My Next Play by Carrie Ann Ryan

Chapter 12

Nessa

Three days later,my heart still physically ached for Miles. I’d known he had some kind of trauma in his past—it seemed we all did—but I hadn’t known the guilt that lay shrouded beneath.

I tried to figure out what I should do or say to make him see that I would be there for him—as friends and whatever else we were. In reality, I knew I needed to be there for him in any way I could.

“Now, what are you thinking about?” Natalie asked as she looked up at me. I blinked and realized that my roommates were all staring at me, and I was looking off into the distance, thinking about Miles.

“Sorry.” I didn’t want to break his confidence and tell them the source of my worry, but it wasn’t easy. “Letting my thoughts wander.”

“About Miles?” Natalie asked as she leaned forward.

I sighed. “Maybe.” I didn’t want to get into too much detail.

“I’m so happy that you and he are finally starting a relationship.” Elise and Mackenzie shared a look.

“What do you mean by finally?” I asked, frowning.

“It just seems like you guys get along well,” Mackenzie said slowly, and I knew she was holding back a wince.

“We do. And we’re friends. It’s not like we slept together yet,” I added.

“Why the hell not?” Natalie asked before she threw up her hands at our looks. “Hi. Yes, I am the resident virgin, but that doesn’t mean I believe that sex is wrong, and we shouldn’t have it. I would love to have sex someday. I just need to meet a guy I wouldn’t mind touching me.”

“We all know that you don’t mind Miles touching you,” Elise added with a wink in my direction.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re right; I don’t. Only I don’t want to ruin anything by having sex too quickly. So, we’re waiting. Things won’t be all roses and angels and everything with the future. He’s moving soon, and I don’t know what I’ll be doing.”

“You’re not dropping out,” Mackenzie said, narrowing her eyes.

I sighed and held up my hands. “I know, I won’t. At least, not this semester.”

“Then that means you only have one more semester to worry about,” Elise said.

“We’re working on those scholarships. You’re going to make it.”

I nodded, grateful for my friends. I would make it. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. My friends were fantastic people who helped me with grants and made sure I could make it through the last semester. I would be okay, at least I thought I would. Not entirely because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, seeing as things kept changing, but I knew that Miles wasn’t my forever.

“So, it’s not forever with you and Miles,” Natalie began, and we both ignored how Mackenzie and Elise scowled at us. “As I was saying, it’s not forever. But it can be for right now. We’re allowed that. I mean, I would love right now,” she said, winking.

“Right now would be wonderful...” Mackenzie began.

I cut in. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I am having fun. And I’m going to say it to remember that.”

“Good. So, have fun. And when you’re ready, have amazing sex because I have a feeling that Miles may surprise us all.” Mackenzie winked, and we all laughed, even though I knew I was blushing from head to toe.

“What’s that look for?” Elise pointed at me.

Mackenzie narrowed her eyes. “It seems she might know a little bit more about Miles than she’s letting on.”

“I’m not saying anything,” I whispered.

That in and of itself said enough. I remembered how he had held me, the way he touched me just the right way. I knew Miles could take off those glasses and be into some kinky goodness, and I wasn’t sure exactly what I would do with that—other than enjoy myself.

“Not to bring the tone of this down, but have you gotten another present or anything lately?” Mackenzie asked.

I shook my head, my stomach aching. “No, which I’m grateful for. Hopefully, it was just a one-time thing or something. It was really bizarre.”

Elise frowned. “I know. It’s worrying. But we’re here if you need us.”

I nodded, relief and nervousness warning inside me. “I know that. And, hopefully, I don’t get any more flowers. This whole thing doesn’t make sense. Like the fact that he clung so quickly. We didn’t even have two full dates.”

“Hopefully, it’s over, and you don’t have to think about it again. I hate that you had to deal with it at all,” Mackenzie added.

“On the surface, Xander seemed like such a nice guy. But maybe those are the ones you need to worry about,” Natalie said, frowning.

“Maybe. Although your guys aren’t jerks,” I said, looking over at them.

Elise shook her head. “They aren’t. They expect us to like them just because we’re nice to them. If that makes sense.”

“Exactly. Miles is a good man, but not the quintessential nice guy if that makes sense.”

“It does, totally. And it would be nice if the other three could rub off on their jerk roommate,” Natalie grumbled, and everyone else looked at me. I just shrugged.

I didn’t know what was going on between Tanner and Natalie, but I knew there wasn’t any love lost there. They were always growly towards one another, and while it may look like attraction to some, I wasn’t so sure. Natalie didn’t seem flustered; she just seemed…annoyed.

“When do you have to go back to work?” Mackenzie asked as we went through our homework, trying to get caught up for the week.

“I work tomorrow, and then I have a meeting with my professor to go over different jobs I can have for those grants. I don’t want to have to drop out next semester, but I just don’t know how I’m going to pay for it.” I looked up at the girls. “And nobody gets to help me like that.”

