At First Hate by K.A. Linde

Savannah

Present

Ihopped out of my car at the marina. It was a cloudless day with the most perfect October either of us could have asked for. The sun was shining, the water was calm, and Derek was shirtless. I had no idea what Derek was doing on the dock, but if he was doing it shirtless, it was a goddamn blessing.

“Whoa,” I whispered as I approached the docks.

He glanced up as if he could hear my muttered gasp. His smile brightened, and he waved. I punched in the code he’d texted me and headed out on the dock.

“Upgraded, I see,” I said, trying not to stare at him and instead focusing on the sailboat. It was twice the size of the little thing he’d had the first time he took me sailing. Bigger than the sailboat he’d had in Boston too. This was all sleek and gorgeous.

“Yeah,” he said with a self-deprecating laugh. “Decided I wanted something a little bigger.”

A little biggerwas an understatement.

“This is practically a party boat.”

He shook his head. “No way. Ash has a yacht. That’s a party boat.”

“Fair.”

He finished whatever he had been doing and straightened up. My eyes fell over to the hard lines of his abdominals. The six-pack that was still on full display and the V that dipped down into the low-slung blue shorts.

He coughed softly, and my eyes jumped back up to him. A flush coated my cheeks.

“You ready?”

I nodded and stepped onto the sailboat. Derek pulled his white button-up back on over his exposed body. It was both disappointing and a relief. I couldn’t concentrate with him like that, but also… damn, he still looked the same.

I needed no instruction this time. Even though we hadn’t been sailing together in years, I remembered how to handle myself on the boat. We got her out in the water and down the river as seamlessly as possible.

“Damn, I forgot how much faster it is when I have help,” he said with a laugh. “It’s been years since I took anyone out but my cousins.”

“Your wife didn’t come out here with you?”

His face darkened. “Wasn’t her scene.”

I swallowed. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine,” he said, tying off a line. “She was more a yacht kind of girl.”

“I see.”

“What about you? Any terrible relationships?” he asked with a grin in my direction.

“How do you know I only had terrible relationships?”

“Because you’re still somehow single,” he said cheekily. “And you kissed me.”

I blushed again. “That I did, I suppose.”

“Well?”

“Two,” I admitted. “Thomas Northcott was in my program.”

“Why does that name sound familiar?”

“You probably met him at Harvard.”

Derek thought about it and shrugged. “Must not have been memorable.”

“He wasn’t. We dated for a year and a half. He got a job in Idaho and wanted me to move with him. I declined. It ended.”

“And the other one?”

I shrugged. “I started online dating.”

He laughed and turned to face me. “That doesn’t seem like you.”

“It wasn’t, I assure you. I gave up very quickly and had only messaged a few guys. One of them messaged me, and we hit it off and started dating. For a while, he liked that I was smart and had a great job, and then it began to devolve into the usual you’re not that smart and the worse when we have kids, you’ll stay home to take care of them.”

Derek practically cackled. “So, he was intimidated by you and didn’t understand you at all.”

“Yeah. Pretty much. What happened with your ex?”

He turned away again, as if just talking about it upset him. “She changed.”

I waited for more, but it turned out that was all the explanation he was going to give. If what Amelia had said was any indication, Derek had started the divorce proceedings, and she’d been totally bonkers. I couldn’t blame him for still being upset.

“You know, thanks for not tipping off my mom that we knew each other,” I said to change the subject.

“Yeah. I didn’t think that would be smart.”

“For a second, I was worried that she’d remember that she met you at Gran’s after Gramps died.”

He winced. “I thought about that, but it was so long ago and she only saw me for a second.”

“Yeah.”

After a moment, he added, “She’s… not the easiest client.”

“I bet. She’s not the easiest mom.”

He frowned. “I remember.”

I wanted to ask how he could fucking represent her if he remembered all the shit she’d put me through, but what was it going to change? He’d taken the job for his dad. He wanted to move up in the company, and this was a way to do it. He’d made that clear. My mom was a means to an end. Which wasn’t any different than she was normally treated.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” I said with a wave of my hand as Derek went to tack.

