Southern Sunshine by Natasha Madison

Chapter 19

Reed

I walk down the stairs, my hand still tingling from touching her face. My thumb is still wet from her tears. I saw her get up from the table, saw the tears, and my heart broke. Thinking that my being here was hurting her, I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. I looked over at Sofia to see if she noticed, but all she did was eat her spaghetti.

I walk back down, sitting down in the chair right next to Sofia, and she just looks up at me with sauce all over her cheeks. “Is it good?" I ask, and she nods her head. I want to lean over and kiss her, but I don’t know if it’s too fast. I want to hold her in my arms all the time. Carry her to make up for all the years I didn’t.

I hear the stairs creak and look up to see Hazel come back and sit down. Her beauty stops everything in me. All the thoughts are gone, and the only thing I can think of is making this right here something that I do every night. She looks over at me, and she gives me a side smile and takes her first bite of pasta.

I take my time eating, knowing that as soon as I finish eating, I’m going to have to leave and my stomach sinks thinking about it. "So what grade are you in, Sofia?"

"Kindergarten," she answers, filling her spoon with pasta.

"Do you like school?" I take my own bite.

"Yeah, but sometimes it’s boring,” she says, moving her head. “And the math is too easy."

I laugh at her expression. “Do you like math?" I ask.

"She’s doing math at a third-grade level," Hazel says. “She has always loved it. We started practicing her addition when she was three," she lets me know, and I smile at her.

"Definitely takes after her mom for that,” I say, smirking and grabbing another bite. Hazel always did better in school than I did. If I got a sixty, I was happy with it.

"She goes to private school also," she tells me, and I just nod. "She’s getting a good education."

"I don’t doubt it,” I say, sensing that she’s nervous when it comes to talking about Sofia.

"I drop her off and pick her up as soon as she’s done her extra-curricular activities." She pushes the pasta around her plate.

"What do you do extra?" I look at Sofia.

"Chess,” she says, and my eyes open wide. “And math club."

"Definitely a momma’s girl,” I say, laughing, and she smiles.

“I look like my momma,” she says, and I just nod.

“You are just as beautiful as your momma,” I say and look over at Hazel, who just looks at me and then down again.

“Do you play chess?” Sofia looks over at me as she slurps pasta.

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I tried to learn once. But it’s just too hard for me."

Sofia puts her small hand on mine. “I can teach you," she tells me, and at that moment, I wonder if she knows how much of my heart she has. I wonder if she can feel the love that I feel for her. I don’t give a shit that her hand is full of food and that now it’s dirty. Her touch is everything. I look at the hand mark on mine. I made that, I think to myself. My whole life, I’ve been trying to make a mark on the world. My whole life, I tried to run away and be my own person. In the end, I helped create the perfect human being.

"I’ll get you a rag," Hazel says, watching me just watch my hand. She jumps up now to grab a wet rag and hand it to me.

"I’ve been dirtier,” I say, laughing as I grab the rag. She avoids my eyes with that comment and sits down.

After I finish my plate, I get up and help her clean up, trying to take in every minute I can. "I’m going to go and give her a bath," Hazel says. “You can wait or come back."

"I want to stay,” I say honestly. “But I also want Sofia to be comfortable. When do you want me to come back?"

"After eight is good. She usually has a bath and then reads," she tells me. “She can read.”

I smile proudly. “You did good, Hazel,” I say softly, and I want to bring her to me and taste her lips. Just like I did all those years ago.

"Thank you,” she says, looking away from me as if she heard my thoughts.

"Okay, Sofia,” I say, walking over to her. “I’m going to go."

"Bye, Uncle Reed,” she says. “Come back, and I can teach you chess."

I nod at them both and walk out of the house. I close the door behind me and sit on the stoop, putting my hands on my knees and letting my head hang.

I get up to leave, and I just can’t. I sit down, my head turning around and around. The door opens, and I feel her come out and sit next to me. “You didn’t leave." Her shoulder is against mine, and my whole body comes alive. "I looked out when I was putting the laundry in and saw your truck still here." I look over at her. Her hair is now tied on top of her head, little strands coming out.

"I meant what I said earlier,” I say. “I’m not going anywhere."

She looks at me confused. “As long as you’re here and Sofia is here, that is where I will be."

"I don’t live here," she tells me.

"I know that,” I say softly. “So wherever you will be, so will I."

"Reed,” she says my name softly. "You don’t have to do that."

"No." I shake my head. “I’ve lost five years of her life." I get up now and walk down the steps, turning to look at her. "Five years. First steps, first birthday, first day of school, first day she fell. I’m not missing another fucking second of her life." I want to kneel on the second step and hold her face in my hands while I tell her all of this.

"But you have a life,” she says. “I don’t expect you to give up everything that you have." She wipes the tear away. “You worked so hard to make it out of here."

"And I did that,” I say. “I was supposed to sign another contract next month,” I say now and see her face turn white. “I called my commander today and told them that I won’t be doing it."

"But.” She shakes her head.

