Catherinelle by Diane Portman-Ray

 

18

 

I had a crowbar in one hand and a chain in the other. The chain was rolled around the ankle of the motherfucker at my feet that was struggling to escape. There were scratches on the linoleum from where he had tried to crawl away and save his pathetic existence. Every time he would get too far, I pulled the chain, and he was right back at my feet, another bone cracking under the crowbar.

“Come on, you piece of shit, where is the money?”

I was supposed to work clean today. Get in, find out where our money was and get the hell out, but this pathetic larva decided to test me, and now the walls colored with nicotine splotches were stained with his blood. My patience was short on a good day, but now, where I was supposed to be on the other part of Bronx, it was just too easy for me to be pushed over the edge.

“No, no…” he babbled, choking on his own blood. “One day.”

Too fucking late. The Monster took over, ready to paint the walls with his brain. I was not supposed to be here, but Roman brought the issue to my attention, and the last thing I wanted was to have Gino come back and see this scum lost track of two hundred thousand dollars.

“We gave you a day, we gave you a whole fucking week. Where is the money, Stanley?” I pulled him up by the back of his jeans jacket, only to slam him back on the floor and put my foot on his neck. “Did you lose it, or did you steal it? Whatever it is, it will hurt a lot less if you speak right now, Stanley.”

“I didn’t…I didn’t…I didn’t take it.”

“The boys dropped all that cash to you, and now no one can find it, motherfucker.” I smashed the crowbar on the side of his skull again. “Where. Is. Our. Money?”

“Invested.” He spit to clear his throat and croak out the words. “I found out about an investing opportunity and wanted to make some extra cash before returning it.”

This stupid, good for nothing worm bit more off the rotten apple than he could chew.

“Let me tell you something, Stanley. You don’t know me very well, but I know you. Game recognizes game; that’s what they say, right? Well, scum recognizes scum too. You’re just another nothing trying to swim with the sharks, man. You’re fucking garbage floating around, shit under a shoe. You know how I know that, Stanley. Because you and I aren’t so different. You were just stupid enough to bite the hand that gave you a chance to get out of your misery.” He was still laying on his abdomen when my fist connected with his ribs. “No one steals from Gino Nucci.” And when they did, it was my job to make them wish for death.

“I didn’t steal.” The man was full blown crying. “Please, please. I didn’t want to take the money. I just needed some capital to buy a few cars and sell them fast. It wasn’t supposed to go so slow. I’ll put everything back, every dime.”

“Yes, you will, motherfucker, and that’s the only reason you’re still alive.” I hit him once again. “I’ll give you one minute to get the fuck out of my face before I change my mind and carve your fucking eyes out.”

He started dragging his body, trying to get to the door, moaning and howling like an animal, probably because I broke as much of him as I could in the past ten minutes. When he looked back at me, I growled, and he whimpered.

“You truly are a monster,” he whispered back at me. “A dirty fucking monster from hell. You’ll burn there ‘cuz you have no soul.”

Stanley got one thing right.

I threw the crowbar right next to his head.

“Now. Crawl or die.” I spoke low, but I saw the fear swallowing him.

I was close to losing my patience with him when the door fucking opened, and a very furious, very beautiful Catherinelle fucking Nucci walked into the room. My heart fucking stopped in my chest, and for the first time in thirty-one years of life, I had no idea what to do.

Stanley looked up at her like she was an angel from the gates of heaven coming down to erase my darkness, and then more than ever, I wanted to take his eyes out and throw them out the window. He looked at her like she was salvation, and jealousy burned in my veins. Cat held his gaze for a second before looking at me and then down at her pretty black boots that were now drenched in Stanley’s blood.

“Get out!” I roared, and she flinched.

From the floor, Stanley lifted his head and tried to reach for Catherinelle, so my foot went back on his neck, pinning his face to the floor.

“What is this?” she whispered, her doe eyes widened.

“I said get the fuck out.” Turning my attention away from her, I kicked Stanley in his side one last time. “Find the money and bring it back.”