“Yeah. Probably should keep business and personal separate.”

“Probably.”

Derek asked about my research instead, and I filled him in on the years he’d missed, the award I’d won, the paths I was working on. It wasn’t fast enough. It hadn’t done anything to save Gramps. But it was hopefully going to help some other people down the road. That was the goal at least.

We stopped in the middle of the bay again. It was a calm day with very few other boats out. We’d only passed a few fishing boats on the way into the bay, and now, it was like we had the entire water to ourselves.

Derek came to sit next to me and dropped an arm across the back of my seat. Easy and comfortable. As if his arm belonged there. As if nothing in the world had changed.

I didn’t move. I should have, but I didn’t. I was mad at him for all the things that had happened. For going off and marrying someone else. For hurting me. For helping my mom. I just wanted him to be exactly what I needed and wanted in every way, and instead, he was Derek Ballentine. Wonderful and insufferable and a mix of contradictions.

“Derek,” I whispered, “what am I doing here?”

“We’re sailing.”

“Smart-ass.”

He laughed. “You’re here because I wanted you to be here.”

I swallowed roughly and looked up. “And why is that?”

“Because I never got over you, Mars.” He put one of my curls behind my ear. “And I don’t think you ever got over me either.”

Everything in me was on fire at those words. They weren’t wrong. As much as I hated him, I’d always felt this link with him too. As if I couldn’t quite get him out from underneath my skin. Now, he was here, and he was looking at me like that and saying everything I wanted to hear. I could tell him to stop. I could walk away, figuratively speaking. But it had been years, and somehow, we’d still ended up here.

His eyes searched mine for permission, or maybe he was just looking for the same longing mirrored back at him. Because he wanted me. I’d forgotten how empowering that one perfect fact was. How much his desire stirred something deep inside me.

“Or maybe I’m wrong?” he asked with an arched eyebrow.

He didn’t think he was wrong. He knew he was right. That was why he was a hairbreadth from my lips, heat radiating from him, desire palpable. I’d kissed him after Ash’s birthday party like it was college all over again, and now, we were here with years of history between us. Could it be as easy as putting it behind me and giving in all over again? Could I survive it one more time? Josie had told me to go for it. It didn’t have to mean anything. Even though that wasn’t possible. Not with Derek.

“You’re not wrong,” I said softly. His smile was serpentine.

“I know,” he said, as cocky as ever. Then, he grasped the back of my head and crushed my lips to him as if it had been killing him to wait.

Maybe it had been killing me too, because suddenly, I was feverish. I couldn’t get enough of him. There was too much space between us. I wanted more, more, more. I pushed my hands up into the threads of his hair at the nape of his neck and drew him closer and harder against me. He groaned deep in the back of his throat.

His tongue slid across the seam of my lips, opening me to him, as he’d done so many times before. The same flare of desire shot through me as the first time I’d ever kissed him. When we were young and stupid and so hopelessly attracted to one another. The years had changed many, many things but never that. Never this.

The desire, as molten hot as an erupting volcano, had been there from the beginning. And we let it sweep us away, heedless of the destruction in our path.

His hands roved over my body. Derek had touched every inch of my body before, but it was as if he were discovering it all anew. As if the intervening years had scrubbed the memory clean. They ran down my sides, across the planes of my stomach, to the underside of my breasts. I arched into him, wanting more. His finger brushed gently against my nipple through the material of my tank top and lacy bralette. I jerked into his touch, as if I were naked before him.

“Sensitive,” he growled.

He pulled down the front of my top, exposing my breast to the open air. His mouth came over my nipple, sucking it in and swirling his tongue around it. I fisted my hands into his button-up. Coherent thought fled as he moved to the other nipple. He was sure to give each breast equal attention.

“Derek,” I said, remembering how much he enjoyed me saying his name.

He nipped at my breast as soon as the name escaped my lips. “Again.”

