At First Hate by K.A. Linde

Duke

October 23, 2009

Ijogged off of the basketball court in Cameron to loud applause from all the Cameron Crazies. Duke was kicking off this basketball season with Countdown to Craziness, and the dance team had performed their season opener before the guys came out onto the court.

I breathed heavily as I faced the captain to listen to the post-dance pep talk. Hilary launched into an excited recap and then pulled us all together for a picture.

Brinley nudged me and laughed. “You killed that aerial sequence.”

“You seriously did,” Lora said. “I just wish that I had your acro skills.”

“Girl, your turns!” I chef-kissed my lips. “Both of you! I swear.”

Brin hugged me tight and then grabbed Lora. “Bestie’s the best,” she said as she danced in a circle. “You’re still down for going to the frat party after Countdown, yeah?”

“Hell yes!” Lora said.

I nodded as we followed Hilary back into the stands next to the band. “Absolutely.”

We cheered the rest of the night through the Blue-White scrimmage, beaming from ear to ear to be back in Cameron. I was a junior at Duke, and the Dancing Devils were the best thing that had ever happened to me. I’d rushed a sorority solely because Brinley was rushing and Lora was already in the sorority. I never in a million years would have thought that I’d be in a sorority, but here I was. Not that sororities at Duke were the same as everywhere else in the South. Definitely not like what Lila had said it was at UGA.

The game finished late, and we all decided to leave on our stage makeup and head to the party. I’d packed a tight black dress and heels. We all stuffed our pom-poms and bags into the back of Lora’s car. I didn’t have a car on campus, because parking expenses were out of this world. It sucked not being able to get to and from where I needed to go. Luckily, Lora had a Chevy Tahoe that was nearly the size of my old minivan, and her rich Filipino parents didn’t mind paying for it. She parked the beast outside of the frat, and we piled out like her kids coming from soccer practice.

“Have you heard from Samar?” Brinley asked. She checked her brown complexion in a mirror and applied another coat of red lipstick.

I grumbled and pulled my phone out of my purse. “He’s being unresponsive.”

“My desi brother is going to get his ass kicked,” Brin said, snapping the mirror closed. “If his mother knew how he was treating you.”

“We are not bringing his mother into this,” I said hastily.

Brinley and Samar had grown up together in DC, and their families were close, spending Diwali together every year. We’d been dating for just over a year, and while his father and sisters were supportive, his mother was less so. Though he claimed she was like that about everyone.

“I thought he was going to be at Countdown,” Lora said, brushing the waist-length black hair back off of her face as we entered the house.

“He was.”

But he hadn’t shown. He was working in the Chem lab, where we’d met sophomore year. We had the same advisor, and he’d been pissy ever since I had been pushed into a more advanced program than him.

I jotted out yet another text. He hadn’t responded to any that I’d sent before the game.

Are you still coming to the party?

When there was no immediate response, I stuffed the phone back in my purse and decided to ignore the issues with Samar.

We grabbed punch from the kitchen. It had been a long time since I’d turned my nose up at crappy punch. Now, I drank cheap liquor all the time. Though I was seriously planning to start liking some better shit when I turned twenty-one next weekend. Maddox was driving up with Josie and Lila for my birthday, and I couldn’t wait.

“Watch out. Bekah alert,” Lora hissed as the president of the sorority walked by.

Bekah Bridges was every reason that I had never wanted to rush a sorority. I didn’t get along with everyone in the organization, but most people I could at least tolerate. Bekah ran the thing like a dictator. She was primly Southern perfection and drove me up the fucking wall.

“Ladies, don’t forget who you’re representing while you’re here,” she said with that big, fake smile that made me want to scratch her eyes out.

I put on my best fake enthusiasm. “Oh, bless your heart, Beks. Were we disrespecting the organization?”

She sent me a scathing look. “Marley, one, I know what bless your heart means. I’m from Atlanta. I grew up in a country club.” God, didn’t we all know that? She talked about it all the time. “And two, I am just reminding you. So, keep the snark to yourself. If you even can.”

I couldn’t. It was my defining trait.

Lora grabbed my arm to keep me from digging myself into a deeper hole. “Isn’t your brother here this weekend?”

