My Next Play by Carrie Ann Ryan

Chapter 18

Miles

“You’re goingto head over soon?” Dillon asked, and I looked up from my coffee, pulling myself out of my mind.

“I’ll be there soon.”

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” my roommate asked.

I shrugged. “I’m fine. Just a long night.”

A long night where I hadn’t slept because all I had wanted to do was head back over to the girls’ house and talk to Nessa to try and make her understand that I was fucking in love with her. That wouldn’t have done anything, though. As soon as I’d left, I had called the girls, and they had run over. Dillon and Pacey had, as well. All of them had been there for Nessa, and they had given me weird and accusatory looks when I said that I needed to deal with my work. It had been a lie, and they all knew it. Nobody understood why I had left her alone. I hadn’t left her alone, though. Not really. I had sat out in the car until the others showed up, and then I had driven away. Despite what she wanted, I hadn’t left her. That might not have been her exact wishes, but I wasn’t about to leave her alone where Xander could come out of nowhere. He had hurt her once. He wasn’t going to fucking do it again.

I knew she was scared. I knew she was overwhelmed. And I was the easiest person to knock out of her life. I would give her a moment to think. To breathe. And then we would talk. I was in love with her, and I had to find a way to make what we had before she pushed me away work. I didn’t want this to be temporary. Only I had a feeling it might need to be. If there was too much in her life, things she couldn’t handle, she would push out the one thing she could. Me.

I hated everything right now.

Life. The circumstances. Myself.

Never Nessa, though. I couldn’t.

“You’re looking sad again. Do you want to tell me what happened between you and Nessa?” Dillon asked. I looked up at him, unaware that I’d been standing and looking out into the distance.

“I’m fine. And nothing’s going on with Nessa and me,” I lied.

“Liar,” he said, shaking his head. “You guys helped me before with Elise. I can help you.”

I shook my head. “I don’t need help. I need to think.”

“Something happened before we got there. You wouldn’t have left her otherwise.”

“I didn’t necessarily leave her. I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Okay, but we’re here if you need us. And Nessa’s not going to be left alone. None of the girls are. Pacey and I are taking turns sleeping there.”

“Good,” I said, relief and a bit of jealousy seeping through.

Dillon leaned forward. “If you want to be there, all you have to do is tell me. I’ll give you space.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t need to be there. I don’t think she wants me there.”

Dillon sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too, but we’ll figure it out. First, though, we have Pacey and Mackenzie’s event.”

They had won an award for the semester on one of their projects. The prize wasn’t only dinner in their honor, it also meant that any grad school would fight for them now.

I was fucking happy for them, even if I wished there was a way for Nessa’s major to have something similar. There were no English or writing scholarships for the final semester. Not the way there were for the sciences. While I appreciated the sciences—hell, it was my livelihood and future—I hated the idea that I couldn’t do anything for Nessa. Again.

“We’ll meet you there. Just don’t be late, okay?”

I lifted my chin. “You know I hate being late.”

“I do. I also know you’re having a shit day.”

An understatement. “I am, but it’s what I do. I’ll see you guys soon. I need to pick up a couple of things, grade a few papers, and then I’ll be ready.”

“Okay, good. See you then.”

Dillon left, leaving me alone in the house. Pacey was already there as it was his event with Mackenzie, and Tanner had a seminar that morning and would head over soon.

I’d go later, unable to even bring my brother as I had planned. It was Saturday, so he didn’t have school or soccer thanks to my parents pulling him out last week, but they weren’t letting me take him anyway. I would have to deal with that later. Just not today. There wasn’t enough time. Being typical me, I had made notes about what I wanted to say because, no matter what, I wouldn’t leave my brother’s life. I hadn’t done anything wrong, something Mom and Dad needed to realize. I wasn’t a bad person.

I refused to let them cut me out of my brother’s life. Refused. I just needed to make a plan for my parents to understand that. No amount of me changing the person I had been before the accident had worked so far. I needed to find a different way, even if it hurt in the process.

I pulled on my suit jacket, not bothering with a tie. Mackenzie had said that I didn’t need one, and I was grateful. I hated them. I cleaned off my glasses and sighed, figuring I should probably put in my contacts. It was cold out, and I hated when my glasses fogged up. I headed back upstairs to the bathroom, put in my contacts, and frowned as I looked at my phone. I saw Natalie’s name. I wasn’t sure Natalie had ever called me before. She had texted, but I didn’t think I had ever heard her voice over the phone.

Anxiety filled me because she was supposed to be with Nessa. Wasn’t she? Shit.

I picked up. “Natalie?”