I didn’t wait for his promises to pay up, or for his thanks for sparing his pathetic life. My mind was set on one thing: Catherinelle. I wanted her out, away from the ugliness caused by my hands. She said she knew the face of the Monster, but she was so fucking wrong.

My hand clutched her elbow and spun her around on her heels, and as soon as we were outside of that filthy apartment, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the car.

“Hugo, why are you here?”

“Shut the fuck up, Catherinelle. I don’t want to hear another word from you.”

I was a fucking bully; it was in my essence. My mind worked in terms of destruction – how many punches someone could take before I’d put them down; how many bullets to take out everyone in the room – this was the way my brain worked. One singular person had never made me think about harming her, and that was Catherinelle, but that stopped today.

When I saw her walk through that door, I was sure my eyes had fucking betrayed me. She should be in class where I left her, gossiping with that little cousin of hers, not elbows deep in my business. This was the kind of thing Catherinelle should have never seen; she should have never even heard about it.

I opened the door to the passenger side with one hand and threw her ass in the chair, holding her feet up and taking her fancy boots off. They ended up in a plastic bag, buried in my trunk.

“What are you doing with my shoes?” she asked when I jumped behind the wheel and drove the hell away from there.

“Burning them, Catherinelle, because you left your footprints at the scene of a crime.” I inhaled and exhaled because if she had been anyone else, any other man I knew, this would have ended up in a fist fight.

“I know you’re mad at me…”

Ah, that’s cute, Miss Nucci.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m close to locking you in the fucking basement. Why the hell do you have to do this, Cat? All the fucking time, all you do is look for trouble with a magnifying glass. Why?”

“Because you always leave me out. You, Gino, my dad, everyone has always treated me like I’m some kind of invalid. I can’t walk alone anywhere like I’m stupid or something; no one talks to me about what the famiglia is doing, like I won’t be able to handle it.”

She wouldn’t be able to handle it. People like Catherinelle, angels walking the earth, they always thought the ugliness and the dark had limits, but that was wrong.

“You can’t walk alone because if you’re vulnerable, you’ll end up just like that guy we left behind. People will harm you to get to Gino, and the fact that I have to tell you this shows that you are just a naïve little girl who’s too spoiled to understand that not everything can be the way you want it.”

Her small fist slammed on the dashboard, and she growled in frustration.

“I am not a naïve little girl. I can take care of myself, jackass. I know how to shoot a gun and handle a knife; grandpa thought me.”

“Shut up, Catherinelle. For one fucking moment, just keep your mouth shut.”

This girl – this beautiful, wild, out of her fucking mind girl – was actively trying to kill me. It had all become clear now: even if it was by the hand of her family or the consequences of a heart attack, Catherinelle Nucci would put me six feet under.

“Hugo, I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were out on business.”

“Who even told you where to find me?” Whoever it was would bite the dust really soon.

“I followed you.”

“You WHAT?”

“Yes, I followed you! I didn’t intend to walk in on something. I just…I thought you were with another woman.”

Fucking shit.

“Catherinelle, I don’t care what you thought. Why would you even think about following me? You should be in school.”

“Because I wanted to know where you disappear to every week. When I got here, and I heard all the moaning, I was sure you were with a woman.”

And what the fuck was I supposed to do now? How did I deal with her? Tell her that what I did, where I went didn’t concern her or spit out that I didn’t do the clingy, jealous girlfriend gig? Flings should die between the walls of a bedroom.

“If you weren’t a woman and my boss’ sister, I would dump you in the Hudson for what you saw today. You know that, right? If you let a word out about it…”

“Hugo, I would never. I can keep a secret.”

For some reason that was what sent me over the edge. I pushed on the breaks so suddenly, the car behind us almost hit my Rover, and I pulled over to the side of the road. I didn’t care how busy the street was or how many eyes were on us.

“Can you, Catherinelle? Because this fucked up mistake between us was supposed to stay secret, and you talked to your damn cousin.”

“Mistake?”

