At First Hate by K.A. Linde
New York City
March 10, 2013
My internal clock woke me earlier than necessary. But all that eight a.m. lab work had gotten my body used to waking up at dawn. I stretched my arm overhead as I slowly came back to myself. An arm banded across my middle. Slow, heavy breathing filled the quiet room. My eyes adjusted to the dimness, and I made out the sleeping form of Derek Ballentine.
Not only had he not left in the morning, but he was still sleeping. I’d never seen him look quite so peaceful before. His hair had fallen forward in his face. It was messy from a night full of sex. His lips were slightly parted. I scooted in closer, pushing my body against his and lying on his pillow. His grasp around me tightened.
I gently dragged a finger across his bottom lip, up his jaw, around the shell of his ear.
Derek was here. He was… mine.
I bit my lip. After all this time, after being so careful, I’d fallen for him all over again. Maybe I’d never really gotten over him. But having him here again felt impossible. Yet it was real.
His eyes fluttered open. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Morning. What time is it?”
“Early.”
“Mmm,” he groaned, tugging me even harder against him. He rested his chin on the top of my head. “Sleep, my little planet.”
I snickered. “Your little planet?”
“Mars.” He cracked open one eye and smirked at me. “It’s better than how you react to Minivan.”
I huffed. “I’m coming around to Minivan when you say it.”
He rolled over so that I was crushed underneath him. “Oh yeah?”
“Does it make you that happy?”
“You make me happy.”
I ducked my chin at the words, a flush coating my cheeks. “Stop.”
He laughed and pressed a kiss to my lips. “I love when you blush.”
“It happens far too frequently.”
“But somehow not when I’m talking about how wet your pussy is.”
I blushed even harder and tried to hide my face. “Derek!”
“Or is that only when I’m inside of you?”
“Shh!” I crushed my lips against his again to get him to shut up. But he just laughed against me.
“Oh, I like this side of you,” he said with that cocky smirk.
“You know, I’ve always thought you were gorgeous,” I admitted. “Then, you open that mouth of yours.”
“And it makes it better?” he teased.
He rolled us back over so that, suddenly, I was straddling him. Our hips perfectly aligned. His hands on my hips, grinding me downward.
“Always worse,” I gasped out at the feel of him. “You are trouble.”
“Well yes.” His hands moved up my bare sides, under my breasts, and then back down my stomach. “You don’t seem to mind my brand of trouble at all.”
“I mind.”
He arched an eyebrow at me. “Back to the point. You think I’m gorgeous?”
I huffed and leaned forward, patting his head twice. “Your poor ego. I should have thought about how to keep it from getting any more inflated.”
“I noticed you first,” he admitted. His hands stilled on my body. He stared up at me as if I were a vision.
“Yes, yes, I was a cheerleader, and you invited us to your party.”
“No,” he said immediately. “We’d never invited the public school cheerleaders to our parties. The guys thought I was crazy for saying we should go over to see y’all.”
“So?”
“So, I saw you and wanted you there. I wanted you. You had this spark.”
“I was a challenge,” I said with an eye roll.
“No, before you were a challenge, you were a beautiful mystery that I wanted to solve.” He brought my face down to his and kissed me. “Then, you were a challenge.”
I laughed against his mouth. “You’re the worst. You know that, right?”
“Ah, but it makes you keep coming back.”
“Psh! You keep finding me.”
“Same thing.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “So, what’s the plan today?”
“Whatever you want to do. Interview is over.” He winked at me. “We could stay inside all day.”
“As tempting as that is…” I said. And it was tempting. Derek, shirtless and staring up at me with desire, would always be tempting. “I want to see more of the city.”
He thrust upward again, and I closed my eyes as I heated straight through.
“Maybe we could just skip breakfast?”
I laughed. “You make a very convincing case.”
It was at this point that my phone began to ring loudly.
Derek groaned and tried to keep me in place. “Don’t answer it.”