Natalie shrugged. “You know my parents would help out.”

“Yes, I know. And while I’d be grateful, things would change between us, and I don’t want that.”

“I understand, but I also want you to be able to finish school so you can have your degree and begin what you need to do next.”

“We’re figuring it out.” Somehow. “At least, we’ve decided that I’m staying for this semester since I already paid for it, and there’s no use trying to wait for a refund.” I hated that I was so worried about money that I couldn’t sleep, but I couldn’t focus on anything else right now. I needed to concentrate on work, school, and Miles.

I liked Miles. It wasn’t like I was waiting for love to have sex with him. I was simply waiting for trust. Was that it? Or maybe I was holding out for a promise that I knew would never come. Therefore, I didn’t have to worry about getting hurt.

I trusted Miles. I always had, though I had always thought of him as only a friend. It was such a complicated mess that sometimes I just wanted to bury myself and forget that I could be my own worst enemy.

I honestly didn’t know why I was waiting anymore. I knew it might have started as me trying to play it safe, and both of us not wanting to hurt each other when we knew we had to walk away at the end of the year. Only that might not be the case anymore. I would likely get hurt no matter what. He would hurt me, just like I would hurt him. I already liked him enough as a friend, and as something more. Things were going to hurt.

Somehow, I needed to find a way to make that manageable.

So why wasn’t I sleeping with the guy I kept dreaming about and wanted?

I let out a breath and then pushed those thoughts from my mind to focus on my friends. That was the least I could do, even while everything else was falling apart around me.

I openedthe door and smiled as Miles walked in. He leaned down to brush his lips to mine. I leaned into him, taking a deep breath as I did my best not to wrap my arms around him and never let him go.

“Hey there.” He brushed my hair from my face.

“Hi. I just finished work, and now I’m working on grant proposals and should probably get some homework done.” I sighed.

He nodded and kissed me again. “I’m here for stats homework, and I have to go through a few of my labs.”

“Is that the one with the carbon paper?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Right now, I’m on grid paper. And then I need to write an actual paper from it. I don’t do carbon paper anymore since that’s a first-year lab.”

“See? I had to take a lab for one of my core classes, and I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You do. Didn’t you get like a B+ in that? You did great.”

“I did. I don’t remember sleeping much during it, though.”

“I’m now one of the TAs for a gen-ed lab, and it’s not as fun as it was when I took the class.”

“There are so many things wrong with that sentence.” I laughed as I looked up at him. He was so freaking cute sometimes. “First, you had fun?”

“Yes. I’m a nerd, remember?”

“You’re a hot one,” I corrected, and he rolled his eyes.

“Thanks for that.”

“I didn’t know you were a TA, did I?”

He tilted his head as he looked at me. “You did. It’s the class I do on Fridays.”

“Oh. Right. I knew that. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I never talk about it since it’s barely any stipend, and it’s only so I can afford to do a few things other than pay my rent.”

“It’s good that you have a job, though.” I leaned into him as we walked.

“Thanks for that,” he said with a laugh. “Hey, you’re working at a bookstore. I’m working in a lab that somehow, somewhat has to do with my job. It’s a living.”

“Yes. And, hopefully, my professor will be able to help me find another job that pays a little more.”

“You’d quit the bookshop?” he asked as I led him to my bedroom.

I shook my head. “Not necessarily. More like I’d get a second job.”

“Jesus, Nessa. Are you going to have time to sleep?”

“I can sleep while standing up. Maybe. I don’t know if I’m going to have much choice at this point.”

“I’m here if you need me. You know that.” He sat next to me on my bed, and I swallowed hard.

“I know. And it’s kind of nice knowing that.”

“Are you ready for the fun to begin?” he asked as he opened my textbook.

“Hell, we’re studying hell,” I said on a laugh and leaned into him as he started looking over some of my formulas.

“You’ve got this.”

“You’d think so, but this took me forever. I don’t know why I have to take this stupid class,” I grumbled and then held up my hand before he could tell me exactly why I was taking the stupid class.

“I don’t know if I want to know, so let’s just pretend,” I said with a laugh.

“Okay, we can pretend. Let’s go over a couple of these that you skipped, and then we can play strip-studying.” I looked up at him then, a smile on my face. “Strip-studying?”

“What? Dillon said he and Elise enjoy playing it. I figured we might, too.”

“We’re going to play strip-studying just because they like it?” I asked, laughing now.

“I think we’ll enjoy playing it because I want to see you naked,” he growled low.

I looked up at him and swallowed hard.

“You know, I think I’m going to like that kind of studying.” I laid my book on the bed and leaned over to slowly take off his glasses.

“That’s going to make it a little difficult for me to see you,” he said as he leaned down and kissed me again.

“Well, then, I guess you’ll just have to do it by touch,” I teased, wondering where those words had come from. I wasn’t good at this, usually. Although I was better at it when I wrote certain scenes. When I had time to think about what I should say, things made sense.