“Yes, woman, call it as it is. A mistake. Look at the things you’re doing, following me around, acting like you’re my jealous wife, gossiping about what I did to you. I’m not a high school boy, Catherinelle,” I shouted at her, and she inhaled sharply. My outrage took her by surprise, but the anger overwhelmed that side of me that always wanted to look after her. “I’m a man with a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, and I don’t care how much you’re trying to play this role of the brave woman; you’re still gullible as shit. We’re not Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, Cat. We are two people who should have never started something together.”

“Hugo…” she whispered.

Her eyes were silently begging for me to stop, but it was hopeless. My mouth had divorced my brain somewhere halfway through my rant.

“If you wouldn’t have been so stubborn about running away from your guards, you wouldn’t have been on my hands now, but it’s my fucking fault. I crossed a line for a pair of sexy legs.”

My gut twisted with disgust at myself the moment I vomited my words. I felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart when she looked up to me with her ethereal face struck by pain, but before I got to say anything and try to control the damage I’d caused, Cat bolted out of the car and started running barefoot. When I registered what was happening and leapt out of the car to chase after her, Catherinelle had already disappeared under a scaffolding, and I had to lower my head to fit under it.

People were looking at her: a cute young girl in a mini skirt, running barefoot on a December day, chased by a fucking maniac-looking bulldog, but I mentally dared anyone to try and stop me from getting to her.

“Catherinelle, stop!” She didn’t look back, and when I thought I could finally reach her, she turned a corner and ran into a park. Fucking crazy woman, she was going to catch pneumonia and die if I didn’t bring her back to the car soon. “Catherinelle!”

My voice boomed through the trees, and the worst possible thing happened: she got startled and fell to her knees. When I saw her petite body sinking to the ground, my heart fucking stopped. I was in charge of keeping her safe, and I kept pushing her into harm’s way.

“Cat, damn it.” I went to pick her up from the pavement and walked with her to a bench nearby. Luckily, the cold outside kept the park empty. “Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself?”

“No, I’m not ok!” she snapped like a cobra. “I don’t want to see you right now.”

She tried to fight me and set herself free, but I pinned her stubborn ass down.

“Catherinelle, stop. You’re acting spoiled.”

Slap!

My head was yanked to the side, and I froze. The force of her palm landing on my cheek shocked me so much, I thought time had fucking stopped. She smacked me. She smacked me like I was her fucking insubordinate lackey. The beast inside roared in my chest, ready to rebel against her, but I stopped, forcing to stay still, looking straight to the ground under my feet.

“Don’t. Ever. Do. That. Again.” Every word, I whispered through my teeth.

I was used to being hit; it had happened all my life, and all my instincts were screaming to fight back. I would never hurt her willingly; that was not an option. I would rather choose death, but I was an animal, and just like a dog that bites its owner, I was afraid of my own reactions.

“Or what?” she challenged with a brazen tone. “What are you going to do, Mustafa? Hit me back?”

That was my darkest fear. Could I really have done that? The brute and the man were struggling inside me to give her the right answer.

“Never. I would cut my hands before letting that happened.”

Slap!

“Damn it, Catherinelle.” I caught her wrists and held them behind her back. “Stop pushing me.”

“Why would I do that? You treat me like a child. I’m going to act like one.”

“Cat, listen…”

“No, your time for talking is done. You said plenty.”

Because I held her hands very tightly, she had no other option than to let a tear fall down her cheek. The wet trail hurt me as though that little water drop had split her silken skin open. Knowing that I pushed her to that sadness was gutting me, but the evil voice in my head was whispering that it was only a matter of time. I was bound by destiny to bring misery to the lives of those around me. I was the Monster after all, and Catherinelle was no exception.

“Don’t cry, baby girl.”

“I want to go home.”

“I will take you home in a minute. Just calm down first.”

She must have gone through an anger frenzy to run without her shoes on the frozen streets.

“You finally did it, Hugo. You got your point across.” Two other tears followed, gathering on her chin. In seventeen years, I’d never seen her eyes so cloudy. “When we get home, I’ll stay out of your way. Vito can drive me around.”

