My Next Play by Carrie Ann Ryan

Chapter 20

Miles

I leanedmy head against the pillow and looked over at Pacey. My roommate had his hands steepled in front of him, resting his elbows on his knees as he stared at me.

“You scared the shit out of me,” he said.

I nodded. “It scared me, too.” My eyes pulsed because I had moved my head, and I told myself I shouldn’t do that again. “Is she okay?” I asked, my voice soft.

I needed to know. All I could do was think about the sound of the car hitting us, the metal against metal that was so familiar. It had already echoed into my dreams for so long, and it had nothing to do with Nessa before. Now, her scream and my sister’s would be forever entwined, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with that.

I’d been in two car accidents in my life, both so severe that the cars had been totaled and I was afraid I would lose everything.

All I could do now was try not to throw up, thinking about what could have happened and how it could have been worse.

“Her dad took her home,” Pacey said after a moment. “She got stitches on her forehead from some glass that cut her. She’s bruised, but she wasn’t hurt other than that. You took most of the impact.”

“That asshole dragged her across the ground, Pacey. Yanked her out of that fucking car and kicked her and hurt her, and it could have been so much worse.”

Pacey’s jaw clenched. “It could have. It wasn’t. You took care of her.”

I snorted and then cursed.

“Stop doing that,” Pacey said. “You’re only going to hurt yourself.”

“I deserve it. She saved herself, you know. She was fighting back and kicking. She didn’t need me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Pacey growled. “You two saved each other. Bloody hell, I can’t believe that kid did that.”

“He’s not a kid,” I snapped, ignoring the pain. “A kid doesn’t do that. We call him a kid, and we’re giving him an out. An excuse. He’s a grown-ass human being. A fucking man—or so he thought. He did that. He hurt her. Fuck him.”

“You broke his jaw, his nose, and Nessa hurt his balls so bad, he’s going to need surgery to get one pulled back or whatever. I don’t want to think about what that entails.”

“They should keep them inside him. That motherfucker.”

“They should just castrate him for what he planned to do to her.” I let out a low growl, ignoring the pain once again.

“She hurt him, but so did you. You saved each other. And that fucking wanker will never touch her or another human being again.”

“I thought the cops said he was still in jail for a DUI.”

“He got out on bail. Thanks to his father, I guess. That was his mother’s boyfriend’s truck he used to hurt you.”

“So, he was following us. It’s not like he orchestrated a car accident on the highway to get us to that road.”

“No, it seemed to be out of the blue. Not premeditated, at least that’s what other people are saying. Maybe to try to get a lesser sentence. I don’t know, but I hope they throw the book at him.”

“I hope they do, too. I’ll do whatever I can to make that happen.”

“Her dad took her home. I didn’t get to talk to her,” Pacey said after a moment. “I don’t know what I would’ve said.”

“You guys are still friends, you know,” I said after a moment. “It was never weird between you and me, was it?”

“No. I like the two of you together. She’s happy.”

I nearly laughed, but I knew it would hurt, and more than just my head. “No, we weren’t together. We were only pretending. Then she left me.”

“Take some time. You’ll figure it out.”

“No, it was already too much for her before the accident. I’m not going to force myself or her into a relationship she doesn’t want.”

“Give yourself some time,” Pacey said again. “You helped me figure out everything with Mackenzie. You help us all. You deserve her. You’ll figure things out. Nessa is one of my favorite human beings. You deserve each other.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t sound like a curse,” I said with a soft laugh, grateful that my head didn’t hurt that much this time.

“Sometimes, you guys are stubborn. But then again, so am I. I am going to go now and let everyone know you’re okay. Your family’s waiting, so I can’t stay for long. I’m surprised they even let me in here in the first place.”

I nearly sat up, but Pacey’s glare stopped me. “They let me in here first, though I don’t know why. They’re out there, and they look scared. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this.”

I had told him and Dillon everything that had happened with my sister before since keeping secrets after telling Nessa and Tanner didn’t work anymore. I was trying to be more open, or at least I had been before the accident.

I still couldn’t believe that Nessa had been hurt. That her dad had taken her away. And I wasn’t sure when I would get to see her again. I didn’t know if she would stay with the girls or if she would find an apartment with her dad. Or even if she was going to stay for the semester. I didn’t know anything. And all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. And then I wasn’t sure that was the truth. I didn’t know if I was lying anymore.

Pacey gave me a look, a tight nod, and then walked away, presumably to find the rest of my roommates. I let out a breath and looked up as my parents and Aaron walked in. My stomach clenched. The last time I’d been in the hospital, it had been because of the accident with Rachelle, and I remembered the broken looks on their faces. Their disappointment had shattered me. I didn’t want to see that again. So, it took me a moment to meet their gazes. When Dad cleared his throat, I looked right at him.

There was no shame, no judgment there—just utter despair.

I didn’t know what was worse.

“Mom, Dad,” I whispered, and my mom let out a broken sob.

She rushed forward and gripped my hand, looking down at me as she wiped away her tears. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, Mom.”

“We could have lost you,” she said, shaking her head. “We could have lost you again. I know it wasn’t your fault,” she began. “The accident. Either time. And I’m so sorry. We’re just so scared to lose you. We were so scared to lose you before. Now, it’s even worse. I can’t believe that man came after you and Nessa. I can’t believe any of this.”

She stood back and put her arm around Aaron’s shoulders as my little brother stared at me, his eyes wide. My dad cleared his throat again and then leaned forward to brush my hair away from the stitches on my forehead. “He’s locked up?” my dad asked, and I swallowed hard.

“Yes. He won’t be able to hurt Nessa again.”

My dad narrowed his eyes. “He won’t be able to hurt you again either.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“It’s not your fault. None of this was ever your fault,” my dad whispered. “We were so afraid of losing you after we lost Rachelle that we didn’t know how to control everything. We need to fix this. We need to make sure that you know we love you. We won’t take Aaron away from you. I promise.”

I looked up at my little brother then, my stomach hurting. “You okay?” he asked, his voice soft.

I nodded. “I’m going to be fine. Just a little banged up.”

“And Nessa? She’s okay?”

I swallowed hard. “She’s going to be okay.”

“Good.”

“We’re going to let you rest,” my mom said, rolling her shoulders back. “Then we’re going to talk. I think we have a lot of things to talk about. Things we should’ve discussed a long time ago. I love you, Miles.”

“Same here,” my dad said, his voice rough. He leaned down and kissed me, then I watched them walk away, my little brother giving me a wave—although he was nearly my mother’s height, so maybe he wasn’t so little anymore.

They left me alone as I lay in my hospital bed, trying to catch up. I wanted Nessa here. I wanted her to be here so I could talk this over. So I could figure out what to do about my family. Because something had just changed. I didn’t know what exactly. Maybe we’d be able to find a way to focus on making things work.

I couldn’t think about my family right now, though. Couldn’t think about school or my roommates. I could only think about the girl who wasn’t here. The one I feared would never take me back.