Now, I am disappointed to not have seen Siobhan today. I hope she is well,” she trilled and then left the room, shutting the library door behind her. At the mention of Siobhan, Walter looked a little less confident than he had before, but as soon as he set eyes on Euan again, his old confident-self returned.

“Pour me a glass of that. I had tae ride back at this hour tae come tae yer aid, and tae stop letting ye ruin yer life. I will need the wine to support and nourish me as I do.”

Euan did as he was bid and angrily thrust a full glass into Walter’s hand, hoping some would spill into Walter’s lap. He had no such luck. “Well, go on then. Tell me how I am ruining my life and tell me why ye mean tae rush intae a dark room where a man and his wife were in “intimate” conversation.”

“Was that what it was?” Walter grinned before he took a long draught of wine. “I thought it was the sight of a man so powerless at the realization of how much in love he is with his wife that he looked terrified.”

Euan grimaced. Was that how it looked? Did he honestly look terrified? “I donnae ken what ye mean.”

Walter laughed. “Yes, ye do. Ye ken exactly what I mean, and what I donnae understand is why ye donnae allow yerself tae be happy. Instead, ye keep punishing yerself for what ye did, and ye think that ye must only consider yer clan’s needs and nae yer own.”

Euan leaned back in his chair and took his eyes from his friend. To hear it all laid out in front of him was a unique experience. It was true. For what he’d done to Rose and her family, he wasn’t sure that he could ever forgive himself. “Yer right. It had sounded like a brilliant plan at the beginning of it all. I would threaten an Englishman, take what was most precious tae him, and he would be punished by having tae ally with me. But I would also get benefit from it. I would be protected if another invasion from the English came again.”

He looked down at his hands which had lovingly caressed his wife. The woman who was beginning to touch his heart. “I cannae forgive myself for that. And I am sure neither can she.”

“Well, have ye asked her?” Walter inquired drily.

“Nae, donnae be ridiculous. I willnae ask her that.” Euan scoffed.

“And why nae? Seems tae me that she feels for ye as ye feel for her.”

Euan laughed. “Ye cannae be serious. She is a Sassenach, and I am a brutish Scotsman. We are born and sworn enemies, and I have done her family dishonor. She could never feel that way about me.”

“Ye certainly seem tae get along in certain areas of marriage,” Walter said, lifting a brow. Euan’s expression grew dark.

“Ye and I both ken that means naething. We have had many dalliances with women who we were well-suited for but which didnae end up in love.”

“True, true. But I donnae think this is the same case. Like I said, yer expression when ye look at Rose is one of terror, but there is more. Desire, certainly. But also, affection. Ye care about the lass, admit it. Ye want her tae be happy.”

Euan swallowed. “So, what if I do? What will people think if I fall in love with an English woman? They will think me weak; they will think that it is England who controls their laird now. My father would be so disappointed in me. He wouldnae have approved this at all.”

He shook his head and crossed his arms. He wanted the conversation to be over. It was hitting too close to home, to his true feelings. He didn’t want to let anyone down and turn into the weak laird that he feared he would be ever since he took over the lairdship at such a young age.

Walter hit his hand on his forehead and groaned. “I ask the Lord why he has given me ye as a best friend tae deal with. I donnae think I can handle yer idiocy any longer. I am a big idiot, ‘tis very true, but ye are as big of a dobber as I have ever seen.” He wagged a finger at Euan, and Euan slapped it away.

“Come now, Euan, listen tae me. Will ye do that for once?”

Euan nodded sharply, but he said nothing. He picked up his wine and sipped at it, hoping that perhaps he would drink enough to not have to listen long to Walter.

“Yer father was a good man. The best. He was like a father tae Siobhan, and I when we were younger.” Walter smiled. His expression kind instead of joking. “Yer father was strong as well and a good laird. He did everything he could for this clan, and he died tae save it, tae save ye, and give ye a chance tae be the laird he kenned that ye could be. And ye are! Ye are just as strong and fierce. I have seen ye on a battlefield, my friend. There is nae one who can best ye. Ye fight for those ye care about. Ye created this marriage for the clan ye love so much.”