Finally! I was free of this duty…right? When Gino made me a glorified babysitter, I felt the taste of bile in my mouth, like all the good work I had done for him didn’t matter, and I was underboss just in name. On top of that, I had to spend a lot of time with a sexy she-devil that was forbidden like God’s apple. It was fucking torture, and now she was freeing me. I should have been ecstatic to walk away and bury the nights I had spent between her legs, hoping Cat would take that secret to the grave, but fuck if I was. It drove me crazy to think about trusting Vito around her; the motherfucker was too thirsty and too much of a softy to protect her.

“Would you let me apologize first?” I asked, keeping my voice steady.

“No, don’t bother because I won’t accept it. You said I was a mistake. Do you have any idea how it makes me feel, thinking you regret what we did, Hugo? The most important moments of my life, and you are ashamed to be part of them…” A sob made her body shake.

“Cat, I was just mad. I couldn’t see straight because of how angry I was. Are you going to hold my stupid rant against me?”

“Yes, Hugo, I am, because you can’t just say that and then blame it on your temper.”

I exhaled audibly and shook my head.

“You still don’t get it, Cat. I’m not…normal. I’m not Gino to talk with a voice wrapped in velvet all the time, or Roman who calculates every breath he fucking takes. I keep telling you that I’m not the man for you because sometimes I wonder if I’m even a man or just a monster. I don’t think first. I act out of impulse and instinct, and when I’m like that, nothing else matters. That Hugo you saw in the apartment? He was ready to squash Stanley like a bug and make his life history without hesitation. I never wanted you to see that.” I didn’t notice my grip on her wrists had tightened until she flinched, and I let her go. “All I wanted was to take you away from there. I didn’t give a shit about what was coming out of my mouth, woman.”

“A lot of bullshit, that’s what came out of your mouth.”

There was some kind of knot in my throat, and I forced myself to swallow it down and say something that only Catherinelle was able to fish it out of me.

“I’m sorry.” Remorse was a strange feeling for me.

“You don’t think I know what you do, Hugo? What Gino does? You think I don’t know who we are?”

I shook my head again.

“You are the sister of the most feared Don on the East Coast; of course, you are aware of some things, Cat, but believing something and actually seeing it are two different things.”

“I can handle it!” Her voice was somewhere between a cry and a growl.

“Catherinelle, I know you can, but you being there when I was handling business puts you in danger. What if something goes south, and you’re forced to testify? What’s going to happen then? You just became a witness.”

“I would never say a word.”

“If you lie under oath, you go to prison, baby girl.”

“Does it matter? You really think I’d sell out my family to save my back? Hugo, I’m young, not stupid.”

“Never thought you were.”

“Can you take me home now? Today was so bad, I regret missing biology.”

“Cat, let me take you somewhere before going home. We’re close, actually. Walking distance.”

She frowned at me like I was a dumb kid who didn’t understand what his mother just explained.

“Hugo, I’m still mad at you. All I want is to go home and take a nap.”

Shit. Of course, she was still mad.

“You wanted to know where I go every week, right? Let me take you.”

At least now she was interested.

 

~

There was no way I’d let her walk, so I carried her in my arms, but she pretended I wasn’t there and kept her face turned away.

I couldn’t believe I was actually fucking nervous when I saw the gate of the cemetery a few feet in front of us. What a fucking pussy she had turned me into, squeaking in my shoes for a woman’s forgiveness.

“What is this?” Cat asked, looking at the stone griffons that were guarding the metal gate.

“This,” I started, “is an orthodox cemetery.”

That bit of information made her look at me with her brows close together.

“Why are we here?”

“You’ll see, baby girl.”

The pavement was creaking under my shoes while I made my way to the old grave marked by a heavy cross carved out of rock. The angel faces that decorated it were now fading after years in the rain and wind, and patches of moss were showing on the stone.

“Cat, help me take my jacket off.”

She pushed it off my shoulders, and I took it off one arm at a time and covered the old bench next to the grave. Usually, I was the one to sit there, but now I helped Catherinelle get comfortable and made sure her feet didn’t touch the ground.