He smiled at me and nipped my lip before deepening the kiss. Somehow, he was over me, kissing me softly as I moaned. I was ready for this, had been since the first time we had spoken about it, even though I had told myself I needed time.

I knew I was going to get hurt no matter what, so I might as well live in the moment.

I liked Miles. Watching him walk away would devastate me, but this moment could make it all worth it. I would make sure of that. So, I leaned in and kissed him again. He slowly let his hands roam all over my body, and I raked my fingers down his back as he groaned before deepening the kiss once more and slowly rocking against me, his jean-clad cock hard against my heat. I swallowed hard and then let out a gasp when he tugged my arms above my head, clasping them together in one hand.

“Are you good?” he asked, his gaze on mine. I knew he could see me this close. His glasses were helpful for distance. We wouldn’t need them for this, but I nodded anyway. “Yes. Please.”

“Whatever you want,” he whispered, and then he kissed me again, and I was lost. He tugged at my shirt, nibbling my stomach before pulling down my bra slightly to suck on my breast. My nipple puckered, turning to a hard little nub against his tongue as he took his time and nearly sent me over the edge. I keened, rocking against him. Needing him.

He hummed, the slight scrape of his beard a new sensation that made me wetter. He sat up and pulled off his shirt, and my mouth dropped open, watering at the sight. He was all hard lines and ridges, and I couldn’t help but want to reach out and touch him. He shook his head, took his shirt, and slowly wrapped it around my wrists. My eyes widened, and he grinned. “Are you still good?”

“Yes,” I breathed, surprising myself with the need in my voice.

Miles’ eyes darkened before he leaned down and kissed me hard, tugging my hands back over my head, still tied together by his shirt. It was loose enough that I could get free quickly if needed, but knowing that he was the one in control just then? It was almost too much. It was so good. So much rode me, and I had so many decisions to make, answers I didn’t have. But letting Miles take control right now was everything.

He kissed me harder before letting go of my arms, but I kept them in place, knowing that was what he wanted me to do.

“Good girl,” he whispered before undoing the clasp on my bra and letting my breasts fall. He kissed them, paying special attention to them and pressing them together as he slowly bit and sucked. I knew I would be sore tomorrow; minor bruises all over my body that would be from the most marvelous sensations of my life.

He pressed against me harder as he leaned up, and then he moved back in, nibbling my stomach and coming to rest against the top of my pants. I groaned, pressing my thighs together, but he pulled off my leggings and panties in one go, shocking a gasp out of me. Before I could even breathe in and think too hard about it, his mouth was between my legs, and he was sucking at me, licking my pussy. I groaned, rocking my hips. He pushed me down, keeping me steady so he was the one in control. I groaned again, trying my best to remember to keep my arms back.

He spread my folds and licked me, diving his tongue deep into my pussy as he breathed cool air over my clit. Then he sucked and licked, his fingers there, and I could barely breathe.

I came hard on his face and his hand, wondering how it had even begun. Before I could think, he kissed my pussy again and then flipped me to my stomach. He smacked my ass, a quick sting before kissing where he had touched. I sucked in a breath, the sensations making me even wetter. I pushed my ass into his face, and he spread my cheeks, licking me from behind in ways no one had ever done before. I groaned, arching into him as he ate at me before I came again. And then his fingers were between my thighs, and I was panting his name, my whole body shaking.

I looked over my shoulder and groaned as he stood there naked, his cock in his hand, thick and long and rigid. I watched as he slowly slid a condom over his length, and then he was behind me again.

“Tell me you’re ready,” he said, and I nodded. “I need the words, babe.”

I shivered at his tone and swallowed hard. “Please, get inside me.”

“Anything you want,” he said, and then he was there, the tip of his dick right at my entrance. With my gaze on his over my shoulder, he speared me, thrusting so hard in one movement that I came again, my pussy clamping around his cock. He groaned, squeezed my hips, and then one hand moved to my breast, the other dropping near my head as he clenched the bedsheets. He pumped into me, faster and harder. Both of us panted, and I could barely keep up, but all I wanted to do was gasp and try to stay in the moment. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything. Then, his fingers trailed over my clit, and I came once more, surprising myself. I had never come so many times in one session. I couldn’t even focus. He pounded into me again, and then he pulled out of me. It left me bereft, but then the t-shirt was off my arms, and I was on my back. He slammed into me one more time, groaning as he kissed me, coming hard and deep inside me.

He was so gentle, even with the forcefulness of our lovemaking. I could barely keep up, but I didn’t want to. He held me as we came down from our highs, and I knew that even though this had been the most miraculous moment of my life, it had been a mistake, as well.

We both knew we’d have to walk away after this. There could be no forever for us.

However, at that moment, I couldn’t care. Not when he took such good care of me, didn’t stop touching me, and wouldn’t stop looking at me. I snuggled against him, let my eyes drift shut, and pretended.

I told myself I could believe that this was more than just a night. More than just a touch.

I let myself be. If only for a moment.