He moved me down across the row of seats and kissed down my stomach to the hem of my shirt. He pushed the material out of his way so that he could run his tongue along the edge of my bottoms. A thin cotton skirt that was now bunched high on my thighs.

“Derek.” I pushed my pelvis up to meet him.

He looked up at me with a glint of mischief in his expression. “I remember that you liked this,” he said, sliding his hand ever so slowly up my inner thigh. “The teasing part.”

I locked my eyes shut and tried to shift his hand to where I really wanted him. But damn him, he was right. As much as the sex was phenomenal, it had always been heightened by the foreplay that drove me out of my mind. Derek knew how to take his time when he set his mind to it. We’d spent long days in bed when we were at Harvard with nothing but time.

He pressed a kiss against my knee, dragging his scruff across my thigh. All while his hand traced the line of my underwear. Another kiss landed higher up and then another and another. Until I was breathing heavy just from the tease as he worked his way to where his hand was. Then, he trailed a finger down the center of my underwear. I bucked against him in response.

“Fuck,” I gasped.

He smirked up at me and didn’t even have to say what he was thinking. I was already wet. Soaking through the thin fabric that separated me from him. He pushed my knees further apart, and I spread out wide for him as he leaned over and put his hot mouth to the material. My toes curled as he breathed hot air against my clit.

“Derek.”

He hummed in response, sliding his fingers under the top of the underwear and dragging them down my legs along with my skirt. I was bare before him from the waist down, and he’d just begun.

His thumbs swept in and spread my lips open for him. I bit my lip hard enough that I thought I might draw blood. He slicked a thumb through the evidence of my arousal, dragging it up to my clit and swirling it in a circle. A finger slid inside of me, just one, and already, I was squeezing tight, wanting so much more than one finger.

“Greedy,” he said with a smirk on those pouty lips.

He thrust in a second finger, stretching me and working me to a frenzy. My hips started to move with the thrusts of his fingers. When he added a third finger, I thought I was going to tip over the edge. My body shuddered in his grasp. My vision went black at the edges. I could feel it teetering so close as he stroked my clit, drawing it out of me in a deliberate motion.

“Please,” I gasped.

He stilled at my words, and I whined in protest. I’d been close. Just from his fingers. Jesus, was I that starved for sex? Or was it just him?

“Uh-uh,” he teased. “Not yet.”

“But…”

“I missed the taste of you.”

That was all the warning I got before his mouth landed on my clit. He sucked it into his mouth, and my body rocked straight off of the seat. His forearm came out sharp across my abdomen, holding me in place. When his tongue swept against my clit, I thought I was going to lose it. I couldn’t hold still. My feet scrambled for purchase. My head was all fuzzy. His fingers worked in and out of me again. With all the sensations rushing through me, it was only moments before I lost it.

“Derek,” I cried one more time, and then I came in his mouth.

He slid his fingers in and out of me a few more times, milking my orgasm for everything I’d give him. Then, he sat back and watched me come down.

His erection was visible against the crotch of his shorts. I reached for him before I had another thought. He chuckled softly as I undid his pants and dragged the zipper down.

“Mars,” he said softly. He pushed my hair back out of my face.

I didn’t answer him. I pushed his shorts out of my way and reached for the waistband of his boxers. His cock jutted up through the material, and I salivated at the sight.

“Mars,” he repeated.

Still, I said nothing. I dipped into the waistband, and I took him in my hand. He was hard as a rock and so much bigger than my brain had processed. I slid my palm across the tip of him, feeling the wet pre-cum.

“Mars,” he grunted this time. He grasped my chin and jerked me up to look at him.

“What?” I finally said. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

He chuckled and then pressed a hard kiss to my lips. “I missed you so much.”

I stroked him up and down. “How much?”

“Let me get inside that pussy and show you.”

“Uh-uh,” I repeated with a teasing smile. “Not yet.”

His eyes dilated at my gall. He wanted to fuck me. He was already pumping into my hand, wanting sweet release.

