Knocked Up By Love by Ella Goode

Chapter Eighteen

Honey

I putmy phone back on the charger after ending my heated call with Agent Roberts. I had to come clean and tell him the truth about where I’ve been staying since that creep Ted went and told him I haven't been back to my place in months. That I pay my rent but never come by. Roberts is pissed, to say the least. Especially about me being a nanny again.

He’d been trying to get a hold of me because a trial date had finally been set. It looks as though I’m going to have to return so that I can testify against my former boss Jared Lawrence. Roberts also told me I won’t likely come back here after the trial due to safety concerns. That I needed to be ready to be relocated again.

I thought things were messy before, but with Paige and Bear now in the mix, they’ve gotten a whole lot messier. I know I’m going to have to come clean to Bear sooner rather than later. I never should have agreed to be Paige’s nanny in the first place. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought about the danger it could put them in if I was ever found.

I do a quick check of myself in the mirror to make sure I’m not crying anymore before I exit my bedroom. I don’t make it far. I barely get the door open before Bear is pushing his way into my room and shutting it back behind him.

“Bear!” I let out a small squeal when he lifts me off my feet and pins me to the bed. For a big man, he sure can move fast. My body instantly heats being pinned beneath him. There was no missing the hurt on his face today when I told him we couldn’t really get married.

Part of me wanted to latch on to the hope that he was hurt because he really wants this between us. That his proposal was about more than making a family for Paige. That he wants me either way. The past few months have been the best of my life.

People always asked me if it was hard to nanny. To fall in love with kids that aren't yours. For me it hasn't been. While I do have a love for the kids I take care of, I know they’re not mine. Those families don’t belong to me. That’s not the case here. Paige is starting to feel like she’s mine. Bear too.

“What’s going on? I know you don’t like that dipshit Ted.” My eyes start to water again. “He can’t hurt you. I could break him in half,” he offers. “Make him disappear.” I snort a giggle. Bear doesn’t laugh with me. He’s dead serious.

“I have to leave.” Bear’s hold on me tightens.

“You can't.” He pauses. He goes to say something but stops himself. We stand in silence for a moment. Hope builds inside of me that he’ll ask me to stay for him. “Paige needs you.” I close my eyes, trying to fight the tears. His words break my heart.

“Don’t cry.” He growls. I’m sure everyone jumps to do whatever he orders when he growls at them.

“I can’t make myself not cry.” I sniffle. “Trust me. I’m trying.”

“It hurts you to know Paige needs you?”

I shake my head no. “I can’t stay just for Paige.” Hell, I can’t stay for a lot of reasons.

“I need you too.” My eyes fly open.

“You need me to help you take care of Paige?” I push for him to clarify exactly what he means. I shouldn’t. It’s pointless. No matter what happens, I have to leave.

“I do, but I need you for me too.” Bear gives me some of that softness he has inside of him.

“Bear, I have to be honest with you,” I tell him. I know it’s now or never. If I’m going to come clean, I might as well say it all. Soon I might never see him again. Unless it’s on a television screen. “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

The way his face all but lights up at my admission has my heart fluttering. It tells me all I really need to know. Bear might not love me yet, but he wants me here for him too. I think Bear is a whole lot sweeter than he knows.

“Then why are you fighting me on this marriage?” he all but shouts, getting worked up again.

“Why are you getting so worked up?” I shout right back at him.

“You’re trying to leave me!”

“Stop shouting,” I shout right back.

“I can’t help it! You do this to me. I don’t understand all the shit you make me feel inside. You scare me when you talk about leaving.” My insides all melt as I start to understand more.

“I scare you?” He takes a deep breath but nods. He is trying to understand all the emotions he’s having to deal with. He has no clue how to process them or to express them. “Paige or no Paige, you’d want to be married to me?” He nods his head again. I go all in, not really having anything to lose at this point. “You think you’re in love with me?”

“There’s no thinking. I know.” He growls again. It rumbles through my body.

“You can’t love me, Bear. You don’t know who I really am.” Or does he? My name is different, but I’m still the same person.

“I know you,” he counters. “I know you’re not a morning person but once I get you a coffee you’ll perk right up. And that you hate rude people. Especially the ones who forget to use their blinkers. I also know your toes get cold easily, you don’t want your food too hot, and you have a way of calming people.” I stare up at him as he goes on and on. Those stupid tears start to form in my eyes again.

Yeah, I don’t think I’m falling in love with Bear. I’m already there. I pull him down for a kiss to silence him. This is the most I’ve ever heard him talk at once, and it sounds like he could go on forever. He starts to deepen the kiss, and I know where this is going. I want to go there but first I have to tell him the truth. For all I know he might be pissed and kick me out after realizing the danger I might have put both him and Paige in.

“Okay, you know me,” I say, breaking the kiss.

“Then we’ll get married,” he orders. That should piss me off, but all it does is make me want to kiss him again.

“My name isn’t Honey.”

“Good, I hate it.”

“You hate my name?”

“All these people keep calling you Honey. I don’t like it.” He grunts. I snort a laugh. “You’re my Honey, Paige’s too.”

Gosh, I love that sound of that. So dang much. Once again, I’m going to lose my whole world. This time it’s going to kill me. I’m not sure I can take it. Before I wasn’t leaving much. Now I have a man who thinks he’s in love with me and a little girl that I want to be mine.

I go for it, ripping the Band-Aid off before I chicken out.

“My real name is Hannah Louise Ricci. I’m in the witness protection program. I was put there after I went to the police to report a murder. I’m the reason that big shot movie producer Lawrence was arrested.”

Bear’s eyes widen in shock. “As in Jared Lawrence?”

I nod my head yes. I’m not shocked he knows the name. His arrest had been everywhere in the news.

“I’m more than sure he’s got a hit on my head. He can’t have me testify against him.” I close my eyes, waiting for Bear to say something. But no words come. The only sound I hear is the door opening and then slamming.

He’s gone.