Southern Sunshine by Natasha Madison

Chapter 18

Hazel

I open the door and yell her name. “Sofia. Come get cookies." I look for her, and my eyes find Reed. My heart speeds up as I watch the two of them.

"Momma!" Sofia yells. “Uncle Reed was thinking about me all day. My ears were ringing." She starts to walk to me and stops, turning back and going back to Reed. She slips her hand in his and looks up at him. “Come on, I’ll share my cookies with you."

The lump in my throat grows even bigger as they walk toward me. He’s wearing jeans and a white shirt, and he’s even hotter than he was six years ago. He made my stomach flutter even back then, but now that he’s all grown up, he’s taken it to a whole different level. "We have to wash our hands,” she tells Reed. “Or no cookies."

She walks into the house, and Reed stops in front of me. “Hey," he says softly. “I didn’t."

I just shake my head. “It’s fine." He walks in, and I wait a couple of seconds before walking in. Putting my hand to my stomach, I let out the breath I was holding when he walked by me. This whole day has been one thing after another, starting with him showing up here this morning. Then Savannah came over, only to have Sofia fall and scratch her knee. The sound of her shrieking made my blood run cold. I got there in record time, and I was expecting to find something broken. The blood was running down her leg in thick drops. I carried her in and cleaned the area, thinking for sure she would need stitches. How the fuck would this look to Reed? I’ve second-guessed every single thing I’ve said and done since he found out that Sofia is his.

"You put soap." I hear Sofia. “And then you sing your ABCs," she sings now. “Now I know my ABCs, won’t you come and play with me,” she sings louder. “Now you can rinse." I walk into the kitchen and see her sitting on the counter, knowing he picked her up and put her there. “See,” she says, turning now and grabbing the rag, and semi wiping her hands down. “All clean."

"Thank you," Reed says when she hands him the towel. He wipes his hands and now picks her up, and I see that he wants to kiss her cheek, but all he does is smile at her. His eyes are filled with all the love I thought they would be.

"Momma," Sofia says, looking at me. “Can we have a cookie before the spaghetti?" she asks, and I look over at Reed.

"I usually don’t feed her dessert before dinner." I have this crazy need for him to know that I’m a good mom. "It’s just, she fell before, and I …"

He holds his hand up to stop me from talking, and I thank God since I have a feeling I would have word vomited. It’s like I can’t stop saying the wrong thing. "Sometimes, a cookie before dinner makes you even hungrier." He smirks at me. “But only one."

"Okay, one," Sofia says and then looks over at me, and she has the same smirk her father has. I am such an idiot, I think to myself. How could I think he wouldn’t see it? How could I have thought that coming back here was a good idea?

"Come and sit, Uncle Reed," Sofia says. “I can read," she tells him, getting on her chair and sitting on her knees. “See this, it’s Green Eggs and Ham." She holds up the orange book, and Reed sits down next to her. I walk over and put two cookies on a plate and then bring it over to them. “I get to pick first," Sofia says. “Because I’m smaller."

Reed laughs at her now. “Those are the rules,” he says, smiling at her, and she picks up her cookie.

"This one is bigger." She takes a bite. “Yummy."

The timer on the stove dings, and I walk over and take the pasta off the stove, straining it in the colander, “Did you eat?" I ask, not looking at him.

"No. I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t even think about the time."

"Uncle Reed," Sofia says. “Did your ears ring today?" she asks him, and I close my eyes as I listen to the next part. “I was thinking about you." One tear comes out now and rolls down my cheek.

"Did you?" he says, and I can just imagine how that must feel for him.

"Yeah. And your horse,” she says, making him laugh.

"If your momma says it’s okay, maybe we can go for a ride tomorrow,” he says, and I hear her gasp out.

I turn and walk over to put the pasta in the saucepan, mixing it. "Momma.

"Can we?" she asks, and my eyes never leave the pan in front of me.

"We’ll see,” I say, grabbing a plastic plate for her. I turn to get a fork and knife to cut it.

"Can I help?" Reed pushes away from the table, and I can feel him beside me. “I can cut that for her."

