Outrageously in Love by Jen Morris

21

Iflush the toilet and reluctantly step out of the stall. I know I can’t hide out in the bathroom all evening, but I had to get away from Luke. I’m not thinking straight. I’m going to need a Keep Your Pants On card to survive this.

Washing my hands, I gaze at my reflection in the mirror above the sink. I haven’t been home to change since being out with Luke all day, and my makeup needs a touch-up. I redo my red lips, smacking them together at myself in the mirror. Then I remove the hair-tie from my bun and shake my hair loose, letting it tumble down over my shoulders. With a deep breath, I leave the bathroom.

It’s fine, I tell myself. You can do this. You can resist Luke. So he’s not married anymore. Big deal. Even though—if I’m being entirely honest—that was the main thing keeping me away from him.

God. I am the worst sister in the world.

Luke appears in the corridor as I’m closing the bathroom door behind me. “There you are. You were gone for a while and I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Oh.” A smile sneaks onto my lips. “I’m fine. Where are the others?”

He lifts his gaze to the ceiling. “On the dance floor, all over each other like they’re sixteen.”

I snort a laugh. So it’s not just me who thinks they can be a bit much sometimes.

Luke sighs. “Listen, I’m sorry about tonight. I don’t think I’m doing a very good job of dealing with what’s going on between us here. It’s just… this past week, I’ve felt more alive than I have in forever. I haven’t had this much fun or connected with someone like this before, and—” he cuts himself off. “Anyway. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s not just you.” I run a hand through my hair and pull it over one shoulder, watching the way Luke’s eyes follow.

“You seem to be handling this much better than I am.”

I get a flashback to the shower last night and warmth tinges my cheeks. “I’m really not, trust me. And now that I know you’re not married anymore—” Shit. Stop. Luke’s eyes darken and I attempt a laugh, wanting to break the tension. “I guess I only made things worse when I told you that you gave me my first orgasm.” I mean it to be a joke, but he doesn’t laugh.

“Yes.” His voice is like sandpaper. “Do you know how hot that is? All it makes me want to do is give you a hundred more.”

Well, fuck.

I can’t stop the little whimper that comes from me. Luke’s jaw flexes, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, and my self-control dwindles a little more. I step closer, lifting a trembling hand and placing it on his chest, feeling his heart thump against my palm. We stare at each other for a long moment, neither of us daring to move. Finally, he reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You’re gorgeous, Harriet.”

His fingertips graze my earlobe and my heart rate accelerates violently. I close my eyes, shivering as his touch trails down from my ear and along my neck. Goosebumps erupt across my skin and a heavy throb begins between my thighs. When I open my eyes, his gaze is hungry, desperate. Slowly, I slide my hand down his chest, over his firm stomach, listening to the way his breath catches. I reach his belt buckle, and the hunger in his eyes intensifies as I hook a finger into it and tug.

Fuck, who am I right now? What I wouldn’t give for an invisibility cloak, so he could pin me against the wall, push my dress up, and—

“Excuse me.”

We leap apart, both of us knocking into the walls behind us. For a split second I think it’s Michael, catching us millimeters apart from kissing. Or more; God knows what I would have let Luke do to me back here.

But it’s just some guy trying to get to the bathroom.

“Yes, sorry,” Luke mutters, turning sideways so the guy can squeeze past in the narrow corridor.

I stare at Luke, my breath coming in little pants as I fight the urge to put my hands on him again. When Alex appears in the corridor a moment later, I nearly faint.

Oh my God. What if that had been her, a few seconds earlier? How the hell would we have explained that?

I tear my gaze from Luke and suck in a lungful of air, willing my pulse to slow down. I think I’m going to be sick.

“Hey guys!” Alex says merrily. “Luke, can I steal her for a minute?” She links her arm through mine. “Come to the bathroom with me.”

Overwhelmed with relief that Alex has rescued me from myself, I follow her back into the ladies’ room. I lean against the sink and take slow, controlled breaths while she ducks into a stall. I need to stop shaking, or she’ll know something is up.

“I’m so glad you had fun sightseeing with Luke today,” she says, flushing the toilet and coming back out. “I’m not surprised you guys are getting on so well. You have such similar interests.”

“We’re not getting on that well,” I blurt. Heat climbs my neck. Why is my voice so shrill all of a sudden? “We’re just working on wedding stuff for you.”

