Southern Sunshine by Natasha Madison

Chapter 15

Reed

The sound of the door closing has my heart breaking in my chest. The sound of her voice replays over and over. "If you are asking me if you share the same DNA, the answer is yes."

I sit on the step now, knowing that even if I tried to walk home, my legs would give out along the way. I hang my head. “A daughter." The tears come now as I remember her smile today. I missed it all because I was too busy trying to run.

The walk to my house is torture. The farther I get from them, the more my chest tightens. "Bottom line, I reached out to tell you that I was pregnant with our child. To tell you that I was going to keep our child and …" I remember reading the message, remember how it fucked up my whole night. Remember yearning for home for the first time, and I also knew that if I gave in to it, I would be sucked back, and I’d be miserable my whole life.

Unlocking the front door of my house, I don’t turn on a single light. Instead, I sit in the darkness as her words come back to kick me. "Sitting alone in a room with our child growing inside me." I want to know everything. I close my eyes, but nothing helps fight off the guilt. Not one thing I have done or said will make up for missing five years.

The sun comes up, and I know I have to talk to her. I know that things need to be said, so I walk back over to the house. Walking up the three steps, I knock softly. I didn’t even check what time it is. I don’t have time before the door opens just a bit. Her little eyes see me, and they light up. "Momma," she says over her shoulder, opening the door. “It’s Uncle Reed." Hazel comes out of the kitchen with her hair tied up on top of her head, wearing shorts and a T-shirt. "Momma is making pancakes,” she says.

"Go sit and eat," Hazel says to her, and I can’t stop from looking at her. She stands there with her hip cocked just like I’m standing right now. Her smile is the most beautiful thing in the whole world.

"Later, Uncle Reed,” she says, and I shake my head and try not to laugh.

I wait for her to be out of the room before looking at Hazel. The dark circles under her eyes show me that she didn’t sleep either. “Hey," I say softly.

"Come in," she says, and I step in and close the door behind me. "Um …" She starts to talk, and I hold up my hand.

"Before you say anything, I’m sorry, Hazel,” I say. “There is no excuse for any of my actions."

"I wanted to tell you,” she says, and I can finally see her eyes. The sadness in them, the tears. “But I …"

"I should have answered. That is on me,” I say.

"We have a lot to talk about,” she says, and I just nod my head.

"Will you promise me that you won’t leave?" I ask her, my heart clenching in my chest as if someone is reaching in and squeezing it with all their might. “At least not before we talk things out."

"I don’t know how long we will be here,” she says. “But I promise that if we leave, I’ll tell you beforehand."

I just nod at her. “I’ve got someplace to be,” I say, and she just looks at me. I want to reach my hand up and hold her face. Right before I kiss her lips. “But if it’s okay, I’d like to come back and see Sofia."

"That’s fine,” she says softly.

"Bye, Sofia,” I say, holding my hand up, and she looks up from her plate.

"Bye, Uncle Reed,” she says, and I look at Hazel, who has her eyes closed.

"She has never called anyone uncle before," she tells me. “I don’t even know if she knows what that means."

"Tucker called me that, so she might think that’s my name,” I say, not telling her that by the end of all of this, she is going to be calling me dad.

"See you later," I tell them both and turn to walk out of the house.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I call my father first, and he answers right away. “Hey, son,” he says.

"Hey, Dad,” I say, looking around and seeing that the fucking property needs to be fixed. "I was wondering if you have a couple of minutes to sit down with me."

"This sounds serious,” he says, and I look back at the door.

"It is,” I say. “Where are you?"

"Headed out to the clubhouse now,” he says.

"I’ll see you there,” I say, hanging up the phone and running home. I get into the truck and make my way over.

The only car in the parking lot is my father's. I get out and walk into the converted barn. The white door closes, and once I walk in, I hear a buzzing noise. I pull the door open and step inside my father’s world. From the looks of it, he looks just like a regular cowboy, but he’s so much more. He’s one of the best computer tech people I know with a massive contract to the military as well as the security measures around the world.

He sits at a desk, leaning back in it with a coffee in his hand. “Now I know it’s serious,” he says to me, and I shake my head. "Also, you look like shit."

"Wow,” I say, putting my hand to my chest. “That hurt." He just shrugs.