“Only a few people can bypass my silent setting,” I told him, sliding off of his lap. “Probably Lila.”
“Ah, Delilah Greer, always ruining my fun.”
I laughed at him. “You’re silly.”
I picked up the phone and frowned. It was Gran.
“What?” he asked, sitting up on his elbow.
I answered the phone immediately, “Hey, Gran.”
“Marley, chickadee,” Gran said with a sniffle. She sounded like she’d been crying.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Derek arched an eyebrow and leaned forward, as if he could somehow help whatever was coming next. He mouthed, What’s going on?
I shook my head at him. I didn’t know yet.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry to call you so early.”
“It’s fine. You can call whenever. You know that.”
“It’s Gramps,” she whispered. Something wheezed in her chest, and then the tears came again. “He… he passed in his sleep. He’s with the angels now.”
I sank back into the bed. All the wind rushed out of my sails. My heart stopped beating. Everything went deathly quiet. I didn’t have words to respond to my Gran. I had no idea what to say to that.
My Gramps was dead. The man who had taught me to drive. Who had loved to garden and fix cars and do the New York Times crossword every weekend. The man who had been at every one of my dance recitals. Who had cheered for me at every competition. Who had known that I was going to go bigger and better long before I did. He was just… gone.
The only father I’d ever known. The only man in my life. A constant rock. I’d known at Christmas that he wasn’t doing well. I’d gone to see him at the home with Gran. He recognized me despite the dementia running through his mind and muddling everything up. He was shockingly lucid. Even the doctors had thought so. How could he go from that to this in a few short months?
“Marley?” Gran must have repeated. “Are you still there?”
“Yes,” I gasped out. My voice cracked on the word, and tears welled in my eyes.
“I’m so sorry to tell you this. I know that you’re in New York with that boy of yours.” She didn’t even sound disapproving. Though she had been cautious when I told her about it on the phone. “I don’t know how we’ll get you down here for the funeral. I have some money saved, but most of it is tied up.”
“I’ll figure it out. When is the funeral?”
Derek jumped at that word. His eyes going soft around the edges. His hand settled over mine. I squeezed his once and swallowed back the tears.
“We can wait until you’re here if we can scrape together enough to get you home again so soon.”
Christmas had cost a small fortune. I couldn’t expect her to do this. I’d have to use up the rest of my savings for the flight.
“I can do it, Gran.”
She gave me some more reassurances over the phone, and then we ended the call. The minute Derek’s arms came around me, I burst into tears. I sobbed until I had no more tears and was practically hyperventilating. Still, he kept me tight to him, running his fingers through my hair and being the constant presence that I needed.
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough,” he told me gently.
“I… I have to get back to Savannah. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, don’t apologize to me. This is way more important.”
I broke away from him and swiped at the tears on my cheeks. “I need to look up flights and…”
“Hey,” he said, catching a stray tear as his thumb brushed across my cheek. “Let me handle it. You don’t need to do anything. Just get back into bed for a bit or take a shower.”
“Derek… I can’t… I can’t let you do that.”
He kissed my forehead again. “Let me take care of you, Mars. This is something that I can do.”
I wanted to object. Derek had more money than God, but that didn’t mean I was okay with him using any of it on me. But there was something so sincere in his eyes. Something so commanding in that touch. Something I’d never seen in him as he tucked me back into the bed and went for his laptop.
A half hour later, I had a flight back to Savannah the next morning. He didn’t tell me how much it cost, only that he’d booked one for himself too.
“You’re coming with me?”
He grinned as he sat on the bed next to me. “You think I’m letting you go down there to deal with it all alone?”
“I don’t know.”
“I will be there as much or as little as you want, Minivan,” he said endearingly. “But either way, I’ll be there.”
I nestled against him as the tears fell again. It was exactly what I needed. I’d never known I could get it from Derek, and I fell for him all the more in that moment.