“Speaking of the wedding,” Alex says, pulling out her lipstick and applying a fresh coat in the mirror, “Mum called me today.”

“What did she say?”

Alex sighs, tucking her lipstick back in her bag and turning to me. “The usual. But she really dialed it up this time. I think because it’s getting closer to the wedding, she’s panicking. She keeps telling me that I haven’t known Michael that long, and asking if I’m sure I want to marry him. At one point she said she and Dad were worried I was getting carried away with some fantasy of Prince Charming…” Alex trails off, lowering her gaze to her hands. “I just wish, for once, they would be happy for me. You know?” Her voice cracks and guilt rips clean through me.

I have never been so appalled with myself as I am right now. I flew all the way over here for Alex, but what am I doing instead? Fixating on Luke and his divorce and the extremely inappropriate feelings I seem to have developed for him.

What is wrong with me? I need to do better.

Slipping my arm around her, I give her a squeeze. “I’m sorry. I know that sucks. But you love him and that’s all that matters, right?”

She nods, saying nothing.

“The wedding will be perfect and they’ll see how happy you are. They’ll know you’re doing the right thing.”

Alex wipes her cheek. “I’m just stressed. Between them questioning everything, and Mel coming to the wedding, and all the stuff that still needs to be organized…” She draws in a shaky breath. “Then I’ve got this deadline coming up—”

“No,” I say, squeezing her again. “You focus on the deadline and I’ll take care of the rest. I’ll make sure Mel doesn’t pull anything. I’ll keep an eye on Mum and Dad. And the rest of the wedding stuff…” Shit, Luke and I have been really slack the past couple of days, with the board game cafe and sightseeing. Where has my head been at? “I’ll get that sorted too. All you need to do is get your writing done and show up to the wedding. Okay?”

She gives me a watery smile. “Okay. Thank you so much, Harri. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I hand her a paper towel to dry her eyes, hardening my resolve. It was fun to flirt with Luke, but it needs to stop. Alex and Michael’s wedding is the most important thing here. I need to focus.

We leave the bathroom together, finding Michael and Luke at the table, chatting. Michael frowns as we approach, clearly able to see Alex has been upset.

“Hey,” he murmurs as she lowers herself onto a chair beside him. “What’s going on?”

She buries her face in his shoulder, saying something I can’t hear, and I surreptitiously gesture for Luke to join me at the bar. He glances from Alex and Michael to me, then pushes to his feet and follows me to a bar stool.

“What’s wrong?”

I slide onto a stool beside him. “Nothing can happen between us. Seriously.”

“What?” His eyes flare in alarm. “Did she know we were—”

“No. But, God, if she’d come into that corridor any sooner…”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” He stares down at the bar with a deep groove etched between his brows, then drops his head into his hands. “Ugh, this sucks.” When he looks back at me, his agonized expression makes something hot tangle in my chest.

“It’s not like I don’t want to, Luke. Everything you said about this past week being amazing—I feel that too. I am not handling this well, trust me. You have no idea how much time I’m going to have to spend with John Stamos—” I break off as his eyebrows hit his hairline.

Christ, how much did I drink?

“You actually used John Stamos?”

I grimace. “I had to. I was going crazy. I didn’t want to, I wanted—” I stop myself from saying “you” because I know there’s no point. I glance back at the table and my stomach pinches as I watch Alex and Michael talking. “But… it doesn’t matter that we want this.” I turn back to Luke, forcing the words out. “We can’t have it. I can’t do anything that could ruin their wedding.”

“Yeah, the wedding is important to me too. It’s probably not worth the risk.”

“No. It’s not.” I’m wringing my hands now. It doesn’t matter what my mouth is saying—the rest of me knows I’m lying to myself.

“And you’re leaving anyway,” he mumbles, as if to himself. “So even if…” He motions towards me vaguely. “Nothing could come of it.”

I meet his gaze and an unspoken realization passes between us. This—whatever this is—will all be over, soon. My chest hollows out at the thought.

“For what it’s worth,” Luke says, his expression softening, “I wish everything was different.”

“Me too,” I whisper. My throat feels tight. I dig my nails into my palms but it doesn’t help.

Luke notices and places his hands gently over mine. “We’re doing the right thing.”

I nod. He’s right. I can’t risk hurting my sister and losing the relationship we’ve been building since I arrived here. That’s how I know it’s the right thing to do.

But if that’s the case, why does it feel like I’ve just lost something?