Bekah’s smile brightened, and her eyes moved across the room. “Y’all remember Ramsey?”

We sure as hell did. He was three years older than us. He’d been a senior while we were freshman and head of the frat that Ash Talmadge was now a part of. We’d all swooned over his blond hair, great smile, and even greater ass. He came back every now and then to visit his sister and hang with the fraternity.

My phone buzzed as he and Ash came over with a few other frat brothers that I didn’t remember. Ash nodded at me. I nodded back. That was usually the extent of our interaction after the shit that had gone down with Lila.

I checked the screen as they all chatted with Ramsey. Finally, a text from Samar.

Almost there. Was too busy for basketball.

That was another thing. Samar didn’t care for Duke basketball. It was blasphemous on campus to even say. I had never been a basketball fan before coming to college, but I sure as hell was now. It helped that I cheered at every home game. No use in bringing up his weird aversion. It would only result in another fight.

I sent him a message.

Okay. See you soon.

Despite the text, it took Samar another half hour to get to the party. He found me in the living room when he arrived. He shot me a confused look when he got a glimpse of my outfit. I straightened out my skirt self-consciously.

“Hey, what took you so long?”

“Nothing,” he said. “What are you wearing?”

I glanced down at my dress. “A dress?”

“Since when do you wear things like that?”

“A dress like what?”

He gestured to me as if it explained everything. It was a short dress, but it wasn’t anything out of the norm.

“Are you just trying to pick a fight?” I asked with a sigh. “You see me in stuff like this all the time for dance.”

“Yeah, but not out. This isn’t you.” He waved at me, as if to say a dress could change who I was.

I swallowed back tears. This was stupid. All of it was stupid. How many more fights could we have? And about such stupid shit?

“This is just what I’m wearing.”

“Whatever. I’m getting a beer.”

Then, Samar vanished. I swallowed and stared down at my drink. Brinley appeared then and slung an arm around me.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Don’t, Brin,” I whispered.

“He can’t treat you like that. Let me give him a piece of my mind.”

“Can we just get through the night? I don’t want to deal with this in front of everyone.”

Already, it felt like people were staring.

“When did he become such an asshole though?” she asked.

That I didn’t have an answer to.

Lora came over with her current friends with benefits—Vicky—laughing and telling crazy stories, and I tried to forget the fight with Samar. He came back at some point and sulked behind us while we had a good time. It felt like having a target on my back all night. I was half-ready to go before it was even midnight. But I stayed by sheer force of will. I was not going to let him ruin this.

“Holy shit,” Brinley said.

Lora whistled low. “Yeah. Who the hell is that?”

Vicky elbowed her. “Babe.”

Lora shrugged and held her hands up. “I’m bi, babe. I can appreciate that body.”

But when I caught who was standing in the door of the house, I froze in place. “That’s Derek Ballentine.”

“Who?” Brinley asked.

“And how do you know him?” Lora asked with a wicked grin.

“Yeah,” Samar grumbled, “how do you know him?”

“He’s… an old friend,” I stumbled over the words to describe Derek. Friend was the wrong word. Old enemy was more accurate.

“Hey, Derek!” Lora called out.

He turned our direction, and my face went bright red. Because he didn’t just look at us, he looked at me. And the entire room disappeared as those hazel eyes settled completely and entirely on me. A slow smirk crossed those pouty lips. I could sense Samar stand up, and he might have said something to me, but I didn’t hear it. It had been years since I’d seen Derek, and somehow, he’d gotten even more attractive. Taller, stronger, more confident, if that was possible. It was recognizable in the angles of his body and the tilt of his head. The easy grace of his rich-kid clothes. And the way he filled a room just by stepping inside.

Then, before I could utter another word, he strode through the crowd and straight to me. I gaped at him for a heartbeat before his mouth was on mine.

My brain stopped working. Everything settled into a buzz in the background. The world shifted ever so slightly on a different axis.

Derek Ballentine was kissing me.

A part of me had thought that I’d made up how good of a kisser he was. He’d been my first. Of course I would have exaggerated it in my head. But dear God, no. He was just… this good. His lips were soft and supple yet full of command. His hands pushed up into my loose, dark curls, holding my head in place for him to devour me whole.

And I just stood there and forgot reality.