“Oh, good, you answered. Can you pick up Nessa? Her car died.”

“Why aren’t you with her?” I asked as I stuffed my keys into my pocket and headed downstairs toward the door.

“I had to meet with my parents this morning, even though I wasn’t planning on it. Elise was with Nessa, but she met up with Dillon. I think our wires got crossed. So, unfortunately, she’s alone. She’s fine, but her car won’t start.”

I cursed and stomped out to my vehicle. “She wasn’t supposed to be alone,” I growled.

“I know. I’m sorry. I thought she would have called you to come and pick her up. I am sorry. Please. She’s safe, but she needs a ride.”

“I’ve got it.”

“I was surprised she didn’t call you herself.”

“Stop fishing, Natalie. I mean, I like you and all, but I’m not in the mood to deal.”

“Fine. And thank you. Nessa’s in the house, locked up tight, and won’t answer the door for anyone but you. At least once I text her to say that you’re on the way.”

I cursed as I started the engine. “Oh, good. She’ll feel great about that,” I muttered.

“I can head over there and pick her up, I guess. It’s just I’m halfway between the convention center and the house. I thought it would be easier for you, you know since you guys are dating and all.”

“I’ve got it, Natalie,” I gritted out. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you. I am sorry. And I’m here if you need me.”

“I know, Natalie. Drive safely and be safe. Did the cops say anything about where Xander was?” I asked.

“Nessa didn’t tell you?”

“No,” I said, my tone grating.

“Xander’s in jail for a DUI,” she said softly. “So, he can’t get to her. Which is why our wires probably got crossed today. She’s fine.”

“Fine,” I whispered, repeating her word.

“As fine as she can be with her heart broken, though from the sound of your voice, I have a feeling she might have done that herself. I’m not going to pry. Any more than I already am.”

“Thank you, Natalie,” I whispered.

“You’re welcome. Now, fix things. You guys can fix things, right?”

“I shouldn’t be on the phone while driving,” I said, even though I was on my Bluetooth.

“Okay, I’m prying. Goodbye. Be safe.”

“Goodbye,” I muttered and hung up. I pulled into the girls’ driveway and glared at the window as Nessa narrowed her eyes on the other side. She came outside as I got out of the car and stomped towards me after locking the door behind her. “I thought Natalie was picking me up.”

“I was closer. Come on.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course, I did. I thought you said we were going to be friends,” I bit out, hating myself.

She flinched but sat in the passenger seat, buckling up. “You’re right. We can do this.”

“You’re the one who broke it off,” I snarled, hating myself. This was a great way to get her back, acting like a fucking asshole.

“You’re right. This is all my fault. I’m sorry.” Her voice broke, and I cursed. I reached out and gripped her hand. She looked up at me, her whole body shaking. “I can’t right now, Miles. We’ll talk. I promise. I just can’t.”

“I get it,” I whispered. “No, I don’t actually get it, but right now isn’t the time. We’re going to support our friends, and we’re going to make sure they know that we care about them. And then you and I will talk. We need to talk, Nessa.”

She nodded, and I gave her hand one last squeeze before I pulled out onto the road, tension roaring in my gut.

“I don’t know how I’m going to pay to fix my car. I don’t know how I will pay to go through the last semester or do anything. We got more bills from the hospital,” she said, her laugh hollow. I looked over at her as I pulled onto one of the side roads instead of getting onto the highway. My traffic app told me there was an accident on the highway, and we were going to be late if we went that way.

“Are you serious?” I asked.

She nodded. “Yep. Another hundred grand. And there will be more to come. We’re already losing the house, and I honestly do not have the money to pay for the semester. I have no idea what I’m going to do. All of this... I have no idea what to do. I can’t afford to fix my car; I can’t afford to do anything. I should have just gone to community college and called it a day.”

“Things were different when you started here,” I whispered. I knew as soon as I said the words that they were the wrong thing to say.

“You’re right. They were. Maybe I shouldn’t have started this semester at all. I shouldn’t have started a lot of things. They only hurt in the end.” She looked at me, and I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, wanting to keep my eyes on the road.

“Nessa, I...” But I didn’t get to get the words out. I heard a scream, a crunching sound, and felt as if I had been thrown back in time. Back to when Rachelle had been screaming when we hit the guardrail, and everything changed.

Only it wasn’t then. This was now, and it wasn’t a guardrail. I hadn’t let my attention wander. I was the one driving, not my twin.

No, something had hit us. Nessa screamed, and I tried to move, tried to do anything, but there was nothing I could do.

I heard another scream, and my head smashed into the window.

And then, there was nothing.