Euan nodded his head, still listening. Slowly, the words were beginning to sink in. Walter continued. “Ye have achieved the peace that yer father died for. He would be so proud of ye. But do ye think that he would begrudge ye yer happiness?”

Euan tried to respond, but Walter held up a hand. “Listen. Ye didnae expect tae care for this woman. It surprises ye, and it scares ye. I understand that better than ye ken. But I also ken that happiness is worth fighting for. Why do ye think that people continue the festivals and celebrations of our clan? We want tae feel that happiness and joy even if there have been dark times in the past. I say that ye let yerself be happy. I have seen ye smile bigger with Rose than I’ve seen ye smile for years. I ken that ye were fighting it initially, but the festival showed me yer true feelings. Now, ye might very well be having a child with the woman. She is good and kind and intelligent and bonny. What better choice could ye have for a companion?”

Euan thought of what happened at the festival. Rose had rushed toward him, ready to stop him from sacrificing himself over the fires. There had been genuine concern in her eyes. And when they made love, he could feel her tender touch and see the soft smile on her lips. She was…happy. Why did he not see this before? Was it possible that they were perfect for each other?

“Yer right, Walter. At least I think so.”

Walter sighed with relief and drained the rest of his wine in one gulp. “It is about time ye noticed. Perhaps I should let Siobhan hear ye say that.”

“Och?” Euan laughed. “Nae gone so well, did it?”

“Nae exactly, but I am nae going tae give up without a good fight.”

“Inspiring words, Walter.” Euan grinned and lifted his glass to him. “Now that ye have set me tae rights, I need tae find a way tae tell her just what I think and feel.”

“Now is just a good a time as any, my friend. Leave me here tae drink the rest of yer wine stores. Go and see yer young wife. I interrupted something here, and while that entertained me greatly, I wouldnae wish tae be the cause of any more interruptions.”

Walter laughed as Euan jumped to his feet. The idea of going to see Rose now when he understood all the feelings, he wanted to share with her was a very welcome one, and he didn’t want to waste any more time. His shoulder twinged when he jumped, but he ignored it. He didn’t need that part of his body for everything he planned to do that evening. He left the library and hurried down the hall when he nearly ran into Angus rushing toward him.

“Laird, I am glad I found ye. Men are coming. They are near. A whole company of them. English sounds like tae me by the clang of their metal.”

“What?” Euan’s mind went a little fuzzy. It had to transition to overwhelming thoughts of love back to war, and he didn’t like how it felt. “English? What on earth are ye talking about?”

As if she had been waiting, a somber Rose stepped out from the shadows. The look on her face was enough to give Euan chills. There was some bad news; he knew it.

“It is my brother and his men,” Rose said. “They will have enough men with them to take the castle or at least to attempt it.”

“What?” Euan felt heavy dread sinking to his stomach. “How do ye ken this, lass?”

Rose swallowed, and if it was possible, she looked a little paler. “He wrote to me. I received the letter just this morning. He would come, but I did not know when. And he will enter from the back of the castle at the sluice gate.

* * *

Rose hadn’t been able to sleep that evening. She was tormented about what she should tell Euan, but she couldn’t tell him without betraying that she had revealed things to Henry, which stirred his vengeance and helped him make his plan of attack. She hadn’t been able to meet with Siobhan that day, for there was no response to her urgent note to her friend. She felt so alone, but she went to the library late at night to get her courage. To her surprise, Euan had gone there himself, sitting alone and even talking to himself.

She was going to tell him then, but she had wanted to be kind to him, to touch him, and show him affection through her actions. When she heard his sound of pain as he moved, her heart rushed to help him, to ease his pain. Her words about Henry’s arrival would ruin everything, and it would most certainly break the delicate balance that she and Euan had found between them. She wanted more than just passionate nights. She wanted to be there for the days, do the work, follow the life of a Scottish clanswoman. She tried to tell him that, but then Walter arrived, and now with Henry’s arrival, it was all finished. For good.

