Chapter Nineteen

 

Elle

 

 

 

Who needs a castle and a white horse when you’ve got a true-to-life Prince Charming? I never thought my life would ever resemble an actual fairy tale, but now that I’m standing here next to Colton, I’m starting to believe this is nothing short of magic. I even feel the need to pinch myself every now and then to prove that it’s real.

Unbeknownst to him—I think—I sometimes watch him when we’re working. He doesn’t realize he’s got that Wilson charm that makes everyone warm to him in an instant, and I appreciate that a lot. His charm is genuine. Colton is nothing like those arrogant guys who know all too well they’re great-looking babe magnets.

“Do you know any of these knitting club ladies?” I ask while we’re waiting for them to arrive at the park’s castle gardens.

“I don’t think so.”

“You must know one or two of them. Frank told me some of these women have even seen your diaper butt.”

He pulls a face. “I heard.”

“So they’re not kidding? I hope they were talking about clean diapers. And about decades ago,” I say with a laugh.

“Real mature. I expected more from a princess.” Colton rolls his eyes at me, but I can tell he’s just as amused as I am.

“I guess we’ll find out soon enough.” I point to the group of ladies with blue-gray hair walking in our direction.

For a group of seniors, they sure have a spring in their step. The leader—or at least, I think she’s the leader—is holding a red umbrella in the air. She leads the women to us as if she’s a sergeant guiding soldiers to the battlefield. It’s crazy just how in sync their steps are. Maybe they have a walking routine that they practice before every knitting club meeting. There’s no other way to explain their coherent rhythm.

“Ready?” Colton whispers, and I nod. Why wouldn’t I be?

As soon as they’re within a couple of feet of us, he whips out his biggest smile, the one that would attract a flight of butterflies if his smile were made of nectar.

“Hello, ladies, and welcome to The Magic Wonderland,” he says while politely bowing. “I’m Prince Charming and this is the lovely Princess Charlotte.”

He’s so good at acting and getting into his role at the drop of a hat, it makes me wonder if he also acts during other moments in his day. Hopefully not when we’re hanging out together. I shake my head. Enough with these doubts already. He likes me, and that’s all I need to know.

“Well, hello there. I’m Pam,” says the woman I correctly assumed was the alpha lady. She then motions to the group with her umbrella, missing one of the women’s eyes by only an inch. “And these are the other members of the knitting club.”

She points at each of them with her umbrella. “Francine, Janine, Eileen, Pauline, Myrtle, Nadine, and Kathleen. We are all excited to be spending the evening with you.”

She winks at Colton while the others wave their hands at him and bat their eyelashes.

“Nice to meet you all,” I say.

Not that my words matter. They keep staring at Colton and giggling like a bunch of teens. It’s like they don’t even notice the physical presence of my body, let alone what comes out of my mouth.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous. Only one point six of the entire world population lives past eighty, so who am I to take away even a sliver of joy during what could be their last remaining years or even months?

An uneasy feeling hits me right in the stomach when thinking about that statistic. What if one of them keels over tonight? Statistically, it’s likely. Sure, the chance of being seriously injured on a ride at an amusement park is only one in sixteen million, but it’s their age that worries me the most. What if one of them has heart problems? The palpitations Colton clearly causes can’t work in their favor. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in to steady my nerves. Sometimes, knowing too many statistics is a real curse.

“Are you all right, honey? You look a bit pale,” Francine says. Or is it Janine? They all look the same in their flowery skirts, sturdy shoes, and old lady hairdos, so I can’t tell them apart.

“Relax, Eileen,” Pam replies with a grin. “You wouldn’t be okay either if you got to spend every day next to a hottie like that young man over there. I’d be hospitalized from ingesting too many pheromones if I were her.”

I nod. “Yeah, that’s what’s wrong with me. Too many hot flashes thanks to Prince Charming.”

They all laugh. Phew. At least now I don’t have to tell them I was imagining one of them dropping dead, hence the pale face.

“Who’s ready to get this party started? I’m going to show you all a great time,” Colton says.

“I bet that’s what you tell all the ladies,” Eileen says.

He laughs and shrugs. “I’m not the kind of guy to kiss and tell. Okay, let’s go.”

We head toward our first stop, the top of the castle. Thankfully, there’s an elevator for people who can’t walk properly, so at least we won’t have to strain these ladies’ hearts and joints.

Eileen speed walks to me and squeezes my arm. “Princess Charlotte, was it?”