"But nothing,” I say. “For the first time in my life, I feel fucking whole. For the first time in my life, there is a reason to me." I point at myself. “For the first time in my life, I can breathe. Fuck, Hazel, I can’t even explain to you how I feel. Because there are no words. The minute I found out that she was mine, everything.” I shake my head and squat down so I can look her in her eyes. “Everything changed. That girl.” I point at the window where I know she sleeps. “She owns me. So I’ll move to wherever you live. I’ll find a job, I’ll bag groceries if I have to. I’ll work for my father. I will do what I need to do to make sure that every single day I get to sit and be worthy of her love." I want to add both of you, but I know it has to be done in baby steps. "I can’t imagine what you went through all alone without me." I blink the tears away, but they fall anyway. “And there is nothing I can say that will ever make it okay. Nothing." I swallow. “That is what I have to live with, but from now on, from this moment …" I put my hands on her cheeks now, holding her face in my palms. “You never have to go through this alone again. Not while I have air in my lungs."

"Reed,” she says my name in a whisper, and it brings me back to six years ago when she whispered my name right before I slipped into her.

"Every single day,” I say. “From this day on, it’s going to be us. Me, you, and Sofia."

I want to lean in and kiss her, but instead, I drop my hands from her face and stand. I reach in the back of my pocket and take out the white envelope. “I don’t have much,” I say. “I’ve saved almost everything I’ve made over the years. I didn’t need much to live."

"What are you talking about?” she says, and I hold out the envelope. "Take it, Hazel."

She takes the envelope and opens it, taking out the check for a hundred thousand dollars. She gasps out. “Are you insane?" she asks, shaking her head and putting the check back in the envelope. “I’m not taking this." She stands, pissed now. “Are you nuts?"

"You raised our daughter by yourself for the last five years. That isn’t nearly enough to cover what you did." I turn now and walk toward my truck.

"I’m not taking this!" she yells at my back. “Stupid, stubborn man."

I laugh now. “If you think I’m stubborn now." I open the truck door. “Wait until she tells me she wants to have a boyfriend."

"We need to talk about this," she tells me, putting her hands on her hips.

“We will.” I take a second. “I haven’t slept in two days, so I’m going home now, and I’m going to sleep.” I step up in the truck. “See you tomorrow, Hazel."

"This isn’t over, Reed Barnes,” she says before she storms back into the house. When I hear her slam the door, I laugh.

"Damn fucking right, it’s not over,” I say while I drive away from them. The feeling of dread comes over me. I pick up the phone and call my brother, who answers after one ring.

"I’m putting the baby to bed,” he says, whispering.

"Okay, just wanted to let you know that I need your help,” I say. “Be at the barn at eight thirty tomorrow."

"Whatever,” he says. “Just put a shirt on. Ethan posted a picture on Facebook of you riding a horse without a shirt, and I had to report it for profanity." I laugh now.

"I remember when you wore wifebeaters for a year," I remind him.

"I’m hanging up. Don’t call me back,” he says, disconnecting the call, and I call my father next, who answers right away also, but he’s not whispering.

"Hey, Dad,” I say. “I need a favor."

"Anything," he answers right away.

"Think you can meet me at the barn at eight thirty?" I think about what to say. “I was over to see Hazel, and Sofia was out playing and she fell because the grass was too high." I close my eyes, hoping he doesn’t sense the bullshit that I just gave him. “Since you just bought the house, I thought we could go over and at least clean it up a bit." I get out of the truck and make my way into the house, going straight to the bedroom.

"Yeah," he says. “That sounds good. I’ll message the guys."

"Thanks, Dad,” I say, and then he waits. “For everything."

"Anytime, son,” he says, and for the first time, I get everything that he said. I hang up the phone and collapse into the bed. When I show up at the barn at eight thirty, every single man in my family is there, even Gabriel.

My grandfather is telling them what we are going to be doing, and everyone just listens.

“I’ve got the tractor already at the house,” Grandpa says. “Let’s roll, people."

"I’ll ride with you," I tell my father, getting into his truck with Quinn, who leans his head against the headrest.

"Why the fuck are teeth so hard to cut through the gum?” he says, looking at my father.

"I’m not going to lie," my father says, driving toward Hazel’s. “When you were getting your teeth in, I cried." I look at him in shock. “Seeing your kid in pain and not being able to help them is the fucking worst."

I lean forward now. “Did you cry?" I ask Quinn quietly, and he looks over his shoulder and shakes his head.

"Liar." My father laughs out louder. “You are a liar. I’m going to ask Willow." He parks the truck, and I see that even some of the ranch workers are here.

"I’m going to go and tell Hazel what is going on," I tell them. They both nod at me and walk into the field where my grandfather is now giving orders.

I’m walking to the front door when it opens, and Hazel comes out dressed in yoga pants and a shirt, followed by Sofia in overalls and her green Rubber boots. “Uncle Reed,” she says.

“Hey, sunshine,” I hear my grandfather say from beside me. "Hazel."

"Hi," she says. “What’s going on here?" She looks around and sees all the men starting to work.

"Thought I would come by and give this little lady a ride on the tractor. What do you say?" my grandfather says. “If that is okay with your momma,” he says, and the smile just fills my face when I see Sofia’s eyes light up.

"Momma, a tractor,” she says and looks over to the tractor and then walks to my grandfather.

"Let’s go, sunshine," she tells him, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes me.