I slicked my tongue along the head. He jerked, pushing himself further inside my mouth without even meaning to. I dropped to my knees before him. His eyes rounded in wonder as I slid his shorts all the way off and then devoured him. I might have liked the teasing, but he certainly didn’t need it to get turned on.

His hands fisted into my hair as I bobbed up and down on his cock, taking him deep in my throat. Deep enough that my eyes watered and then back again, stroking him with my hand at the same time. His hips lifted each time to meet me, fucking me the way he clearly wanted to do to my pussy.

He lengthened and lengthened. He shuddered once and then twice and then abruptly jerked out of my mouth.

I sat back on my heels with wide, alarmed eyes. “Derek.”

“I want you to finish with me.” He stripped out of his shirt, tossing it into the hold below. Then, he was on top of me.

We lined up perfectly. His arm around my back, the other with a grip on my hair. He kissed me with all the pent-up desire that had nearly burst out of him and into my mouth. Then, he slid home, and we both sighed with pleasure.

I hadn’t planned any of this when I agreed to come sailing with him. We’d had sex on boats before. Plenty of times in college. But this was different. This was claiming. This was him not wasting any more damn time. We’d certainly wasted enough.

His thrusts turned brutal as he hit deeper and deeper inside of me. I drew him down on top of me until we were pressed tight together. His hips jerking against my clit while he drove into me. Everything built up again and again. Until I looked up into his eyes and knew that I couldn’t do it any longer. I had no idea what he was holding on to. We were both hanging on to a razor’s edge.

“Oh God,” I said as I came all over his cock.

He finished inside of me, squeezing me tight to him. Afterward, we both lay panting on the deck of the sailboat. When I was able to move again, I found the little bathroom. When I returned, Derek was collapsed in a small bed at the back of the boat.

“There was a bed the whole time?” I asked, curling up next to him.

“Overrated,” he joked.

“Derek?” I bit my lip as anxiety began to creep in where only sexual desire had been before.

“Don’t.”

“What? You don’t know what I was going to say.”

“Yeah, I do. And you’re wrong. This was right. It was perfect.” He kissed my shoulder and then rolled to look down at me. “This is how it should have always been.”

“Okay,” I whispered, drunk on his confidence.

“Good.”

I hesitated a moment before speaking again. “So… my birthday is coming up. Lila and Josie are coming into town for it.”

“Oh?” he asked, tensing at the names of my friends.

“Do you want to come out too?”

He searched my face, as if looking for something that he couldn’t find in my expression. “Sure. I’m guessing I shouldn’t invite Ash?”

I chuckled darkly. “No. Probably not.”

He blew out a breath. “And you want me out with your friends?”

“Yes,” I said with absolute certainty.

“All right. I’ll be there.”

We went for round two, lying in the bed, exhausted and satisfied. Finally, we got dressed, and Derek turned the boat around, heading back for the marina. I checked my phone, which I’d ignored throughout our sexcapades. I frowned. I had a voicemail from my attorney. I listened to the message, and my frown deepened. They’d chosen a court date for our meeting with the judge to determine the will challenge.

Derek noticed and quirked an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

“Did you know?”

“Know?”

I bit my lip. “About the court date?”

His frown mirrored mine. “Yeah. Did you not know?”

“No. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“One, I thought you already knew, and two, it’s not my responsibility to tell you, Marley. We were keeping business and personal separate.”

We’d agreed to that. And still, the entire thing made me unbelievably irritated.

“You should have said something.”

He held his arm out, and I reluctantly stepped into him at the wheel.

He pressed a kiss into my hair. “I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

“Well, if it’s important, I deserve to know.”

He held me tighter against him. “Just promise we can get through this case.”

I paused, considering the statement. What if he won? What if my mom got the house and it was his fault? I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t even consider that. It couldn’t happen.

“I can’t promise that,” I whispered.

He sighed. “I’ll do all the promising for the both of us then.”

It wasn’t enough. We’d always been complicated. But I didn’t know how we’d survive this if it went south. Why did I always put my heart on the line with him?