"I’m not going to piss on your leg and tell you that it’s raining. You look like trash. Have you slept?" he asks, putting down his cup of coffee, and I look at him. My stomach clenches when I think of telling him about Sofia.

"I’ve had things on my mind,” I say, sitting down and wondering how disappointed he’s going to be in me for not taking responsibility for my child. "I’ve been thinking." My leg is starting to shake when I start talking. “What would you say if I asked you for a job?" I look over at him, and his eyebrows pinch together.

"I would say why?" His eyes look into mine, and I wonder if he can tell how desperate I am.

"I don’t understand." I laugh nervously. "Do you not want me to work for you?"

"Oh, no, you don’t,” he says, shaking his head and grabbing his mug again. “You aren’t turning this around on me." He puts his mug down. “You were dying to get out of this town. Dying,” he says the word again. “And now, all of a sudden, you want to work here." He shakes his head. “That doesn’t jibe." He puts his hands together. “Now let’s start this again. Why do you want to work for me?"

"I can’t tell you right now,” I say honestly.

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” my father says, the worry all over his face. “If you need money or you’re in trouble."

I shake my head. “I’m not in trouble, Dad." I feel like throwing up. "Nor do I need money." I shrug. “I just." I think about the right words to say. I think about how to word it, and the only thing that comes to my mind is what I say next. “I found my purpose,” I tell him the truth. She is five years old, and she is the best thing I’ve ever done.

"Then I say"—he swallows, and tears form in his eyes—“you’ve got a job whenever and wherever you want it."

"I don’t want you to just say that or to just give me a job to give me money,” I say. “If I stay and do this, I want to earn the money just like everyone else."

"No one is going to give you anything, son," he tells me. “If you want it, you have to earn it."

"I can work with that,” I say and get up. “I’ll get back to you."

"The offer is there whenever you want," he says, and then I look down and take one step away. “I don’t know what you are hiding …" I stop in my tracks, looking over at him. “But whatever it is." He swallows now. “It brought life back into your eyes." I smirk at him, not sure I can say another word without pouring out my heart to him. Without sitting with him and telling him about Sofia. About missing everything because I was a selfish bastard. About how she smiles like me and how she has the same smirk as both of us. About how fucking amazing she is, and I’ve only spent an hour with her.

"See you later,” I say, turning and walking out of the clubhouse. I get into the truck, knowing who else I need to talk to.

When I get to the gym, I walk in and find Ethan on the treadmill running. “Now you show up,” he says to me, not breaking his stride or huffing out. “A little late, don’t you think?"

"Yeah," I say to him and then walk to the machine where he continues to run. "I had something to do." He just looks over at me, and I stand here with my hands in my back pockets. "What would you do if you were still enlisted in the service?"

"What do you mean?" he asks and lowers the speed of the treadmill.

I think about how to word the question without making him suspect anything. “If you were in the service and you had Gabriel and Audrey back home, would you think about leaving?"

"If I still had time on my contract, then I would have no choice,” he says. “But if I wasn’t enlisted, I wouldn’t be able to leave them."

"Lots of guys do it." I point out to him. “I had seven brothers who all had families back home."

"And I have so much respect for them. Not only are they serving the country and keeping us safe." He shuts down the treadmill. “I don’t know how they do it." Grabbing his water bottle, he takes a large pull. “To be away from your wife and kids all the time for months on end." He shakes his head. “It must be fucking torture."

"I mean, you get to come home on leave." I wait for him to answer me.

"Yeah, and you get to watch your kids grow up via a fucking phone." He takes another pull of water. “Again, I have respect for them, but if something happened to either of them when I was away, I would not be able to forgive myself or look at myself in the mirror. Waking up every single day to my son and my daughter. You can’t replace that. Not for all the money in the world."

My stomach sinks when he puts it like that. I knew last night when I sat on my couch what I needed to do. I knew in my heart that it would lead to this conversation. I knew that in the end I would think exactly how Ethan thinks. I knew, in the end, I would not leave her. "Thanks,” I say, and he just nods at me.

"Is there something you aren’t saying?" he asks, and I just shake my head. In time, I will tell him the truth, but for right now, it’s going to be my secret.