“Who is buried here, Hugo?”

“My parents,” I said simply. One on top of the other, Ana and Viktor Mustafa were laid to rest here by God knows who. I knew I had nothing to do with it.

That shocked Catherinelle. I could see it on her face. Maybe because I never talked about where I came from or the years before Umberto Nucci took me under his wing, or maybe just because it made no sense for me to be here.

“Your parents?” her voice echoed back at me.

“The…people that gave me life. I don’t remember their faces.”

Her eyes inspected the grave in detail before returning back to me, carrying a lot of questions.

“This is where I come every week, Cat. No need to follow me anymore.”

“A cemetery? Why?”

The million dollars question.

“Guilt. I haven’t thought about them in many years, Catherinelle. I didn’t even know where they were buried until three years ago when Roman found out about this place.” It was his fucked-up idea of a present.

“I don’t understand, Hugo. Why were you so defensive? I asked you about it, and you left me.” Her voice went up. “You left me alone the first night we slept together because you didn’t want me to know you were visiting your parents’ grave?”

No, I left her because I’m one big fucking coward. The moment I felt she was sneaking under my skin, I ran as fast as I could.

“No, Cat. You pushed on my boundaries, and I had a knee jerk reaction. You know I don’t do that shit.”

“Do what?”

“The talking. The snuggling. The closeness. Do you honestly think any other woman has had a grip on me like you do? When you wanted to know something that no one else knows, I felt sucker punched.” I turned to look at her for the first time since we got here, and her graceful face looked anger free at last. “Cat, the only things I know are violence and hatred. Whatever it is you’re offering is alien shit to me.”

She got up, and I wanted to yell at her because she was still shoeless, and it was fucking winter outside, but before I got the chance, she was next to me.

“You are more than that, Hugo. You know friendship and family, love and tradition.”

“Where did you get that idea?”

“You are Gino’s best friend. You, him and Roman are brothers.”

I couldn’t keep from touching her, so I traced a line on her cheek with my finger on the reminiscent path left by her tears.

“Innocent, beautiful Catherinelle. Baby girl, I work for them. My only purpose in life was to protect your brother at any cost and nothing more, and he knows it very well. I am just a human shield.”

“You’re talking crazy, and you know it. Gino values you; you’re his most trusted man. Damn it, Hugo, you were raised together.”

She still didn’t get it.

“We don’t share the same blood or the tradition he holds so dear to his heart. His principles? I don’t fucking have that, Cat. I’ll do whatever it takes for the family through whatever means necessary.”

“Stop talking.” She shook her head. “Is that what you think? What you always thought? That you’re just some kind of dispensable tool? This is fucking ridiculous. I don’t know how Gino let that get into your head, but it has nothing to do with me. With us.”

“There is no us, Cat; it can’t be.”

“I’m not going to be seventeen forever, Hugo. My birthday is in a few months. Gino can’t stop me from having a boyfriend forever.”

I didn’t fucking want to talk about forever.

“Baby girl, I don’t think he would have a problem with you dating now.” Maybe he wouldn’t be excited by the prospect, but when it came to his little sister, the big, bad Don rarely could say no. “But not with me.”

“Why the hell not? Because of the age gap?”

“Because,” I raised my voice, even if it wasn’t my intention, “look at me! It’s not the age; it’s who I am: the monster that comes from the bottom of the barrel. Your family wants you with a man who deserves you, like one of your prep school idiots, or that fucking douche that was at your mother’s house. Hell, they’d even accept Roman, but not me.”

“You are wrong, but even if you were right, it’s not up to them! It’s up to me! I accept you, Hugo.” Fucking shit, my throat closed, and I couldn’t swallow anymore. “I don’t care what you think about yourself, you big idiot. I want you. Even after you put me down with your words, I still want you.”

Right after she finished the speech, Cat landed in my arms for a hug. She wasn’t coming onto me; she was just there…accepting. Her head was on my chest so she was probably hearing my heart beating like crazy. It was like the damn thing was petrified stone, and suddenly, she had broken the seal.