"Yeah, sure,” I say, not sure how I feel about him stepping up. This is what you wanted, my head screams. This is what you hoped for the whole time. I place some pasta on a plate and then fill Reed’s with more than mine. I carry them to the table, my hands shaking a bit. It’s a good thing I set the table for us before he got here. I walk back to grab another pair of utensils while he finishes cutting her pasta. He brings it to the table and places it in front of her.

"It’s still hot,” he tells her. “So you need to blow." I sit down, facing Reed as he sits.

"Don’t eat," Sofia says. “We have to say grace." She turns her hand over for his and then the other one for me. I put my hand in hers, and Reed reaches across the table for mine. My hand slowly reaches across the table, his hand facing up. His hand is warm to my cold one. "Dear God,” Sofia starts, and I look over and see that her eyes are closed. My eyes go to Reed’s as he just stares at me. "Thank you for the cookies and the food,” she says. “And for Uncle Reed and his horse." Reed chuckles while the emotions get the better of me. “Amen."

"Amen," I say before I get up. “Excuse me,” I say, rushing up the stairs and to the bathroom.

I close the door and put my hand to my mouth. The sob comes out as quiet as I can, my back against the door as I slide down to my ass. I wipe away the tears that come right after the other, and the soft knock on the door makes me stop.

"Hazel." I hear his voice softly. “Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I’ll be right down,” I say, getting up now, listening to hear him walk away. I get up, making my way over to the sink and opening the water. Rinsing off my face, I grab the towel and dab the water off.

Opening the door, I’m not expecting him to be there waiting for me, leaning against the wall with his ankles crossed. "Oh," I say out loud and stop in my tracks. "I thought."

"What’s wrong?" he asks softly and looks down the stairs to make sure that Sofia isn’t coming up.

"Nothing," I tell him, looking down. “I’m fine."

"You aren’t fine,” he says. “It might have been six years ago"—he stops and swallows—“but I know you."

"That was a long time ago,” I say, my knees feeling like they’re going to buckle when I look up at him and see his eyes. His eyes always felt like he could see into my soul, and that never went away. The same look he used to give me as we spent all those nights talking in the barn. I knew as time went on that I was slowly falling in love with him. I knew it was stupid and would only lead to me being heartbroken when he went away, yet I did it anyway.

"Not that long." He doesn’t move, and I know that if I don’t say anything, he isn’t going to drop it.

"It’s just," I start to say. My lip tremors, and he stands up now and comes closer to me. He stands right in front of me as I try not to cry. "It’s just that for our whole life, it’s just been her and me." I wipe the tear as fast as I can. “No matter what, it was always just us." He starts to say something, and I hold up my hand to stop him. “Every single day, it was us two at the table, except when Pops came to visit. So seeing you at the table with her and her thanking God for you." I close my eyes, taking slow, soft breaths. “It was just so real. I’ve thought about this moment for the last six years. I’ve thought about how you would be with her. And it’s just so much better than I thought it was going to be." I fidget with my hands. “I’ve always wanted her to have what she had yesterday and today." His hand comes up now as his thumb stops a tear from rolling down my cheek. “You have no idea how it felt seeing her running, knowing that she was with family. Knowing that she had all these people there for her and that they didn’t know."

"There are going to be more days,” he says, his hand not moving from my face. "I don’t want to take your place. I just want to have a place where I get to love her also."

"I’ll never ever keep her from you,” I say, and his thumb rubs my cheek. “Not now, not ever."

"There are things we need to talk about,” he says, and I feel my stomach rise and fall. “There are things that need to be said, but I don’t want to do it now when she is up or can hear."

"You’re right,” I say. “There are things that need to be said."

"Let’s finish eating, and then I’m going to take off. I’ll come back tonight, and we can talk." I nod my head, not sure I can answer him. "But just so you know, Hazel, I’m not going anywhere."

He doesn’t say anything more. His hand drops from my face, and he walks back down the stairs. My hand comes up to my face where I can still feel his touch, his words echoing in my head. “I’m not going anywhere."