That I hadn’t seen him in years. That I had a boyfriend standing a foot away. That none of this made a lick of sense.

Because Derek was kissing me, and I was kissing him back.

And I wanted to.

I wrenched backward. My breathing was irregular, and my hand shot up to my lips. He still had one hand in my hair.

He looked down at me like I was his next meal. “Hey, Minivan.”

Then, I heard a muttered, “Fuck this,” and Samar slammed into my shoulder as he left the room.

I jerked forward into Derek. He caught me easily. But I shoved against him.

“What the fuck, Derek?”

He laughed as I rushed past him and after my boyfriend. I needed to get my head on straight. I shouldn’t have kissed Derek back, but it had all happened so fast. Jesus Christ! What was I even going to tell Samar?

“Samar, wait!” I called, running out of the house after him.

“Save your breath, Marley.”

I grabbed his arm, dragging him to a stop in the grass. “That was not what it looked like.”

“It looked like you kissing some other guy right in front of me!” he shouted at me. “If you want to break up, then just do it. Don’t cheat!”

“I didn’t. I haven’t. I wouldn’t! That was not that.”

“I watched you kiss him! You wouldn’t have done that if you’d never done it before. If you didn’t want to.”

“I have,” I said with a shake of my head and followed him as he trudged down the street. “In high school, Samar. We kissed once at a party forever ago.”

“I’m not an idiot, Mars.”

“I swear that’s all it was. I have no idea why he kissed me. He doesn’t even go to Duke. I don’t know what he’s doing here.”

Samar shook his head at me. “Whatever. It’s over. You know it’s over.”

I stopped in my tracks and tried to hold back tears. Yeah, it had been over for a long time, but I hadn’t wanted it to end like this. “Yeah,” I whispered.

“Then stop following me. You’ve apparently already moved on.”

“Samar…”

“Save your breath,” he snapped and then stalked away from me.

I ground my teeth and let him go. I wasn’t going to change his mind. We’d been on the rocks long enough. Derek had put the nail in the coffin. My hands turned into fists. Derek fucking Ballentine.

I rushed back to the house and up the stairs. Derek was standing there, talking to Ash Talmadge, as if nothing at all had happened. I walked right up to him and pushed him as hard as I could.

He took one step backward. “Hey, Minivan.”

“You absolute asshole!”

Ash ran a hand back through his hair. “Uh, what’s going on?”

“How could you do that?” I snapped, ignoring Ash. “My boyfriend just dumped me because of you.”

Derek crossed his arms and smirked down at me. “Do you want me to run and tell him we didn’t sleep together? Do you think he’d believe me?”

My jaw dropped. “This is about high school?”

Ash took a step back. “I’m going to let you have this one, bro.”

Derek patted Ash’s shoulder twice. “I got this.”

“Don’t you dare tell Lila!” I snarled at him.

Ash raised his hands and retreated. “Keep me out of this. I don’t even talk to Lila anymore.”

I looked back at Derek. “You made a huge mistake.”

“Look, payback’s a bitch. And anyway… you kissed me back.”

I had. Which was the real problem, but I wasn’t going to admit it.

“That is beyond the point.”

Derek stepped forward, slipping his hand back up into my hair and tilting my face up to his. “And you’re still a good kisser.”

I slapped him. His head jerked sideways, and he just laughed. I pulled away from him, all the anger from the breakup turning into fury. “I’ll get you back for this. Don’t forget what started all of this to begin with.”

“Hey, I told people at your school that we didn’t hook up, just like you’d asked.”

He had. Not that anyone really believed him, like he’d predicted. But the leering and shit had ended. I never knew what he’d said to make it all stop. The Ballentine name had a lot of leverage, so he must have gone to bat for me in some way. I’d appreciated the gesture until tonight.

“And then you had my boyfriend dump me.”

He leaned forward with that same damn smirk. “You still kissed me back, Minivan.”

“God, I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“And don’t call me that!” I said, storming away from him.

“Good seeing you, Minivan.”

I clenched my hands into fists and went to find my girls. I needed to leave this party before the adrenaline left and I started crying. The last thing I wanted to explain was Derek. But maybe they’d forget if I talked about Samar. And in the meantime, I’d find a way to get Derek back for this.