I crossed my arms behind her back and just held her. I wanted to squeeze her to my chest, but she was so damn petite, I was afraid to snap her in half, so I just held her. The first moment of tenderness in my entire life, and I was hovering over a grave with my boss’ sister in my arms.

“Cat.”

“Say goodbye to your parents, and let’s go home, Monster,” she whispered into the curve of my neck, and I did just what she asked.

 

~~~

Later that night, we were laying in her bed, her fluffy princess bed with a million pillows and pink satin bed sheets, and we were fucking naked. Catherinelle was tucked under my arm, and her skin was sparkling under the city lights that showed through the window. I was just laying there, spread eagle, trying to follow the map she was drawing on my chest with her slender finger. She was tracing my tattoos.

“What are you thinking about, Monster?”

“You,” I answered simply.

She was all I could fucking think about. When we got to the townhouse, I went to the kitchen, and she rushed to the bedroom to change clothes. It didn’t take more than fifteen minutes, but it seemed like a damn hour, and I just sat there, looking at the elevator, thinking how she’d walk in any minute.

“Well,” she shifted and ended up sitting on my chest like it was her rightful place, “tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“What are you thinking about me?”

She was still talking, but I didn’t hear the words because her perfect pair of tits with those golden-brown nipples I liked to suck like they were Halloween candy, were bouncing in my face. I crooked my neck and tried to get my mouth on her, but the little vixen pulled back.

“Nope. No boobs for you until you sweet-talk me.”

“Sweet-talk you?”

“Yeah, you could start by telling me what you were thinking.”

I let my head fell back on the pillow and looked to the ceiling, making a muffled sound. Catherinelle was hell bent on making me talk more.

“That you are fucking beautiful, Cat, and that I would like to suck on your tits, but you won’t let me.”

“Play your cards right, and I might be the one doing all the sucking.”

The next second, I hooked my hand on the back of her neck and smashed her mouth onto mine. We ventured into a harsh kiss, our tongues massaging each other. I was so high on it, I didn’t stop until Cat bit my bottom lip, and I felt the taste of blood in my mouth.

“Don’t talk like that, Catherinelle. It’s hard for me to control myself as it is.”

“You? I just made you bleed.” She touched my lower lip where her teeth pierced the skin. “I want you so bad, I’m turning into a savage.”

“I’m rubbing off on you.” Fuck. “You wanted to know what I was thinking? This is what I was thinking: with every passing minute, I’m ruining your spirit and dragging you to the dark side.”

“Don’t do that, Hugo. Stop pulling away. You’re not under some kind of curse, alright? You have done things – bad things – I know that, but death and destruction is not who you are. I will force that into your head even if it’s the last thing I do.”

She might just as well die trying. Women have tried to save me before. Sometimes I had thought that maybe Gino and Roman were trying, but I was too much of a wreckage.

“You can start with that sucking you promised,” I suggested jokingly, but to my surprise, she started sliding down my body.

She marked her way down with soft kisses spread on my chest and abdomen. I didn’t deserve her touch, and I wasn’t worthy to feel her lips on my cock, but I must have earned some kind of blessing for my misery, because there she was. My angel.

Without a trace of doubt or any warning, she fit me into her mouth and dragged her teeth on my shaft. My whole body tightened up from the torturous pleasure she made me feel. Pain and pleasure floated through my veins.

“Cat.” I wanted to say more. I wanted to say how fucking beautiful she was; how she made my heart sing an ode to Catherinelle, but my jaw tensed like I was a Pitbull with a stick.

“Do you like it, Monster?” She lifted her beautiful blonde head and found my eyes.

“Don’t. Talk. Don’t…I can’t. Your voce is too much right now, Cat.”

She was too much. She moved up and down relentlessly, taking everything I had to give. Fuck, she was taking things I never imagined would be for sharing, like my heart, my sorrow and my very soul. I was owned. The Albanian Monster was imprisoned by a pretty princess, and unlike the rest of the time I served, this might be a life sentence.