“Yes, but my real name is Elle.”

She smiles. “Great. So, Elle, you’ve got to give us all the dirt about that stud.”

“Prince Charming?”

“No, I’m talking about that bald janitor over there and those pimpled guys queuing at the hot dog cart.” She rolls her eyes at me. “Of course, I mean Prince Charming. He’s as hot as a lasagna that’s been in the oven for an hour.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Hot lasagna, really?”

“Don’t give me that look,” she says. “Just because we’re old doesn’t mean we’re blind.”

Janine catches up with us and chimes in. “Have you been fortunate enough to taste his kisses?”

“What?” These ladies don’t know subtlety, that’s for sure.

Eileen tuts at her friend. “Maybe we shouldn’t jump to conclusions. What if she’s like you and she doesn’t fancy guys?”

“Please, I could cut the sexual tension between those two with my fabric scissors.”

I frown. “Really? But you only met us five minutes ago.”

Another knitting club member joins us. She’s wearing wide-rimmed glasses and a shirt with a skull on it. Her nails are all painted in different colors and she’s the only one with long hair that doesn’t have that blue shade. In short, not your typical grandma.

“Are we talking about these two young lovers?” she inquires.

“Why are you all so interested in my love life?”

The rainbow nail polish lady shrugs. “Because half of us have lost our partner. We want to live vicariously through you. Our bodies may have aged, but our…” She taps her chin, visibly mulling over the right word. “Our desires haven’t changed one bit. Right, ladies?”

“Oh, you bet,” Eileen says with a twinkle in her eye.

“Especially those of us who are single, but wish their ex-husband would leave this planet,” Kathleen comments.

I gasp. Wishing death upon her husband—albeit her former one—seems a bit harsh.

“Don’t act all dramatic,” she says. “It’s not like I’m going to kill him myself.”

My jaw drops to the floor. “You’re going to hire someone to do it?”

The four of them start laughing so hard that I’m afraid one of them will drop dead after all. Although… don’t they always say laughter is good for your body?

“As if I’d spend a dime on that man,” Kathleen says in between fits of laughter. “Oh, you’re a funny one, Elle.”

When she’s composed herself, she wipes the tears from her cheeks with a crisp white handkerchief and continues her story. “My ex-husband took me out to dinner for our twentieth anniversary. This was decades ago, but it still angers me to think about it. Anyway, he started talking about having a gift for me that we would both love. Of course, I thought he’d bought us an RV or perhaps a dog, even though he always had a strict no pets policy.”

I nod. “He bought you a cat instead?”

“Oh, way worse than that. He got himself a mail-order bride.”

“You’re joking, right?” I laugh.

She harrumphs, clueing me in on the fact that she’s being serious. “Sadly, no.”

“Wow, that’s unbelievably rude and disrespectful.”

“It gets worse,” Eileen says with a knowing nod of the head.

Kathleen wrings her hands. “She’s right, that wasn’t even the worst part.”

What? I wonder how much worse it can get. Poor Kathleen.

“He suggested that we wouldn’t separate, but instead live happily ever after. The three of us. In one house. Can you imagine?” She spits out the words as if I’m the culprit in this story. “Adding another woman to our relationship?”

I put my hand on her arm. “Luckily, I can’t imagine that. Jeez, it must’ve been horrible for you.”

She nods. “It was the worst. So yeah, now you know why I want to strangle him. But enough about me and my sad love life. You need to tell us about you and that charming, gorgeous man. I need a happy story.”

We come to a halt in front of the elevator. Colton gets in with five women, each one of them wearing a dorky smile. As soon as the elevator doors close and the group whizzes to the top of the castle, I turn to the others. “Before I tell you anything, I need to know. Did any of you really know Colton back when he was still wearing diapers?”

“Absolutely,” Janine says. “I was friends with his grandmother. We used to babysit her grandkids all the time back in the day. That included Colton and his siblings. Mind you, he had the worst case of diaper rash I’d ever seen.”

“That bad, huh?” I ask.

She shakes her head and shudders, as if the mere thought makes her relive it all over again. “His butt was red as a tomato. His mother tried every method in the book to heal him, but to no avail. Everyone around town called him tomato butt.”

I snort. That’s information I can use against him if I ever need to. Not that I think diaper rash is a laughing matter, but it all happened ages ago. Teasing him about his tomato butt will be so much fun, I can hardly wait to bring it up.