“And did he tell ye this too, lass?” Euan asked her, the muscles in his jaw ticking and his fists clenching angrily at his sides. She didn’t answer at first, and he turned to Angus. “Go tae the back gate and the sluice. Prepare for battle. Wake the men that are nae yet on duty. We will need everyone. The servants must hide in the kitchens.”

“Aye, Laird. Lady,” Angus said, and he hurried away, solemn and stoic, ready to take on his duty. Rose was confident that Euan’s men could defeat her brother’s. They were far more well-trained with a sword, and they were fiercer somehow. In comparison to them, her brother and her brother’s men seemed like young boys. And still, it wasn’t vengeance that rung in Euan’s heart that night. Henry was determined to get his sister back as well as his pride. That is a fearsome and powerful combination, Rose knew.

“Tell me, lass,” Euan said as Angus left. He had stepped closer to her, and she gasped, afraid of the angry presence that was filling the hallway. She had done wrong, very wrong, and now it was her time to reap the consequences.

She began her tale slowly. There would not be much time, for Euan needed to join his men, but she could tell by the hard look in his eyes that he would not be prevented from hearing the story. “After we first got married, my brother and I planned to get our revenge. In fact, we planned even before then. My brother, especially, couldn’t stomach the fact that he had been bested and that I had been used as a tool to get what another man wanted. He didn’t want an alliance with Scotland, not since they had lost so bitterly to your country.”

Euan nodded. “And does yer father ken of this? He is the man I made a deal with, anyway. I cannae think that he would wish tae break it so easily. He doesnae ken of me and my ways. He has only heard that I am a brute. I could kill his daughter for his traitorous ways.”

Rose shuddered to think of that. Before, when she’d first heard of Euan’s terrible reputation, she might have thought it to be a possibility. But not now, not after they’d shared so much. She shook her head. “No, I think this is all my brother’s doing. He will inherit from my father upon my father’s death. I think after the war, he needs to prove himself in some way. You saw him when he was here. Completely broken and ashamed that you had bested him and taken his sister away. He couldn’t even fight you for it. And now…”

“Now he comes like a bloody fool tae fight me, by sneaking up in the night tae do so. He is nae man, or he would have challenged me tae fight in the light of day, nae when I am about tae take myself tae bed.”

With me?

Rose clenched her jaw. Did her heart and body not realize they were on the brink of battle? Did it not understand that Euan would no longer want her, not after this? “You are right, Euan.” She swallowed and said in such a small voice, it was like the whisper of a mouse, “I am so sorry for what I did. I regret it now.”

“Too late for such words, lass.” Euan’s voice was terribly cold. It was even more ominous and menacing than when they’d first met outside his gate. She had never heard him speak thus. “Come with me. We are tae find what tae do with ye.”

Euan grabbed her by the arm, and together they walked up the stairs, Rose on his heels. “Where are you taking me? Not to the dungeons?”

“Ha! How would it look then if I am tae put my own wife in the dungeons? I ken my people wouldnae like me for that, nae after ye charmed and wooed them with yer kind words and bonny smiles. Nae, ye will stay in yer room until all is decided between us. Then perhaps ye might like tae return tae England. I have nae use for a traitor.”

Rose’s heart began to beat faster. “No, Euan, please. Let me help you. I know I can convince Henry.”

She tried her best to turn to look at him, but the way he was holding her forced her to look forward. At her chamber door, they stopped. He opened it, nudged her inside, and then took the key from the inside of her door. “Ye are nae longer any help tae me, lass. I should have kenned. The English are bloody traitors.”

He shut the door behind her, and before Rose could stop herself, she yelled out, leaning against the door, “Please, Euan, I do not want to leave! I love you!”

His only response to that was the sound of his footsteps walking away.