When I lost it, she didn’t even flinch. She pinned me down by my hips, forcing me to stay put and release in her mouth She swallowed every last drop and then stared right at me while she whipped away the reminisce with her middle finger.

This was Catherinelle Nucci, the most protected treasure of the Nucci family, and look what I did to her. Looking at her figure with the light coming from the window framing her body made me realize that I would rot in hell for blemishing her, but life without Catherinelle was a way worse punishment.

“Come here,” I managed to say without my voice cracking.

Cat took her place back under my arm, and I pulled her into a kiss. It was different than anything that we had shared: a sweet, soft, seductive act of passion.

“You ok, big guy?”

“Yeah, just…” what the fuck was I doing? “you’re just so important.”

“What, you mean in my family? The Nucci legacy and all that? Because, Hugo, if you try and talk me out of this – of us – again, I’m going to lose my shit and…”

“I meant to me, Catherinelle. You’re so important to me.”

That shut her up. She shook my arm off of her and pushed up to sit on her knees next to my body that was still limp after the climax. Her bottom lip was quivering between her teeth, and for the first time since she was nine years old, I saw Catherinelle Nucci looking shy.

“What are you trying to say, Hugo?”

“What?”

She jumped off the bed, wrapped herself in a satin robe and started pacing the room like she was marching for the 26th regiment. After a few solid minutes, she put both her hands in her hair and looked turned to me.

“What do you mean? What does it mean that I’m important to you? What does it mean for us?”

“Cat…” Hell if I knew.

“Because I love you. And not like I love Roman, or Ignazio, or my brother.” This might have been the worst time for her to start listing the men she loved. It drove me mad, even if one was her brother and another had no interest in pussy whatsoever. “I’m in love with you.”

Frowning at her words, I got up to sit on the edge of the bed and tried to reach her, but she pulled away.

“Princess, listen to me.”

“No, you listen to me! I have drooled over you for as long as I can remember, and now we’re here, and I’ve fallen in love with you. I know you think you’re flawed – broken – but it was so easy, Hugo. It was so easy to love you.” She found that crack in my armor and tried to cover it with sweet words. She was like a balm for all my darkness. “I love you, and I will say it a million times before you believe it because I know you don’t, and that’s fine, but if you tell me again that I’m too young, that I’m a little naïve girl playing in the big leagues…that will crush me. So you’ll have to spell it out for me, Hugo. What does it mean that I’m important to you?”

Her eyes started to look glassy under a thin curtain of tears that I would have given everything to make go away. I just didn’t know if I could give her what she wanted. I got to my feet, naked and still covered in sweat from all the fucking, and went to take her face in my hands.

“Cat, I don’t know.”

“You don’t know. Sto perdendo la testa.” I’m losing my mind.

Her Italian side always shone brighter when she was sad or burning in fury.

“I don’t know what love is. I’ve never seen it, never felt it. What I know is that I would kill anyone who tries to hurt you.”

“Hugo, that’s literally your job.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Yeah, it was my job, a job I dreaded when it was dumped on me, a job I saw as an insult, like her brother didn’t respect me enough to let me lead with him, but that was the mission of my pathetic fucking life.

“Not like that. What we’re doing is wrong, Cat, and nothing will change that. I should have known better. I shouldn’t have touched you.” She tried to protest, but I silenced her with a finger on her lips. “You are too fucking precious to be with a man like me, and that’s just simple fucking truth. This thing we have, it’s a matter of life and death, Cat, and that’s just another simple truth.”

“Stop being so dramatic, damn it!”

“I’m not. I need you to know. My life will end when they find out what I did. The Nucci famiglia will spill my blood, but that’s ok. I’m not afraid to die. I’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death before, and I came back. I’m ready to do it again for you, Catherinelle. When my heart beats, I can hear the echo of your name in my chest, and I don’t know if that’s love, but is it enough?”

She took a second, but in the end, she gave me her radiant smile. Her beautiful, clear like the June sky, life-giving smile.

“It’s enough.” And then she kissed the shit out of me. “For now.”